A neuroscientist’s guide to building a more positive reality

Those deep-rooted beliefs about who we are and how we perceive ourselves in the world and where we place ourselves in the world

can keep us feeling stuck in this perception box about how we see ourselves

and not only that, how we think other people interpret us as well

It could be we are a sporty one, or a creative one, or that perhaps we want to be someone that's creative but we're not

and the question is whether that narrative is really yours. It wasn't until I started studying neuroscience that I realized that we have this ability

to change our trajectory, change our thoughts, and we can expand the box that we're in

We can expand our perception of who we are in the world. I'm Nicole Vignola. I am a neuroscientist and organizational psychologist. I'm the author of

Rewire, Break the Cycle, Alter Your Thoughts, and Create Lasting Change. So the stories that we tell

ourselves about ourselves have been shaped by our environment, our upbringing. We have something

called observational knowledge. And that means that we learn about how the world is by observing

those around us in our formative years. You might learn how to cook, how to get to school without

your parents having to teach you. You're not having to be told these things. You just kind of know them

through nuanced communication whilst you growing up But observational knowledge has a flip side Sometimes we observe our peers or parents being highly critical of themselves and so we learn to do that as well

Or perhaps your parents will exacerbate a particular narrative and then that boxes us

into this kind of fixed mindset in our adult life where we don't want to step outside the realms of

what's been defined for us. So I have two friends. They are both sisters. Samantha was always a good

dancer and her parents always highlighted that about her. She struggled a lot growing up because

she wanted to be more than just a ballet dancer. Her sister Martha was always the more academic one

the higher achiever. When Martha then went on to the real world, she started to experience failures

she didn't know how to handle it because her entire persona was built on this very smart

high achieving person had never really failed so within this perception box you have this

pre-programming that was given to you by your peers and parents and it's not really your

programming and for some people that pre-programming is fine but for others it isn't so as humans we do

have a negativity bias so we perceive negative information more greatly than

positive and the negativity bias can really highlight those things that we say

to ourselves those negative stories things like I not good enough I not worthy enough to be loved maybe it the way that you speak to yourself about your body Now you add on another layer you got this confirmation bias that tells you to go into

the world and confirm that you are correct. And so we can stay stuck in this loop of perpetuating these stories that are no longer

serving us. If left unchecked, it will basically form a template to how you see the world

So you will carry that into every aspect of your life and your brain will perceive that as normal

So whilst our thoughts are extremely powerful, we can use that to our advantage to really pull out the positive narratives that we want for ourselves

So sometimes in a social setting, I will start to plant a seed and I will ask friends, clients, family

what are the small wins or the big wins of your week? And generally speaking, people will start out by saying not that much

And as soon as they start talking, I'll go, that's a small win. And they're like, oh, yeah, that is

And then as we go along in that day or the conversation, they start to see more and more small wins than they previously had seen

By pulling out the small wins, it will start to shine a light on a different outcome

not the one that you have usually perpetuated. And it's not until you bring conscious attention to it that you can start to make a change because the brain is just doing what it knows best

It going to optimize energy for other things and just repeat what has been ingrained So if you have a pathway that has been ingrained and it a beautiful tarmac highway and now you want to change it you going to have to step onto a dirt road and then you have to pave that dirt road

And then you have to put in some streetlights and eventually this path will be a tarmac highway

As humans, we have something called metacognition. We can watch thoughts come in and exit and not just that, but name them

When we name our thoughts, we engage the medial prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for higher order thinking, problem solving

And what that does is that it alleviates the pressure from the emotional brain, the limbic system, which usually perpetuates those negative stories even more

When we break those automatic patterns, we take control of that steering wheel and we start to say, hey, this is how things have usually been

This is the box that I put myself in, that parents put me in, but I want to change that

And you start to essentially rewire and reshape your perception box and how you conduct yourself in the world

One of the questions I always get is, you know, can I change

Whoever you are, if you have a brain, it can change. The brain is capable of change while into old age

And this is true for everybody. Neurotypicals, neurodivergence. We don't need to stay stuck with the narratives that we have reinforced if it's no longer serving us, because they can absolutely change