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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! The Enneagram is a personality system with 9 types that each have their own core drives, fears, and motivations. Your type is determined by your innate traits and shaped by your life experiences. Finding your Enneagram type can help you understand why you make the choices that you do.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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hi everyone I'm Kell ooro and this is adaptable Behavior explained hi everyone
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thanks for joining us today on adaptable I'm so glad that you're here we're going to talk about the fascinating world of
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the enog assessment now I want to make sure you understand this is not like a valid research assessment but it is
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really darn uh accurate anecdotally because I've given it to so many people and it it really does seem to be pretty
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spot-on uh I love this assessment because it's an accessible way to get an overview of Personality propensities
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with people we'll cover the nine personality types and the healthy aspects of those types as well as
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opportunities for growth um and some ideas about how to achieve more balance if you fall into one of these C uh
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categories and perhaps some of the less favorable adaptations that you've developed in this personality type if
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you find this topic interesting or useful please like and share uh and maybe subscribe if you want to see more
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of this content so that I can bring more uh of what you're interested to you so the enag is a powerful tool for
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self-discovery and personal growth it offers insights into our core motivations our fears our behaviors and
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at the root of it the inogram consists of nine distinct personality types each
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has its own unique traits and tendencies and this assessment um it's believed to
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have ancient Roots blending spiritual Traditions psychology and philosophy it became popularized in the 70s in the US
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and it's widely used for personal growth uh lay persons can read the outcomes
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without needing a psychologist to help you interpret the information um but it's also used in Psychology and
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spirituality U many uh churches or religions offer these to help people better understand you know the how and
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why of their personalities and and it creates a lot a good conversation when we know more about our personality
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Dynamics we have more selfawareness we can have more insights into how we show
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up in relationships compared to others so type one is known as the perfectionist or the reformer uh this
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person is characterized by principled Nature a sense of responsibility and
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kind of a Pursuit for Perfection now I want to make sure that all of you understand that one there is no such
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thing as Perfection and when perfection is is driving it's actually a bit of a shame shield and so we want to make sure
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we understand that the reformer might be a better way to call this type so
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healthy aspects of a type one or a reformer uh include Integrity they
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possess a strong sense of Integrity moral values they adhere to principles and honesty fairness and Justice in
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their actions and in their decisions it guides them in making ethical choices and helps them to uphold their beliefs
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so so some traits that are common for someone with a one or a reformer is their commitment to Excellence they
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demonstrate a commitment to Excellence and all areas of their life they strive to achieve high standards of performance
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and and quality in their work and in their relationships as well as in their personal Endeavors this can be reflected
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in their dedication to self-improvement and growth they have desire for positive change they genuinely want to make
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positive contributions to society and affect meaningful change in the world uh they're they're driven by a sense of
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Duty and responsibility towards others and they have a vision of creating a better future for themselves and for
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future Generations so someone who's a reformer when they're operating from an
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unhealthy mindset they might experience some rigidity they might be overly rigid
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for kind of dogmatic beliefs and behaviors and they're they perhaps can be really strict with their own
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standards or expectations and impose them on others which can lead to conflict or resistance from people who
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feel constrained or judged by their inflexibility uh they can be critically uh critical or judgmental so they might
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engage in harsh self-criticism and judgment uh judgmental attitudes towards
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both self and others they hold themselves to such a high um expectation and often unrealistic standards of that
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Perfection uh for others and then it leaves them feeling disappointed or resentful when their expectations aren't
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met and this can erode self-esteem and it can strain relationship living like this can create a lot of
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anxiety and stress and create undo disturbance in their nervous systems
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because of their own standards of excellence and need to fulfill obligations and responsibilities it can
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lead to overwhelm and burnout and exhaustion so there's challenges with
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the rigidity um and the critical judgment because it can lead to that perfectionism which is like I said
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before a shame shield and when we're in perfectionism we aren't able to have um
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you know satisfaction or joy in our achievements because we're always thinking what's next what's next so
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there's a lot of underlying inadequacy or failure that can come up with that perfectionism someone in unhealthy
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mindset can have control issues exhibiting behaviors of micromanagement or um wanting to have order and
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conformity in their environment and they can be resistant of change or deviation from plans and have some inflexibility
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this can lead to mistrust and collaborative experiences with others so um it can also so create self-doubt uh
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when they grapple with self-doubt and insecurity about Worth or capabilities then they might be seeking validation or
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reassurance from external sources to validate their sense of okayness or Worth or competence and this can create
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a cycle of anxiety and and more internal self-criticism so in order to to
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cultivate a greater sense of compassion for this personality type uh they could benefit from self-reflection regular
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introspection examining beliefs and values and Discerning whether they're serving their well-being or contributing
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to feelings of rigidity or self-criticism allowing for more flexibility mindfulness practices are
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great for someone who's struggling with this because they can learn to have a sense of less um internal judgment and
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um letting go of expectations and recognizing a sense of inner calm healthy boundaries are really important
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to establish to create some balance for someone struggling with this because uh recognizing your own needs and
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limitations while also respecting autonomy and boundaries of others helps to improve relationships so some things
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to keep in mind for uh someone who's a reformer or perfectionist is have clear communication regarding expectations and
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standards to to relate with them a supportive environment where they feel valued for their efforts and maybe lots
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of words of affirmation to give them the feedback that what they're doing is is working for you and constructive
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feedback delivered in a respectful manner because they value honesty and integrity in all of their interaction
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so now we're going to talk about type two which is referred to as the helper or The Giver uh this person is
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characterized uh by their caring and empathetic nature they find fulfillment in providing support and assistance to
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others uh when they're healthy they have aspects of compassion genuine concern
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empathy for others often they go out of their way to help or help offer support
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they're typically very generous with their time and their resources and emotional support they desire to support
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people and up lift and nurture people and they get a lot of satisfaction from seeing others Thrive and succeed however
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just like all good things if it's in an unhealthy balance uh they can have over dependence on others approval they might
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seek too much validation or approval from others they might often neglect their own needs and desire uh favoring
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or catering to the needs of others and put themselves at the end of the line this can create feelings of resentment
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because if they're unrecognized or unappreciated they may may experence feelings of resentment towards those
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that they have helped so there was a little bit of a condition to their help if they haven't taken account for that
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and they can have struggles with overdependence on others approval um which can lead to burnout uh because
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they always put needs of others in front of their own and this creates exhaustion there can be boundary issues where
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there's a difficulty setting boundaries and saying no to others requests which can lead to feelings of overwhelm and
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frustration people who are a high two and an unhealthy mindset can often times
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have an identity crisis like differentiating their own identity from their role as a caregiver which can be
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confusion and uh creates a confusion and a loss of self so to maintain balance
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for a tube that's struggling we want to consider self-reflection on your own
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needs and desires recognizing the importance of self self-care and self-compassion recognizing the need for
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setting boundaries learning to set and prioritize your own well-being without feeling guilty or selfish seeking
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recognition we need to communicate needs of recognition and appreciation to others acknowledging your own worth
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independent of the approval of others so that's an area of of growth engaging in
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activities that promote self-care self-expression and hobbies that will nurture them um will nurture themselves
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to maintain healthy balance between giving and receiving support So creating more balance there things to keep in
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mind when in relationship with a two or a helper is acknowledging their contributions and acts of kindness
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expressing appreciation and gratitude um giving and reciprocity uh of the
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receiving of her support and giving them space to voice their own needs without guilt or
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obligation now we're going to talk about type three the achiever or the performer
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this person is characterized by drive for Success recognition and accomplishment healthy aspects of this
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type are that they're ambitious they set goals they're motivated to achieve success in their IND s they're adaptive
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they can be flexible and navigate situations and challenges with ease they have great leadership skills um they're
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inspiring and motivating and they want others to excel however when they're unhealthy just like all things this can
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have some some problems where perhaps they're overly competitive and uh view
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success as zero some game where there's a a need to outperform everyone else at
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all costs they can be quite image cons conscious and need to have a certain
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image or Persona and that external appearance rather than an inner authenticity there can be a
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disconnection from an authentic self because they're so worried about how they look and their worth is defined by
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this um solely based on an external achievement and uh recognition rather than an internal sort of locus of
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control they can struggle with an overemphasis on uh that external validation and a disconnection from
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authentic self that can create burnout because the constant striving isn't healthy and it can lead to
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exhaustion they also can struggle with shallow relationships because the appearance of how something needs to
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look is more important than the depth of authentic um deep
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intimacy this can cause an identity crisis where they are uncertain about how they feel who they are and um beyond
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their achievements and accolades they're not quite sure so in order for a three to be balance they need
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self-reflection um what brings them fulfillment Beyond personal or Beyond external achievements focusing on
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authenticity so that they can stay true to themselves in the face of external pressure recognizing inner validation is
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a goal to to strive towards and go on a journey of self-discovery for personal
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growth threes that are in struggle need to engage in activities that Foster self-awareness inner fulfillment
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mindfulness practice journaling Etc so that they can reconnect with their authentic selves and find deeper
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satisfaction be beyond that external achievement or accomplishment so things
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to keep in mind when dealing with the three uh recognition of accomplishments that opportunities for growth and
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advancement need to be expressed balance between work and personal life and authentic connections based on genuine
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emotion rather than superficiality now we're going to talk about number four the individualist or
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the Romantic they are characterized by creativity introspection and appreciation for authenticity so when
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healthy a four is creative they have a rich inner World drawn to creative expression through ART music writing and
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other forms of self-expression quite sensitive they're deeply attuned to emotions and the emotions of others and
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they're able to empathize and connect on a deeply profound level they have appreciation for beauty and meaning they
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keep an eye um out for beauty in all forms and they can seek meaning in depth in their experiences and relationships
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however when operating from an unhealthy mindset fors can exhibit self-absorption
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overly focused on their own emotions and experience and lose sight of the needs and perspectives of others they can
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experience a lot of melancholy dwelling on feelings of sadness or longing or dissatisfaction whereas they romanticize
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their pain and struggling over finding joy in everyday life they might struggle with Envy or victimhood and compare
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themselves to others and envy those who seem um like they have what they lack
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and struggles with self-absorption can create isolation where they're withdrawn from others and feel misunderstood
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causing potential depression where there's dwelling of sadness or dissatisfaction create stagnation where
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people feel stuck or not able to move forward in their personal growth um so
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to maintain balance for a four one uh should consider self-compassion practicing acceptance of
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emotions and recognizing that it's okay to feel deeply and also ask for support when you need practice gratitude which
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is a practice it's not a natural state so that the beauty that's present and the meaning in their lives is present uh
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can be focused on rather than on what they lack connection seeking so having
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and appreciating uh validating others experiences the unique experiences that we all bring to foster a sense of
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belonging and um understanding engaging in activities that nurture creativity uh
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is really important for a four to keep in mind in order to achieve balance things to keep in mind when you're in a
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relationship with a four is that uh we want to validate their emotions and unique perspectives give them space for
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Creative expression and self-discovery um engage in deep meaningful conversations that explore an inner
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World rather than surface and acceptance and appreciation for authenticity now we're going to talk about number five
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the investigator or the Observer these people um have a deep thirst for knowledge understanding and Independence
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when healthy they possess a lot of wisdom and depth of knowledge and insight often becoming expert in areas
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of their interest through a lot of research and Analysis they have great intellectual curiosity naturally
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exploring complex ideas and theories and systems and they're always seeking to expand understanding of the world
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there's a lot of self-sufficiency they value autonomy and prefer to rely on
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themselves for problem solving decision-making uh they feel confident in their ability to navigate challenges
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independently however when operating from an unhealthy mindset they can uh end up in a lot of isolation or withdraw
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from social interactions and relationships kind of preferring that Solitude um emotional Detachment which
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can become overly uh detached from emotions while intellectualizing their feelings and focusing solely on
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rationality and logic which is not a full embodied human existence and when
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um that happens they can experience overwhelm which the information overload and existential anxiety feeling um
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overwhelmed by the complexity and uncertainty of the world uh can cause someone to retreat further into
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isolation as a means of coping and then of course that is isolation and emotional Detachment can lead to
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loneliness and feeling misunderstood and longing for connection perhaps
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depersonalization like they're so focused on the intellectual Pursuits they lose touch with a sense of self and
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are feeling disconnected from their own emotions desires and identity this can create burnout which um is caused by
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pushing themselves to a point of exhaustion striving for Mastery or perfection in a chosen field and
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neglecting their own physical and emotional well-being in the process so a a person who's a a five needs to try to
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keep balance by setting boundaries um mindfulness practices in order to find
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sense of self and grounding in self-awareness seeking support So reaching out to trusted friends and
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family members uh when they realize they're overwhelmed isolated because the
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importance of human connection is so essential for all of us cultivating balance between intellectual and
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Pursuits uh that are emotional and well-being and relationships because the value of both rationality and intuition
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can help maintain balance uh when interacting with a person who's a five the investigator we want to respect need
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for privacy and personal space uh recognize they need intellectual stimulation and opportunities for
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learning set clear boundaries and autonomy in decision-making trust and
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understanding of their need for Independence so these are things to keep
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in mind now we're going to talk about the six the loyalist or the skeptic uh
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this person is characterized by a need for security guidance support and they're driven by a desire to feel safe
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and protected in an unpredict ictable World healthy aspects of a six include
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loyalty um they're deeply committed to their relationships and beliefs uh and
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they're serving as reliable and trustworthy allies for those that they care about uh they have a lot of Courage
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despite fears or uncertainties they demonstrate uh demonstrate resilience and bravery when facing challenges and
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they stand up for what they believe is right they have a strength for discernment they possess a sense of the
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ability to evaluate situations and people with a critical eye uh they're able to distinguish between genuine
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threats and false alarms however when they offer from an operate from an
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unhealthy State uh they can exhibit a lot of anxiety a heightened sense of
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fear or anticipating potential dangers or catastrophes and struggle to find a sense of inner peace or security they
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could be indecisive um sometimes becoming Paralyzed by indecision and second guessing themselves and need
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reassurance uh by those around them to help quell that anxiety they might be overly dependent and rely heavily on
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authority figures or external resources to validate their feelings because they're unable to trust their own sense
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of judgment or um or sense of self they might struggle with anxiety or
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indecisiveness and that can lead to overwhelm constantly worrying and struggling to find a sense of stability
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amidst the chaos of their own thoughts and fears paranoia can can be a problem because they they might be hypervigilant
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or distrustful of others seeing threats or dangers where none exist and they can
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interpret innocent actions or statements as potential betrayals or manipulations they might have avoidance um or avoid
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taking risks because they're always making decisions opting for safety or familiarity rather than trying uh new
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things or stepping outside of their comfort zone in order for a six to uh to maintain balance they need to have
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activities like Building self trust um mindfulness practices so they can be
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present in a sense of self uh seeking reassurance they need to get support from people that they trust or family
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members so that they can help uh discharge some of their overwhelm or uncertainty and things to keep in mind
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with a six is that they might need reassurance of their loyalty and their commitment they like consistency and
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reliability in relationships they value open communication about fears or
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insecurities and of course support uh supportive encouragement to face challenges with courage now we're going
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to talk about type seven this is the Enthusiast or The Epicure these people embody a zest for life or Adventure new
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experiences and are driven by a desire to avoid pain and seek out pleasure and excitement healthy States uh sevens they
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exhibit a lot of Joy they radiate enthusiasm and Delight with Simple Pleasures and they Embrace um each
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moment with Wonder and appreciation they're often creative and they have a fertile
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imagination uh they're they're ripe with Innovation and they generate new ideas and
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possibilities they are quite optimistic and have great outlooks on life seeing challenges as opport opportunities for
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growth and transformation and they're kind of refused to be bogged down by negativity or uh pessimism however when
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unhealthy they can be restless they can feel constantly a need to seek out something new and have distractions in
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that futile attempt to escape from underlying feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction they can be scattered
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and struggle to focus uh or commit to long-term goals they can have a little bit of escapism and resort to addictive
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behaviors or substance use or abuse to numb their emotions or avoid uncomfortable truths or use external
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stimulus to avoid uh or or to fill a void within themselves things that are
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challenging with that restlessness be can be shallow connections because of avoidance of deep and meaningful
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connection kind of um impulsivity where uh they could be Reckless making decisions based on
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immediate gratification rather than considering a long long-term consequence
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emotional avoidance uh so facing uncomfortable truths about themselves can be challenging and living in a
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little bit of denial can be part of it in order to have balance as a seven they need to consider mindfulness practices
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are we hearing a trend here um having emotional awareness developing greater
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awareness for acceptance of emotions and learning to sit with discomfort helps um
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to avoid the seeking or escapism uh patterns that can happen recognizing
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health healthy boundaries are important sending boundaries around time energy learning to say no to excessive
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commitments or distractions are important to prioritize self-care and self-reflection an Enthusiast um will
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want spontaneous and adventure and activities to stimulate their curiosity so these are things to keep in mind
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having flexibility and adaptability to accommodate uh everchanging interests is important encouragement to stay grounded
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and present and movement or uh tast encouragement to stay grounded in the present moment is important and mutual
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understanding that their need for freedom and exploration is important um for them so we want to not judge that so
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those are things that are important to keep in mind when dealing with a seven now we're going to talk about an eight
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this is the Challenger or the protector these people are characterized by strength assertiveness and a desire for
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control driven by a deep-seated need to protect themselves and those that they care about from harm uh healthy AIDS
23:40
exhibit courage they have a spirit of unwavering uh courage fearlessly
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confronting challenges standing up for what they believe is right and uh even
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in the face of adversity or opposition they are not super conflict avoidant they have tremendous resilience and uh
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demonst at remarkable tenacity they bounce back from setbacks and hardships
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with Grace and determination and they don't show a lot of defeat when life presents them obstacles they can be
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tremendously loyal and uh they're loyal to values principles and loved ones and
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they defend those they care about by standing up uh for them through thick and thin however when unhealthy an eight
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can be domineering they can become overly controlling they can use their strength and assertive to overpower
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others and and impose their will on others regardless of the needs or wishes of of the person they're dealing with
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they can be considered confrontational and resort to aggression or hostility as a means of asserting dominance or
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protecting themselves from a perception of threat which can lead to conflicts and power struggles in relationships
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they can uh avoid vulnerability and struggle to acknowledge or Express their
24:54
own emotions or needs because they're afraid that if they do so they'll be perceived as weak or inadequate so then
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they can de uh develop a defensive posture so that they can be perceived as strength and invulnerable which of
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course is not a true thing challenges uh with this Domin uh domination or
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dominance and aggression can lead to isolation uh because people don't want to be in relationship with someone like
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that constrain relationships because um they're need to control or dominate
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creates power imbalances and undermines trust and intimacy which great conflict
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uh emotional suppression which is not good for relationships nor is it good for our health um because they might
25:35
view vulnerability as weakness um and they want to have an outward facade of strength and invulnerability at the
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expense of their own well-being to have balance as an eight uh they need to consider vulnerability and
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self-awareness and recognizing that openness to their emotional experience is part of what's healthy perhaps
25:54
seeking support from trusted friends or loved ones when they need to uh developing empathy and understanding for
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the perspectives and experiences of others and recognizing that true strength lies not in dominance or
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control but in compassion and connection it's important to self-reflect engaging in regular uh
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introspection and under uh really getting curious about underlying motivations um and beliefs that drive
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the challenging or rigid or limiting patterns that might be holding them back from experiencing freedom and
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fulfillment uh things to keep in mind when dealing with a challenger are direct communication and honesty is
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valuable for them even if it's challenging respect for their strength and Independence and recognition that
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they have good leadership qualities and capabilities we want to help make room for vulnerability and encourage that and
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emotional expression without judgment now we're going to talk about nine The Peacemaker or the mediator this person's
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characterized by a deep desire for inner peace and outer peace Harmony tranquility and avoidance of conflict
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they prioritize the needs and desires of others above their own to avoid conflict
27:06
and to maintain a sense of equilibrium and when they're healthy they have a lot of patience they have a lot of capacity
27:13
for tolerance and navigating challenging situations with Grace and equinity and
27:18
they don't get rattled by the adversity uh or conflict they have tremendous empathy a keen sense of understanding
27:25
for the perspectives and feelings of others fostering connections with and Building Bridges between people uh with
27:32
their compassionate inclusive approach they're great with conflict resolution and Excel at mediation and are Adept at
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finding common ground in facilitating compromise in tense or contentious situations so they promote understanding
27:45
and Reconciliation however if they're in an unhealthy State they can become passive aggressive because remember they're
27:52
conflict avoidant so they keep it stewing they keep it on the inside and that's not healthy for communication
27:59
they avoid direct confrontation and so that can be problematic they can be
28:05
stuck with complacency so they're apathetic because they lose sight of their own desire or goals in favor of
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maintaining status quo or preserving a sense of peace or Harmony but it is a false sense of peace or Harmony because
28:17
they're not addressing their own emotional experiences they can be avoidant because they don't want
28:23
uncomfortable situations or conversations at the expense of the peace in the relationship ship so they
28:29
can have inner turmoil there can be challenges associated with passive aggressive and avoidance because there
28:35
can be stagnation and lacking in meaningful progress or pursuing of their own goals and aspirations because
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they're increasingly resigned to a life of mediocrity or unfulfilled potential because of the cost of peace and of
28:49
course it's creating a war inside of them this stagnation they can be fraught with resentment because they have
28:55
deep-seated feelings of bitterness towards other stemming from their own inability to assert themselves or
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advocate for their own needs which can create a lot of buildup or tension and conflict in their relationships they can
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uh succumb to emotional numbing suppressing their own uh true feelings and needs in order to maintain that
29:14
facade of peace and Harmony which creates disconnection from their authentic selves in a sense of inner
29:20
emptiness so to have a sense of awareness and self-empowerment uh nines or
29:26
peacekeepers need to work on self assertion and communication in assertive
29:31
ways moving through U fear of conflict or rejection they need to embrace
29:37
boundary setting and recognizing their limits in relationships and interactions while honoring their own needs and
29:43
priorities recognizing self-exploration is important and diving into their own inner world to under U uncover their
29:51
fears and insecurities about disconnection which drives the keeping
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uh what they feel in need in is that fear of disconnection to keep in mind with nines or peacemakers we want to
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know that they need a peaceful and harmonious environment so they might be shutting down if that stops happening we
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want to encourage expressing their opinions and desire so if you're in relationship with a peacemaker you want to check in with them and say hey what's
30:17
happening for you because they won't often just speak up to do it we want to validate their needs for relaxation and
30:23
downtime and offer active listening and validation of their perspectives when they do speak up especially in conflicts
30:31
so that's an overview of the enag assessment it offers a rich tapestry of
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personality types uh talking about each person's strengths and weaknesses when
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unhealthy uh we can understand our own enag type and embrace both our healthy
30:47
and our unhealthy aspects and then we can embark on a journey of self-awareness and growth which
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ultimately can be transformative a resource I like to learn more about your enag is from the uh enag Institute I
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think it's $12 and you can get a nice thorough uh assessment for yourself there are other free resources out there
31:07
on the um internet but I really like that one because you can dig into your relationships and how people in
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different Realms or different types of Personality relate to one another and there's just a lot of cool digging in
31:19
that you can do so I hope that you enjoy some exploration of self with the enag assessment thank you so much for tuning
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in to our show today and I hope that it shed light on the this world and gave you some valuable
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insights into our human psyche so until next time remember to embrace your uniqueness and don't forget to lead with
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love it'll never steer you [Music]
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wrong [Music]
#Self-Help & Motivational