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Boundaries aren’t about being strict or controlling, they’re about creating safety, trust, and emotional security for your child.
If setting boundaries feels hard or brings up guilt, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re navigating something important.
Full video: https://youtu.be/RwDF1ArJs_4
#ParentingSupport #HealthyBoundaries #ChildDevelopment #GentleParenting #adaptablebehaviorexplained #kellyohoro
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0:00
All of us get activated when we have to
0:02
deal with someone else's distress. And
0:05
so part of this episode is going to help
0:07
you as a parent or a caregiver better
0:10
deal with little ones when they are in
0:12
overwhelm and in distress. And so we're
0:15
going to help you manage their big
0:16
feelings. Uh if you've ever thought
0:19
about like why is my child melting down
0:22
over the wrong color cup or why do they
0:25
hit when they're mad? you know, these
0:27
little moments of what seems to us as an
0:30
adult as so erratic and we wonder, well,
0:33
you're not alone because today we're
0:34
going to explore why these behaviors
0:36
happen and what they're really telling
0:39
us and of course how to respond in ways
0:41
that will build resilience and
0:43
connection for you in your child's
0:46
relationships. So, let's first talk
0:49
about the neuroscience a little bit and
0:51
why big feelings happen. The truth is
0:54
all behavior is communication and all
0:57
behavior is predicated by emotions. So
1:00
for those of you who don't want to
1:01
understand or discuss emotions, well,
1:04
sorry. We're biologically wired to first
1:07
be emotional beings. And we're feeling
1:09
beings, not thinking beings. Our
1:12
emotions are first. Gabbor Mate reminds
1:15
us that every bad behavior is the result
1:17
of an unmet need. And I so love that
1:19
quote because it then employs us to
1:23
become really good investigators. What
1:25
are we needing to understand? What needs
1:28
are not being met? And we have to be
1:30
curious because kids aren't giving us a
1:32
hard time. They're just having a hard
1:35
time. And so our job is to get curious
1:37
and figure out what is it that they're
1:39
having a hard time about. One of the
1:40
people that I follow on Instagram, her
1:42
name is Jessica Milbour, and she's got a
1:44
a channel called Responsive Parenting,
1:46
and I really like a lot of what she
1:48
says. And she says, "Behavior is the
1:50
language of the nervous system." So our
1:52
nervous system is communicating whatever
1:55
it is that we're feeling. And ultimately
1:57
then how we act. And so when kids act
1:59
out, they're saying, "I'm overwhelmed."
2:01
And without knowing how to ask for help,
2:04
that's really what we're saying is, "I
2:05
need help." And this is how I'm
2:07
communicating that. Dr. Dr. Dan Seagull
2:09
explains in the whole brain child that
2:12
young children's upstairs brain, that's
2:15
the part that manages logic and
2:17
self-control, it's it's still under
2:19
construction. Keep in mind, when we're
2:21
born, only 25% of our brain is
2:23
developed. And so, it's small so that it
2:25
can fit through the our head is small so
2:27
it can fit through the birth canal. And
2:29
in those very early years, our brain is
2:31
literally still being built. And so when
2:34
big feelings hit that downstairs brain
2:36
which is like emotion and survival uh
2:39
takes over and that's why reasoning in
2:41
the middle of a tantrum or when our
2:43
child or uh children are overwhelmed or
2:46
in distress is ineffective. And so we
2:48
really as the as the adult need to
2:50
recognize we we don't have an audience
2:53
at all when someone is in distress. So
2:55
for example if if the toddler throws a
2:57
toy across the room it's not defiance
2:59
it's really just system dysregulation.
3:02
their nervous system is totally flooded
3:05
and really they need your calm to find
3:07
theirs. They need you to help them
3:09
co-regulate. And so if we come in hot
3:12
with all of our aggression because we're
3:14
frustrated, well then they match pitch
3:16
and they end up being part uh in that
3:19
dynamic with you. And so what we want to
3:22
look at is that connection should happen
3:25
before correction. Another really
3:28
awesome figure in the public space about
3:30
parenting is Dr. Becky Kennedy and she's
3:33
the author of Good Inside and I just
3:34
love really everything she has to say
3:36
with parenting. So, she's an excellent
3:38
resource.
#Kids & Teens
#Parenting