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I was a lesbian mom with two kids
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Now I'm their trans dad. Remember that? No facial hair. Did you guys forget what I looked like before
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A little bit. People judged it so hard. Somebody calls CPS brainwashing the child
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I will spiral and latch on to the negativity sometimes. When I first came out as trans, my sister didn't get it and my best friend started crying
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It wasn't just you. Everybody else is dealing with the consequences of your choices
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I didn't transition until like two years ago, and beard came in kind of fast
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I'd be at like six months. I'm Ray. I'm a trans dad with two children. Valen, age nine, and then Vela, who is going to be seven
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This is my wife, Alyssa, and we've been together for 17 years. Before my transition, I felt like I didn't align with how I felt inside
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I just never felt comfortable, ever. The gender I was assigned at birth was female
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I always grew up kind of more that tomboyish kid. And as I got older, I always still wondered what it would be like if I switched
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Could I do it? Is that even possible? Hey, good morning. How are you guys
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Good. Are you guys hungry? Yeah. Do you like my beard? Yes
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Yeah? Ever since we decided to have children, you always said they're not going to call me mom
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We went through a donor clinic. And at the time, before I transitioned, we told them there's no dad
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So they allowed myself to be listed on the birth certificate as a parent two
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So do you remember when he first got a beard? What was it like? He felt different
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That was really different. Do we like the beard? So when you decided to transition, how did you explain it to them
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So my son was seven. My daughter was five. And I remember we just had a conversation with him asking him
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do you know, am I a girl or a boy? And the kids were like, you're a girl
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And so then I asked, how would you feel instead of being like mom with me being dad
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They're like, yeah, why not? To just see how open and abrasive they were made it like just seem too easy
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All right guys I gotta let you go I gotta take my medicine Thank you I remember telling my kids the first thing I have to do is start taking the medicine It going to help me change my voice You see the facial hair grow
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I take my testosterone weekly, once a week. Why do you try to protect your kids from seeing it
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Quite honestly, it's not that I have any reason not to allow them to see it
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For me, it's just more of a safety and space. it's easier to be able to self-inject
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when there's nobody else in the way. They started getting impatient with me
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like asking, when is the change coming? I don't see anything yet. When they started hearing it
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that's when I think it all clicked. They're like, your voice sounds different
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Morning. Regarding your transition as a children, do you think that there has been
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any sort of negative impact on them? No, I don't. I think that negativity affects me more than them
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It really does. When Ray told me that he wanted to transition, it was the excitement of, okay, we have our answer
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What's our next step? The nervousness was, what does come next? How does our process start
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What does it mean for our kids? What does it mean for our family? I would say my transition journey has gone by very fast
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I started testosterone once we started talking within one week. Six months from that date, you had your first surgery
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Six months from the date I started testosterone. I recall explaining to them that I'm going to go through a surgery
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This is one of my gender surgeries. And what they're going to do is make my chest flat
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My son was like, oh, so like mine. And I was like, yeah, exactly. Just like yours
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I think they just always knew that your surgeries were to help you be comfortable with who you are
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Right. You guys want to do a video? Sure. I started posting about a year into my transition
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I mostly wanted to post because people just constantly bash other individuals who are LGBT community that you can't have a family
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No one's going to love you. Things of that nature. I thought to myself, that is far from the truth
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I have a loving person right beside me. I have our kids. Okay, we're going to do a reaction video
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You guys ready? I'm going to show you a video of me before. Remember that
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No facial hair. Tell me when it starts to kind of look like how I look like right now
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Starting. Okay. A starting tear? That one This one Did you guys forget like what I looked like before a little bit just a little bit the lips the lips in the beginning it was a lot more negativity a lot more hate people on social
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media will say whatever they want to say and i can usually deal with some of the negative comments
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easily because i know it's not our truth but it's when you start impacting other people in my family
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that's where I start to realize no no no that's not okay that's just not okay let me read some
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negative comments some posts that I've seen one of them is brainwashing the child I don't know
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where anybody gets the idea of brainwashing it's not brainwashing I'm educating them they are not
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ignorant they are aware somebody calls CPS this is mental abuse I actually have had a CPS worker
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comment back to an individual who was stating this and said everything he's doing teaching his
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children is exactly what we wish more parents would do. I will spiral and latch on to the
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negativity sometimes, but he takes it and just rolls off his shoulders. Who cares? They're just
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they're a faceless person making comments, but I do, it does affect me. I do kind of keep my
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negative comments away from my kids, but I did educate them to let them know there are people
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who aren't okay with the way our family is. There are some people who may say mean things
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who may also be rude, but that doesn't mean that you should do the same
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We don't have to pay attention to that. We know the truth behind our family dynamic
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Coming out to my family, I honestly was trying my best to not have any expectation on anyone
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I think I asked you, if you were to lose your family today
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would you be okay with that? And I answered yes. Not because I wouldn't feel hurt from it
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but because it's more important for me to be honest and live my truth. My sister didn't get it, and my best friend started crying
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We haven't really talked about it openly ever since. I am very much anticipating to see what the responses are going to be
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How did you guys feel when I told you I wanted to transition? At first, I wasn't sure what you were talking about
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But then when you told me a little bit more, I was really scared and worried because I'm like, what if something goes bad in surgeries
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I was afraid of losing you I remember crying I was afraid of the unknown Were you guys more concerned for me transitioning or the kids
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I remember telling you that it wasn't just you. Yeah. Like, that was a change for your family too
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Yes, you're making the decision. However, everybody else around you is dealing with the consequences of your choices
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My first thought was, how is Alyssa going to take it? You guys had a bond for a very long time
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and a transition is not something that anybody just goes through. But I'm happy that she's still here, strong
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and you guys are doing what's best for you and your kids. It's so amazing to see that you're being yourself
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And to know that that happiness is actually, you know, real. You're being you
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People need to see that just because you're a different gender with children, it doesn't make you a different person or a bad parent
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It's who the person is as a character and how you raise your children
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What do you hope the future holds for your family and your children? Just less negativity. I don't want our kids to be negatively impacted by other people's ignorance
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I don't bring any ill intent to anyone. I am just living my day to day
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And so my hope is that people can see that side and realize that I'm not a threat in any way
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Would you say Ray is a good dad? Ray is a great dad. Thank you
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He's attentive to the children. He teaches them the lessons that I think they need to be a very kind and honest person
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How excited are you for the future of your family? Very excited. I am very excited
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Someone once told me, now that you've transitioned and you have your surgery, is there anything else that's left
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and I always respond to what this is literally just the beginning. I think we have a great future ahead
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Are you guys happy that your dad became a man? I'm always happy he went on near my family
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What a charmer. Wonder where he learned it from. Thank you
