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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! This episode goes over celebrating our 100K milestone and taking you inside the journey with Taylor O’Horo — what it took, what we’ve learned, and what’s next.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
Hi everyone, I'm Kelly O'Horo and this
0:09
is Adaptable Behavior Explained. Hi
0:12
everybody. Welcome to season 3. I'm so
0:14
excited to have you here. I'm Kelly
0:16
O'Horo, your host. And today we're going
0:18
to change it up a little bit because
0:19
we've got a new set. We've got some um
0:22
spicy fun chats to have. I've got with
0:25
me Taylor who is going to ask me some
0:28
questions and she's queued up some
0:31
questions that she wants because the
0:33
audience has asked for more personal
0:36
information, a little bit more
0:37
relatability and some of the feedback
0:39
I've gotten is to kind of change it up a
0:41
little bit. So you ask so we will follow
0:44
through with that. So welcome. Thanks
0:46
for being here.
0:47
>> Okay. What's a moment this year where
0:50
you thought okay I need to take my own
0:52
advice? Oh, that's funny. About once a
0:55
day. But the one that comes up to me
0:57
right now is that whole like having
0:59
balance and being present and not taking
1:02
on too much. And so it's funny cuz
1:05
people will go, "Oh my gosh, it's so
1:06
hard. I'm so sorry that you're going
1:08
through all this." And namely you,
1:09
you're like, "I just feel so bad. I look
1:11
at your calendar and I'm like, I did it
1:13
to my damn self. Like this is not
1:14
anything anyone did to me. I mean, I'm
1:16
I'm an adult. I make my choices." So, I
1:18
would say, you know, being more
1:20
intentional and slowing down is is
1:22
advice I give nearly daily. And I think
1:24
that that's advice that I'm constantly
1:26
trying to take for myself as well. And
1:28
it's that balance between, you know,
1:30
like healthy striving and presence and
1:33
being able to digest like just the
1:34
moment to moment experience of like this
1:37
blessed life that I have.
1:38
>> If you could have any guests alive,
1:41
fictional or historical,
1:42
>> oh my gosh,
1:43
>> who would it be and why would you ask
1:45
them?
1:48
Is it like fang girl status or is it
1:50
like change the world with a really rich
1:53
conversation? I think the answer would
1:54
be a little bit different for both. I've
1:56
got a few people in mind that I'm like I
1:58
would just love to talk with them.
2:00
>> I mean I think that I've always thought
2:03
it would be really amazing to get to sit
2:05
and talk with Obama. I think he's so
2:07
smart and he's so like I got to meet him
2:10
once and he's just so measured and
2:12
present and you know in person was
2:14
apparently really genuine. He just has
2:16
that air about him, just like that
2:17
grounded confidence. But just also the
2:20
exposure that he's had to so many things
2:21
in the world, I think is pretty cool.
2:23
>> Or Michelle.
2:24
>> Yeah, she'd be great.
2:25
>> Super badass. Those would be great. But
2:27
I think from like a mental health
2:29
perspective, there's always been a
2:30
desire. I would love to have Rob Low on
2:32
my show. He wrote a book that really
2:34
normalized mental health when he talked
2:36
about his journey. And I just think that
2:39
he would be such a cool person to talk
2:41
to. and he's so, you know, even and I've
2:44
always thought he was a really cool
2:45
public figure and always like what he
2:47
does. There's so many people. Bnee
2:50
Brown, I mean, if I could get time with
2:52
her, she's just freaking brilliant and
2:54
totally informs so much of how I
2:56
practice and how I speak and, you know,
2:59
just she's just normalized with Call to
3:02
Courage and Atlas of the Heart and all
3:04
the like amazing ways that she has
3:06
revolutionized the concept of mental
3:08
health. I I don't I don't know. The list
3:10
goes on and on about people I would love
3:12
to just like not only do I fan girl, but
3:15
also what I just
3:16
>> What's a fictional character? Is it like
3:18
>> a fictional character?
3:20
>> Joy from inside out.
3:22
>> Joy from That's funny. I don't know
3:24
about a fictional character. That's
3:26
>> not the Lorax.
3:27
>> Definitely. I think Disney would be
3:29
something I would consider. I thought
3:31
when you asked the question like the
3:33
writers of the Pixar movies Inside Out
3:35
one and two, I was like I would love to
3:36
sit and talk with them for sure because
3:38
they are they are like a daily resource
3:40
for clients and and so impactful in the
3:43
work that I do. So that would be dope
3:45
>> for sure.
3:46
>> This one's a good one. What's a hill
3:49
you'll die on that has nothing to do
3:51
with therapy?
3:52
>> Gosh, to not think therapy is so hard
3:54
for me because people like they're like,
3:57
"Oh my gosh, you know you're a
3:58
therapist." I'm like, "No, it's just
3:59
done. It's what I like breathe, think,
4:02
sleep, and human behavior coincides and
4:05
collides with therapeutic concepts. And
4:08
so they're hard to like untether.
4:10
Honestly, I think lately being a
4:13
nurturing mom.
4:14
>> Just being a nurturing mom. It's like
4:16
the most important thing if you are a
4:19
parent, if you are a mother, it's
4:21
literally like the most important thing
4:22
that you can do as you exist on this
4:25
earth because the impact you have if
4:27
you're nurturing, it has such a rippling
4:29
effect. And I just feel like when people
4:31
have a secure attachment, they felt
4:33
loved by their mothers in the world,
4:35
they will make a difference. And I think
4:36
when it comes to like my purpose for
4:38
existence and serving humankind,
4:41
I can't do anything about if you didn't
4:43
have a really good mother. I can try to
4:45
show up and I can teach you about things
4:48
that happen related to trauma, but I
4:49
just think that like the heal I die on
4:51
is it is probably the most important job
4:55
that exists is being a nurturing mother.
4:58
>> 100%. You sound like my lifespan and
5:00
development teacher. Um,
5:03
>> how can the audience be part of the
5:05
conversation with you? I feel like I'm
5:08
hearing comments and questions and
5:10
things like that from our social media
5:12
channels. And I really do try to like
5:14
either create shows or address concepts
5:16
in a show when I get those questions. I
5:19
definitely would would love to have more
5:21
audience engagement. Like what do you
5:23
want to hear about? What do you want to
5:24
learn about? And I can then know I'm I'm
5:26
really speaking directly to the audience
5:28
and I want to do more of that for sure.
5:30
So I would just say like tell me what
5:32
you want to learn and I'll I'm here for
5:34
it. We'll write a show about it or we'll
5:36
get a guest related to that topic. For
5:38
sure.
5:39
>> Yeah. What's a tool or concept you think
5:42
everyone should have in their back
5:43
pocket?
5:44
>> Nothing good happens with impulsivity
5:48
unless it's like a survival moment of
5:50
fight, freeze, flee, and it's like I'm
5:52
in danger and I moved quickly because
5:54
the of the impulsive act of survival.
5:57
But like in any engagement, slow is pro.
6:01
Slowing down for the response. slowing
6:04
down for your decision, slowing down to
6:07
be mindful of intention. I think that
6:10
that is really probably the best advice.
6:13
Like the pause is okay. It's okay to
6:16
have the pause and it's okay to
6:19
think about what it is you want to do.
6:22
And it also shows confidence. Like, I
6:24
don't know, but I'm going to think about
6:25
it. And I think that's good, too.
6:26
>> How do you balance being a therapist,
6:28
creator, business owner, and human
6:30
without losing your mind?
6:32
That's so funny. Well, one day at a
6:35
time, I would say, is like the first
6:37
piece. Not expecting that every area is
6:41
perfect and realizing that, you know,
6:44
being human is part of this whole thing.
6:46
And one of my values is authenticity.
6:48
So, I think it's just like daily
6:50
recognizing what are my tasks for the
6:52
day, what do I need to accomplish so
6:54
that the next thing can be addressed.
6:56
and realizing that balance has got to be
6:59
looked at in every aspect for sure. What
7:02
are you laughing about?
7:03
>> I was like on top of the fact that you
7:05
probably have like five new businesses
7:07
running in your head.
7:08
>> Listen, I'm not going to start any new
7:10
businesses right now. I'm We're good. We
7:12
just need to get the ones we've started
7:13
launched.
7:13
>> Fair enough.
7:15
>> What's something listeners don't see
7:16
that goes into making an episode? I
7:19
think anytime that there's content
7:21
produced that's clearly not like not
7:23
just like from the hip and off the cuff,
7:26
there has to be research, you know, it
7:28
needs to be appropriate. It needs to be
7:31
something that will land with the
7:32
listeners. Um, it needs to be authentic
7:35
and vetted. And so what goes into it is
7:38
like first it's what ideas do I have in
7:41
writing the show and taking the time to
7:42
do that and do it well. And sometimes I
7:45
hit and sometimes I miss. and I still
7:46
can't figure out how to know that
7:48
beforehand. I just go for it. But it's
7:50
also having the support of people like
7:52
Janessa and you that are here for it.
7:54
You're here to help me with the board to
7:56
to be an audience so that I'm not just
7:58
talking to an empty room and although I
8:01
have listeners and and there's just not
8:02
that real-time feedback. And so it's
8:05
really it's kind of a strange concept to
8:07
talk into a camera and be by yourself.
8:09
So I like that I'm with you and we and
8:11
that you chime in here and there and I I
8:13
have an audience. So, I super appreciate
8:15
that and that you're honest with your
8:17
feedback and you tell me when I look
8:18
crazy or I need to not be wearing that
8:20
shirt or whatever it is that I do. And
8:22
then, of course, Janessa, our um you
8:24
know, the producer of the show in the
8:26
background. Like, she's great.
8:27
>> She's got such a good eye. She's got
8:29
great ideas. She works with what we
8:32
have. She fine-tunes audio and and
8:34
video. And, you know, she isn't she's
8:36
responsible for all of the posting and
8:38
everything. So whenever people see it,
8:39
it's because she was back there doing
8:41
all of that because I don't even like
8:43
have Tik Tok. She does such a great job.
8:45
I'm like, "Hey, how are we doing?" I
8:46
don't even know. So I don't even look at
8:48
that stuff. Um I do answer all my
8:50
comments and I do have feedback about
8:52
the comments. So if you do chime in to
8:53
the channel, I I do see it and I um
8:55
respond to all of that myself. So just
8:57
so you know, if you see a response, it's
8:59
it's been seen by me. Yeah, for sure.
9:02
But I think that's really what it is.
9:03
And then the other thing that people may
9:04
not know is you got to bring an on
9:07
stance even when you're not in the mood.
9:09
If we run out of shows and I've got to
9:10
film and I'm like had a hard night or I
9:12
didn't sleep or you know my husband and
9:14
I got in a fight or I'm dealing with
9:16
something stressful with my mom, I still
9:18
have to do that. And so there's a little
9:20
bit of a demand there on just needing to
9:22
have more show presence and not
9:24
disingenuine. I think I even will talk
9:26
about that at times like
9:27
>> but just knowing how to compartmentalize
9:29
a little bit. I was thinking about that
9:30
recently cuz I was watching some like
9:33
news anchor and I was thinking you know
9:34
how hard it would be if you just got
9:36
like serve the most awful news and then
9:38
you had to like go be on the news,
9:41
>> right?
9:42
>> And I just was thinking like I struggle
9:44
cuz I I can't I don't have a good poker
9:46
face. Like you would read it all over
9:47
me.
9:48
>> Yeah. I mean I think you get practiced
9:50
at it. It gets easier over time but I've
9:52
always had sort of audience-f facing
9:53
jobs. I mean, from the time I was a
9:55
flight attendant, you know, and it's
9:57
like you're walking down the aisle and
9:58
all hundreds of people are staring at
10:00
you and it's like you
10:01
>> to being a teacher.
10:02
>> Yeah. To being a teacher where my
10:04
smallest audience ever was like 30
10:05
people. So, I mean, I've always been
10:07
>> and that and being a teacher was some of
10:09
the hardest times of my life because I
10:11
had four kids at home, sometimes five
10:13
kids at home and, you know, a
10:14
challenging marriage and all that stuff.
10:16
And it's like those kids, you have no
10:19
business sharing any of that with that
10:20
audience. And that's their safe space.
10:22
It's like sometimes that's the best time
10:23
of their lives is to go to school and be
10:25
in that environment. And so I would
10:27
never take that space away from them
10:29
intentionally. So it's like zip it up
10:30
and what are we going to teach today?
10:32
And so I've always had that kind of a
10:34
job. And then as a therapist too,
10:35
there's just no room for your personal
10:37
crap in the therapeutic office.
10:39
>> For sure.
10:39
>> And so you know, there's that.
10:41
>> Yeah. Why is adaptability such an
10:44
important skill right now?
10:45
>> I mean now and since the beginning of
10:47
time, I would say the pinnacle of mental
10:49
health is flexibility. And one thing we
10:52
can be sure of is that life does not
10:54
meet us on our terms and that we end up
10:56
faced with challenges and variables that
11:00
we don't predict and we may have
11:02
expectations and we can give things our
11:04
best effort but at the end of the day
11:06
life is going to happen and when life
11:08
happens we have to learn how to pivot.
11:11
And so I think that being grounded in
11:15
presence and recognizing like if you
11:18
have confidence and you can say what is
11:21
life presenting me right now and and
11:23
what do I need to do to make the the
11:25
next best moment or the next best choice
11:27
that's really what it's about. And so I
11:29
think that no matter what we face, I
11:31
think that the idea of going I can
11:34
handle it and I can be flexible and
11:36
we'll figure it out and there's no such
11:38
thing as perfection and so it'll work
11:39
out and it'll be okay. And so it'll be
11:41
what it is. It'll be what it is. And
11:43
it's not from like that apathetic oh wo
11:45
is me defeatism of like well whatever
11:48
like it is what it is. It's more like it
11:50
just is you know some freedom and
11:52
surrender though and being like I did my
11:54
best and
11:55
>> yeah like this is what we get.
11:56
>> This is what we get.
11:57
>> Yeah.
11:58
>> What do you want listeners to feel when
11:59
they tune in this season?
12:01
>> I want them to feel a break from their
12:04
normal life demands expectations.
12:07
something that offered both potentially
12:10
entertainment as well as an opportunity
12:12
to learn and reflect and grow. I think
12:15
that we are constantly evolving as
12:17
humans and to be able to offer
12:20
perspective or insight or new
12:22
information that can in inspire
12:25
someone to look inside and go, "Huh, I
12:27
wonder if that's something that I do or
12:29
what ways can I improve so that you know
12:31
the greater good of humankind improves."
12:34
And I think that right now we need more
12:35
of that. We need more introspection. We
12:38
need more patience. We need more
12:41
gratitude. And we need more opportunity
12:43
to like move in to others and be
12:45
connected. And my hope is that that's
12:48
what people gain from watching the show.
12:50
>> Yeah. We're all just human doing the
12:51
best we can.
12:52
>> Doing the very best we can. And so I
12:54
want this people spending time watching
12:55
the show. I want the opportunity to be
12:58
that they have a break from the norm,
13:00
but they're better for it. you know,
13:01
like not the mind-numbing scroll of just
13:04
random social media, but like an
13:05
invitation to reflect and grow.
13:07
>> Yeah. Like you learned something along
13:08
the way. Yeah.
13:09
>> Yeah. Yeah. And maybe even laughed a
13:11
little bit or cried a little bit or
13:12
whatever tapped into that they needed to
13:14
for their own benefit. So I think that's
13:16
always the goal like produce something
13:19
that adds benefit in some way, shape or
13:21
form.
13:22
>> Yeah.
13:22
>> Yeah. So thank you so much for asking me
13:24
all these questions and thank you so
13:26
much for tuning in. Hopefully, we bring
13:28
more relatable concepts and ideas to you
13:31
this season. And I hope that you enjoyed
13:33
the show. And if you did, please make
13:36
sure that you share it or like it. And
13:38
if you are watching the show or
13:40
regularly do, make sure that you
13:41
subscribe. We have so many watch hours
13:43
that are not from our subscribers. And
13:45
so, we'd love you to be added to the
13:47
list. We've got a nice list of people.
13:49
And so, thank you for those of you who
13:51
have subscribed. This is turning into
13:53
something I could never have imagined.
13:54
and the fact that we have a world viewer
13:57
base, that's really exciting. And so,
13:59
thank you for all of you that have been
14:00
supporting the show since it started.
14:03
And I look forward to continuing to
14:05
bring content that is relevant and
14:06
beneficial to your phones and your
14:08
computers. So, thank you so much for
14:10
tuning in. And until we meet again,
14:12
don't forget to lead with love. It'll
14:14
never steer you wrong.
14:26
X-
14:44
aoo.