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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! In this video, we delve into the mental health challenges that public safety heroes – including police officers, firefighters, EMTs, and other first responders – face daily in their line of duty. These brave individuals confront high-stress situations, trauma, and pressure, which can deeply impact their mental well-being. We’ll discuss the importance of mental health awareness, available support resources, and practical strategies for coping with the unique demands of public safety professions.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
hi everyone I'm Kell ooro and this is adaptable Behavior explained hi
0:12
everybody thank you so much for tuning in today to adaptable I'm Kelly and I'm happy to have you here I'm really
0:18
pleased to have with us a guest that is uh such an honor to have on our show today her name is Angela and she is the
0:25
CEO of the hund club here in Arizona so Angela thank you so much for being here please introduce yourself such a
0:31
pleasure thank you for having me Kelly yes as you mentioned I my name is Angela Harold I'm the CEO for the 100 Club of
0:38
Arizona and I help run this nonprofit that helps all of our First Responders
0:44
to every corner of Arizona and then also we're trying to help others that are just beyond our borders as well that's
0:50
so special thank you so much for for the work that you do and and I'm really excited about this opportunity to get to
0:57
know you better in our preparation for the show and and uh in addition to this experience I have a feeling we're going
1:03
to spend a lot more time getting to know each other better because you are just doing such amazing work I'm excited
1:08
about it it's so important so what do you hope to gain from this episode
1:14
specifically by being here with us and knowing that we have a a pretty large first responder audience but also just
1:21
from mental health in general what are you hoping to gain uh our viewers to gain for for having watched this today I
1:28
think that it would be hugely beneficial for the public to understand the weight
1:35
of every single call that our First Responders go on so as a community member you know you you trust in our 911
1:43
system you trust in our police and fire and you might be having a crisis yourself and you might need to pick up
1:49
the phone to call 911 and when you do that the beauty is is they're going to ask you two
1:55
questions where are you and how can we help they don't care if you're blue or purple green black they may it doesn't
2:01
make any difference they're just going to get there as fast as they can and you have trusted in the system enough to
2:07
invite them into your story in one of the most critical moments maybe in your life or one that's affecting someone
2:13
around you and that trust I think is so important because once they're in your
2:20
story they're going to help you they're going to give you the best possible service they're going to give you
2:25
everything that they've got to try to get you through or to transition or help solve the situation that you're in and
2:31
whatever that looks like and guess what then they're going to leave with part of your story they're going to take a piece
2:37
of your story with them and I think that one of the greatest challenges is we don't realize that as community members
2:44
that every single call becomes part of a first first responder story and how many
2:52
how many pieces how many nuggets can they toss into that big proverbial backpack before it pulls them over right
2:59
so I want to make sure people understand that we are their backup The 100 Club is
3:04
the backup to our First Responders every day because they need it too right and I
3:09
you know I talk about this all the time with people when it comes to capacity and Trauma and I see a lot of First
3:16
Responders personally as a trauma specialist and you know we talk about you know I love to pay taxes because I
3:23
understand that I have someone who can show up at my door if I need it you know
3:28
so quickly and I am grateful to do whatever I can to support that but when I think about the burden that they carry
3:36
and they propensity to not want to need help their propensity yeah they need to
3:41
hold it all they've got it and you know unfortunately often times by the time they end up on one of our couches uh
3:48
it's it's like their bag is overflowing with that burden and and right although
3:53
they are heroic and their training teaches them to bypass all of the biological Norms that say run away
4:00
and they are taught straight toward the danger I think it's so interesting that they aren't necessarily taught at the
4:07
GetGo that you are just a mammal right and they are they're the helpers right
4:12
they are the ones that are supposed to be they think they think supplying the help not the ones that need help well
4:18
and the the historical understanding of emotions or falling apart is some kind
4:25
of weakness and recognizing that we all have our Breaking Point and just because
4:31
they are doing something over and over that adds things to their backpack doesn't mean that they don't need to
4:36
stop and empty it every once in a while and I wish that that became or I wish that that was more of a known uh
4:43
quantity for all of us but also for First Responders themselves that yeah
4:48
you're going to do more to to have a burden of of trauma because of everything that you see and please as
4:55
part of your you know professional plan also have an active way to to to
5:01
download and get rid of the things in your backpack and so how can we together
5:07
share with this audience maybe a story or something that really highlights this
5:13
burden and how it the impact is so uh ex extensive so if you're referring to
5:20
let's say the impact of a call that they go on right and you know if you think about as an individual as a community
5:27
member whatever your position might be if you saw a significant accident last
5:32
month you're probably still talking about it like oh you wouldn't believe what I drove up on or you wouldn't believe what I saw and you're talking
5:39
about something that happened last month or maybe six months ago and you only saw one MH they might see three of those a
5:45
day right and and they don't talk about it no they don't and sometimes they
5:50
don't even want to go home and tell their families about it because they don't want to share that burden they want to carry it personally and that
5:57
exists in different ways and depending on how close you are to that call or maybe something happened to one of their
6:03
colleagues and they're right there on the precipice they feel like they have to carry it right and they like you said
6:09
they don't want to burden they don't want to burden others with it and and you know truthfully their families
6:14
didn't sign up right to hear the download of all of the trauma they saw that day so they feel so very alone yes
6:21
and they're the protectors right they're the helpers they're the protectors so you know what they're doing they're
6:26
attempting to protect their loved ones they're attempting to help their loved ones but in doing so they're putting
6:33
their own experiences aside right yeah and what are some of the consequences that come with this burden for them that
6:40
you've experienced and seen over the years oh you know they compartmentalize uh they attempt to
6:46
leave things at work which how can you do that I mean if you were to see a dismembered body or a deceased child I
6:53
mean how do you put that away and not take it home and keep it from waking you
6:59
up in the middle of the night and should we yes no gosh no you have to unpack
7:04
that somewhere we talk about you know when it comes to generationally trauma and I was thinking about veterans where
7:11
for example in World War II the people talk about why are the men today who come back from war less resilient and uh
7:20
I don't think that that's the case I think that the men that came back from war back in for example the World War II
7:25
era got to sit on a ship for two weeks on their way back and talk and cry and
7:30
share and today it's so fast and we plop them back into their lives because of
7:36
you know Air transport and nobody nobody gets to digest and download all of that information and I I think in many many
7:43
ways First Responders have it far worse because they never come off the line you
7:48
know and the you you bring up a good point you know they had that time to decompress together to share the stories
7:55
or to at least talk through some of the items and that is the beauty in the fire service so as a firefighter you're
8:02
working with a crew right the joke is you're know eating together sleeping together working out together we're just
8:07
kidding of course but they're all sharing a space and with that they have
8:12
a lot of overlap they're going to have they're going to break bread they're going to talk about the calls they're going to do those things whereas in the
8:19
policing world or in law enforcement you're often working independently and
8:24
you're going to go from this call to that call alone back in the car right back in the car alone and then you got
8:30
to go to the next one and pretend that that one is kind of put away and it's behind you and you are already trying to
8:37
face yet another item or another situation solo right and I think that
8:42
police oftentimes have it so much worse than fire in in the way that we call
8:48
fire when we're in this desperate crisis medical fire things like that we don't
8:54
call fire when someone's at my door because I think I'm going to be you know shot or
9:00
or or has been mugged or whatever we call police for that and so they're also exposed to kind of the most um troubled
9:07
of our society who have for whatever their own reasons whether it's mental health or you know trauma which often
9:13
times is the predication of crime you know and socioeconomic deficiency and things like that but that's what they're
9:19
exposed to day in and day out and so they also have no choice but to be even
9:25
less optimistic because that's what they're exposed to all day just as an occupational hazard you know in the fire
9:32
service you're always almost very welcome and they're helping maybe with a medical situation whereas the
9:38
interactions of the public with law enforcement they are not always positive
9:43
they're being called to a criminal situation or there's a problematic area that they have to focus on or you're
9:51
getting pulled over and getting reminded that you need to drive better um or you got a ticket and people like I got a
9:57
ticket well be glad you didn't get a ticket it every time every time that you were speeding because the reality is is
10:03
even as adults we need to be held accountable and we don't really like it that much and and you know we're not
10:09
thinking in that moment thank goodness that I that the that the the decision to speed didn't cause an accident that hurt
10:15
or harmed someone else or myself correct and and the potential collateral and so they are protecting us even though it
10:21
doesn't feel that way when you get in trouble but it's also very clear there's signs everywhere to tell us what we need
10:27
to do to maintain abs absolutely and you think about talk about maintaining safety and being accountable and you
10:33
know some of us learn this the hard way but even going hiking in Arizona take
10:39
making responsible actions right because if you are not responsible and you don't bring enough water let's say or you
10:46
don't know your path that you're supposed to stay on you could be putting a first responder's life in jeopardy and
10:53
you don't think about that when it's just you and a friend going out for a hike or you and your spouse or something
10:58
like that you don't think of the Grave consequences that could happen if if you are not in the best physical condition
11:05
or if you need help from a first responder right tell us a little bit more about a personal story that really
11:14
preempted your role in The 100 Club and and everything that you do for us as a
11:19
community now and for that Community specific if you don't mind I started my
11:25
professional career as a special agent for the federal government and it was a wonderful decade that I spent and during
11:30
that time I had met a wonderful gentleman who I in turn married who was a police officer a firefighter and a
11:37
paramedic um just one guy not three uh and we got married and it was wonderful
11:42
and beautiful but I was working in the field of law enforcement and as was he but also in the fire service because he
11:48
was working on a rescue helicopter for the State of Arizona and an an
11:54
unfortunate turn of events he happened to be doing a rescue of two lost and
11:59
dehydrated stranded hikers up on bare mountain in Sedona and during that rescue he was fatally
12:06
wounded and it was a situation that was very unique it was truly an accident and
12:13
it changed the course of obviously my life and my children's life and the life of those First Responders that were very
12:20
close to the situation or witnessed that tragedy so can we just pause right there
12:27
for a second because I think that most people you know you're so poised I know that you've done so much therapy to move
12:33
through your personal experience and I'm sure it's still haunts you in ways that
12:39
that we could not understand not having been through such a tragedy personally but I think that it it Bears
12:46
note for people to just take a moment and think about that you know he went to work one day and he didn't come home and
12:53
it changed the life of your children and of you in in a way that you never saw
13:00
coming and and and couldn't possibly plan for no I didn't even worry right you know many spouses of law enforcement
13:07
or fire they worry you know oh what if they don't come home well you were in badassery yourself so you had your own
13:13
you had your own compartmentalization skill set going and and of course and there's this old TV show I joke about it
13:20
a little bit but it I don't know if anybody remembers it's called ER so it is a med might still be on I hope so I
13:27
love it I don't know why I don't watch it anymore but it's a medical drama trauma kind of show and I remember there
13:33
was one episode where I used to force my husband to sit next to me on the couch because I loved it and he's like this
13:38
isn't real it doesn't really happen like that and I'm like I understand just sit here and listen watch with me and and it
13:44
happened to be an episode where a helicopter came in and landed um on top of the he on top of the hospital and the
13:51
chief of surgery came running out and he got too close to the tail roader and it
13:57
took off his arm just like like that and I went and I looked over at my spouse and he goes never going to
14:05
happen and that was it that was that moment and from that I I never thought about it again yeah cuz never going to
14:11
happen and the situation of course that uh ultimately followed that was he was struck by the helicopter rotor blade not
14:18
the tail rotor but the top rotor um during this rescue so again a fruit a
14:24
complete fluke right that no one would have ever imagined especially those that were the pilot they were that close to
14:32
it you know the individuals that he rescued one of them was an ER nurse for almost three decades and they just they
14:39
were also so surprised that the situation could occur but as a result of that you know there was another
14:46
individual a colleague that was asked to do the unthinkable and that Unthinkable
14:51
was to go up to the top of that mountain and put his friend in a body bag and he did it without question so a friend a
14:59
colleague someone who a true peer and he did it but that's a burden he had to
15:05
carry and he had to carry it for a long time and in a beautiful way he did it in
15:12
a he was an honor guard right he was an honor guard representative so he always looked shiny the badge is shiny the
15:17
boots are shiny and everything was really really outwardly um perfect the pump and circumstan yes if you can
15:24
imagine yeah and every 3 weeks after the accident he called and checked on me almost like clockwork wow I was so
15:30
fascinated because I was like well that's really nice of you and you know he had his own struggles and all these things were going on and you know there
15:36
was a spous well not a spouse actually like baby mama and then there was the ex- baby mama you know it's just one of
15:41
those things and um Financial concerns and so we talked every three weeks for
15:48
almost two years and he did not show up to the annual hike that we hold in honor
15:55
of my late husband uh on year number two he said he had called though and we had this terrible reception situation with
16:02
the cell phone and he was like Hey an I just wanted to check on you and the kids sorry I can't be there I always wanted
16:08
to go see the EMS Memorial I go hey it's no big deal fine totally great you know
16:15
thanks for calling and and he's like what have you been up to and I said well actually I just started helping The 100
16:21
Club to develop a suicide awareness program for Public Safety and he goes you you
16:27
what I said so I'm working on this suicide awareness program for you know police and fire and he goes you
16:35
you I'm sorry we have a terrible connection and I could hear him loud and
16:41
clear and he said take care anch and he hung up the phone and two so it was two years and 5
16:49
days to the date of my husband's accident that he took his own life he already had a
16:57
plan I I am not saying that it was the idea of having to go up and put a friend
17:03
a peer an individual colleague into a body bag that was the precipice
17:09
precipice for that but I will say that that cumulative piece the stressors
17:14
Financial stressors relationship stressors you know stressors of having children and the dynamic that that
17:21
proposes combined with all of the calls that cumulative peace can be a burden
17:28
that some can't can't imagine carrying I just I I just can't imagine and and the
17:34
vicarious trauma that he experienced and and probably trying to minimize his
17:40
experience of it because he wasn't the one that died right and at the same time not being able to get you know the
17:47
images and the thoughts and all of that out of his head and that it's just it's an impossible thing to imagine we'll
17:53
never know and and you know you now you know lose two people to this accident
17:59
mhm and um and because of decisions that community members make un you know they
18:05
didn't plan that no and there wasn't any planning and people are you know it won't happen to me so I'm going to go
18:10
for this hike on a hot day and I'm not going to bring enough water and the other part is is we see two deaths
18:17
associated with that luckily there weren't more right okay the pilot was fine the hikers were okay that we know
18:23
of that we know of and that's the other side of it that I think about all of the
18:28
relationships that have dissolved oh yeah of those individuals that were the closest to himh so
18:36
divorce challenges just moving forward I me forever moving forward because your
18:42
perspective just as a human is affected right and what was once no big
18:48
deal now was a huge deal and that's a lot to navigate what are some of the things that you've done to just work
18:55
through and and move through your own experience of that trauma for for viewers who don't really understand that
19:02
there could be another side like you can get through these travesties and get to the other side what are things that you
19:09
have done and and continue to do I imagine to help you be resilient I mean obviously the giving back with the 100
19:16
Club yes you know it's mine is a little less traditional in that I have a
19:22
significant gratitude practice and if I'm ever in a place where I'm like okay this is tough I going to try to give to
19:29
others I'm going to try to do go the extra mile and write a thank you note or
19:34
go engage somebody that I haven't talked to in a long time just to have conversation to just kind of breathe life back into where you are um but
19:43
again trying to figure out how to just simply make it better for the next not that there was a problem or there were
19:49
challenges that were really overwhelming but making sure that if you do come
19:54
across something that you think can be improved upon then do that and I say do that
20:00
so when the accident had happened you know DPS was great they showed up at my
20:06
house and they sat down with me every single morning and helped me plan and being in my mid-30s and having two
20:13
little kids I never imagined in my wildest dreams I'd be planning a funeral for their father for my spouse but DPS
20:21
accompanied me every single morning but for some reason I became very laser focused laser focused on our health
20:28
Insurance because he we carried it through his employer so I asked them every morning I'm like you know are
20:35
benefits okay like our insurance they're like oh it's fine it's fine that was Tuesday morning he was killed on a
20:40
Monday afternoon Wednesday morning I just asked the same question I don't know why sometimes you're in a fog sure
20:47
but well you're just starting to look at what can I control what can I do 100% so
20:53
I kept asking the question while on Friday morning there was a new person in the room and I asked the same question and they said yeah as I'm sorry it's the
20:59
end of the pay period I'm like I'm sorry what like it's just over like there's no
21:04
health insurance like my son loves to defy gravity at every opportunity he has
21:10
a sounds like he may not come by that apples and trees you know go that's true that's true yeah and to this day it
21:15
could be dirt bikes it could be anything you name it this kid oh I love him but gez so uh I just was in complete
21:23
disbelief that they would turn off our insurance and then having to go to COBRA at $1,900 a month and how hard that was
21:29
so I said you know we're going to fix this and they go they got a little scared they're like oh no there's nothing you know a widow who's hurt and
21:36
passionate and whatever stay out of her way yeah exactly well it took almost two years but we were able to pass some
21:42
legislation known as Harold's law after my late husband that allows families to
21:47
continue to participate in the uh Insurance option that's offered by their respective agency if there's a line of
21:54
duty death W so it it is an that is my example in that you can take the tragedy
22:00
that you're experiencing or the challenge or adversity that you face take that adversity and use it to
22:06
empower you to make it better for the next we call that the meaning making phase and and and truthfully that comes
22:12
usually a little bit later than right after you know right following the aftermath of whatever the tragedy is
22:18
because there's all of those uh experience I mean you know we turn into a human doing often times to get out of
22:25
the uh feeling and being and so it did did the experience of what happened to
22:32
you from that emotional Place aside from shock and doing did that happen before you went into action or did it happen
22:38
after because it really happens to all of us I would say you just alluded to
22:44
your trying to control something when all of a sudden nothing is you know you realize that you're really not in
22:49
control um I became overly concerned about safety for my kids like I needed
22:55
to have the safest car right it is I'm not going to lose another person yeah
23:00
I'm going to figure out how to protect this nucleus because I didn't Focus as much on it previously which I'm glad
23:07
sure because that would dress rehearsing tragedy doesn't prevent it from happening no it gives us it gives us an outlet to
23:14
deal with our anxiety but it doesn't actually prevent anything right so I would say you know you said human doing
23:21
versus human being and I was like oh that's cute I've never heard that before but it's so accurate it's so true so I
23:26
just was again trying to broad broadly focus on how can I help others to not
23:33
have to experience what I'm experiencing but then later leaning in even more
23:38
significantly into the 100 Club to be able to provide guidance and create connection with our surviving family
23:45
members but I also have an interesting perspective in that from a line of duty death family member I know how they will
23:53
be taken care of and or how they won't right but I also see personally those
23:58
that are suffering from injuries or other catastrophic situations or other familial situations how they don't get
24:06
what they need how they don't get the attention the focus the help we provide
24:12
the financial support and we also offer all of the wellness and you know therapeutic support through many many
24:19
different modalities we provide that financial support to make sure that they can help themselves so so when you say
24:25
that like say more about what that means so for example under the programs that
24:31
we offer we offer support for line of duty death non-line of Duty death all of
24:36
the injuries that they are you know encounter while at work and when you say injuries can you expand because people
24:42
minimize their injuries especially this population and their family members they
24:47
just do you know they're they're Supreme minim minimizer and deniers of unpleasant feelings I mean they the best
24:54
group at that and then one of the pieces is is it a physical injury or is at a mental health related injury Andor
25:00
concern and we facilitate Andor help with both okay so if it's a physical injury and often they go hand in hand
25:07
and that's such an interesting thing because they don't realize that so we have to remind them that yes I
25:13
understand that you know maybe you were shot and now you're going through some significant Physical Therapy surgeries
25:20
that takes you out of work and now you cannot because of your injury in your sh
25:26
you can't use your shoulder or whatever ever the case is which means you can't draw your weapon or you can't lift a
25:33
gurnie you are now remanded to your home or you can't mow your lawn right you're
25:38
remanded to your home and even though we've got you and we're checking on you and all that kind of stuff you are
25:44
inherently isolated even if you're with your own family and you're now helpless where before you could run run in and do
25:50
be the person and now you actually need help yes and that's a really hard transition for people who are are the
25:58
helpers and the fixers I mean it's really hard that powerlessness is avoided at all cost and the truth of the
26:04
matter is they are powerless when they're healing from something like that and it does a number on them emotionally
26:11
and um with their mental health and they and they minimize that too they do so we can start with supplying that financial
26:18
support to them and we do that on a monthly basis we even $500 a month as a supplement so that they can do the things that they need to do because they
26:24
have a loss of pay obviously with you know premium pays or time or whatever the case is but along that way during
26:31
those simple $500 checks every month we're able to lay eyes on them and then
26:37
we can offer additional resources and those are generally speaking related to mental health support so it can be
26:43
entrylevel therapy in counseling to EMDR to inpatient outpatient to ketamine
26:49
treatment or a Stell gangan block whatever that modality is that they need
26:55
we want to give them the opportunity to consider consider it because there isn't a quick fix or a One-Stop shop kind of
27:01
situation you might have to try a few different things to make sure you find something that works for you and
27:07
depending on the histories that might take a lot longer I mean my experience working with First Responders is they're
27:13
not choosing that line of work for nothing no they're choosing that line of work because someone didn't help them or
27:19
someone they love growing up and they have a history of needing to adapt to switch that in their lives and they need
27:26
to go and do something and make a difference and so they typically have a history of helplessness and and or of
27:33
not having people there for them when they need and they want to go be those people and so those moments of
27:38
helplessness are then exacerbated in their experiences because they have a
27:44
lot of them typically before they even become First Responders yes and First Responders need our help we are their
27:50
backup and that's the one thing I think the community can do and your listeners can do is is be their backup say thank
27:56
you and appreciate them so when you think about the just overall impact of
28:03
what you know the detriment of mental health and I don't think it's if it's when with First Responders you know this
28:09
is a big topic for us to continue to unpack and I I I think that this is a great start and I'm so glad that you're
28:15
here I look very forward to us continuing this conversation in a part two but I mean we still have to talk
28:21
about the Betrayal trauma that that people experience from their Band of Brothers we've got to talk about
28:28
proactive versus reactive response so that we're not chasing down things when
28:33
they've already gotten so bad we've got to talk about the extent to which this
28:39
this uh trauma for a first responder has a collateral effect on their family and everything else so and we've got to talk
28:46
about how the community views First Responders and you know a bit of the bad press that that police officers are
28:52
getting and why are they getting that bad press and what it's really about so we have so much more to talk about related can't
28:58
I'm so excited I feel like we could do this for the whole day and never get done and just chop it into like six
29:04
shows but but I just can't thank you enough for um for being here and for
29:09
your your vulnerability and sharing your story with us and and then for just how
29:15
you have made meaning out of the work that you've done and taken all of those experiences to help other families that
29:21
have been unfortunate and bless them with potential connection and community
29:26
and resources so Angela truly I I am you're a gift to this community I'm so
29:31
grateful to have gotten to know you and thank you so much for being here well I've been truly honored and I look forward to coming back likewise I'm so
29:38
so excited so uh make sure that you tune in for our second episode that'll drop
29:43
in a couple of months but uh thank you so much for tuning in uh we're going to leave resources in the comments below to
29:50
contact The 100 Club uh you don't have to go through your departments if you're a first responder you can go directly to
29:56
them a lot of people are concerned about that so I want to make sure you know that about their resources and um they
30:02
really just are a tremendous organization and really here for you as a first responder or a Community member
30:08
and that and that means you can share this information if you're hearing this and you know a first responder that that
30:14
could benefit from these Services really do reach out that's what we're talking about they need to not have this happen in a silo we need to be there for them
30:20
as they are for us so thank you so much for tuning in today I hope you found this useful and helpful and until we
30:27
meet again don't forget to lead with love it'll never steer you wrong
30:35
[Music]
#Anxiety & Stress
#Counseling Services