0:00
I think isolated, but to also have a
0:03
community, right? She grew up in an
0:04
environment where you didn't talk
0:06
>> about what was going on in the family.
0:09
And so, I think there's one, you know,
0:11
whenever you have a forum where you can
0:13
share the good, the bad, and the ugly, I
0:15
think it's very helpful to go in and be
0:17
able to say, you know, I am being abused
0:20
or this is how someone is behaving and
0:22
have other people just go like, "Yeah,
0:24
that's not good." And then, you know,
0:25
that there's some type of framework for
0:27
for support. And I mean, primarily like,
0:31
the term codependency came from Al-Anon
0:34
in a way to describe how people that
0:37
people typically identified as addicts,
0:42
learn to walk on eggshells and learn to
0:43
change their own behaviors and learn how
0:45
to manage the feelings and outcomes for
0:47
other people to create safety, right?
0:49
So, if we stem back from that, she was
0:51
learning how to not be codependent, how
0:53
to not be a victim, and all of that. And
0:55
I was just a boy. I I bring this up
0:57
though to say that I was in Alateen
1:00
at like 8 years old. I was learning 12
1:03
steps from an Al-Anon perspective in the
1:06
language of little children. And then, I
1:08
went into Alateen, and I remember her
1:10
dragging us to conference. And I think
1:12
in her perspective, it was trying to
1:14
give support to this new emerging family
1:18
system that's like free of addiction.
1:22
The challenge for me was it's kind of
1:25
like, once you see it, you can't unsee
1:27
it. And so, my mom began to see
1:31
through the lens of addiction,
1:37
and how to a protective lens for her.
1:40
So, as I go into preteens,
1:43
and this will kind of circle back when
1:44
we talk about, you know, the
1:46
environments that that addiction or
1:48
addictive propensities kind of emerge,
1:51
uh was that I I would say I had, given
1:54
the environment that I lived in, the
1:56
neighborhoods I lived in, the background
1:58
you know, there uh experimentation with
2:00
like marijuana or or drinking or you
2:02
know, monkey see, monkey do. What does
2:04
my What does my father do? And and and
2:08
I quickly was labeled an addict
2:11
>> way before like any addiction.
2:13
>> young you were when that label came
2:17
>> Yeah, so I mean, and granted, right?
2:22
>> At 10 years old, I was smoking a pack of
2:26
>> I'll never forget when you told me that
2:28
and our son was 10 and I was like,
2:32
what the [ __ ] was your parents doing
2:34
because you told me, you said, "My mom
2:37
said just don't take your dad's and make
2:39
sure you go outside."
2:40
>> dad Yeah, so my dad was don't take dad's
2:43
cuz those are his smokes. My mom was
2:46
just smoke outside. I'm allergic.
2:49
>> So, you know, even even prior to 10,
2:52
right? I you know, it was very common to
2:55
get sent to the store with a note from
2:57
my grandma, you know, I can remember
2:59
probably 7 or 8 years old getting sent
3:02
to the store with a note from her to
3:03
pick up smokes and they would just hand
3:05
me the cigarettes and I'd bring them
