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we're going to talk today about a topic
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that we hear all the time by lay persons
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as a therapist And the two things that
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we're going to talk about are projection
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and blame And we're going to learn why
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do we do it and how do we stop most
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importantly because it really clouds
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connection and helps us to create
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dysfunction and conflict in our
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relationships And so ultimately we want
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to improve and learn about projection
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and we want to learn about blame And you
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know who you are to raise your hand if
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if you're someone who projects or
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someone who blames or people in your
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life tell you that you do that often
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This is going to be a good show for you
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to tune into So we're going to talk
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about the purpose of it and how those
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habits really damage our relationships
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and we're going to understand why we do
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these things and how they're adaptations
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of trauma Yes I know that I talk about
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it all the time but really every action
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that we do in our life was learned and
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some of those things that we learned are
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not so useful And so we're going to
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learn what we do and then learn what we
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don't want to do and then unlearn those
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things So hopefully you'll find a lot of
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help with this one Sure Those who love
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you will find this a benefit in your
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life if you are someone who projects or
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blames regularly So projection let's
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start there Uh most of our clients come
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in and let's face it they talk about
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other people in their lives And this is
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often the function of projection In
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relationships we often project our own
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emotions onto others And this means that
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we're attributing our own feelings our
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thoughts and our motives to someone else
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The bad news is projection is a defense
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mechanism and it helps us avoid facing
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uncomfortable aspects of ourselves For
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example if we feel insecure about our
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own abilities we might accuse others of
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being incompetent This way we don't have
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to look at ourselves We don't have to
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confront our own insecurities directly
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So I'm going to give you an example of a
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friend of mine She was dating this guy
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and they were doing really well at eight
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months going strong and you know she's
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also a therapist so she does the initial
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kind of interview in her early dating
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times and she's checking in you know is
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the guy confident is he secure is he
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wanting to learn how to communicate
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better are we going to address things
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headon and so she thought she kind of
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did her due diligence And now let me
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paint you a picture This girl is kind of
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a butterfly She is friendly Some might
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even call her flirtatious but ultimately
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that's just part of her personality Uh
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and she's just lovely and her intention
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is always really pure Now she might
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accidentally hurt somebody but she's not
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doing that with intention to do so She
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just doesn't have ill will And if you
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know her you know this about her So
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anyways she's dating this guy for a
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while and you know it's clear that some
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of his insecurities begin to creep up
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and he starts projecting his fears onto
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her And so let me give you a little
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background So she has this guy friend
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She's been friends with him for a long
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time and it's totally platonic and he's
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friends with um other people in her life
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and her childhood friend You know
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they've known each other since high
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school and there's never been anything
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romantic and she's close to him and she
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spends a lot of time with him And the
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new guy she's dating his insecurities
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like drove him into so much projection
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that he sabotaged the relationship and
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he's accusing her of being unfaithful or
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disrespectful uh when she absolutely
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wasn't At a minimum maybe not
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communicative enough but not anything
