Up next in 10
Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! In this episode get to know Kelly O'Horo up close and personal.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:01
foreign
0:07
I'm Kelly ohoro and this is adaptable
0:10
Behavior explained hi everybody thanks
0:13
for being here today I'm here with Aaron
0:15
who is the director of First Impressions
0:18
uh for infinite healing and wellness and
0:20
our client coordinator so he's here to
0:23
talk a little bit with me about who I am
0:26
and why I started this and get to know
0:29
you a little bit better before we kick
0:31
off all the gritty content so thanks for
0:34
hanging out with me today absolutely I'm
0:35
excited to be here I want to have a
0:36
conversation just to get to know you and
0:38
yeah let's see where it goes so
0:40
um tell me a little bit about your
0:42
background and yeah what you're doing
0:43
here sure uh well I was an only child
0:47
my parents were together until I was 12
0:49
they divorced and so I kind of ended up
0:52
the latter years living with mom single
0:55
parent my dad lived in another state and
0:58
so I did a lot by myself because she was
1:01
working and
1:02
found a lot of companionship and
1:06
activity at school so I was involved in
1:08
lots of clubs and sports I played a lot
1:12
of sports and sometimes I was at school
1:14
you know until nine at night because I
1:16
had so many activities lined up for the
1:18
day and sure let's go did a lot of
1:20
homework at school and alternating the
1:23
Naps that I took because I was so tired
1:24
in different classes so I wouldn't miss
1:26
too much content and did a lot of
1:29
vending machine eating and same bringing
1:32
stuff from YouTube yeah yeah
1:41
and then you graduated and then yep
1:45
graduated from high school went off to
1:47
Northern Arizona University and got my
1:50
bachelor's in education it was a grind I
1:54
was in that spot where there wasn't
1:56
really any money given to me because I
1:58
didn't meet any criteria but there also
2:00
wasn't really any money at home so I I
2:03
definitely worked pretty hard in college
2:06
I started out actually I was a janitor
2:08
and so I cleaned the doors yes respect
2:12
yeah it was it was humility for sure
2:15
um you know I worked in the dorm that I
2:18
lived in and it covered my room and
2:19
board can I do what you got to do it was
2:21
hard at times for sure and I worked
2:23
weird hours a lot um but but it taught
2:25
me a lot and I I certainly continued to
2:27
be a hard worker so I think it taught me
2:29
things and then I became an R.A in
2:31
college and I think that that actually
2:34
was one of the areas that showed me
2:37
you know people will tell you everything
2:40
you know people will tell me everything
2:42
and they will they want to share their
2:44
stories yeah so it was definitely a time
2:46
and then yeah so I I after I taught for
2:50
about 15 years I taught eighth grade
2:53
English and I loved it and they were a
2:56
great age and I think I taught that
2:58
grade because that's how old I was when
3:00
my folks split and it was just just yeah
3:03
it was gnarly it was a gnarly time and
3:05
so I wanted to be able to show up with
3:07
my you know show up for those kids in
3:09
ways that some of my mentors were able
3:11
to show up for me during such a hard
3:13
time in my life so
3:14
um so I taught for quite some time and
3:17
then I went on to get my masters when I
3:19
was about 30.
3:20
um but before that I I took a little
3:22
spill and it took a little had a little
3:25
stint of being a flight attendant so I
3:27
did that yeah I did that that's cool
3:29
yeah it was it was super fun I got to
3:31
see a lot of the country and I hadn't
3:34
seen anything okay yeah yeah I was able
3:37
to bring what I experienced
3:39
to the classroom and I was able to
3:41
utilize that and then you know as you
3:43
continue to teach you have to get
3:45
continuing education as part of our
3:47
credentials and decided to Veer into the
3:50
counseling profession at about 30 and
3:53
went and got my Master's Degree uh
3:55
at University of Phoenix when I was 30.
3:57
so here you are and here we are yeah so
4:01
you became a therapist tell me why you
4:04
became a therapist what was the
4:05
motivation behind that
4:07
well you know I was at that crossroads
4:09
when going back to school and I I was
4:12
either going to be going Ed leadership
4:13
and becoming a principal and you know I
4:15
had four kids at home at the time and so
4:18
it was like if I'm going to be a
4:19
principal I'm going to be at school
4:20
every night
4:22
till whatever the sport is and yeah and
4:25
so as much as I saw that being the route
4:27
if I remained in the teaching profession
4:29
it didn't seem to match my lifestyle
4:33
because of my family demands and so um
4:36
that was one you know piece but the
4:38
other piece that really
4:41
to it really like encapsulated so much
4:44
of my life experience and I'll tell you
4:45
a little bit about that was I was a
4:47
director at a YMCA Camp I used to
4:49
volunteer for a week every single summer
4:53
um I grew up there it was a probably
4:54
another piece of why you know I want to
4:57
give back yeah they were like a family
4:59
to me I made so many deep lifelong
5:01
friends at camp and so I was a camp
5:04
director and
5:06
um I was a ragger a YMCA YMCA ragger and
5:10
so what that is is uh it's a
5:12
self-improvement program so I've been
5:15
working on like healing thyself and
5:18
deciding how do you want to be a better
5:20
person since I was 12. when I was 12 I
5:22
got my first Rag and my
5:25
um goal was to be more respectful to my
5:27
mom yeah and so
5:30
um you know 12 years old I was fighting
5:32
with my mom a lot and so that was my my
5:34
goal and so year over a year you can go
5:37
back to camp and decide to take on
5:39
another goal in person a goal in it and
5:42
there's a little ceremony and you choose
5:44
someone to counsel you on this Prof this
5:46
growth that you want to have and so
5:47
every year I did that and so back to
5:50
your question about becoming a therapist
5:52
um the white rag is actually about
5:55
committing yourself uh your a lifelong
5:58
commitment to basically Christian
6:01
service or just service
6:03
um and so the white rag was like how can
6:06
you give more what can you do and
6:08
um I always felt like there was more in
6:10
me and when I think about how people
6:13
shared with me just naturally back to
6:16
being an R.A in college a camp counselor
6:19
a camp director people just gravitated
6:21
towards sharing with me and then as a
6:23
teacher
6:24
eighth grade English I mean those
6:26
students would tell me
6:27
like everything and I was totally poorly
6:31
equipped to do anything for them or
6:33
about it because I was out of my scope
6:35
you know and teachers aren't trained to
6:37
handle all this emotional and mental
6:39
health stuff
6:40
but I think really the you know the the
6:44
driving Factor was was had a lot to do
6:46
with my personal family system
6:49
um my husband who I met when I was a
6:51
flight attendant he was so cool yeah
6:53
nice he was on Navy and he had been in
6:56
he served for 13 years and he had three
7:00
small children
7:01
oh and
7:03
um little did I know when I met him and
7:05
fell in love that they had a really hard
7:07
story a really hard history and
7:10
um right after our engagement they came
7:14
to they came to be in our wedding and
7:15
they had a pretty abusive history with
7:19
their biological mom who is mentally ill
7:21
oh wow yeah and so I spent my early 20s
7:25
kind of
7:26
learning how to be a mom learning how to
7:28
be a wife sure my husband has a horrific
7:33
trauma story as well and so I had kind
7:36
of front row seats too yeah really hard
7:39
stuff and what happens in attachment
7:42
stories when nurture is not part of the
7:45
story and and when neglect is and like I
7:48
said my husband was in the Navy he was
7:49
out on ships for 10 years straight so he
7:52
wasn't home to be part of the parenting
7:55
and protection and things and really
7:57
didn't know what was going on because
7:59
the way mom was was she would make
8:03
things look as they weren't when he was
8:05
around and then when he was gone it
8:08
would be different and so my kids really
8:10
really went through it and so
8:13
um you know like any parent would we put
8:15
them in counseling right away sure and
8:17
they spent most of their childhood
8:20
seeing counselors a talk therapists and
8:22
we went to the best recommended people
8:24
but because of when it was I mean this
8:27
is you know over 20 years ago
8:30
um 25 years ago now people didn't really
8:33
understand trauma therapy therapists
8:36
weren't trained in it we didn't have the
8:38
luxury of understanding how approaching
8:40
things from a bottom-up perspective was
8:42
so much more effective when it comes to
8:45
how we're built and how we're hardwired
8:47
so you know I was trying so hard my
8:51
whole life to to
8:52
repair the damage and offset the
8:55
mistakes that were made before I came
8:57
into the picture well they were four six
8:59
and eight yeah when I got so young yeah
9:02
and you were young too it was a baby
9:03
yeah nothing I knew nothing about
9:05
everything you know and so I was trying
9:08
I'm like I can be a mom I was a teacher
9:11
counselor I'll be great at this and I
9:13
had no idea what what trying to
9:17
um trying to raise children who had had
9:19
such a horrible start what that would be
9:22
like and no matter how much I tried I
9:24
didn't know how to repair or heal or fix
9:27
what had happened to them and or and
9:29
what didn't happen to them a lot that
9:30
didn't happen as far as nurture and care
9:32
so so anyways my boys are amazing Heroes
9:35
and my husband he is my personal hero
9:38
quite frankly because he had a really
9:40
hard story and you know this front row
9:43
seat on what it's like
9:45
to
9:47
be a parent and be a wife and have
9:51
people that you love more than anything
9:53
suffering and not being able to do
9:55
anything about it and so it's actually
9:58
going to make me a little choked up
10:03
it's all right yeah
10:06
so you can't fix it get busy trying to
10:09
figure out how to fix it
10:11
so I went back to school
10:14
yeah
10:15
got your degree yeah got my masters and
10:18
well like I said and then um and then
10:20
you know I did that kind of talk therapy
10:22
for a couple of years and of course got
10:24
into my own therapy yeah
10:26
and uh
10:28
I got so far doing talk therapy but then
10:31
I kind of hit this plateau and okay
10:34
great you know I'm not my mom he's not
10:36
my dad why do I keep acting the way I'm
10:38
acting you know I understood it and I
10:39
was you know yeah so I I transitioned at
10:43
that point over to an EMDR therapist and
10:46
I mean like a couple sessions I'm like
10:49
holy oh I can't believe how
10:52
different this is because I could feel
10:55
the changes happening in my body as we
10:58
were doing the work and and everything
11:00
made so much more sense and then I went
11:01
through this weird experience where I
11:03
felt guilty about having been a talk
11:05
therapist because I spent two years
11:07
doing that and I was like
11:09
all these people are still stuck and I
11:11
didn't know and I can't seem to make
11:13
anything better no matter how much I
11:14
love on them and how much I'm there and
11:15
validating and using all the skills that
11:18
I learned and so I got hot as soon as I
11:21
as soon as I um went to my own therapy I
11:23
was like oh this is this is the stuff
11:25
absolutely gotta happen and so I went
11:28
right into the uh
11:30
basic EMDR training and started started
11:33
my trauma therapy especially career path
11:36
and it was just a fit I mean being on
11:38
that side of the couch as a client was
11:41
revolutionary for me and how I could
11:43
conceptualize cases and also just
11:46
knowing what we're asking of our clients
11:47
as therapists and what we're expecting
11:49
of them and having it having the
11:51
opportunity to
11:53
um
11:54
really help people to create lifelong
11:57
meaningful change like I was
11:58
experiencing really reinvigor
12:01
invigorated me it made me feel so
12:04
um purposeful and relevant and excited
12:08
and so I mean the rest is history when
12:11
it comes to my passion for this topic
12:12
for sure we'll get into that too yeah
12:14
thank you for sure yeah absolutely so
12:17
you became a trauma therapist yeah okay
12:19
so what next would happen after that
12:22
um well I opened infinite healing and
12:25
wellness about a little over two years
12:27
in as soon as I got my license I was
12:29
ready to open Infinite and we are an
12:32
EMDR Center for excellence here in
12:33
Arizona we've got a location in Gilbert
12:36
and in Phoenix and over the years we've
12:40
cultivated a culture where we have you
12:42
know 18 therapists at this point that
12:44
our EMDR Specialists yeah we've had the
12:47
luxury of helping you know many
12:49
thousands of people heal on their
12:51
journeys of becoming their best selves
12:53
and uh of course I've taken my passion
12:56
from EMDR therapy and my teaching
12:59
history and melded them together so now
13:01
I do a lot of consultation and training
13:04
and help other therapists become better
13:07
therapists so that's kind of what I've
13:09
been doing with my heart and passion for
13:11
EMDR along with raising my family and
13:15
along the way having now five
13:17
grandchildren and my awesome son so very
13:20
busy with my wonderful family and love
13:21
love that the most of course first but
13:25
um but career-wise I've been plug-in
13:27
plug-in uh into teaching and and yeah
13:32
so you were you started your own
13:34
business infinite so now you're wanting
13:36
to start a podcast right tell me about
13:38
that what's your vision behind that well
13:40
let's see I'm always looking for a
13:43
challenge but I think primarily what
13:45
motivates it is I can't even count how
13:48
many hundreds of clients that I've had
13:49
that have said after their first or
13:51
second session
13:53
everything makes so much more sense or
13:55
why didn't we learn this in school or
13:57
how come no one ever told me this or
13:59
even more heartbreaking you know you
14:01
have a 65 year old client and they've
14:03
had a 30-year marriage and they're like
14:06
had I known this stuff everything would
14:08
have been so different in my whole life
14:10
and so there's grief about that so
14:13
honestly
14:14
um I wanted to be able to provide a
14:17
platform where I can teach about things
14:19
that I teach my clients
14:21
in a way that's accessible you know not
14:23
everybody can afford therapy or maybe
14:24
not everybody's ready or maybe even
14:26
sometimes just having the education
14:28
about how we work and how we show up
14:30
absolutely that's enough to help
14:32
cultivate change and meaningful uh
14:34
uh awareness in our lives and in our
14:37
relationships and so my hope is that
14:39
people can tune in and not that this is
14:41
a replacement for therapists but sure
14:43
therapy by any means but that they can
14:45
get some of the educational components
14:47
that really should be taught in school
14:49
starting young because we learn from our
14:52
caregivers and let's be honest most of
14:54
our caregivers are doing the very best
14:56
they can with what they know and most of
14:58
them don't know about this topic they
15:00
don't understand mental health they
15:02
don't understand that it's not separate
15:03
trauma yeah from physical health so
15:06
ultimately I want to have a platform to
15:08
help educate to help people grow to help
15:12
people get excited and learn something
15:14
new and just kind of pay forward what
15:17
I've been so fortunate to experience in
15:20
my own personal therapy for a decade now
15:22
and then what I've learned from that and
15:24
the gifts of getting to to have my
15:27
clients teach me so much over the last
15:28
you know 13 years of doing this so I
15:31
want to share with the world yeah it
15:33
seems right it was like the thing you're
15:35
supposed to do right yeah so you're
15:37
starting a podcast
15:39
um what can viewers expect from this and
15:41
what themes and topics do you want to
15:43
explore with them
15:45
um you know I although I'm an expert in
15:49
trauma therapy I'm really hoping to
15:51
bring an authentic compassionate
15:53
amalgamation of both my personal life
15:56
experience the lived experience of my
15:59
clients that I'm so lucky to listen to
16:00
every day uh the education and the
16:04
training that I've been been through and
16:07
kind of bridge a lot of that together
16:08
and so I want to talk about marriage and
16:12
relationships and dating and you know
16:15
parenting and adoption and depression
16:18
and anxiety and you know EMDR therapy
16:21
and how that's so effective and helpful
16:23
mindfulness I really I don't really
16:26
think any topics necessarily off limit
16:27
it limits as long as it relates to the
16:30
Human Condition how we show up why we
16:32
show up the way we do and if there's
16:34
things that we can talk about to help
16:35
make that better for people so that they
16:38
can have like a new way of thinking they
16:41
can adopt a more wholehearted approach
16:43
to their relationship yeah and and
16:46
really just be able to
16:48
um
16:49
improve and ultimately getting back to
16:52
the most original selves that we were
16:54
meant to be before things happened that
16:57
helped us to adapt in ways that may or
16:59
may not be very helpful so hopefully
17:01
they can learn about that and and even
17:03
maybe start the process of unshaming
17:06
ourselves when we do things or we act in
17:08
ways that we're not proud of and have
17:10
that be almost a relief that maybe they
17:14
don't need to yeah that's exciting
17:16
that's the hope all right so those are
17:18
awesome topics I'm excited to hear about
17:20
those can you give us an example maybe
17:22
of something specific that our viewers
17:24
can expect and that would really
17:26
resonate with them and something that
17:28
they'll like yeah
17:30
um for sure you should see my podcast
17:31
planner I'm like oh that could be an
17:33
episode you know and I'm in there you
17:35
know typing up something I'm so there's
17:37
so many things to talk about there's I
17:39
get so many ideas every day that I work
17:41
with someone and they you know they have
17:43
their aha moments and I'm like this is
17:45
just a lack of data they just didn't
17:46
know and they're smart adapted
17:48
well-educated people and they just
17:50
didn't get taught this stuff so
17:53
um one one is I mean I think that one of
17:55
the most important episodes need needs
17:58
to be on emotions and how we're wired
18:00
how it's chemical you know this is this
18:02
should be taught in in biology in school
18:05
and it's not it's like the things the
18:09
mental health side yeah like we skipped
18:10
the thing that runs and all the the
18:12
computer is the brain and we're like
18:13
[Music]
18:16
yeah exactly like we really need access
18:19
to that so I think we'll do an episode
18:21
on emotions how we work we'll talk about
18:22
some researchers
18:24
um that have really informed the topic
18:27
um and mental health and just the
18:28
biology and the neurobiology of of
18:30
humans uh that's cool yeah yeah but so
18:34
that's just one idea of something that I
18:36
would want to bring awareness to and
18:39
give us a new framework to to interact
18:42
and and move through the world with
18:43
awesome with other humans awesome well
18:45
thank you Kelly for talking with us and
18:47
having a conversation I'm excited to see
18:49
what's coming forward I'm excited to do
18:50
this and I really appreciate you taking
18:52
some time to give me a hand with this
18:54
and absolutely bring our viewers a
18:55
little bit about what they can expect
18:57
from absolutely from our new project so
19:00
heck yeah thank you so much everybody
19:02
for tuning in I really appreciate your
19:04
time and don't forget to like And
19:06
subscribe and please share to pay it
19:08
forward if you think this is an area
19:10
that people can learn from and heal from
19:12
and don't forget to Lead With Love never
19:14
steer you wrong
19:15
[Music]
19:34
foreign
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