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Loving your adult child sometimes means letting them choose a path you wouldn’t
Nov 10, 2025
Loving your adult child sometimes means letting them choose a path you wouldn’t.
Support doesn’t mean agreement, it means trust. 🌿
When you show up with love instead of fear, you create space for connection, confidence, and growth on both sides.
Because the goal isn’t to control their choices, it’s to remind them they’re never alone in them. 💛
#ParentingAdultChildren #ParentingWithLove #AdaptableBehaviorExplained
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0:00
We want to look at, you know, it's okay
0:02
if you say, "Yes, I'm willing to help,
0:04
but the money needs to go in this way."
0:06
Or, "Yes, I'm willing to help, but I'm
0:07
going to go ahead and pay that bill
0:09
myself because then I know what I am
0:11
looking to help is in line with my
0:13
values and I can spend my money how I
0:15
want to spend my money." So, as a
0:16
parent, you need to make sure you're
0:18
clear. How do you want to help? What
0:19
does help look like? And how do you want
0:21
to volunteer those financial supports?
0:24
And having clear conversations about
0:26
that is important because there's a real
0:29
difference between a safety net and a
0:31
hammock. You want to make sure that you
0:33
know the difference and that your habit
0:35
to support doesn't enable your child
0:37
from learning their own financial
0:39
independence and responsibility. I
0:41
talked a little bit about this with
0:42
culture differences, but you really want
0:44
to support their faith journey.
0:46
encourage their own spiritual growth.
0:48
Not forcing your own beliefs and your
0:50
own desires on to them because faith is
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a very personal choice and uh supporting
0:56
not steering is really necessary when it
0:59
comes to looking at your child and their
1:02
decisions and their growth. I know this
1:03
is really hard because we love our kids
1:06
so much, but we want to really leave a
1:08
legacy of love. We want to focus on
1:11
connection over control. We want to
1:13
focus on understanding and support and
1:16
we want that to be our enduring legacy.
1:18
We want our parent our kids to look back
1:20
at us and go, you know, I'm sure some of
1:22
the choices I made were really hard for
1:24
my parents to watch, but they did a
1:25
pretty good job of staying out of the
1:27
way and letting me just be my own person
1:30
and learn my own lessons. And so you
1:32
want to think about how do you want them
1:34
to remember you when they're out of this
1:36
phase, when they are done making this
1:38
choice and they start to to continue to
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mature and they make choices that maybe
1:42
are more in line with what you'd hoped
1:44
for them. You want them to recognize how
1:47
you showed up during that hard time was
1:49
respectful because what matters most is
1:52
your love and that is of course going to
1:54
outlast every disagreement. And there's
1:57
going to be plenty of disagreements
1:58
especially if we're offering unsolicited
2:00
advice. So the ache and hope of this
2:03
situation is real. We love our kids and
2:07
we don't stop loving them just because
2:10
they grow up and they leave the nest. So
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maybe they're making choices that scare
2:15
you and maybe you're biting your tongue.
2:17
Believe me, they know when you're biting
2:19
your tongue. So you need to work on that
2:20
in in your internal work. And and maybe
2:23
even what they're doing really hurts
2:25
you. Maybe they're struggling with
2:26
addiction or they're they're struggling
2:29
in ways that you know are hurting them
2:31
and you're wondering if that silence
2:33
kind of feels like abandonment. Well,
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here's something that I have learned and
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I've had kids that have made all sorts
2:40
of choices that I've been scared of.
2:42
I've had kids that have struggled with
2:44
addiction. I've had kids that have
2:46
struggled in all kinds of areas. And and
2:48
here's what I've learned. Advice, even
2:50
when it's loving, sounds like judgment.
2:53
if you've been critical while they grew
2:55
up. I know we were fairly critical
2:56
parents, unfortunately. It it it lands
3:00
wrong even if you mean it with love. And
3:01
so, you want to make sure that you're
3:03
showing up with love and ask for a
3:07
window of open if you want to give some
3:09
opinions. Uh they need to invite that.
3:12
And help even when it's well
3:13
intentioned, can feel like mistrust. My
3:16
youngest actually said that to me. He
3:18
said, "You know, you jump in to help and
3:20
sometimes what I make up is that you
3:22
don't think I can figure it out." And I
3:24
was like, "Ouch, that's not the message
3:26
I'm trying to send. What's really
3:28
happening in me is I don't want things
3:29
to hurt so bad and so I want to help."
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But the truth is that's not my journey
3:33
to take. That's their journey. And that
3:35
silence paired with presence says, "I
3:37
trust you." And so just sitting and
3:39
listening with someone is really
3:41
important.
#Family & Relationships
#Self-Help & Motivational
#Parenting