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everyone's searching for their tribe be
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pansexual tri-sexual bisexual
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whatever part of the rainbow you want to
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be part of everyone's fine
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trying to find who they are the spartans
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you know rugby is my tribe
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i knew from about year two that i
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didn't like girls it was you know boy
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meets girl all the time and yet in your
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a boy wants to meet another boy and you
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kind of you don't understand why
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you've got those feelings basically you
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know the other kids at school used to
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the hell out of me school was school was
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you know i've had hypnotherapy to get
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over some of the bullying incidents
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you know consider it considered suicide
0:49
you know just wanted it all to end
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because this massive immense confusion
0:52
that you've got in your
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in your skull the abuse really came from
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i didn't care about my appearance i
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didn't care what other people
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i wanted to make myself as ugly as
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possible i just didn't want people to
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get close to me because i didn't want
1:13
drug of choice if i felt bad food made
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it was about the age of 22 23 i was at
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my heaviest so it was
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19 and a half stone so around about 120
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i'd had a headache for about four or
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and so in the end i went to the doctor
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if he was like this headache that you're
1:35
is essentially your body telling you
1:37
you're gonna have a stroke
1:38
he said by the age of 30 you'll be dead
1:43
and that was kind of my waking moment
1:48
and so i went to a gym walked in and
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i looked at all the male pt's pictures
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and was like they're hot
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i want them to kind of spend 30 minutes
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three times so i was like hi it's like
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as soon as i had my first session i
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this is you know what i need you to do
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and this wasn't dealing with my
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sexuality this was dealing with the
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the now which is my health i dropped my
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weight down you know i got my body fat
2:17
percentage down at his best was about 11
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the pt um he's named brett and i will
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thankful for him suddenly i realized
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i'm no longer the fat ugly kid that i
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or a young adult i've now got
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girls asking me out and i've got no real
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to say no this burning sensation inside
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just was like i can't keep this is this
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i need to break the lie i keep telling
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people i'm fine i'm not
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the first person i came here to was
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actually brett so i plucked up the
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and sent him a text message
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because i couldn't physically do it
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i'm gay i'm sorry i've been lying to you
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where are all these excuses all these
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things saying i understand if you never
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want to speak to me again
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i understand if you never want to come
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near me again if you think i'm because i
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this wasn't me thinking that this was
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what he was thinking this is what i had
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i found myself disgusting because i was
3:27
i can never forget the response i can't
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but basically it was shut up and i'll
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see you tomorrow in the gym
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those few words meant so much
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and i hadn't even told some of my
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closest friends at this point
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it's almost like being reborn do i want
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any sports but i've never had the
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opportunity because i didn't feel like i
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should i try that my dad had always
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played rugby so i'd always been around
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i'd been dancing down in london and i'd
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some of the the king's cross steelers
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which were the first rugby club
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and i was like oh you know oh there's a
4:10
there's a game and they were like oh
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yeah there's another one up in
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manchester called the village spartans
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and how's that different to normal rugby
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not a lot we just go to different clubs
4:18
at the end of the night
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as soon as i moved to manchester the
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first thing i did was contact
4:24
their web page their facebook page and
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i really want to play i've played down
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in brighton but i really want to play
4:31
you just want to play this game that
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takes all sizes all shapes all abilities
4:38
you just want to kind of feel included
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you know that sense of camaraderie in
4:45
just suddenly my world became humongous
4:50
i think the best thing about being in
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the spartans is probably the instant
4:53
friendships and camaraderie that have
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uh it's that inclusion it's having a
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good sort of friendship group and
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ultimately having fun and playing rugby
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allowed me to build on my confidence and
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being able to lead a team as well being
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it's just given me so much more than i
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ever anticipated joining a normal sports
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it doesn't matter your background you
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race your gender your identity
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we're always going to be open to anybody
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who just wants to come along and play
5:24
having people by your side means that
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more empowered it helped me
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come to terms with you know i don't need
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a perfect body to play rugby
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and i don't need a perfect body to be
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extremely desirable to a lot of people
5:40
you know so the body dysmorphia it
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helped me with that the sense of
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community and be and being able to pick
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out the bits of me that are myself
5:51
i'd always loved singing from a very
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early age i'd always loved performing
5:55
you know the spartans have cabaret shows
5:58
and things like that where they needed
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team members to do a turn should we say
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with my new newfound confidence in
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myself i got up and sang
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and it's really spiraled from there
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i do musical numbers and like rocky
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and there's sweet transvestite in there
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and i get i get down to
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kind of very little clothing whereas
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before i'd be shying away
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and i wouldn't even want to get changed
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in front of other people and
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suddenly i'm on a stage with you know
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4000 people it's okay to be yourself
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don't beat yourself up you know those
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demons that you've created
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they're the only true demons in this
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world there's no you know you're not one
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don't ever stop banging your drum and
