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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! This episode goes over how EMDR helps heal addiction and trauma, exploring how unresolved experiences can keep people stuck in patterns of coping, avoidance, and emotional overwhelm, and how EMDR therapy helps the nervous system process painful memories so healing and recovery become possible.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
Hi everyone, I'm Kelly O'Horo and this
0:09
is Adaptable Behavior Explained. Hi
0:12
there everybody. Welcome back to
0:13
Adaptable. This is the show where we
0:16
slow things down and we get curious
0:18
about behavior and focus on
0:20
understanding rather than pathizing,
0:23
blaming, or judging. In the last
0:26
episode, we talked about addiction
0:28
through a trauma-informed lens and not
0:30
as a moral failing or lack of willpower,
0:33
but as an adaptation to pain,
0:35
disconnection, unmet needs, and
0:38
emotional distress. Today, I want to
0:41
build on that conversation and talk
0:43
about how trauma-informed recovery,
0:45
specifically how EMDR therapy works with
0:48
addiction and why healing the root of
0:50
addiction changes everything. This
0:52
episode is for anyone who's ever
0:54
wondered if addiction isn't the real
0:56
problem. If you aren't fully subscribed
0:58
to a disease or a medical model and how
1:01
do we actually heal from addiction? So,
1:03
if you are someone who struggles with
1:04
addiction or overuse or misuse of
1:06
substances or loves someone who does,
1:09
then this is probably a good show for
1:10
you. So, here's something I want you to
1:13
hear right away. You cannot shame your
1:15
nervous system into healing. And you
1:17
cannot logic your way out of trauma-
1:19
based coping. It's not possible. We're
1:20
not wired for it. And recovery doesn't
1:23
happen by forcing someone to stop using.
1:25
It happens by helping the nervous system
1:27
no longer need to use. Using substances
1:30
is a symptom of the problem that's
1:32
greater and it's deeper. I want to help
1:35
educate you on why trauma-informed
1:37
recovery matters. And a lot of inpatient
1:40
places and recovery facilities don't
1:43
offer the trauma support and the healing
1:45
that's needed to make relapse not just
1:47
be a default thing that happens. So when
1:50
addiction is treated without addressing
1:52
trauma, people are often asked to give
1:54
up the only thing that has ever helped
1:55
them regulate. And they're not given any
1:58
other way to manage distress in their
2:01
nervous system. And that's why relapse
2:03
is so common. Not because people don't
2:06
care. It's not because people don't want
2:07
to get better, but because their nervous
2:09
systems are still stuck in that survival
2:11
mode. And so trauma-informed recovery
2:14
asks us different questions. It's what
2:16
happened to you? uh when did you start
2:19
using? How was it beneficial? What did
2:21
your nervous system learn? And how do we
2:24
need to help your brain access more
2:26
adaptive information so that you can
2:28
remember the natural consequences that
2:31
are more negative than the positive
2:32
feelings that go with the use or the
2:34
escape or the relief. And so this is
2:37
where EMDR becomes especially powerful
2:40
because we can uncouple the positive
2:42
feelings that have worked so that they
2:45
don't have such a stronghold. So, let me
2:47
give you a little background. EMDR
2:49
really addresses the nervous system and
2:51
the brain. And it is uh short for eye
2:54
movement desensitization and
2:55
reprocessing. Uh and historically, it's
2:58
known more widely acceptable for PTSD.
3:02
But it's incredibly effective in
3:04
addiction, in recovery, and trauma.
3:06
That's at the roots of often why people
3:08
use. And we understand addiction as
3:11
trauma linked learning. So addictive
3:14
behaviors become paired with positive
3:17
internal states like I said relief,
3:20
calm, numbing, belonging, freedom,
3:24
control. And over time, our brain learns
3:27
this is how I survive. This is what gets
3:30
me out of that feeling I was having
3:31
before I used the substance. EMDR
3:35
doesn't rip that belief away. It just
3:37
updates the bios. And so we don't
3:41
necessarily just use standard protocols
3:43
as therapists for addiction presenting
3:46
issues. There are several additional
3:48
addiction specific protocols that a
3:51
trained EMDR skilled physician, a
3:54
trained EMDR skilled clinician uses that
3:57
is helpful in trauma-informed recovery.
4:00
So, I'm going to break down a couple of
4:02
those that I like and I use the most
4:04
when I'm dealing with someone who wants
4:06
to eliminate their pull towards
4:08
addictive behavior. And one of them is
4:10
called detour. It stands for
4:11
desensitization of triggers and urge,
4:14
and we reprocess those things
4:15
specifically. So, detour works by
4:18
targeting present-day triggers and urges
4:20
rather than diving straight into trauma
4:22
memories. And this protocol helps our
4:25
brain reduce intensity of cravings. It
4:28
disconnects the urges um from the
4:30
promise of that relief and it
4:32
strengthens internal resources for
4:34
choice and for safety. So that's not the
4:36
first um call that we make when we are
4:40
struggling. Um and as urges lose their
4:42
charge, the nervous system begins to
4:44
recognize I don't actually need this to
4:47
survive and I might have a greater
4:49
access to another broader menu of
4:52
choices to deal with what I'm currently
4:54
feeling. So this isn't about willpower.
4:56
It's about regulation. And I find it
4:59
really helpful because a lot of the
5:00
times when people use, they now have the
5:03
use paired with other behaviors. For
5:06
example, people who like to drink on a
5:09
Friday because it's happy hour at 5:00.
5:12
Um, people who want to sit by the pool
5:13
with cocktails. People who play
5:16
softball, but they have a few beers
5:18
while they're doing that. Or any other
5:20
sport. Um, some people like to have a
5:23
couple of drinks and then go for a bike
5:25
ride. And all of a sudden, these
5:26
behaviors that are, you know, decent,
5:29
fun, standalone behaviors are now
5:31
coupled with now using a substance to
5:33
change the way the state is held. And so
5:36
those urges get locked in as part of our
5:38
memory. And so now people think, I don't
5:41
like to ride my bike unless I have a
5:42
couple drinks or I don't want to do this
5:44
other thing without, you know, having a
5:46
drink or a smoke or, you know, a hit
5:50
from their marijuana or whatever it is
5:52
that they do. Sometimes people even have
5:54
these connections related to like I
5:56
can't sleep without dot dot dot. You
5:59
fill in the blank for whatever works for
6:00
you and never relearn um their nervous
6:03
system doesn't learn to get to a relaxed
6:06
calm state without the substance. And so
6:08
there's a retraining that has to take
6:10
place. There's another feeling state
6:12
there's another protocol that I really
6:14
like. It's called the feeling state
6:16
addiction protocol. And this is another
6:18
angle on how positive emotions get stuck
6:21
in the nervous system that correspond
6:23
with uh substance uses. And that feeling
6:26
state addiction protocol focuses on
6:28
positive feeling states that are
6:30
associated with that use. Um this is the
6:33
part of our brain that says this works.
6:35
I feel better when um this makes things
6:37
feel okay or tolerable. And so the
6:39
feeling state addiction protocol gently
6:42
disconnects the substance or the
6:44
behavior from that positive internal
6:46
experience. Just like negative feelings
6:49
get stuck with memory and latched on and
6:52
encoded. Well, positive things do too.
6:54
Think about your first kiss and the
6:56
cologne the person was wearing or
6:58
perfume. Or think about Thanksgiving and
7:01
grandma's apple pie and how now
7:04
Thanksgiving and fall has all of these
7:06
associations with specific smells.
7:08
That's how our memory works and things
7:11
get encoded positively and negatively.
7:14
And so when we work to disconnect that
7:16
positive internal experience, it allows
7:18
our brain to like access the entire
7:21
truth of the scenario, which then
7:23
includes the negative consequences of
7:25
the use, whether they're health or
7:27
relational, the losses, and the
7:30
long-term impact of overuse or abuse
7:33
with a substance. And this isn't because
7:35
of shame, but it's through integration
7:37
of the adaptive information that isn't
7:40
accessible at the time of the use. So
7:43
what happens after the positive feeling
7:45
is uncoupled? Because some people are
7:47
afraid of that. They're like, I don't
7:49
want to not have this access point or
7:52
this crutch or this barrier that helps
7:54
me manage and I don't know what else I'm
7:56
going to do or how I'm going to feel
7:58
when I when that doesn't work anymore.
8:00
And this is one of the most important
8:01
and often misunderstood parts of
8:04
traumainformed recovery when it comes to
8:06
substance use because once the positive
8:09
associations with use are uncoupled, the
8:11
nervous system no longer has to defend
8:13
the addiction. That part that says it's
8:16
just a little or I don't do it that much
8:17
or I do everything else well so this is
8:20
fine. Um that part is now way more
8:23
available for a person to make better
8:25
choices. And that's when something more
8:27
profound happens. there's space, there's
8:30
cravings that soften and the urgency
8:33
decreases and the brain becomes
8:35
available for much deeper healing. And
8:38
so then what happens from therapist's
8:40
perspective is accessing the real
8:43
reasons that the use started in the
8:45
first place. The use is just a buffer.
8:47
It's a barrier that prevents us from
8:49
getting access to the reason we needed
8:51
to use in the first place. And so once
8:54
addiction is no longer that primary
8:56
regulator in the nervous system,
8:58
memories often become more easily
9:00
accessible and they surface and it's not
9:02
because we have to force them, but
9:04
because the nervous system finally feels
9:06
safe enough to tell the truth about
9:08
what's really going on. And this is when
9:10
we start to ask the questions that
9:12
matter the most. Why did this start in
9:14
the first place? When was the first time
9:16
that I used? When did it feel so
9:19
effective and beneficial? And how did
9:21
that then get connected? Something that
9:24
I've seen so many times with feeling
9:26
state addiction is with drinking and
9:29
marijuana use. It typically started in
9:32
like early adolescence. The person was
9:34
feeling like they didn't fit or they
9:36
didn't belong. And they found a group of
9:39
people that were willing to do this
9:41
together. And they developed connection.
9:43
They had developed friends. They
9:45
developed a group of people that
9:46
understood also what they were going
9:48
through. And so the behavior of like
9:51
drinking or marijuana use at that age
9:54
became connection. And then later what
9:57
they learn is in their relationships
9:59
like in their partnerships where the
10:01
drinking is taking place or the
10:03
marijuana use is taking place that it
10:05
actually creates disconnection. But
10:07
because of the way that it got paired
10:09
when they were in adolescence, the brain
10:11
won't give that up just yet. And so for
10:14
many people, substance use began as a
10:16
way to survive those disconnected
10:18
moments, those overwhelming homes and
10:22
and and really a buffer for chronic
10:24
stress. So again, we have chronic stress
10:26
or overwhelming emotions, potentially
10:29
neglect or abuse, maybe unprocessed loss
10:32
or grief or betrayals. And that messages
10:36
a lack of safety uh or a lack of
10:38
attunement. So addiction didn't come out
10:40
of nowhere. It came out of experience
10:42
that didn't get fully processed or
10:45
handled in a healthful way with loving
10:48
caregiving people that could be there
10:50
for the person in the first place. And
10:52
people who have a lot of use issues tend
10:55
to be really sensitive in general. So
10:57
it's not just that they had more bad
10:59
things happen to them, but those bad
11:01
things happen felt so much more raw and
11:04
they are so vulnerable. And so in EMDR
11:08
we understand that trauma is a
11:10
maladaptively encoded memory network.
11:12
And these are the experiences that were
11:14
stored without that resolution or the
11:16
integration of positive things and
11:18
adaptive things. And these memories
11:21
aren't just the stories that we
11:22
remember. They live in our body. Trauma
11:25
is cellularly stored. And those memories
11:28
drive beliefs and emotions and behaviors
11:32
in present time. With trauma, it's like
11:34
a time orientation issue. We feel like
11:37
the past is present. We behave and act
11:39
as if then is now. And so once addiction
11:43
is no longer blocking that access, EMDR
11:46
allows us to target those unfinished,
11:49
unresolved, maladaptively encoded
11:51
memories more effectively. So those
11:53
original moments of fear or shame or
11:56
abandonment or those beliefs that
11:58
formed, I'm not safe, I'm not enough,
12:00
I'm alone, that unfinished stress
12:03
response held in the body can then make
12:05
its way to full resolution. And we use
12:08
bilateral stimulation and other forms of
12:11
tacking taxing working memory to help
12:12
with that. And I've got other shows that
12:14
better describe EMDR earlier in season
12:17
1. So go ahead and check that out. And
12:19
we can drop what is EMDR in the
12:21
description below to make that easier to
12:23
find. But when we do this, the brain can
12:25
finally do what it could at the time,
12:27
which is process and integrate and
12:30
really resolve the distress that wasn't
12:32
able to get its due. And so symptoms uh
12:36
no longer need to work so hard and we
12:39
don't need those unhelpful or
12:40
maladaptive adaptations or coping skills
12:43
to use. Uh that's the good part, right?
12:46
And this is the part that surprises
12:48
people the most. It's like, I don't need
12:50
that or I don't even want that. So, when
12:52
trauma is healed and it's not just being
12:54
managed or suppressed, but it's actually
12:56
fully resolved, those symptoms of
12:59
overuse or addiction behaviors that once
13:02
protected us no longer need to be in
13:04
charge. They don't have to work so hard.
13:06
So then our cravings decrease. And it's
13:08
not because of discipline. It's not
13:10
white knuckling it. And it's not just
13:11
willpower, but it's because the nervous
13:13
system isn't so desperate for that
13:15
relief. Overuse and misuse soften
13:18
because that original wound has been
13:20
addressed. So recovery becomes less
13:23
about resisting urges and more about not
13:25
needing them in the first place. And
13:27
this isn't about taking something away.
13:30
It's about giving the nervous system
13:32
what it needed all along. So
13:34
trauma-informed recovery is not fast.
13:37
It's not linear. And it's not about
13:39
perfection. It's about really addressing
13:42
the full person. And it's really the
13:44
most honoring full whole human approach.
13:48
Healing doesn't happen by forcing
13:49
abstinence before safety. It happens by
13:52
restoring safety so that abstinence
13:54
becomes possible. So here's what I want
13:57
you to take away from today. Addiction
14:00
is learned and learned things can be
14:03
unlearned. Healing happens when safety
14:05
comes first. And EMDR doesn't erase
14:08
coping. It updates it. And when trauma
14:11
heals, the symptoms or the overuse or
14:13
the misuse doesn't have to carry the
14:15
emotional load or the stress load
14:17
anymore. So if you've been hard on
14:19
yourself or someone that you love,
14:20
please remember that your coping made
14:22
sense, their coping made sense, and your
14:25
nervous system was doing its best, and
14:27
healing is still possible. So, if this
14:30
episode helped you see addiction or
14:31
recovery differently, please share it
14:33
with someone who might need this
14:35
information because hope is grounded in
14:38
compassion. And be sure to like or
14:40
subscribe to the show or leave a comment
14:42
if you found this useful because your
14:44
engagement helps trauma-informed
14:47
conversations reach people who needed it
14:49
the most. And as always, until next
14:52
time, don't forget to lead with love.
14:54
It'll never steer you wrong.
15:00
Hey, hey,
15:04
hey.
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