Up next in 10
Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! Get ready to learn more about Kelly as we put her in the hot seat with a fun round of rapid-fire questions! All questions from viewers and comments from Season 1. Like, comment, and let us know what other questions you'd like answered! 🔥
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
hi everyone I'm Kelly ooro and this is
0:09
adaptable Behavior explained hi
0:12
everybody thanks for tuning in to
0:13
adaptable today I'm Kelly ooro and we're
0:16
going to wrap up our season here uh
0:19
season one on our show with some rapid
0:21
fire questions I have with me um Taylor
0:24
aoro and she's got a list of questions
0:27
for me from um all of our previous
0:29
episodes and so I'm going to do my best
0:32
to recap the questions that she has for
0:35
me so let's go for it all right what is
0:38
EFT therapy emotion focused couples
0:41
therapy it is a therapy to help
0:44
strengthen Bonds in couples it helps the
0:46
client or the couple to identify their
0:48
negative interaction cycle and
0:50
ultimately add address their attachment
0:52
wounds that cause their conflicts can
0:55
you elaborate on attachment Styles
0:57
attachment Styles this is how we relate
0:59
to one another and they fall into the
1:01
categories of secure avoidant anxious or
1:04
disorganized what is the we Concept in
1:08
interdependent relationships we in order
1:11
to have a healthy relationship we have
1:12
to have an independent eye and another
1:14
independent eye to make a healthy
1:16
interdependent we and interdependency is
1:19
not uh the same as codependency it's
1:21
okay to rely on one another but our
1:23
okayness can't be dependent on if
1:25
someone else is okay how does
1:27
co-regulation work in relationships we
1:30
are hardwired to actually um be in
1:33
connection with others and so if for
1:36
example as a parent if my child is
1:38
really upset um my stance of calmness
1:41
and and security can help co-regulate my
1:43
child and the same thing can happen in
1:45
adult relationships in our attachment
1:47
figures or even in our friendships how
1:49
do you identify a negative interaction
1:51
cycle in couples uh well they're are
1:54
reoccurring patterns that happen in a in
1:56
a couple a couple ship and it depends on
1:59
their emotional disregulation and those
2:01
patterns tend to be similar and they're
2:03
usually based in someone's attachment
2:04
history and of course their trauma
2:06
history and so we start to see something
2:08
that's repetitive and that's how we um
2:10
identify their cycle what are the common
2:13
triggers in a negative interaction cycle
2:15
um feeling like unmet needs feeling
2:18
unheard unseen uh lacking in affirmation
2:22
or a validation are oftentimes something
2:25
that triggers us how does childhood
2:27
trauma affect adult relationships who
2:30
how doesn't it well uh basically
2:32
everything that we learned in our family
2:34
systems ends up being part of how we see
2:36
the world today and so if I was
2:38
neglected or unloved as a child I
2:41
oftentimes might project on to my
2:42
partner that um I'm I'm being unloved or
2:45
neglected now and so that would show up
2:48
but ultimately how we view our self our
2:50
safety our worth our power and control
2:53
often show up um from our unresolved
2:55
stuff in our childhood what is the Ace
2:58
study Aces adverse childhood experience
3:01
study this is where 177,000 people were
3:04
questioned by social workers uh and they
3:06
were asked 10 questions and those
3:08
questions uh indicated whether or not
3:11
someone had a propensity for a future um
3:14
health issue they were medical um uh
3:17
patients asked emotional questions about
3:19
their childhood uh and uh if they had a
3:22
score of um 1 to 10 and the higher the
3:25
aces score the lower the lifespan and
3:29
and the in increase in um illness and
3:31
chronic disease how do adverse childhood
3:34
experiences impact Health well if I'm in
3:37
fight flight or freeze too much of the
3:40
time and my cortisol levels are so high
3:43
and my adrenal response is so high
3:45
because of the things that happened to
3:46
me in my childhood um and it's meant to
3:48
be shortterm and not prolonged it starts
3:51
to take its toll on our body our organs
3:54
and our uh then compromises our health
3:57
and um often times shows up like
3:59
autoimmune issues or chronic pain
4:01
illness and can even be more detrimental
4:04
with uh illnesses cardiovascular issues
4:06
gastroenterology issues ETC so yks what
4:10
are the three subtypes of Aces uh we've
4:13
got physical abuse we've got household
4:15
dysfunction such as you know my dad hits
4:18
my mom or I have uh you know a parent in
4:21
prison or uh we've got and then we've
4:24
got physical abuse just just overt
4:26
physical abuse how does physical abuse
4:28
affect Mental Health well it definitely
4:31
affects the way we one feels safe in our
4:33
body and so if I'm hurt and physically
4:35
damaged especially by someone who's
4:37
supposed to take care of me like a
4:38
caregiver um then I it compromises my
4:41
trust it compromises my ability to to
4:43
see safety in the world and often times
4:46
makes me Vigilant or jumpy and um and
4:50
and I don't feel safe in the now because
4:51
I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe
4:53
to drop what are the signs of emotional
4:56
neglect boy those can be all kinds I can
4:59
be aggressive I could numb out I could
5:02
be a caretaker and a people pleaser I
5:05
could um really shut down and be super
5:08
avoidant and not want to spend time
5:10
connecting with others because I'm not
5:11
safe to do so so it can look like a lot
5:14
of things how does substance AB use in
5:16
the household affect children oh boy uh
5:19
well we learn what we live and so if we
5:22
see our parents coping with their pain
5:24
points and their raw spots through
5:26
substance use uh then we learn that's
5:28
how we should do it and so um you know
5:31
For Better or Worse whether parents are
5:32
doing the best they can it still has an
5:35
impact on our children what is the
5:37
success rate of EFT
5:39
therapy uh I think it's around 75 to
5:43
around 80% um but it's pretty high and
5:46
that that is if we go so studies show
5:50
that um couples without a lot of trauma
5:52
can make really good outcomes in 12
5:54
sessions people that have a lot of
5:56
trauma in their relationships and don't
5:58
have their own individual therapists
5:59
might need upwards of 20 sessions but
6:01
again everybody's different um and that
6:04
would be for more complex cases but it's
6:06
very effective okay and it usually
6:08
highlights the personal work that we
6:09
have to do in our individual
6:12
Story how does EMDR therapy work oh boy
6:15
it's the magic uh very simply put if we
6:19
have something bad scary helpless
6:21
happened to us and we weren't prepared
6:23
to handle it our brain locks it in as if
6:26
that's potentially something that could
6:27
be happening still and so what ends up
6:30
um our our body ends up acting as if the
6:33
thing that was maladaptively encoded uh
6:36
is current and so we end up with past
6:39
present confusion and so EMDR therapy we
6:41
go back to the the things that happen to
6:44
us and we review them uh using very
6:46
specific protocol and um help to catch
6:49
up and connect up the thwarted parts of
6:51
our story with today so that it matches
6:53
the now and anything that got stuck
6:56
physically emotionally and tied with
6:58
those beliefs of self like I'm not
6:59
worthy I'm not enough I'm I'm I'm not in
7:02
control I'm not safe those get locked in
7:04
with the way the memory is held and so
7:06
we help to review that and unlock it and
7:09
turn it into something that just
7:10
happened to us as opposed to feeling
7:12
like it's happening today what are the
7:14
symptoms of trauma oh my gosh there's
7:17
such a huge list um you could have um
7:20
hypervigilance nightmares
7:22
flashbacks um
7:25
dissociation um you know emotional
7:28
disregulation the inability to tolerate
7:31
changes in environment there's a there's
7:33
just a list goes on and on inflexibility
7:36
rigidity Etc how does trauma affect
7:40
Behavior well I think in the in the
7:42
consequence of everything I just said we
7:45
might avoid um we might avoid
7:48
relationships we might avoid scenarios
7:51
that remind us of something in the past
7:53
um if if I was in a bad car accident I
7:55
might be afraid to drive if the car
7:57
accident happened on this street I might
7:58
avoid going down that street um I might
8:01
project onto all my offspring that they
8:03
can't drive because driving is
8:04
inherently going to get them in a bad
8:06
accident you know all these things might
8:08
be an example of how we respond to
8:11
trauma what is the window of Tolerance
8:13
aha the window of Tolerance is a frame
8:16
of reference that we talk about as
8:18
trauma therapists where humans all have
8:20
a certain amount of capacity and that's
8:22
where like it's our optimal window of
8:23
arousal I can tolerate think feel act
8:26
react and use my prefrontal cortex I can
8:29
think and and react in in real time when
8:31
bad things happen our window gets
8:33
smaller and so we might um act more
8:37
hyperaroused and be more anxious
8:39
irritable defensive um hypervigilant
8:42
which might look more like anxiety or we
8:44
might have done that so long that we end
8:46
up shutting down and we end up more
8:48
outside of the window in the more
8:49
depressed state or hypoarousal and this
8:52
is looks like passive dead shutting down
8:54
can't say no uh dead inside rather and
8:57
that um is is more depress impressed
8:59
looking and so that's the window how do
9:01
you build rapport with clients in
9:03
therapy listen have empathy be
9:07
validating but I think that the key is
9:10
not just doing those things but doing
9:11
with doing it with like Exquisite
9:13
Attunement really being in the present
9:16
space with a person and allowing that
9:18
felt sense of connection that often
9:20
times has never been there for someone
9:22
and so it's modeling appropriate
9:24
Attunement in a relationship so that
9:26
they know what it's supposed to feel
9:27
like when we are just really um present
9:29
with
9:30
somebody what is the importance of
9:32
informed consent in
9:34
therapy just because someone comes into
9:37
therapy doesn't mean that you have a
9:39
client you might have a customer but you
9:41
may not have a client and when I say
9:43
that I mean be careful what you wish for
9:45
because with the MDR therapy which is
9:47
what I do it's going to change and you
9:50
are you ready for that and are you ready
9:51
to uncover the the reasons why you may
9:54
behave the way that you do and I want to
9:56
make sure that you let your family
9:57
system know there's likely going to be
9:59
change and so informed consent is do we
10:01
have an agreement here you know because
10:03
you came to me and just CU you're here
10:04
doesn't mean you're truly ready to
10:06
address the things that you need to
10:07
address how do emotions influence
10:10
behavior emotions are the the
10:13
predecessor of all Behavior it's the
10:15
chemical that goes first it teaches us
10:18
um you know seeking feeling loving
10:22
lusting connecting fear all of those
10:25
emotions they indicate U there's
10:27
something that happens before our action
10:29
and and so emotion affects all Behavior
10:32
everything we ever did predicated on the
10:34
emotions that happened chemically in our
10:35
body before we acted how does disordered
10:38
eating relate to
10:40
trauma uh disordered eating is a symptom
10:43
of trauma and oftentimes related to
10:45
attachment issues and attachment
10:47
injuries uh it's a complex presentation
10:50
because uh there's dopamine that comes
10:53
from binge eating there is a level of
10:55
perception of control when I with uh
10:57
withhold food from myself and it gives
10:59
me this illusion that I'm somehow in
11:01
charge of something and so it's a
11:03
complex presentation but ultimately it's
11:05
an adaptation that often times is
11:08
developed based on things that uh
11:10
happened in our 0o to three Z to five
11:12
years or sometimes even in utero uh once
11:15
had a client who uh there was a an inudo
11:18
experience where they were deprived of
11:21
food because there was a a physical a
11:23
problem that wasn't passing nutrients
11:25
from Mom onto baby and that turned into
11:27
a binge eating disorder in a young child
11:29
childhood because there was an
11:30
insatiableness like she's going to
11:32
starve and it's cuz she started out
11:33
starving and so it's fascinating how
11:36
what we don't think can it be attributed
11:38
to our eating choices what are the signs
11:41
of emotional overwhelm boy that can look
11:43
very different that can look like um
11:46
crying tearfulness anxiety it can look
11:49
like anger rage it can look like totally
11:52
shutting down and the inability to speak
11:55
it can look like any of those things how
11:57
does substance abuse relate to trauma it
12:00
is a way that people will cope and a lot
12:03
of times people treat substance abuse as
12:06
it's the as as if it's the issue but
12:08
typically it's like a it's a comorbid we
12:11
call it a com comorbidity where
12:13
basically there's a there's an
12:14
unresolved traumatic experience or
12:16
something going on in my life that I
12:18
haven't resolved and the way that I'm
12:20
addressing the emotional overwhelm is
12:22
through using a substance and so it
12:24
changes the way I feel temporarily uh we
12:26
call that a state change and so if
12:29
overwhelmed from my day and I decide to
12:31
have a glass of wine um I will have a
12:33
state change that was chemically induced
12:35
and so often times if I do that too much
12:37
for too long or too many drinks every
12:40
single night because I can't tolerate
12:41
being in my current current um
12:44
circumstance then it can turn into an
12:46
additional problem and so they they
12:49
usually work hand inand what are the
12:51
common sleep issues related to
12:53
trauma it can be the inability to get to
12:56
sleep to stay asleep to stay relaxed in
12:58
sleep um nightmares can be impacted
13:01
sleep apnea can be part of sleep
13:04
disturbances uh sleep hygiene and things
13:06
we do before we go to sleep can impact
13:08
the way we sleep and that can be you
13:11
know if I can't stop scrolling on my
13:13
phone until the second I try to close my
13:14
eyes then my brain isn't going to be set
13:16
up but maybe I can't put my phone down
13:18
because I can't tolerate the way I feel
13:20
when I'm just being so I scroll and so
13:23
now my my sleep can be affected so
13:25
there's a whole bunch of things that um
13:27
the nervous system ultimately doesn't
13:30
say it's time to be calm and relax and
13:32
we're safe now and so it stays busy and
13:35
the Brain can stay busy how does shame
13:38
affect mental health oh boy shame is so
13:40
hard it's our most inhibitory emotion it
13:42
shuts us down it it takes the mistakes
13:45
and the the regret and the remorse that
13:47
we may have had for something and it
13:49
turns it into an I'm bad and it's really
13:51
hard to deal with the I'm bad it's like
13:53
a big blanket of um yuck and so often
13:57
times that really negative impacts
13:59
someone's overall sense of worth and
14:01
when we have a sense of Shame that's
14:03
really heavy we we typically know
14:05
there's some pretty complex trauma
14:08
developmental trauma or something that
14:09
happened over and over and over again
14:11
for someone to have a big shame
14:13
presentation what are the signs of
14:16
hypervigilance that is a more obvious
14:18
one someone who can't sit with their
14:20
back to the door someone who is
14:22
constantly scanning when they're in a in
14:23
a a restaurant or in a place with a lot
14:25
of people um someone who's uh constantly
14:29
checking doors and locks and you know
14:32
buying replacement items before needed
14:35
uh having several backups for things
14:37
because they're they're always looking
14:39
ahead to the when the when the other
14:41
shoe is going to drop how does
14:43
dissociation manifest in trauma
14:45
survivors dissociation is a trauma
14:48
presentation that's fairly common and
14:51
PTSD is actually a dissociative disorder
14:53
um and it's just a way that my brain
14:56
will help me kind of take me out of the
14:57
game and disconnect and and so it's it's
15:00
fairly common and most of us will have
15:02
some degree of dissociation although not
15:05
pathological in nature so I might be
15:07
driving down the street and I miss the
15:09
exit because I'm kind of zoned out but
15:11
I'm still present enough to Swerve if a
15:13
car comes into me so I'm here but not
15:15
here not like really pray paying
15:16
attention but a full like dissociative
15:19
State might look like I don't even
15:21
remember that I'm in the car and that
15:22
I'm driving or I didn't even remember
15:24
gaps of time and so there's five
15:26
different dissociative disorders and um
15:29
they're they can be pretty complex what
15:32
is the role of psychoeducation and
15:34
therapy boy I think that in All Therapy
15:37
we have to learn why we act the way we
15:40
act and what's going on around us and no
15:42
matter what type of therapy we do we
15:44
need to understand and learn the way the
15:46
Body Works the way we re you know the
15:48
way we uh act in relationship to others
15:51
and so we need to be educated on all of
15:54
those things and so I I think that any
15:56
effective therapy is going to uh include
15:58
some psycho education and that's part of
16:00
why we did this show is we wanted to be
16:02
able to help people understand how
16:04
things work and and how they work and
16:07
why we might be acting certain ways so
16:09
that they can they can be more educated
16:11
if they're interested yeah how do you
16:13
explain the reason for history taking in
16:16
therapy we have to understand the pieces
16:18
of a person's puzzle and how are they
16:20
going to look at the lens of their life
16:22
how are they going to um how were they
16:24
impacted by you know how they were
16:26
parented what what their family system
16:28
looked like where are they in the birth
16:30
order were their resources were their
16:32
religious components that may or may not
16:34
have been helpful um were there two
16:37
parents at home were they treated
16:39
unfairly was there any abuse involved I
16:42
we have to know that because that's
16:43
going to really shape the way a person
16:44
shows up and ultimately affects their
16:47
presenting issues what are the common
16:49
defensive behaviors in
16:51
couples boy
16:54
um defensive behaviors might look like
16:57
uh being argumentative sh
16:59
down um
17:01
stockpiling um stonewalling there's all
17:04
kinds of things that we do to um be
17:07
protected and on guard in our
17:09
relationships and none of which a
17:11
cultivate connection and and um help us
17:14
to be in better
17:15
intimacy how does the story We Tell
17:18
ourselves affect our
17:20
reactions we all take the data that we
17:23
experience and run it through our own
17:25
filter and we make up the story about
17:28
what our emotional experiences and I
17:30
often will take I'll often tell people
17:33
feelings aren't facts just because you
17:35
have an emotional experience doesn't
17:36
mean there's there's accuracy to the why
17:38
and even though you want to look for the
17:40
reason that justifies your emotional
17:42
experience often times it's faulty and
17:45
you know it is affected because our
17:47
lenses are a little bit cloudy and our
17:49
perspective is skewed because of our
17:50
trauma histories and so our story or the
17:53
story or the that we make up or the
17:55
assumptions that we make really can
17:57
Cloud the way someone hears us because
17:59
um often times it's it's a skew from the
18:02
reality what is the role of alarm bells
18:05
in a negative interaction cycle this
18:07
says here we go we are going to enter
18:09
our cycle and in appropriate EFT therapy
18:13
you know it's not you that's the problem
18:14
or you that's the problem it's the cycle
18:16
that's the problem so when we see those
18:18
alarm Bells we go oh the cycle is about
18:20
to take over and that's when we might
18:22
have an opportunity to make a different
18:23
choice and disengage from our cycle it's
18:25
a good way to look at that how do you
18:27
cope with defensive behaviors personally
18:31
it's a little bit different in my
18:32
personal life no I'm just kidding um
18:34
when I see that in a um therapeutic
18:37
setting it's just data for me it's like
18:39
oh I just noticed that there you know
18:41
you're being defensive and um can you
18:44
tell me what just happened now being our
18:47
best selves that's how we want to
18:48
approach it in a in our personal lives
18:50
too when we see that like hey what just
18:52
happened either what I said didn't land
18:54
the way I meant for it to land or can
18:55
you tell me what just came up for you
18:57
because um I I didn't expect that
19:00
response from you it wasn't what my my
19:03
conversation meant to
19:05
elicit what is the impact of high
19:07
cortisol levels on health ah a little
19:10
bit like the aces question uh ultimately
19:12
we're not meant to be in that fight
19:14
fleas fight Freeze or flea response all
19:16
the time and so it's meant to be in
19:18
Burse and then it's meant to settle and
19:20
so if we have like extended periods
19:22
where we are in a lot of cortisol it
19:24
just reeks havoc on our body and the
19:26
rest of our systems and it's just really
19:28
uh we're not meant to be in a stress
19:30
State all the time and so it hurts our
19:32
organs and it impacts the way our brain
19:34
works and the way our you know our
19:36
computer functions for the rest of our
19:37
body how does chronic stress affect the
19:40
body it boosts our adrenal response and
19:43
it boosts our cortisol response and it
19:45
and it makes us sick over time what are
19:47
the Comm common health issues related to
19:50
Aces boy you have substance abuse issues
19:53
that often times create other additional
19:56
health issues we've got pulmonary issues
19:59
diabetes um you can have um you know
20:03
heart issues cardiac issues
20:05
gastrointestinal issues a lot of those
20:08
are tied to adverse childhood
20:10
experiences because of the exacerbated
20:12
state of stress in the body when a lot
20:14
of things that have been bad have
20:15
happened to us and our body's trying to
20:17
navigate that stress how does mental
20:20
illness in the household affect children
20:22
boy it it sure creates codependency
20:25
because our children are constantly
20:27
sizing our uh sizing up our environment
20:29
and they're looking for what's going on
20:31
and how do they need to respond to try
20:33
to prevent the bad things from coming
20:36
and so if Mom's always on the couch you
20:38
know depressed and shutting down then I
20:40
learn I have to take care of myself I
20:42
have to make my own food I have to take
20:44
care of my siblings because no one else
20:45
is going to do it maybe I have someone
20:47
who's highly perfectionistic and
20:49
everything has to always be perfect and
20:51
that creates a bit of an eggshell no
20:53
matter what I do it's not going to be
20:54
good enough thing um if I have a parent
20:56
who's really aggressive then I'm not not
20:58
going to trust myself and I'm going to
21:00
be waiting for them to yell and so I'm
21:01
not going to really try to do things
21:03
because I'm going to be expecting it to
21:04
be you know yelled at or or shamed um so
21:08
ultimately mental illness always impacts
21:11
children and it's why it's one of the
21:13
scores on the adverse childhood
21:15
experience marker what are the signs of
21:17
domestic violence in a
21:20
household those can vary depending on
21:23
the adaptation of the child it can look
21:25
like U you know low school grades um it
21:28
can look like inability to connect and
21:31
be in relationship with others there
21:33
might be physical signs of of of the
21:35
violence on whether it's bruising or
21:37
black eyes or things like that which are
21:39
more obvious you might see ex um major
21:42
expressions of emotionality whether
21:44
they're shut down or they're tearful or
21:46
there's all kinds of things that we can
21:47
look like that we can see that are maybe
21:50
indications of domestic violence how
21:52
does parental separation affect
21:55
children uh well if parents are not
21:58
together uh the child often times has to
22:00
be in more than one household and um
22:03
that can be really hard to navigate for
22:04
a child if a parent is estranged or
22:07
alienated entirely then there's going to
22:09
be a tremendous amount of grief and loss
22:10
in addition to the the change in the
22:13
environment and um it's always better if
22:17
we can have two parents to rely on for
22:19
sure what are the common behaviors of
22:21
avoid and attachment
22:23
style uh conflict avoidance shutting
22:26
down not reaching out not asking asking
22:28
for help when you might need help being
22:31
incredibly independent and autonomous
22:33
and I've got it and I'll do it
22:35
myself how does anxious attachment
22:39
style how does anxious attachment style
22:42
manifest in relationships it looks like
22:44
are you okay are you mad at me they
22:46
didn't call me back they didn't text me
22:48
back uh something must be wrong did I do
22:50
something wrong am I in trouble that's
22:52
what anxious looks like what are the
22:54
benefits of mindfulness and therapy oh
22:58
we have to be connected to our body to
23:00
know what's going on our body is the
23:01
dashboard and so if we are mindful
23:04
present and I know there's a lot of Buzz
23:05
around that but it really is the magic
23:07
if I'm in my body and I can sense what's
23:09
happening I can have choices about what
23:11
I can do with it rather than impulsively
23:14
reacting to to what's happening in my
23:16
environment so mindfulness heals the
23:18
brain slows us down highly recommend how
23:22
do you measure success in EFT therapy we
23:25
get to terminate couples can repair
23:28
they're conflict lasts uh in uh their
23:30
conflicts last they're shorter we can
23:32
repair and move back and circle back
23:35
when we have empathic fa failers we can
23:37
we can address them and we can get back
23:40
on the same page and be back in
23:42
connection what are the common
23:44
challenges in implementing EFT therapy
23:47
we've got to have two available partners
23:49
that are willing to look at their part
23:50
in things we've got to have someone
23:52
who's willing to face and tolerate their
23:55
their side of the street and ultimately
23:57
not every everybody is just because
24:00
someone comes into therapy doesn't mean
24:01
they're both ready to look at their part
24:03
of the cycle what are the benefits of
24:05
co-regulation and relationships boy we
24:08
always do better when we can rely on
24:10
someone else and it doesn't mean we have
24:12
to have a big group of people as long as
24:14
we know that we've got someone we can
24:16
lean on uh and and have them be there
24:19
for us when we are not doing so well and
24:21
we can say I just need you to be here
24:22
for me we uh can can move through
24:25
emotional overwhelm so much easier if we
24:29
can have someone to co-regulate with us
24:31
how do you create a safe space for
24:33
clients in
24:34
therapy uh I
24:36
just show up show up with love show up
24:40
with compassion uh empathy understanding
24:45
patience curiosity I think all of those
24:48
things are part of creating a
24:50
relationship and of course if they're
24:52
invested um and and I think that I think
24:55
that something that's really important
24:57
is to be genuine and authentic they can
24:59
feel it if you're not and so I think
25:01
it's important to creating a
25:03
relationship that you know they know
25:05
they they can sense a truth to who you
25:07
really are as a person and I try pretty
25:10
hard to emulate that awesome you got
25:13
through all of them thank you so much I
25:15
appreciate you being here boy that was a
25:16
lot so thank you um if you are
25:19
interested in any of those topics at a
25:21
deeper level we've got an episode for
25:23
you uh so thank you so much for tuning
25:25
in today hopefully that was a nice um
25:28
recap of season one and you found any
25:31
some of those topics interesting and
25:33
helpful um and until we meet again don't
25:36
forget to lead with love it'll never
25:37
steer you wrong
25:39
[Music]
25:58
oh
#People & Society
#Troubled Relationships
#Self-Harm
#Violence & Abuse