0:00
Or maybe part of the issue is you. You
0:02
don't have the courage to ask for help
0:04
and you struggle with your own sense of
0:07
not wanting to burden others. So all of
0:09
these feelings are really normal. You're
0:11
you're not a normal. Make sure you're
0:13
not alone and that these feelings are
0:15
normal. Make sure you acknowledge these
0:17
feelings. Name what you're feeling. Talk
0:19
about it with someone you love or
0:21
someone that you trust. and and try to
0:24
have moments of normalizing these
0:27
experiences because you know maybe this
0:28
goes on for a long time. And so part of
0:33
you can't do it by yourself. That's
0:35
really hard especially if you were
0:36
formerly a really independent person.
0:38
The other thing is sharing the load is
0:40
necessary. You want to delegate when
0:42
possible. Ask for help from family, from
0:45
friends, from other professionals. this
0:47
can be a marathon. And so, you've got to
0:50
divide and conquer when it comes to this
0:51
because our lives don't just stop when
0:54
we're called to help with a with an
0:56
aging parent. And then, of course, like
0:58
in all relationships, we have to set
1:00
boundaries, internal boundaries,
1:02
external boundaries. We can't do it all.
1:05
And it's okay to say no. It's okay to
1:07
ask for help. It's okay to continue your
1:09
own life. and balancing your own life's
1:13
priorities and delegating to others when
1:16
you need to because I think a lot of
1:18
times what we forget when we're in this
1:20
role is that we matter too. You know,
1:23
we're we're we're prioritizing the needs
1:26
of the of the person who needs our care
1:28
and because it's more dire or it's more
1:32
um stressful or maybe even
1:33
life-threatening, we kind of table our
1:35
own priorities and our own life because
1:38
it seems like it's okay. But if we do
1:40
that for too long, we end up pouring
1:42
from an empty cup. And that is only uh
1:46
something that we can sustain for so
1:47
long. We can't pour from an empty cup.
1:49
We have to rejuvenate our own cup. We
1:51
have to have our own self-care. And so
1:54
again, back to the delegation. It's
1:56
really going to be necessary at times.
1:58
Um use health home health aids. There's
2:01
some adult day programs that might be
2:03
useful. Uh there's respit care. Um
2:07
there's there's all kinds of ways that
2:09
we can en um enlist resources to help us
2:12
balance this. And then of course at the
2:15
crux of all of it is communication.
2:17
You've got to be honest with your family
2:19
about what you can do, what you can't
2:21
do, what you need help with, what
2:22
support looks like. And you've got to
2:24
communicate that. If you don't
2:26
communicate, people don't know what
2:27
you're going through. They can't be
2:29
there for you to be supportive if you
2:31
don't express what it is that you need.
2:33
And so communication is key as in all
2:36
relationships. That is the truth. And
2:38
then we have to look at planning ahead.
2:40
You want to talk about medical power of
2:42
attorney. We want to talk about living
2:44
wills and get those things in order. Uh
2:46
care preferences before there's a
2:48
crisis. What do people want done when
2:51
they do pass? What are their after um
2:53
life wishes? And how do we make sure we
2:55
can get those things set up so that
2:57
we're not dealing with that at the same
3:01
So, uh, I had a client that talked to me
3:04
about hiring a part-time caregiver so
3:06
that she could keep her job and still
3:09
care for her dad. And she felt really
3:11
guilty at first, but as soon as she
3:13
realized that delegating allowed her to
3:16
just show up with more patience and more
3:17
love and more kindness rather than the
3:20
frustration and the resentment over
3:22
having to be not just the um, caretaker,
3:25
but also the daughter. um she was
3:27
actually able to be more kind when she
3:30
was, you know, with with her parent. So,
3:33
um, it's important to remember that
3:34
you're doing the best you can in an
3:37
impossibly hard situation. And
3:39
perfection can't be the goal because
3:41
there's no such thing as the perfection.
