The Lunchtime Lifestyle Lab

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she asked me if I'd like to magnetize

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she's just because

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please

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Christmas space

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down business don't try to fight

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thank you

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thank you foreign

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that is Oliver tree yes and Robin Schulz Oliver tree's done

all right for himself actually lately has popped up again on some new tune and

um it's nice no y'all like that that's called Mishu before that it was Jamiroquai and Cosmic girl speaking of

which uh don't look shocked I you're at a lot

of things yes but Cosmic girl I'm digging it yeah yeah you can stick with

that thank you very much it is the lunchtime lunchtime and today

broadcasting on YouTube live stream styley oh yeah oh yeah we've got it all going

on here today we're up in our game aren't we oh just a bit yeah it's a bit of a test really isn't it which is yeah

so you see how it goes I mean at the moment it's looking all right it's looking all right am I looking all right looking Grand it's wonderful when you

can hide behind the microphone and it's just voice going out there but this is an added dimension of pressure isn't it

because we've got webcams left right and Center well the thing is the reason I

started doing radio was because like hide I could hide but no longer because

it's turned into Telly you're lovely you're well worth having a lovely view of get out of here oh this mutual

appreciation society what's it all about hello right what do we got on the lab today in the lab in the lunchtime

lifestyle lab firstly I would like to apologize a little bit bit for my voice because I broke it at the weekend what

did you do I just had too many gigs and I was having way too much fun and I wasn't very kind I didn't do proper

warm-ups so I destroyed my vocal cords so apologies for the rough sounding Neve

some of you might like it some of you less so I think it sounds pretty damn sexy thank you very much

um that's very kind of you it's true um today because I had such a fantastic

week of walks um with some really fantastic people we had the international women's day walk

with a great bunch of people um the the Lady Elizabeth International

women's day and I had some just really other great walks connecting with people I thought it would be lovely

um because I get to choose the topic don't I oh yes I thought it would be really great to talk about the value of

human connections right and the importance of meaningful relationships

now I know that might sound a little bit heavy but I promise it's not this is all going to be good humored and

lighthearted and we're going to talk about Pete stuff um as you know some of you may not know

I work as a positive psychology coach now positive psychology deals with how

can I sum this up easily it's the science of Happiness so rather than

dealing with psychology and people's historical traumas or try to fix things

that are broken we look at where we are now maybe stagnant

um what is it we call it mer we're so brief suffering from my okay and positive psychology tries to lift the

level of happiness in our lives there's loads of really easy ways of doing that little tricks of the trade and there's

many I can talk about but today one of the things positive psychology really focuses in on to help us be happier feel

better in ourselves have better well-being is good quality connections

with other people because it needs to be understood we are

pack animals we're not Lone Rangers we need connections with other people whether it's family friends

um or or you know organizations groups communities whatever it is we need that so I thought it'd be nice to talk about

that today and connect over the radio and on our streaming

video what if you're what if you're a bit like me and you you know you when it gets a bit too people you just withdraw

what do we do then that's all right everybody's different we all have different tolerance levels and you know

of people and crowded situations or conversations um more some people need more connection

than others but I think it's safe to say we all need some connection um one of the things and certainly it's

worth talking about now because we did have a very strange period of time where we became socially very disconnected now

we were very present on social media can you believe that's three years ago I don't know when it was because I lost

track of time through a whole thing how did that happen three years like yeah well it might have been three

years ago but I think we're still suffering the leadership absolutely and I think even now I feel that we're still

coming out of it and we're still rekindling connections with each other um we became very connected online I

feel you know a lot of people found communities online they started studying online and learning online I certainly

did a diploma online I met some fantastic people online which is a great way of connecting with people but me

personally I really love the one to one of the flesh connection where you're out

and you can see the person you can look them in the eye you can um feel their presence and their Vibe

not through a screen but you know in in in in the flesh so yeah it's a nice one to talk about I think we need to

practice it a little bit more because like I say we we kind of retracted from society a little bit so

um it makes us feel human connection it makes us feel value food okay it makes

us feel heard and I think it gives us a sense of

belonging I suppose that's what the science would say yeah no I agree with that I agree with that if you're not

being listened to if you don't have meaningful relationships

um I think it basically can lead to loneliness and loneliness is a funny one it's very difficult to Define loneliness

because you can see somebody surrounded by people in a busy work environment

maybe with a hectic social life maybe they're down the pub surrounded by all their let's call them mates at the

weekend but they can be feeling dreadfully lonely yeah so how do you define that

and I suppose it's about the quality of your connections and that the people

that you're hanging out with are listening to you that they're understanding you and that they are

valuing you for who you truly are your authentic self not that you're

pretending to be somebody else just to be liked so it's not as simple as straightforward as you might imagine

um I don't know whether you've heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs you know that triangle I can do this I can make a

triangle shape on the radio people who are watching videos let's see what you're doing yeah um so basically he

states that you know food water they're the basics and they are our most required needs yeah because without

those we can't survive air water and food but next in line is human

connection and a need for belonging so imagine that you've got your food you've got your water and you've got oxygen to

breathe what's next for our survival get a dog eat that yeah well that's that's

connection exactly you know um animals are so much nicer than people they definitely listen to you and they

understand you right yeah but yeah it's one of those things that we maybe take for granted the idea of human connection

it's so so important and if it's lacking we need to work on us we need to find

ways to increase it and improve it um it gives us Greater Life satisfaction

it enhances our resilience and good human connection and meaningful

connection will give you feelings of self-worth all the good stuff better mental health if you're hanging out with

the wrong people exactly how are you going to be emotionally how are you going to feel yeah well if you're hanging out with the

right people who get you and don't judge you and are kind to you and listen to you you're going to feel a hell of a lot better in yourself aren't you so

therefore our choice of connection and our level of connection is important well if I've if I've felt at all

on a bit of a downer I blame all our friends some of our mutual friends for

going back to England going to America going to Holland and just leaving us behind

because we've got quite a few of those haven't we yeah we have people and one of the reasons a lot of people the expat

Community might go back is because they're missing the mean of meaningful connection with family I think you find

a lot of people need to go back to either be close to their kids or grandkids kids who appear on the scene

because they understand or have started to realize that okay there's great connections out here and we have fun and

we go to the Sunday barbecues and we have our paella together and that's a level of connection that we can enjoy but that deep and meaningful

unconditional connection that you get from family they've had to go home to get that again haven't they yeah so we

can understand why people are scarpling back luckily I'm too young to know anything about having Grand grandkids so

that hasn't hit me yet I say that though it's coming I say that my son is 18 this

month so I know how how did that I don't know I don't like you say time just fly

well I've ordered my lot because my daughter's now 34. and uh she you know

they come over now and again but I've ordered them they've got to come over more often yeah well why wouldn't they

it's beautiful out here absolutely yeah one of the best spots in the world but life gets in the way sometimes it does

and uh you know actually planning that holiday to get them out of school when they're allowed

um I think they they've sort of bent the rules a little bit as far as taking kids out of school for a late summer holiday

for instance so I think they've um change things a little bit Yeah because we're in an awful Catch-22 situation

aren't we with the airlines when you want to come out off on Peak should I say yeah yeah I suppose

I think it's really important in your situation or for other people living out here is to use all the wonderful

technology available to us the face time the WhatsApp video all that and just keep in touch with those grandkids and

kids as much as you possibly can even if it's just to stick the device in the corner while you're cooking the dinner

and you can pot around and feel the closeness of them there we're very lucky aren't we to have that technology I

think so yeah oh for sure I'm going to be using that quite a bit um I think this this summer because my daughter

won't be flying because yeah she has another one coming oh fantastic

and uh yeah it's all going very well as well I think due in June so um the doggy

Legacy is growing I know fantastic they're all girls that's that's all

right isn't it well I don't know about that they're not they ain't easy I have one of them and

I've got two boys I I tell you what when my two were growing up um when I've got to I've got Lewis I've

got Danielle and uh when they were growing up it was Danielle the one that

the the turn up at my workplace and say have you got a spare 20 quid good honor

my son didn't bother I I just I used to have to say look do you need do you need

anything do you need no I'm all right Dad yeah oh you were lucky I have three and they all want that 20 quid every

last one it's a spare 20 quid that I get all right it's got It's a spare 20 quid

well then my easy answer is no there's no Spirit 20 quid bless them oh yeah so

um how are you doing with regard to your connections these days Dougie because you work really hard right you spend a

lot of time in here and I know there's a lot goes on after the show with regard

to editing and getting it out there and the promotional side of it so are you able to squeeze in hanging out with

really these days because um well for a start because my best buddies of all

yeah it's kind of something I said yeah um but um

I mean I I tend to use a lot of the time my social time is me playing a gig on

the beach for instance yeah I'll get all all the people I know to come to that and we'll have a bit of a party a bit of

a do um but it's been like that for ever since I can remember because I used to work in in nightclubs in the UK and that

became my social life as well as as work um so yeah it's it's a weird one that

because I think I've I still do that I tend to use my like my my

social time is part of my work yeah but I think you'll probably find as though you're hiding behind the DJ deck you

know oh for sure especially when it comes to Dad dancing yeah nobody needs to see that no no so I can hide behind

the decks yeah it's much better it's one of those ones where you know it sometimes becomes really easy to Veer away from the deep and meaningful stuff

I as well you know I work in the trade so I've got you know my gigs and it feels like they're really social events

I don't talk to anybody and I don't I don't feel like talking to anybody because I'm in my singing Zone well this

is it when you're when you're zoned in on exactly yeah a crowd of people you

haven't really got time for you don't small talk and people will come to me after a gig and they say God we'd great

time wasn't it a fantastic night out and I'll think what I'm glad you had a great night I was at work you know but

um so that's why I think it's it's kind of important in our situation and in other people's situations different for

you though because you've you've got nothing to hide behind like I have because you've got a mic yeah and sometimes a guitar yeah and that's it

you're kind of right there and I mean I don't know if I could do that I know I need some sort of the barrier the mic

acts as a barrier I have to say it does but what I find I need to do is I need to work on my meaningful connections I

can't sit back and wait for people to call me and invite me for lunch and I can't just sit there and wait for

somebody else to pick up the phone if I'm feeling I need connection and this is what I would advise anybody out there

who's feeling somewhat there's this new term isn't there fomo feelings of missing out yeah fear of missing out

fear of fear of missing out well you know that's up to you if you want fomo or not really because that's a that's

your feeling that's your fear so the way to overcome it is just been it yeah pick

up the phone make the call send the WhatsApp ask somebody for a coffee ask them for lunch say to somebody I fancy

going for a walk I haven't seen you in ages and don't sit there expecting somebody to call you because you know what they won't well chances are chances

are they're sitting at home thinking exactly the same thing possibly yeah oh God I wish somebody call me and nobody

invites me anywhere well you know what pick up the phone if they can't they can't and if they can chances are they

can you'll find yourself out and about and having some connection so don't be shy you know if you're feeling in any

way lonely work on it it's your loneliness it's up to you to deal with it yeah absolutely too right back in a

moment and uh we'll have a bit of music in a sec as well

hello if you're watching the live stream thank you for joining us um we're in the middle of an ad break at the moment so you won't actually hear

anything until the music comes back in so uh stay with us

dude

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I am sitting in the morning at the diner on the corner I am waiting at the

counter for the man to pour the coffee and he feels it only halfway and before

I even argue he is

always nice to see you says the man behind the counter to the woman who has

come in she is shaking her umbrella

I open up the paper there's a story of actor who had died while he was drinking

it was no one I had heard of and I'm turning to the horoscope

do

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inside

her stockings

dude

foreign

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do do do

do do do do do do

oh yeah that's uh DNA Suzanne Vega and Tom's Diner it's the lunchtime lifestyle

lab where we're talking about human connection and the importance of it today

um you know you're saying about picking up the phone and getting together with your friends well my friends messaged me

this weekend uh they've come all the way from Andorra and I said uh I said come on come on

you've got to come out and I said well busy cleaning the Terrace but I actually was I actually was for once you know and

I said um well I'll tell you what I might meet you down so and so uh place it in the afternoon I'll see see how far

I get with this and um so anyway I was I was looking at the title I probably ain't gonna get there

next thing I know I'll get a message to say um well you never guess what's happened

no what um yes well we parked our brand new

motor they added five minutes driven it down from Andorra and um it was taken

from outside of a Seaside bar and never to be seen again or not so far anyway a

motor home no no not a car no just a brand new car yeah their car was nicked

yeah apparently there's quite a little of it going on oh my goodness well that's why I drive a banger me too

they're not gonna they've never never won anything I've got no it's great no with the cost that's an awful bit of

news isn't it but there we are I mean so and now I ended up meeting them but at

the Guardia oh dear and they said they said to me told you we'd get you out yeah well that wasn't really that wasn't

the plan meaningful connection yeah we're still meaningful connection and I'm sure you

were ever so helpful knight in shining armor down helping them and they will appreciate that they didn't have to deal

with it on their own good man doggy proud of you mate at least I could do yeah but if you'd put the hose down and

not been cleaning the Terrace and gone to meet them like you said could have ended differently they might still be driving their car you just

don't know anyway we won't go down that route if we would all we would all been walking I know right oh gosh oh that's

terrible news I'm sorry to hear that I hope that they get it sorted and just you know get a banger next yeah I don't

think that's gonna happen I know them too well yeah we were talking about loneliness and we were saying how

loneliness isn't always as obvious as you might imagine right because you see people with great social lives and busy

jobs and um it would appear that they're full of life and then their life and soul of the party so how do you know if somebody's

lonely well this is it that that person could be the life and soul of the party but in absolutely inside that you know

they're extremely lonely it's it's hard to I mean obviously comes down to the

individual but um how do you know I suppose it's about you know the the

depth of the connection if it's all very shallow and if it's all very you know low level

um you're never really touching of anything of great depth or maybe then your meaningful connections aren't

as valuable that's why I obviously because I'm a walker and I have a

walking business I'm always encouraging people to get out for a walk and talks so there is one way of having a chat

with somebody that's down the pub or you know in work and but there's something really special and valuable about

putting your boots on and go for a walk with your friend for an hour or an hour and a half whether by the sea or whether

it's in a forest it grounds you it helps you connect with yourself it helps you connect with your

friend it helps you connect with nature so you're talking like connection overload and you'll walk away from a

walk in nature feeling much more fulfilled I think so I'd encourage

anybody if they're feeling in any way lonely to either reach out to a friend send a little message and say I'd love

to go for a walk on Sunday morning would you join me or join any number of walking groups that are out there

certainly in this area where we are there's many and I'm sure wherever you are in the world you'll find a local

walking group that suits your Fitness level um your age group you know you don't

need to be daunted nobody's going to drag you up a mountain on your first time round but walking groups are a great way of meeting people if you're

not into walking I mean hit me there must be 10 other ways of meeting somebody this week whether it's a quiz

night whether it's Bridge whether it is a swimming club you know you name it

there's loads of ways yes we maybe need a little bit of courage but you know nobody else is going to

give you the courage you're just going to have to find that dig deep make the call book yourself in and go and do it

what is the worst that can happen you don't enjoy yourself you go home have a cup of tea and sure well I gave

it a go but um don't don't be don't shy away from it because loneliness is

something we can conquer you know it's something we can deal with with a little bit of courage and we have so much

information as well online about things going on in the community do you know what's a great way

if you're wanting to connect with people and have some meaningful connections is

to volunteer and this is in fact in positive psychology suggested by many people to

their clients volunteer for a local charity whether it's a local for example

here Cancer Care Javier they've got two shops and they're always looking for volunteers to come and help in the shops

um or some other local charities that means something to you go and volunteer

you'll meet people of a a similar elk you know people who are in it to give back and they want some purpose and

meaning in their lives great way of connecting with people and you are valued for doing that and that's what

it's about really in our in our connections is being valued for Who We Are so yeah maybe you have a little Google

online and see local community groups looking for volunteers

um loneliness is one of these ones that in fact if we suffer for it can cause us health issues did you know absolutely

yep yeah I mean um we were speaking off air a little bit earlier about a

neighbor of mine who uh has got early dementia signs of dementia and uh it is

I've seen it getting progressively worse um over the past year or two

and um I'm not she's very lonely and that's that's the thing because she lost

her husband a few years back and um sadly um it's it's taking its toll in that in

that way so um I've been trying to encourage her to join a local group yeah

whatever yeah um there's a few local groups but um whether or not she will

um she might need a little extra shove she might need to be brought along um one of the the problems with

loneliness is it it releases it enhances your level of cortisol without getting

into the nitty-gritty sciencey stuff and that's a stress hormone and that causes illness

so what we want to do is avoid loneliness obviously for our mental and emotional health but also for our

physical health because too much cortisol is going to trigger all types of bad stuff that we don't want in our

lives so think about whether or not you want to be less lonely for many many

reasons one of which is because you want to avoid illness and yeah um early dementia things like that you

know are triggered by loneliness and then of course the behaviors that come with early dementia are going to

um ostracize you a little bit from society and then that in turn creates loneliness it's a real Catch-22

situation um dementia early dementia that's a tricky one because it changes our

personality so the person we were before and the people we were hanging out with before those relationships will change

um one thing that's really important as well is if you're feeling lonely the first step to overcoming it is talk

about it be open about it whether you need to talk to a friend

or maybe you even need to see a therapist you know if you're feeling that loneliness is becoming something

that you're that's inhibiting you or is being prohibited is that a word

prohibited that one prohibited in in your lifestyle reach out you know go see

a therapist you can see one face to face or you can get somebody online and have a chat about it and somebody who's qualified a therapist will be full of

wonderful ideas and suggestions that in fact you'll probably take a lot more seriously because than coming from a

friend because these people are qualified to tell you how to overcome um loneliness and speaking of uh

qualified people we've got um lelia hypnosis coming in tomorrow and uh she

uh as a rtt uh specialist and uh and she

deals with with people uh in that position yeah fantastic looking forward to uh to that chat that's tomorrow

if she's okay with that I'm sure she will be well I didn't have any choice

did I no because you're my guinea pig didn't even brush my hair for goodness

I did comb my beard a little and trim it anyway yeah we're lucky we're so

naturally gorgeous we'll be back in just a moment we'll we'll have a sound of Spain in a moment as well from fito and

fittipaldis no less [Music]

hello once again live streamers we've just uh dropped off for a break and we'll be back with you in a couple of

minutes stick around

relax

these water

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probably completely wrong so now where were we we've got about

less than 10 minutes okey-dokey so um I can the lifetime lab does go rather

quickly I find yeah because I won't stop talking I don't even let you get a word in edgeways I do apologize hind legs

donkey explain to mine oh yeah I know I'm giving you a break giving a breather

and um you know I just I do get very excited about talking all things wellness and I want to share my

experiences with people and all that I've learned over the last few years these conversations need to be had we

need to learn how to look after ourselves better we need to understand our worth and how absolutely important

we are so I think it's great that we're here chatting about Ways and Means of feeling better don't you I love it

absolutely absolutely we're moving on to relationships now aren't we yeah well we were talking about you know loneliness

and we're talking about the importance of meaningful relationships and having the right people in your life

and because what I just said you deserve to be happy you you doggy you just you

you deserve to be happy on cloud nine you deserve to feel good about yourself

we were all born worthy you know when we were all born happy and then certain

things happen along the way and it changes our Outlook and how we feel about ourselves you mean we get cynical

about certain things it can be we get cynical it can be although it can be down to an um yeah Mr cynical it can you

know where did that come from did it come from maybe a teacher in your life or maybe put you down did it come from an employer somewhere along the line did

it come from parents did it come from Friends it doesn't really matter where it came from at the end of the day you let it in and you let it affect you and

so it's very important to understand that all of that if you so Choose You

Can Let It Go and you can come back to the fact that you are worth being you

know happy and living a fulfilled and wonderful life and that's why it's important to choose the right people to

be around it really is because who you hang out with has a massive effect on

how you feel um and I know I'm saying this and I know as I say it it's resonating with some

people out there who are maybe are in the wrong relationships that doesn't necessarily have to be a

partnership or a marriage it can be a friendship it can be a work relationship and it could be that you're hanging in

there for the wrong reasons but how do we know you know there's this term bandied around quite a lot

um toxic relationships you know it's quite heavy isn't it a toxic relationship but it's true it's

it's something that you um consume that is doing your damage so whether it's alcohol or cigarettes or

the wrong types of food or relationship that isn't healthy it's not doing you any good how do you know if you're in a

toxic relationship how do you know if you're hanging out with the right friends so I would suggest you kind of

try to become in tune with for example how you feel if you have to see that person

are you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside you know when you have to go meet that person for a coffee or for a walk or for a drink or in fact are you

feeling somewhat apprehensive are you feeling odd rather not does that person give you loads of

support are they agreeable do they understand your vulnerabilities

and do they admire you for who you are your quirks and all

or does that person um undermine you do they criticize you and even not obviously are they doing it

in a kind of a subliminal kind of gaslighty way yeah you know I know I'm using a lot of big terms here but you

know yourself if you're getting a warm and fuzzy feeling with people when you have them warm and Fuzzy's good Gourmet

fuzzy or if you're just feeling a bit off um what did they say your Vibe attracts

your tribe exactly and if you're in the wrong tribe get out of it find a new tribe

um the walk your way well community that I've created online one of the reasons I did that was because I think where we

hang out online is really important and if you're hanging out in the wrong place

online if you're reading the wrong content if you're absorbing

negative content it's gonna have a big effect on you so I created this little walk your way well happy go lucky

everybody's upbeat type environment we don't always feel like that but if we're practicing positivity a lot online so my

you know the tribe the vibe is great and walk your way well so yeah you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have

control over the people that you have in your life if they're not serving you if

they're damaging you and if they're not treating you how you should be treated and that is as a valuable worthy person

then you need to consider whether or not you want to continue that relationship get shot get shot get them out they're

easier said than done I know but just very quickly yeah I just I had a thought it doesn't happen enough if that makes

me nervous um I mean today has all been been about human connection right

but what about this whole metaverse thing that they're trying to uh Force upon us

this whole thing where we live in a simulation some say we already are but

there's these groups of people now that are socializing

without that human contact they're doing it all virtually with all this kit I

mean is that I would I worry and yeah it is a worry and I would argue that there is a lot of value with having online

connections like I said I did do my recent diploma online okay and I'm at a

great community of people and I made real connections with people who mean a lot to me now having said all of that

when I visited them and met them in the flesh there's nothing that can replace

those Goose Bumps when you meet somebody face to face so they can try their very

best with your metaverse places but I don't think they'll ever be able

to replace that Sensation that but what if we forget what that sensation is what

if we lose it what you were saying earlier use it or lose it well I'm not going to lose it

I'm going to maintain it and and certainly you know I work very hard to ensure that my kids maintain healthy

relationships that they actually go out to play that they put their phones down that they come on walks with me that we

talk so you know we've got to work at it like with everything in life nothing's easy so just you know be aware awareness

is huge right awareness is very important so be aware don't be dumb and work at it because yeah okay you're you

often talk about this metaverse judge it makes you nervous well that's good because that'll make you you know red

flag red flags yeah so that's what we need to do have these conversations that we can be more aware a horrible feeling

though we we sort of We're not gonna have a choice in the coming I mean probably I'll be long gone will be long

gone but um you know later down the line I mean I've got to think I've got a feeling it's it's it's coming whether we

want it or not yeah along with AI and whatever anyway that that is pretty much a wrap for our lab today now if anybody

wants to join you for one of your walks what do we need to do get online she says yeah no go find walk your way well

on Facebook drop me a line call people people with you know like-minded desires

who want to connect with nature come and join us on a walk um and I'm actually organizing some

Global events I've got a trip to Morocco lined up if anybody would like to climb

tub car in the Atlas Mountains so it doesn't matter where in the world you are you can still come and walk with us

um we've got a trip coming up here in Spain if you'd like to come from anywhere else you can join me drop me a line let me know how we can connect and

keep it meaningful guys remember your worth remember you deserve kindness and

kind people in your lives go find them and ditch the toxins and the toxic ones

nice thank you very much as always Eve and we'll see you this time next week then Cheerio take care

thanks everyone for being there see you next time