Up next in 10
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reportedly moving back to the UK this month and have enrolled their two children at British schools.
The move comes six years after the couple dramatically left the UK and set up base in California.
James O'Brien questions why the story is generating such huge traction.
Listen to the full show on the all-new LBC App: https://app.af.lbc.co.uk/btnc/thenewlbcapp
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0:00
I failed you, by the way. Again, I'm sorry
0:02
I can't think of a way of having a phone-in about how bored you are by coverage of Harry and Meghan
0:07
I don't even know. I haven't even come up with what the word is to describe a brain that wants to have a phone-in
0:12
about how bored you are by something. Give me a ring and tell me how bored you are
0:16
It's not going to work, is it? It's not. I mean, even by the standards of someone who probably unjustifiably likes to think
0:22
that he shifts occasionally the parameters of traditional radio phone-in programmes a bit
0:27
And I know what that's like. That's like having a little sign up behind you saying you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps
0:34
But I can't. I can't. I can't come up with it. I've got nothing. How are we going to have a phone-in about how bored you are
0:39
A phone-in for people bored by this story, but at the same time somehow about the story that you're bored by
0:45
Sigh of relief in the production office, I have to tell you. And indeed, quite possibly the rest of the country that we're not going to be trying that
0:51
Well, it's 11.34. I don't know what we're going to be doing at 12
0:55
But I'll get this out of the way first. this is just because you probably wouldn't believe me if i told you so i'm going to do it in in real
1:03
time you may be aware that the duke and duchess of sussex are moving house it was reported yesterday
1:10
that's the story the duke and duchess of sussex or if you prefer harry and megan
1:17
are moving house and that involves a change of country because their current house is in
1:25
California and their new house will be back in Britain. That's the story. Couple, as Private Eye
1:31
will almost certainly report in their next edition, couple moves house. And now we turn
1:39
to the Daily Mail newspaper and wonder how they can turn three words, or indeed we wonder what
1:47
exactly they can turn three words into. So those three words, once again, couple moves house, right
1:57
And remember, this is a newspaper that was at the forefront of the pursuit of
2:02
Professor Jason Arday and many of the people in the broadcast world
2:06
who were also very much at the forefront of that demonization, the gleeful
2:12
coverage of that story have not said his name since he died which I continue to find absolutely extraordinary But the shift from Jason Arde to Meghan Markle will be both profound and denied
2:25
But let's not go there yet. Let's focus instead upon how the Daily Mail reports couple moves house
2:32
OK, page one, front page, like the absolute splash. This is the only story on the front page of their newspaper
2:39
Three separate columnists, Sarah Vine, Harry Swanning, back in, must be enraging for William
2:43
How do you know? Spoiler alert, you don't. Alice and Boshoff, their friends tell me Meghan is fully behind the shock move
2:49
Right. And Robert Hardman, how this will shape future of the monarchy
2:54
Okay, it's good that we're not getting carried away here, lads. Let's keep it on the down low
2:58
And then the front page, return of the prodigal prince. Sussex's security could cost taxpayers £5 million a year
3:03
Will it? No idea. But it could. It could cost £50 million. It could cost a gazillion pounds
3:08
It could cost 12p. Stick all that on the front. It doesn't matter. You've got your front page
3:12
and we're in. So on page two and three, they have some other stories
3:17
One about that leaflet that I told you yesterday would be used to pretend that everybody seeking asylum is
3:22
somehow a rapist and one about Kylie Minogue's haircut. And then we turn to page four
3:28
and five. A deafening silence from Wills and Kate. Someone in Royal Circles
3:32
who's dealt with the Sussexes tell me they fear there is more to this than we know. How will
3:36
they pay for it all? Just 21%. One of them back here. That's two pages. So we're up to three
3:41
Keep count, all right? Three pages so far. One newspaper, three words
3:45
Couple, moves, house. Shall we turn the page? That's probably it. Do you think that's it
3:52
Whoa. Return of the prodigal prince. Royal rouse, recriminations, racism allegations and recollections that varied
3:58
The bruising story of the Megxit years. And then we have lots of moments
4:03
And then a column, page seven. The idea that his little brother is going to swan back in
4:08
to steal William's thunder must be enraging, says Sarah Veyer. I'm tired already
4:13
Are you tired yet? Already? Remember, couple, moves, house. How many is that, Keith
4:19
Five pages. We're up to four. Four pages, yeah. Because the front pages are one
4:24
Usually it says spread, so it's... Are you sure, though? No, that's five, mate
4:30
Flipping heck, Keith. One job. You had one job Keith That literally all I asked you to do all week We haven played any jingles We haven done any So you got page one and then you got a spread across six and seven and four and five
4:43
So that's one plus two plus two altogether now. No, that's one, Keith, that finger you're holding up
4:50
Five pages so far in the Daily Mail. Shall we turn the page again? That's got to be it, remember? Couple moves house, yeah
4:58
Oh, here we go again. Megan is fully behind this move. Woo! In revelations that will surprise many..
5:04
God, they got on the phone quick. They only got announced yesterday. Suddenly you've spoken to all her friends
5:08
and found out exactly why she's doing what she's doing. But we're up to five plus two, seven pages
5:14
In revelations that will surprise many, friends of the Sussexes tell the male that..
5:18
Yeah, of course they do. The Duchess wants to rekindle Harry's England... Oh, be quiet
5:21
Anyway, we're up to seven. Remember? Couple moves house. That's it, right
5:27
That's got to be it. We're done, yeah? Oh, boy. A year ago, I was mocked for predicting this would happen
5:34
but I was right, writes someone. And someone else writes, How America fell out of love with the Sussexes
5:40
from that South Park savaging to the grifter's ferrari. That's pages 10 and 11, which is 11 minus 2 equals 9
5:48
Nine pages so far out of three words. Couple moves house. And that's it. Surely. Surely that's it
5:57
That's nine pages. Ready? Are we going to break double figures? Are we going to break double figures
6:04
As Camilla's big biographer, I fear this could be the test of her lifetime
6:09
And the real reason my pal Harry is coming back. We're up to page 13
6:16
11 of which have been dedicated to a story summarised in just three words
6:20
Couple, moves, house. That's got to be it, right? That's got to be it
6:27
That's not it. We're up to page 14 and 15. What will our favourite Jampreneur actually do
6:35
in the rainy misery of an island whose affection she squandered? Rainy misery, that's unpatriotic for the Daily Mail
6:40
You can't be talking about... But anyway, it's the first really full-throated attack on Meghan
6:45
Meghan is not popular here and she knows it. Some things are simply unforgivable
6:50
The exiles have exiled themselves from exile That pages 14 and 15 So we are up to 15 minus 2 13 Lucky for some 13 pages Keith take your shoes and socks off We up to 13
7:02
13 pages. One story, three words. Couple moves house. Still going. The whole op-ed
7:12
A whole op-ed. The parable of Harry and the house of Windsor. The Friday essay
7:16
no less. This is not a happy ever after and there are still bumps in a long road ahead
7:20
But a divided royal house, is a diminished royal house. And that is 17
7:25
That's up to page 17. So 15 entire pages of coverage of a story
7:32
best encapsulated in the three words couple, move, house. And one more for luck, shall we
7:43
Have a little... It's all right, there's an Aldi advert on page 18
7:48
And on page 19, it's Dickie Littlejohn writing about gypsies. So, you know, normality is restored, nature is healing
7:54
To be fair to the fella, he probably hasn't noticed yet that Harry and Meghan are moving back to Britain
7:58
because it hasn't been on a 25-year-old episode of The Bill. So there it is, 15 entire pages of the Daily Mail
8:05
or it hasn't reached Florida, or wherever he is writing his columns these days
8:10
It hasn't reached 15 pages. 15 pages on one story. Now, I don't know what word you would use to describe that
8:20
That's just bonkers, right? I mean, it is absolutely unhinged and insane
8:25
And it's probably why I wanted today to conduct a phone-in for people who don't care
8:29
Because it's not just the Daily Mail, of course. The Daily Express has not gone quite as bonkers, I don't think
8:38
No, it really hasn't. Fair play to them for once. They've actually got some news in their paper today
8:42
And the broadcast media has gone slightly, but nothing like that. The Daily Mail, if they had any friends, they'd stage an intervention
8:50
surely with that level of obsession it's a bit like, I don't know, vapour trails in the sky
8:54
or vaccine scepticism, you know when someone that you used to know goes completely doolally
9:00
and you don't know quite what to do about it there is the newspaper
9:04
equivalent of that, but once again breaking news, if you missed it yesterday
9:08
couple moves house 17, 15 pages, 15 pages in a national newspaper
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