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I'm Kelly O'Horo, your host. I am an
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EMDR therapist and super passionate
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about helping people understand why we
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behave the way that we do and that's
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what this show is all about. Today we're
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going to be talking about a topic that I
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have never met a single person that
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doesn't struggle with and that's
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boundaries, but more importantly the
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nuances between kind of what our friend
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calls the foreseeable crisis and how do
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we navigate when do we step in and help?
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when do we pull back because it's
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someone else's journey to learn about
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and how do we determine you know what
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are we going to do to figure this out.
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So every single relationship that people
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have struggle with this whether it's a
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partner a friend one of your kids uh or
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in my case clients they struggle with
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this. How do we balance giving someone
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autonomy while offering support to them
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and what's too much? What's considered
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enabling? How do we manage the
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boundaries around when someone we care
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about is in a crisis? If you've ever
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felt torn about this, then you're
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certainly not alone. I feel like this
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all the time. I love a lot of people. I
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care about a lot of people. I have a
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very big family. And this is an area
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that I find myself challenged with on
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the regular. And so, if you're noticing
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this about yourself, you are certainly
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not alone. And if you ever feel torn
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between this, you know, do I insert
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myself or and help or do I step back and
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just let somebody struggle? And if I do,
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do I struggle with guilt around setting
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these limits for myself? This show is
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going to help you because it's really a
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tricky thing to navigate. And we're not
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really ever refined at it perfectly.
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I've never met anyone who just gets this
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right all the time because we're we're
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not robots. We're humans. We care about
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people. We don't want to watch people
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struggle. And we want to make sure that
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we can set people up to have some
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autonomy and to make their choices and
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then to have the awesome opportunity to
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learn from the consequences that they
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have. And so when we think about
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autonomy, it's really the ability to
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make your own choices and then learn
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from them. It's essential for building
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confidence, resilience, and a sense of
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self. When somebody jumps in to take
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care of everything for us, we never
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understand the emotion pride, which
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motivates future behavior, we don't
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build this resilience of falling down
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and failing and needing to get
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resourceful to get back up. And uh I see
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this a lot in in really uh
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overfunctioning parents where they're
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jumping so quickly to solve a problem
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for a child before the child's even had
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a chance to kind of troubleshoot it
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themselves. And I see this taking away
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an opportunity for someone to build that
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resilience, build sense of pride, which
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motivates that future behavior. And when
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someone is given the opportunity to
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develop that sense of self, it's really
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powerful. It helps them to learn and
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lead from their own process and
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ultimately create a lot of skills in
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trouble uh shooting and problem solving
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that oftentimes don't exist if we don't
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have opportunities to make mistakes. And
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so when you think about people who
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struggle with letting someone have an
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opportunity to fall, it can be really
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hard. It can be really hard to watch. I
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know, like I said, I really struggle
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with this. I hate to watch people that I
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love suffer. I want to race to rescue.
