Up next in 10
Honestly, your partner needs to step up. It's time they step up and do more for you. Don't just take their sh*t no more. If you want to spend more time with your partner make him do things together more often.
In this video, we discuss some of the questions you need to ask yourself if it seems he doesn't have time for you. Then we look at some of the things you can do to improve the situation.
Get expert help dealing with a boyfriend who doesn’t want to spend as much time with you as you do with him. Talk to a trained and experienced relationship counsellor - either by yourself or as a couple - to figure out what to do about your relationship, one way or another.
Click this link to get started: https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/RelationshipHero-YT
Website: https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/
Relationship forum: https://forum.aconsciousrethink.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AConsciousRe...
Disclosure: this description contains affiliate links to select partners.
We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them.
If you liked this video, I would truly appreciate it if you could hit the like button or comment (or both!) - it really helps us to get the word out and help people who need advice on their relationships.
Thanks!
And don't forget to subscribe to our channel if you haven't already. That way, you'll see more of our awesome videos in your feed.
#breakups #breakupadvice #exback #breakupmakeup #breakupmakeupcycle
Show More Show Less View Video Transcript
0:00
Do you hardly ever see your boyfriend
0:02
Is he always busy when you ask to meet up? Does it feel like he just doesn't want to spend time with you
0:07
Despite this, does he claim to love you? This situation is not healthy
0:12
It may spell the end of your relationship, but it doesn't have to
0:17
Hi, this is Jessica from a conscious rethink, and before you make any decisions about you the future of your relationship
0:23
ask the following questions and keep watching for tips that come after. How long have you been together
0:30
How often you see your boyfriend will depend on when the relationship started
0:34
If you're still in the early stages of a new relationship, he may just want to take things slowly
0:39
A relationship is a big change to both of your lives and whilst you may be ready to move forward quickly
0:44
he may take more time to get used to it. But if your relationship is well established, he may become complacent in it
0:50
He may no longer feel the need to make the same effort he did when you first started dating because he feels so secure
0:57
Do you enjoy the same things? In order to spend quality time together, it's important that you have at least some common interest
1:04
If you don't, it's not that surprising that he spends his time with other people doing other things
1:09
So are there things that you can actually see yourself doing together? This may just mean chilling in front of the TV, but even then you have to like the same shows
1:18
Is he prioritising others over you? If there are things you definitely could enjoy doing together, is he choosing to do them with someone else
1:26
If so, why may this be? Has he always done a certain thing, with a certain person. Perhaps he's particular friend he goes to concerts with and he just likes it
1:34
that way. Is that something you can live with? Him doing his own thing with other people is perfectly
1:40
acceptable. It's normal to have a life outside of your relationship. But if he is trying to keep this
1:45
entire life separate from you, it's a big red flag. And if he puts time spent with others ahead of time
1:51
spent with you on a regular basis, you have to wonder how much value he places on your relationship
1:56
Is he stressed in other areas of his life? Life can be overwhelming at times
2:02
Work, college and family troubles among the things that can consume our every waking thought
2:08
If your boyfriend doesn't have any time for you, is he just struggling to keep his head above water
2:12
in other parts of his life? Perhaps he doesn't want to admit how much he is struggling
2:17
He might not want to ask for your help so he just withdraws and makes less of an effort to see you
2:22
What does he want from the relationship? Have you sat down with your boyfriend
2:26
and had the chat about where you both see the relationship going. If not, you should
2:31
He might not realise how serious your commitment really is He may just think that you just happy seeing how things develop If so he might not see the need to commit as much time as you like to a relationship
2:42
Right now, he may just see your relationship as a nice thing to have. He might not see a reason to make you the priority you would like to be in his life
2:51
Is distance a big problem? How far apart do you and your boyfriend live? How quick and easy is it for him to come see you or vice versa
2:59
It's easy to say that a person makes time for those things that are most important to him
3:04
but if you are expecting him to make the journey to see you each time, he may feel a little resentful
3:10
Is the connection and intimacy there when you are together? When you do manage to see him, does your boyfriend treat you well
3:18
Is he affectionate, open and engage with you and what you are doing
3:22
If so, the relationship still has something going for it, something worth fighting for
3:27
Or is he there in a physical sense, but emotional sense? unavailable to you and your needs
3:31
Is this the case you'll both need to put in some hard work to create a happy and balanced relationship
3:37
Is the relationship purely physical? When you spend time together, is sex the first thing on his mind
3:43
Sure, it is nice to feel desired in a physical sense, but if that's the only thing he wants
3:47
from you, it's not really enough. If he's only interest in hooking up and doesn't want to spend much time with you, consider
3:52
whether he's just using you. Does he flake on plans? Does your boyfriend agree to see you, but regularly bailed
3:59
on those plans at the last minute, this might be a sign that he considers you as his last resort
4:03
in terms of how he spends his time. It might also indicate that he takes you for granted because he
4:08
knows that you won't kick up a fast-pani flake. Are you two available? When your boyfriend wants to see
4:15
you, do you say yes straight away? Whilst this is a natural reaction for someone who feels that they
4:20
don't spend enough quality time with their partner, it can send a very clear message. It says that
4:25
you will always be ready and waiting for him should he want to see you. There's no need for
4:29
to plan in advance because you'll drop whatever you're doing to make space in your diary
4:33
The problem is if he knows that you're always been an option, he won't feel the need to make
4:37
your priority. If your work around his life, it doesn't have to make a specific time for you
4:42
in a schedule. Is he an independent introvert? If your boyfriend seems to spend more time
4:48
alone than with you or his friends, you're probably dealing with quite an introverted guy
4:52
Introverts get drained quickly with spending time with other people and this can even apply to
4:57
partners. This can change over time as he gets more comfortable around you. If he can be himself
5:03
he will be able to spend more time with you without running out of batteries. What's his relationship
5:08
history like If you talked about exes do you know why his relationships ended Did he break things off or did the other person Some people like the idea of being in a relationship but don want to put in the hard work required to keep them going If your boyfriend has had several
5:23
shortish relationships and most were ended by the other person, you have to ask yourself
5:27
why. Perhaps he just doesn't value your relationship enough to make the effort. How much time
5:33
would you like to spend together? What do you want out of this relationship in terms of spending time
5:38
of your boyfriend. Will you want to spend increasing amounts of time as a couple as your
5:42
relationship continues? And do you think this is a realistic expectation given the current situation
5:47
If there are things that you think you can both work on to improve the situation, do those
5:52
things and try to remain open-minded and optimistic. But if you can't see a way past some of the
5:57
issues we've raised, you might wish to ask whether this relationship is worth staying in
6:01
If you don't think you'll feel satisfied in the medium to long term, it's probably time to call
6:06
it a day and find someone who wants to spend more time. of you. Things you can do about it. Now that you have spent a little time thinking about the
6:14
current situation, here are some tips for spending more time of your boyfriend and feeling
6:18
less upset about how things are now. Find hobbies to do together. If you don't share many hobbies
6:26
or passions, could you find some common ground? It might require you to go beyond your comfort
6:30
zones or simply try new things together to see if you enjoy them. If you find something you
6:35
both enjoy, it will give him more reason to prioritise spending time with you
6:41
Communicate your concerns using I statements. It's important to remember that you are
6:45
worthy of at least some of your boyfriend's time and attention. If you don't think you get
6:49
enough of it, you should feel able to raise this issue with him. But how you talk about it
6:53
will influence how he reacts and how successful it is in creating change. Always use I
6:58
statements when discussing the issue. This way you avoid blaming him, which would only make him
7:03
defensive. Say something such as, I really wish I could spend more time with you because I care
7:09
about you and enjoy your company. Or I've been feeling a bit lonely lately and would really
7:14
appreciate it if you could spend a little bit more time with me. Opening a dialogue may be the
7:19
first step of improving the situation. Put the emphasis on him to make plans. If you currently
7:26
make all the moves in terms of seeing each other, let him take responsibility for a change. This is a test
7:31
for how much he values your relationship. He may quickly realize how little he initiates contact
7:36
and try to up his game, or he may simply disappear and not contact you because doing so hasn't crossed his mind
7:43
If he does get in touch it important to be positive and engage with him That way he won associate you not texting with you being upset This is important if he gets to initiate communication naturally again and again as for seeing each other ask him what he would
7:57
like to do if he suggests the day out at the weekend agree infusiastically but then ask him
8:03
precisely what he'd like to do find other ways to spend time together sometimes life makes it
8:10
difficult to see each other physically but that doesn't mean you can't spend time together
8:14
another way. Suggest the video call or phone call a few evenings a week if you aren't able to
8:19
meet up. Just having the communication on a regular basis will help you feel more loved and him
8:23
feel more willing to dedicate time to you. Maintain an active life outside of the relationship
8:30
Even if you do manage to get your boyfriend to spend more time of you, it's unlikely to be a sudden
8:34
and massive change. Change is a slow process, especially where habits are involved and you may
8:39
also have to deal with the fact that he spends quite a lot of time on things outside of your relationship
8:44
A good way to cope is for you to do the same. If you can fill your time with things that you enjoy
8:50
you won't be so bothered by the precise amount of time you spend with your boyfriend. It will help you become less emotionally dependent on your boyfriend for your happiness
9:00
Reassess your expectations or find a better match. If you're upset because your boyfriend doesn't have time for you
9:06
it might be worth thinking about what your expectations of a relationship are
9:10
Do you believe that couples should spend the vast majority of their times together? that's fine but not everyone feels the same way
9:17
This leaves you with two options. One, reassess what you expect from a boyfriend in terms of time spent together
9:23
If you think you can adapt your boyfriend's ways and you care for him enough to make that change, give things a try
9:29
Or two, find a man who shares your views and wants to spend lots of time together
9:33
If you don't think you'll ever be able to accept a relationship where you only see your boyfriend every so often
9:38
you have to give some serious thought as to whether this is the right relationship for you
9:41
If you don't know what to do, you might want to consider speaking to someone who deals with this sort of thing for a living
9:48
Talk your options through with a relationship expert and listen to their guidance. Then you'll be able to make your decision
9:53
Check the link in the description below for our recommended service. That's all from me today
10:00
I hope you found this video insightful and helpful. If you want to share your thoughts, please leave a comment
10:04
I'd love to hear from you. And don't forget to like this video. Subscribe to our channel and hit that bell button to get notifications of our latest content. Bye
#Mental Health
#Marriage
#Troubled Relationships
#Counseling Services
#Romance