0:00
so what I want for is for you to allow
0:02
me to finish speaking before you share
0:04
your thoughts so that we can have a more
0:07
respectful and productive discussion and
0:09
so by using this structure we can
0:12
communicate our feelings and our needs
0:13
effectively while taking accountability
0:16
for the stories that we make up in our
0:18
heads which we all do let's face it so
0:21
the next thing that I want to teach you
0:23
after that sentence structure is taking
0:25
accountability for our stories so it's
0:28
so important to recognize that we all do
0:30
this we all create stories in our minds
0:32
that totally impact our communication
0:35
our relationships and when we don't take
0:37
accountability for the fact that these
0:39
stories happen and we hold them as
0:41
truths then it doesn't acknowledge that
0:44
they're just our interpretations and
0:46
that they probably don't reflect reality
0:49
so this accountability step allows us to
0:52
approach conversations with an open mind
0:54
and a willingness to listen the next
0:57
thing that we have to discuss is how we
0:59
clarify and we refute when someone gets
1:01
it wrong and so you want to have the
1:03
listener give us the feedback but then
1:06
we want to say did I get that right or
1:08
did I get that wrong and when we give
1:09
the listener an opportunity to clarify
1:11
or refute what happened it's essential
1:13
in assertive communication this is the
1:16
step that helps us ensure that both
1:18
people have a clear understanding of the
1:20
situation and it can address any
1:23
misunderstandings it fosters a sense of
1:25
mutual respect so when we get it wrong
1:27
we have an easier time collaborating
1:29
when we're able to to kick back when
1:31
something isn't quite right and it
1:33
landed in the wrong way and we take that
1:35
feedback the next piece that we've got
1:37
to talk about is empathic failure so
1:39
this concept is a fancy way of saying
1:42
somebody hurt our feelings and we got it
1:44
wrong in the delivery and so the key
1:47
about empathic failure is just taking
1:49
accountability when that happens and
1:51
then repairing so this empathic failure
1:54
occurs when we fail to understand or
1:56
acknowledge the emotions and the
1:58
experiences of others so when this
2:00
happens it's important to circle back
2:02
and repair the relationship repairing
2:04
after conflict is one of the most
2:06
healing and connecting experiences that
2:09
happens and it's part of what creates
2:11
and cultivates connection and intimacy
2:13
it involves acknowledging the hurt we
2:16
want to take responsibility and then we
2:18
want to make amends we want to say "I'm
2:20
really sorry i'm going to work on doing
2:21
this better the next time and this
2:23
process really strengthens the bond
2:25
between people and it promotes emotional
2:28
healing so the fifth aspect with
2:30
assertive communication that we want to
2:31
discuss is a communication strategy with
2:35
relation to assertive communication so
2:38
another important communication strategy
2:40
that we're going to discuss is related
2:42
to active listening active listening it
2:46
involves fully engaging with the speaker
2:48
we don't have our phone in our hands
2:50
we're not listening to the TV show we're
2:52
not doing something else but we're
2:54
engaging with the speaker fully and it's
2:57
where we're showing empathy and we
2:58
provide feedback it helps build trust it
3:01
helps us ensure understanding and
3:03
ultimately better connection and so if
3:07
you can think about utilizing these five
3:10
strategies for effective communication
3:12
more regularly it's just like any muscle
3:14
you've got to practice it to get the
3:16
repetitions in to strengthen this
3:18
experience and so we want to improve our
3:21
assertive communication and the
3:23
importance of taking accountability of
3:24
our stories our assumptions that we make
3:27
we want to make sure that we clarify and
3:29
we refute when something isn't quite
3:31
right and then when that happens we want
3:33
to you know recognize that there's an
3:35
empathic failure we've hurt somebody's
3:37
feelings or take that feedback from our
3:39
listener and work on repair
