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Did intimacy fade or were you taught to disconnect?
Old scripts about shame, stress, and “being strong” can quietly block closeness. Real intimacy isn’t automatic, it’s built through emotional safety, repair, appreciation, and vulnerability.
You’re not broken, you’re unlearning. 🤍
If this resonates, watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/hEYKs0Vn7qo
#emotionalintimacy #MarriageConnection #MidlifeRelationships #relationshiphealing #adaptablebehaviorexplained
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0:00
I'm sure you've heard about people who
0:02
end up sleeping in separate rooms as
0:04
they age and that that their parents or
0:06
their grandparents don't sleep together
0:07
and that forms what we think is normal
0:10
or what we think is healthy. So many
0:12
adults carry these old scripts often
0:14
from our childhood or our early culture
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or religious upbringing and our
0:20
environments and those things shape how
0:21
we relate to our bodies, our emotions
0:24
and our partners. So, if you grew up
0:27
with messages like your body is shameful
0:29
or keep it covered or things like that,
0:32
you're going to have those messages in
0:34
adulthood or your feelings are too much
0:36
or I'll give you something to cry about.
0:38
Those messages teach us we need to keep
0:40
our emotional world in because we're
0:42
going to burden the the grown-ups around
0:44
us or your needs are selfish. You always
0:46
need to put other people first. Then we
0:49
don't understand that we have to look at
0:51
what we need in order to express what we
0:53
need so that we can cultivate
0:54
connection. Or sometimes we were given
0:56
messages that intimacy is dangerous or
0:58
inappropriate or that men or women are
1:01
bad or gross or disgusting because of
1:04
how we were programmed. Or or maybe good
1:07
people don't express desire because
1:09
that's dirty or naughty. And so all of
1:12
these things impact our perception of
1:16
closeness and it can feel really
1:18
confusing in adulthood. And so again,
1:20
this can create adults who feel
1:22
disconnected from themselves or their
1:24
bodies, their needs and make them
1:27
struggle to express their emotional
1:28
needs or their physical needs. Perhaps
1:30
they fear vulnerability or feel
1:33
embarrassed wanting connection and not
1:34
knowing how to ask for it. or it shapes
1:37
their beliefs that they should be strong
1:39
or self-controlled or unbothered by the
1:42
things that bother them. And we're often
1:45
trying to build healthy intimacy inside
1:47
of systems that trained us to disconnect
1:50
from ourselves and from others. And so
1:52
unlearning takes time. Please have grace
1:54
and patience with yourself. Unlearning
1:57
the beliefs that affection must be
1:58
earned. Unlearning the idea that needing
2:01
closeness is weakness. These are all bad
2:04
scripts. These are tapes that are not
2:06
accurate. Unlearning that the body um
2:08
should be shamed or hidden. That's a
2:11
that's not helpful. Or unlearning the
2:13
myth that intimacy comes naturally and
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that it doesn't take effort and work
2:17
because you can't build closeness on top
2:19
of shame. But you can absolutely heal
2:22
the shame and make room for closeness
2:24
and intimacy and connection. But it
2:27
takes work. And emotional intimacy
2:30
requires vulnerability. And typically,
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especially in midlife, emotional
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intimacy has to come before physical
2:38
intimacy. And so connection grows from
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like emotional safety. Without it, every
2:44
kind of closeness becomes a lot harder.
2:47
And in midlife, we've developed more
2:49
capacity that I can handle things on my
2:52
own and I don't need my partner quite so
2:54
much if we've had a long stint of
2:56
disconnection. And so, we need
2:58
reassurance that we need each other and
3:00
that we want each other. We need to
3:02
really actively work on repair when
3:04
there's disconnection or conflict. We
3:07
need to actively show appreciation, not
3:09
just for the big sweeping things that
3:11
our partners do for us, but for the
3:13
little moments. My husband makes me
3:15
coffee most mornings. And it's so much
3:18
appreciation. And we have a little rule
3:19
that he can't drop it off to me while
3:21
I'm getting ready unless we kiss and I
3:23
give him a hug and thank him for it. And
3:25
so these little moments really do add
3:27
up. Having consistency and stability in
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the relationship is so important. Having
3:32
a tuned communication, you know, put
3:34
your phone down, give your partner eye
3:36
contact, give them touch while they're
3:38
talking with you. It's very important to
3:40
say, "I see you. I hear you." And most
3:43
importantly, that you matter to me more
3:45
than whatever I'm distracted with. And
3:47
that message sends a lot of safety to
3:50
the relationship. Emotional safety again
3:53
needs to happen before physical safety.
3:56
And then we got to be patient with each
3:57
other. We're all managing so much
4:00
stress, overwhelm, and demands.
#Mental Health
#Marriage
#Romance