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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! This episode features a conversation about the broader experiences of new motherhood. The dialogue covers themes such as hormonal shifts, mood changes, and postpartum experiences. Kelly and Ratna delve into the challenges faced by new mothers, including the overwhelming feelings of love towards the newborn and the complexities surrounding the choice of breastfeeding. The conversation offers a general exploration of the various emotional and practical aspects associated with becoming a new mother.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
hi everyone I'm Kelly ooro and this is
0:09
adaptable Behavior explained welcome
0:12
everybody thank you for joining us today
0:15
for our show uh this is also part of our
0:18
series a counselor Cafe where I host and
0:21
talk to other counselors about topics
0:24
that plague all of us as humans and
0:26
mental health conditions and hopefully
0:29
validate and Norm Alize these
0:30
experiences and give you some resources
0:32
should you need them today I'm excited
0:34
to be doing part three of our new Mom
0:37
episode and I have with me here rotna
0:39
Gala who is a fantastic EMDR therapist
0:43
that works for infinite healing and
0:44
wellness our company and a new mom and
0:47
brings all sorts of authentic awesome
0:50
information to the table for us as uh
0:53
for new moms and for those of you who
0:55
haven't seen the First episodes of this
0:58
series The Parenting new mom series
0:59
series uh I am a mom I have five kids I
1:02
have a blended family it's colorful and
1:05
my youngest who is my only biological
1:07
child um is 22 so we bring different
1:10
aspects to this this show so if you
1:13
didn't watch Parts one and two please go
1:15
back and do that it'll make a lot more
1:16
sense if you do and today we're going to
1:19
talk about a few things related to after
1:22
you've had the baby and all of the uh
1:25
experiences that we can touch on that
1:28
happened to so many new moms so let's
1:30
talk let's just dive in and talk about
1:32
it so um like the first thing I want to
1:35
talk about is hormonal shifts and the
1:39
mood changes that happen after we have a
1:41
baby so want to kick us off yeah oh my
1:43
gosh I don't think
1:45
anything could have prepared me for that
1:49
right I mean I don't think anything
1:50
could have prepared me for any part of
1:52
becoming a mom but I was just especially
1:56
as a therapist right I think I was
1:58
really surprised by just the major
2:02
hormonal shift that happens right you're
2:05
pumped up with all these hormones during
2:07
pregnancy and then it's just gone right
2:11
and I felt like I didn't even know
2:17
myself wow right early on I was just I
2:21
just didn't even understand who I was
2:24
because I was the way that I was acting
2:26
the way that I was thinking feeling is
2:29
just so unlike anything else that I've
2:32
ever experienced previous you yeah yeah
2:36
um and so it's just yeah emotional
2:39
overwhelm I I don't even have words
2:42
other than I completely unexpected you
2:45
think you had you know do you think you
2:46
had postpartum depression or what do you
2:48
think yeah it was like for you if I if I
2:51
were to self- diagnose and I can I'd
2:53
probably I probably diagnosed myself
2:55
with postpartum anxiety okay what's what
2:58
was that like like what does that mean
2:59
to you so for me I was doing all of the
3:03
things you know I had to keep all the
3:06
balls in the air um I had to make sure
3:09
everything was okay and just right and I
3:13
think I was a little bit
3:16
delusional a lot of it delusional when I
3:19
first came home from the hospital um I
3:21
don't know I'm sure it was a hormonal
3:23
shift probably the drugs because of my
3:26
c-section you know cuz it took a while
3:28
for that to get out of your
3:30
oh absolutely but I literally the day I
3:34
came home from the hospital my parents
3:37
my husband they're spending time with my
3:38
son there's pictures of them from that
3:41
day and I am nowhere in those pictures
3:43
you know why because I was going around
3:45
the house still trying to clean still
3:49
trying yeah 100% just having had surgery
3:53
a couple of days prior right I'm walking
3:56
around I'm like picking stuff up off the
3:58
floor I yeah yeah I don't know what
4:00
other word there is for it but delusion
4:03
but that's just I think it really the
4:04
andos to it's the shs and supposed to
4:07
and honestly we just going through such
4:09
a powerless experience that you're
4:11
trying to gain some control over this
4:14
completely new and foreign and chaotic
4:18
experience of being a mom of a newborn
4:20
baby well for you having people around
4:22
you in in your new home after a surgery
4:25
after becoming a new mom and you know
4:28
and and you know I think we discredit
4:29
our husbands are becoming a new dad as
4:31
well yes and that's an entire other
4:34
paradigm shift in our experience you
4:36
know they they don't know what they're
4:37
doing either and we really do bear the
4:40
brunt of most of the responsibility
4:42
because of our biology because we are
4:44
challenged to feed them and everything
4:45
else you know and it's just it's a lot
4:48
definitely and I think even me being so
4:53
overwhelmed um and like settling in
4:55
figuring all of it out um I had done a
4:59
lot of the work in terms of research and
5:01
preparing I mean my husband was right
5:03
along there with me with a lot of it um
5:06
but I think he really relied on me to
5:07
know these things and when I'm dealing
5:10
with whatever I'm dealing with that was
5:12
an incredibly overwhelming experience
5:14
for him to kind of have to step it up
5:17
and figure stuff out and be in this
5:20
really challenging position of taking
5:22
care of me and our son yeah and
5:25
defaulting to wanting to do it the way
5:27
you want it to be done because you're
5:29
the expert as a counselor and you're the
5:31
mom and you're ultimately a bit more on
5:34
the hook for some of the caretaking
5:36
responsibilities just because of how
5:38
we're wired right so that's it it is
5:41
it's just so so much I can say that when
5:44
I first had my son I was still you know
5:46
again parenting my other three alongside
5:50
and I was really concerned about them
5:52
feeling like they didn't matter now that
5:54
we had this baby together because as I
5:57
mentioned in an episode before you know
5:59
and my older three were from my
6:01
husband's first marriage and they had
6:03
had such a tumultuous start that I
6:06
already carried so much guilt and fear
6:08
and responsibility to try to do all of
6:10
the things right to help mediate what
6:12
they'd already been through and what I
6:14
didn't want is for this other child that
6:16
I bring home to become a source of
6:18
resentment or jealousy or Envy or you
6:22
know be the projected problem because
6:24
it's not their fault you know that I
6:26
bring a baby home that I had and I
6:28
hadn't had them and I was really nervous
6:31
and trying to be really cautious so that
6:34
they didn't feel different or separate
6:35
from and so I had that going on and then
6:38
I also didn't want to put him down and I
6:41
thought can you kiss and hold and hug a
6:43
baby too much is it weird like if I
6:45
kissed him thousands of times in one day
6:47
is that going to be a problem you know
6:48
and I didn't know because that's all I
6:50
wanted to do was stare at him and kiss
6:52
him and hold him you know and I just
6:53
couldn't stop I everyone thinks their
6:55
kid is the most beautiful baby in the
6:57
world but I just I was like I'm pretty
6:58
sure I'm actually the one with the most
7:00
beautiful baby in the world you know I
7:02
was just so madly in love oh my gosh
7:05
yeah isn't it just this overwhelming
7:08
feeling of love that I never I don't
7:11
think it's explainable and not to
7:12
minimize those who haven't had a child
7:14
but um I don't think there's another
7:17
Earthly experience that changes us more
7:21
than having a child I mean literally
7:23
there're a part of you yeah you know I
7:25
learned this last year that the cells
7:27
that are in the baby and the cells that
7:30
are in you while you're in gestation
7:32
they travel back and forth so after
7:34
delivery they're literally still in you
7:36
and you're still in them so when we have
7:38
this innate connection where we're like
7:40
I just know I mean I have that more with
7:42
my younger son where I can feel when
7:44
stuff's going on and I'll I'll call him
7:46
hey what's going on you know I can just
7:48
sense that something's up and um my
7:51
husband will tease and he'll say you
7:52
know it's because you guys never cut the
7:54
cord and you know he teases and he he
7:56
claims and meshman and and I'm just like
7:59
you you know probably a degree of that
8:00
was true but there's also just this
8:03
innate I have to care about my Offspring
8:07
like that's my biological responsibility
8:10
and I am super fortunate that I feel
8:12
like that about all of my kids I think
8:14
some moms who adopt or whatever but I've
8:16
had them since they were so little four
8:18
six and eight that not that I don't um
8:22
value that they had experiences before
8:24
me in fact I know that those experiences
8:26
before me very much shaped who they
8:28
became but I'm like those are my kids
8:30
don't you mess with my kids and I feel
8:32
so protective of them in the same way
8:34
that I do of my biological child so you
8:37
know I think that that responsibility as
8:39
a mother if that's how you're wired and
8:42
how you feel about your kids it just
8:45
sprawls you know it doesn't have any
8:47
boundaries about where they are what
8:49
they're doing I mean we worry we care
8:50
about them so let's talk about a bit of
8:53
a controversial conversation
8:56
breastfeeding all right and so for those
8:58
of you who have really strong views on
8:59
this topic I really understand that
9:02
because as a mother who did choose to
9:04
breastfeed I had a lot of before I
9:07
learned more about what can happen and
9:09
why some people choose not to breastfeed
9:11
or or are not able to breastfeed I
9:13
personally had quite a bit of judgment
9:15
because I think that I had some uh for
9:17
those who didn't choose to um because I
9:21
I've done so much reprocessing with
9:22
people on preverbal trauma and I've had
9:25
clients that are that they're they're
9:27
describing they can smell their mom's
9:30
milk and they don't know why their mom
9:31
won't do it and they and they take it so
9:34
very personally and it feels so primally
9:36
interruptive and I think because of my
9:38
own work with clients over the years and
9:40
how much that experience was necessary
9:43
and
9:44
important I'm just like if you have a
9:47
baby you need to choose to breastfeed
9:49
unless there is a you know a
9:51
gravitational reason that you can't
9:53
because they need that connection with
9:55
you and they're so I mean we can talk a
9:57
whole episode on just breastfeeding
9:59
about what our bodies will do and the
10:01
pathogens our bodies creates to protect
10:03
a child's immune system and all of these
10:05
things and so I'm thinking you know when
10:07
and before I understood more about why
10:09
people may not do it um like you have to
10:12
it's your it's your job like don't have
10:14
a kid if you won't do it and so I had a
10:15
really Fierce opinion about it and I
10:18
chose to breastfeed and I'll tell a
10:20
little bit more about that but but can
10:22
you share with our viewers what your
10:24
breastfeeding experience was like
10:26
because honestly you just touched my
10:28
heart so much when you shared with me
10:30
and and it really helped to shift my
10:32
perspective and so do you do you feel
10:34
comfortable talking about that yeah yeah
10:36
um so you know of course they have you
10:38
tried to start in the hospital and I
10:41
don't know if it's cuz I was a new mom
10:44
um it takes a while for your milk to
10:46
come in which I didn't fully understand
10:49
right oh wow that experience in it of
10:51
itself yeah yeah so you know I'm trying
10:54
to I'm trying to breastfeed him it's not
10:56
really working um and then we got to the
11:00
point where his Billy Rubin levels were
11:02
too high and he had to get the blue
11:03
light therapy and so it's like the
11:06
middle of the night 2 300 a.m. in the
11:08
morning the nurse comes in they're like
11:10
we're taking him to the NICU I was
11:15
devastated right um and so when they're
11:19
in that blue light therapy they try to
11:21
keep them under that light for as long
11:23
as possible and they only take them out
11:26
every 2 hours for 30 minutes at most for
11:28
them to be fed I wasn't able to
11:31
breastfeed at that time I was still
11:32
figuring it out I certainly wasn't
11:34
efficient enough to get him the milk
11:36
that he needed to get it out of his
11:38
system because basically what they do is
11:39
they pump them with milk so that they
11:41
poop out they're Flem yes they're
11:44
flushing it out of his system and so in
11:47
order to make that efficient they just
11:50
bottle feed right we had to make the
11:52
hard decision that at the hospital we
11:53
were going to bottle feed and then keep
11:55
trying for breastfeeding but they use
11:58
these nipp that are just ridiculous you
12:00
flip them over and it's like a faucet
12:03
right and so of course that's what he's
12:06
going to want of course he's going to
12:08
become accustomed to not having to work
12:10
out it do yeah the way he learned that
12:13
eating is effortless right right and so
12:16
you know the time that he was in the
12:17
hospital we I continued to try to pump
12:20
nothing I was getting nothing and we had
12:23
to you know we had to feed him somehow
12:25
so he's getting bottle fed at the
12:27
hospital continue to to try when we were
12:29
back home and it just wasn't happening
12:32
for us he couldn't latch um I worked
12:35
with a lactation consultant that came
12:38
and tried to help us and he started to
12:40
latch but this was like a month in oh my
12:43
gosh and at that point because we hadn't
12:46
gotten him to latch for so long um my
12:50
milk supply had just really taken a hit
12:53
I was like pumping all hours of the day
12:56
he got to a point where he was sleeping
12:57
somewhat solid at night and I was still
13:00
waking up middle of the night he's
13:02
sleeping I'm awake trying to pump and I
13:05
was just miserable and exhausted and
13:08
it's like you know the whole point is
13:10
that you want this connection I mean not
13:12
just that they're getting this you know
13:14
the the perfectness of our breast milk
13:16
but also like the touch and the dopamine
13:19
and the oxytocin and all the things for
13:21
their co-regulation and everything that
13:23
we know as attachment Specialists that
13:25
babies really get from that and you know
13:27
what we get it too yes when we so you
13:29
must have felt so devastated that you're
13:31
over here
13:32
like with your breast pum and like
13:35
baby's asleep that made it so much worse
13:38
like being just hooked up to this
13:40
machine you know and it's so mechanical
13:43
and like took everything out of me it
13:47
really did and so how long did you do
13:49
that for before you were just like this
13:50
issh like two months oh for two months
13:54
like up all night baby sleeps through it
13:56
you're not getting that touch that
13:58
reinforcement all those hormones that
13:59
are beautiful that we get from
14:01
breastfeeding yeah I'm so sorry that you
14:04
went through that I would yeah I would
14:05
just keep trying and I was like tracking
14:07
and just every week I would see it
14:09
depleting right my Supply yeah and my
14:12
husband was finally just like
14:16
listen you know how long are you going
14:18
to keep doing this cuz the part too that
14:21
was really hard for me is I would be my
14:23
husband went back to work after a month
14:26
I was home alone with my son he would be
14:29
napping whatever he would be crying and
14:31
I would be hooked up to this pump and
14:33
I'm like do I stop do I go get like do I
14:35
just carry it with me because I had one
14:37
of the portable ones like you know and I
14:39
was saying to my husband you know I feel
14:42
like this is almost keeping me from
14:44
being the mom that I want to be right
14:47
cuz you have this thing you have to do
14:49
in order to just manage the physiology
14:51
of the milk supply right and so I'm like
14:53
I want to be able to not have to think
14:55
twice and just go pick him up right when
14:58
he's when he needs me and at that point
15:00
was he latching some or was it just
15:02
you're basically pumping to bottle he
15:04
was latching some but he was still
15:05
taking a full feed of formula so I'm
15:07
like he's working so hard and really not
15:10
getting what he needs so you'd
15:11
breastfeed and then you'd have to top
15:13
him off yes oh my go and top off meaning
15:15
like a whole meal right gosh and so you
15:19
know I I finally had to make the call
15:22
that for my mental well-being and for me
15:26
to show up and be the kind of that I
15:29
always saw myself being that this was
15:32
something that I had to just you
15:35
know I just had to make the decision
15:37
that it was time to stop you know and
15:39
that he was going to be okay right thank
15:41
you for for for sharing that like I said
15:44
I there are you know there are people
15:46
that say I just am not doing it you know
15:48
I can remember when I was breastfeeding
15:50
and there's generational things too and
15:51
stigma you know so when I was
15:53
breastfeeding my husband was from the
15:54
east coast and we were in Rhode Island
15:56
and we went to visit his grandmother and
15:58
I'm breastfeeding my son and she's just
16:01
like what are you doing I'm like I'm
16:03
breastfeeding she goes with disgust you
16:06
know because for her it meant that's
16:08
poor socioeconomic status and only the
16:10
poor people choose to breastfeed and
16:12
this is isn't that interesting so it was
16:14
just again it was like cognitive
16:16
dissonance and what's true and right for
16:18
a child I mean we are there's like a
16:20
bazillion benefits of breastfeeding for
16:22
our CH for our children and so um so I
16:25
mean I was like shamed in the other
16:26
direction that I had chosen that and and
16:28
also the other piece of you should go
16:30
somewhere and hide because we don't want
16:32
to see that and I never I never adopted
16:35
that thinking I was just like they don't
16:37
like it they can leave because this is
16:38
what I'm meant to do now I'm not just
16:40
sitting there boob out I mean I did
16:41
throw a blanket over me but I think high
16:43
five to all the women that don't give a
16:45
crap and they just do it because you
16:46
know what that's what it really should
16:48
be like we should be able to not be
16:50
shamed at all for feeding our child and
16:52
I had mixed feelings I'm walking through
16:54
the airport and I see they've got like a
16:56
breastfeeding station and I was like do
16:58
we want to continue to reinforce that
17:00
you need to go hide to do this but then
17:03
I thought you know what people have all
17:04
different perspectives on it and some
17:06
people don't feel comfortable and so
17:07
maybe they would opt not to feed their
17:08
child because they're in a public place
17:10
so then I I but I went back and forth
17:12
with the idea of even having to go into
17:14
this sequestered space to breastfeed you
17:17
know because it shouldn't be something
17:18
that that Society thinks we should do we
17:21
should do it wherever the heck you need
17:22
to do it cuz who the heck cares this is
17:24
like a beautiful natural experience so
17:27
babies need to eat yeah yeah so yeah I
17:30
just think there's so much that they
17:32
don't warn us about with breastfeeding I
17:34
mean you remember when your milk came in
17:36
in the first place I was home and I was
17:39
just
17:40
like you know I was a pretty small
17:43
chested person and this milk comes in
17:45
and I'm just like what happened with
17:48
these cantaloupes on my and they hurt so
17:51
bad you know and my husband was like
17:52
whoa that's awesome I'm like don't you
17:54
dare touch because it hurts so bad and
17:56
I'm in the shower trying to like get
17:58
some of it out because it was so painful
18:00
and you know trying to get the latching
18:02
and everything it was just it was so
18:04
hard can I just say though the whole
18:07
latching thing I wish that I knew more
18:10
about how important that was cuz
18:12
literally when I had the lactation
18:14
consultant come over and she got him to
18:16
latch I went and took a shower and I
18:19
literally had to come running out of the
18:20
shower and put on the things that like
18:22
catch your milk because once he latched
18:24
it was just like body nose oh here we go
18:27
I mean I wish that kept up for me but
18:29
you know I was just like amazed at how
18:32
instantaneous that can be when you get
18:34
that well and I think it's so important
18:36
to ask for help because you know the the
18:39
fact that it has to be such a wider
18:40
mouth than you would think you know you
18:42
think it's just the nipple or whatever
18:43
and and you don't know what you don't
18:45
know and so it hurts so freaking bad I
18:47
mean I remember I called it when you
18:48
first would get latched on I called it
18:51
the razor blood razor razor blade uh
18:53
phase because it was like I would just
18:57
grip and hold on to something until that
18:59
shifted because it hurts so stinking bad
19:01
and I I feel like that happened for me
19:03
for at least two months before it
19:05
stopped being excruciatingly painful you
19:08
know and then it's never mind the
19:10
infections that happen to so many women
19:12
because it's always moist it's like
19:13
there's a yeast infection so now you can
19:15
only use this boob and like all these
19:17
things they don't talk about that are
19:18
just really painful so I have to say
19:21
that I am really grateful that I stuck
19:23
it out it was hard he only um breastfed
19:26
for 6 months I really did have the goal
19:28
for a year but he was so bored with me
19:31
and and I I had a hard time getting away
19:33
from the activity of three brothers and
19:35
all he wanted to do was watch them so
19:37
I'd have him latch and he's like you
19:39
know he'd stop I mean he just wouldn't
19:41
stay interested and so even though I
19:43
really wanted him to stay he just
19:45
wouldn't he didn't stay he was just like
19:48
this is too boring I have stuff to do
19:49
and honestly that is ink kind with who
19:51
he is today I mean if it's boring he's
19:53
out you know he's just like not
19:54
interested and so I was disappointed for
19:57
that I felt like I had failed
19:58
I felt like I had let myself in him down
20:00
that I was doing something wrong and of
20:02
course that chicken egg thing right so
20:04
the breast milk you know he's
20:06
disinterested and so he doesn't eat as
20:08
much and so then the milk decreases and
20:10
all of that stuff so it and I introduced
20:12
Foods you know rice cereal back then is
20:14
what the the thing was you know do that
20:16
first now I know there's all these other
20:18
ways to feed and we've learned so much
20:20
but I just think that it's so important
20:22
that we talk about it that we ask for
20:26
help that we that we normalize all the
20:29
different things and then you know if
20:31
you are someone who wants to breastfeed
20:34
and you're feeling like you can't
20:36
because you know your own attachment
20:38
trauma you know I've met people who they
20:40
can't do it because it overwhelms their
20:42
nervous system so much because it's so
20:44
intimate and they can't handle the
20:45
intimacy you know that is stuff we can
20:47
reprocess with the MDR therapy so that
20:50
you can move through that so that it's
20:52
that you can still choose because
20:53
otherwise you're dealing with the shame
20:55
and the feeling like you've let the baby
20:56
down and all those other things and
20:58
there's just a there's just a block
21:00
because of your own nervous system so
21:02
that's something we can work through so
21:04
so one more thing that we've got to
21:06
touch on before we wrap this series up
21:08
on being a new mom is the impact to our
21:11
our bodies and also our relationships so
21:14
what do you have to say about about
21:16
first you know the impact to your body
21:18
oh man I just remember looking in the
21:21
mirror
21:23
and I was just like this is this is not
21:27
my body
21:29
well what is going on here right um and
21:32
what was really weird to me that was
21:34
that there were like parts of my body
21:36
that my husband had seen and how they
21:38
had invol evolved that I hadn't even
21:41
seen and then when I finally could like
21:43
you know delivery and everything right
21:46
right and um so yeah it's just it's such
21:49
a journey right as far as and when you
21:52
talk about that
21:53
relationship change right not just with
21:55
your partner but even with yourself and
21:57
who you are as a
21:59
person um and finding your new self new
22:03
identity yeah yeah and trying to find
22:06
Grace for yourself for the gift that
22:07
your body has given you know you and
22:10
that you've produced a whole entire
22:12
human and and that there's there's a
22:15
pretty significant cost to the wear and
22:17
tear on the vessel that is the mom body
22:19
and I think that we have so many social
22:22
expectations around what that's supposed
22:24
to look like I can remember my stomach
22:26
had gone down and I was like okay this
22:28
is recoverable like I feel that it's not
22:31
the worst thing in the world and I
22:32
couldn't still get my pants done because
22:34
my hips hadn't come back in like what's
22:37
going on calling friends oh it takes
22:39
like a whole year before your hips go
22:40
back in from the expansion I'm like geez
22:42
this just never ends you know what I did
22:45
what I just bought new pants that was
22:47
probably smart we were so poor I did not
22:49
even have Mone to buy new pants but I
22:50
like I like just did it cuz even that I
22:52
haven't even really wanted to buy
22:54
clothes or deal with any of that because
22:55
my body is so different and then finally
22:57
I was like
22:58
it's just where we are new pants okay
23:01
fine new pants new size it's all okay
23:03
right I appreciate you saying that um
23:06
and and what about the relationship you
23:08
know we talked about our husbands are
23:10
new at this too they're a new dad uh for
23:12
some of us you know in my case he had
23:14
already had three but he's a different
23:16
person as he matures and evolves and
23:18
grows and so he's a different dad with
23:21
number four than he was with the first
23:23
three I'm sure and and so what was it
23:26
like for you as a new in a new Dynamic
23:30
of your coupleship yeah I think just
23:33
figuring out the new dance right there's
23:37
so much more to do there's so much more
23:39
to think about right there were maybe so
23:42
many things that we were used to doing
23:46
just you know for each other and we had
23:48
F found our dance cuz we were married
23:50
for about a year almost two years before
23:53
we had our son um and so you know it's
23:56
just everything is new again you have to
23:59
figure it all out all over and they're
24:02
growing pains to that the communication
24:04
is so critical I think and I know that
24:06
my husband and I we're we're hitting
24:08
about 25 years now and I know our
24:10
communication was just so much worse
24:13
back then and there was so much I still
24:15
was uh afraid to say or would avoid
24:17
saying because I didn't want to disrupt
24:20
or I wanted to please him and I wanted
24:22
to make sure he was okay I was so
24:25
worried about his okayness all of the
24:27
time and when you think about the
24:29
sacrifice of of all the things that
24:30
you're going through as a mom uh I don't
24:33
think I gave myself permission to say
24:36
things like you know I'm not in the mood
24:39
I have been breastfeeding all day long I
24:41
am exhausted I am dealing with raising
24:44
all these other kids I don't have
24:46
capacity to to make sure I take care of
24:49
you with intimacy or sex and so I
24:52
probably put my own needs aside at times
24:55
during those early you know months
24:58
because I because you're supposed to you
25:00
know a good wife does this and so I
25:02
think that's a huge piece and then also
25:04
for me it was also the being vulnerable
25:07
and intimate and I looked so different
25:10
and the noise in my head about he
25:12
doesn't really want to be having sex
25:14
with me like can we please turn the
25:15
lights off like he can see I can see
25:17
this like this is not what it used to
25:19
look like you know and that took a while
25:21
for me to feel comfortable again and and
25:23
then to to get whatever my body was
25:26
going to be back after baby's to get
25:28
that so that I could return to feeling
25:30
confident so know that was a big deal
25:32
for me yeah I think a a piece of that
25:34
too is just that feeling of being so
25:37
touched
25:38
out you know oh my gosh the groping I'm
25:41
like you have got to leave my boobs
25:42
alone they are Factory only like this is
25:44
a factory now we're not even here for
25:47
the like all business all the time you
25:49
know and that's disappointing for them
25:51
or even the simple stuff of like I I
25:53
remember one day early on having to just
25:56
hold my son pretty much the entire day
25:59
because that's just what he needed that
26:01
day and um once my husband got home I'm
26:05
kind of like here and nobody touch me
26:07
please for like a good while until I'm
26:10
ready that's totally in any capacity
26:12
totally relatable totally relatable so
26:15
yeah I I think that it's something that
26:17
we really don't want to minimize we want
26:19
to make sure that we honor that you get
26:21
support that you find friends to talk to
26:23
about this because it is such a unique
26:26
experience and often times we feel too
26:28
much shame to to air it out and to be
26:30
authentic or transparent about these
26:32
topics because of all the shs and both
26:33
do so so on that I thank you so much for
26:37
being part of this series as a new mom
26:39
um your son is so lucky to have such a
26:41
rad mom in his quarter and I just want
26:45
to thank you all for tuning into this
26:47
series I know it's such an important
26:48
topic I know we've missed so many things
26:50
about being a new mom like I said and
26:52
stay tuned for future episodes where
26:54
we'll dig in deeper to some of these
26:56
topics but thank you again for being
26:58
present with us we hope that this helped
27:00
you and if you have questions or things
27:03
you want to share in um we'd love to
27:05
hear from you in the comment section
27:06
below and we've got a few resources for
27:09
you if you do need some support and some
27:11
help also in the comments below and so I
27:14
just thank you for tuning in and have
27:16
Grace for yourself if you're a new mama
27:19
and make sure that you lead with love
27:21
because it'll never steer you
27:24
[Music]
27:26
wrong
27:28
[Music]
27:41
you
#Depression
#Women's Health
#Babies & Toddlers