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Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! Adopting the right mindset might just change the way you experience life, and make it easier and more enjoyable to learn new things. The narratives we create and the mindsets we adopt change the way we experience the world. They can also have powerful impacts on the body and the mind. Today we bring in Jayden Micah, the author of “My Reading Journal”. Join us as we discuss the importance of mindset in everything from life to business.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
hi everyone I'm Kell ooro and this is
0:09
adaptable Behavior explained hi
0:12
everybody thank you for tuning in today
0:14
to adaptable I'm so glad to have you
0:16
here I'm really excited to discuss the
0:18
topic of mindset specifically a growth
0:20
mindset today it's a really important
0:23
concept to understand because it really
0:25
shapes and affects so much about how we
0:27
interact in the world and I'm especially
0:30
excited to have with us our guest today
0:32
Jaden OKO who uh is going to tell us a
0:35
little bit about herself hi Kelly thanks
0:38
for having me yeah so my name is Jaden
0:41
and I'm 20 years old I'm currently a
0:43
student at ASU I'm super excited to be
0:46
here and talk about growth mindset and
0:49
how I use it in different Avenues of my
0:51
life awesome thank you so much and she's
0:54
being quite modest because she is a
0:56
fascinating young woman I've known her
0:57
for about seven years she uh one of my
1:00
neighbors and she is at the barretts
1:03
honor college and uh has just been a
1:06
hardworking overachiever and part of why
1:09
I chose you to be on the show is because
1:12
it's evident that a growth mindset has
1:15
been part of the outcomes that you've
1:17
experienced however there's a broader
1:19
Spectrum related to mindset that I
1:21
wanted to discuss especially as it
1:23
relates to people in their early 20s uh
1:26
I think that you have a lot of
1:27
challenges and I wanted you to share
1:29
some of the things that have helped you
1:30
to become uh successful and overcome
1:33
obstacles and helped get you to where
1:36
you are today absolutely thanks for
1:38
being here so Jaden you have been
1:41
described as a gifted child and someone
1:43
who has met or exceeded many
1:46
expectations that Society might have for
1:48
you and I just wanted to know a little
1:49
bit about how you would describe mindset
1:53
for yourself yeah that's a really good
1:56
question I would have to say like we
1:58
could really simplify my personal
2:00
mindset for life like literally into the
2:03
phrase why not um I feel like I've been
2:06
able to do so many things and things I
2:08
never in my wildest dreams thought I was
2:10
going to be able to get to do and
2:11
especially so young in my life but just
2:14
having the why not mentality it really
2:16
eliminates any limitations you would put
2:18
on yourself because if you're presented
2:20
with an opportunity and you're like oh
2:22
I'm too young oh I don't have a degree
2:24
yet oh I'm not qualified for this but
2:27
the why not mentality is just so
2:28
empowering because it's like okay well
2:31
so what like just try it like you could
2:33
get a no and that's okay and a no is
2:36
never forever and so really just having
2:39
that mentality makes me super Fearless
2:41
in the pursuit of my goals and it really
2:43
eliminates any limiting factors that I
2:45
could put on myself or that Society
2:47
could put on me because when you're like
2:49
well I have nothing to lose and
2:51
absolutely everything to gain um you
2:54
just go for anything and everything and
2:56
it's opened so many doors for me and
2:58
honestly it's been a domino effect
3:00
because saying yes to something that was
3:02
out of my comfort zone something that I
3:04
wasn't sure if I was capable of doing
3:06
led to the next thing that led to the
3:07
next thing and just never holding myself
3:10
back has been so incredible and it's
3:12
been really cool to see and all
3:14
everything come into fruition but yeah
3:16
to answer your question my personal
3:18
mindset is why not I think that that's
3:21
awesome in an ideal world but a why not
3:24
mentality without guard rails could
3:26
potentially create problems or danger or
3:28
things like that depending on how you
3:31
pursue the why Nots or how you're you
3:33
know given why given opportunities about
3:35
which you would say why not so what
3:38
values would you say help you to have a
3:40
filter in how you make your decisions so
3:43
that it's not why not jump off the cliff
3:45
or why not do this other drug or
3:47
whatever else for for you how do you
3:49
implement some guard rails with values
3:51
yeah absolutely it's super important to
3:53
not be Reckless or careless everything I
3:55
do um is very thoughtful and with
3:58
intention
4:00
um and so I do have values that I almost
4:02
use as like a rubric to kind of measure
4:05
opportunities against that I'll say yes
4:07
or no to and still having why not there
4:10
you know is really important to me to
4:12
making sure I'm not letting like an
4:13
insecurity hold me back um but if I say
4:16
no to something like it's just because
4:18
it didn't align with the value and
4:19
that's okay so to answer your question I
4:23
guess I would have to say two really
4:25
important values in my life would be
4:27
ambition and advocacy um I think is so
4:30
important especially as a young woman in
4:32
today's society to be super fearless and
4:35
going after things and so I'm a very
4:37
ambitious person and I I do work super
4:40
hard and then also tying in advocacy to
4:43
my work because I think when you're
4:45
given opportunities it's so important to
4:47
bring people with you or to advocate for
4:49
people who maybe don't have the stage
4:51
that you're on um and I pair all of that
4:54
with my third value which would have to
4:56
be my faith um I'm a very Christian
4:59
person and so if I feel like an
5:00
opportunity doesn't align with my
5:03
personal morals and values then of
5:04
course I will I will always respectfully
5:06
turn it down but I try to carry ambition
5:09
and advocacy with me and then just to
5:11
make sure you know it's not a dangerous
5:13
choice you know of course I'm being
5:14
super intentional about what I'm saying
5:16
yes to I'll use my faith as like a
5:18
metric for that awesome so it's clear
5:21
that ambition drives you and can be the
5:24
fuel that's that you know perpetuates
5:26
your fire and and your outcomes have
5:28
demonstrated tremendous ambition how
5:31
would you say in a world where things
5:33
are so fast-paced which is an incredible
5:36
uh you know I think disadvantage in a
5:38
lot of ways that you incorporate
5:40
mindfulness as part of how you how you
5:43
manage not letting ambition turn into
5:46
exhaustion yeah that's so important
5:49
burnout is so real and I think we do
5:52
live in a really fast-paced Society you
5:53
know I work in social media and you know
5:57
your feed is just filled like there's
5:58
not even Gap apps between the videos it
6:01
is just scrolling and scrolling and
6:02
everything can feel so fast and so it is
6:04
so important to find those moments of
6:07
mindfulness um and I think for me that's
6:10
like car rides I love listening to music
6:13
um and having my windows rolled down and
6:15
I am in the car a lot going from point A
6:17
to point B and so sometimes it's hard to
6:19
like add to the schedule like I'm going
6:21
to journal today so I really like to
6:24
find moments that are already in my day
6:26
and then integrate gratitude and
6:28
mindfulness into those so whether it's
6:30
saying like a quick prayer at a red
6:32
light or just listening to music I
6:35
really do find like the car is a really
6:36
good space for me to be mindful but also
6:39
in my other jobs that don't really
6:41
involve screens I'm a baby gymnastics
6:44
coach and obviously I'm not on my phone
6:47
when I'm doing that and so working with
6:49
the kids being super Hands-On and just
6:51
being away from my phone is like really
6:53
good for me throughout my week to just
6:55
have those moments of really important
6:57
human connection I would say just
7:00
finding spaces where I'm already going
7:01
to be at work or I'm already going to be
7:03
in the car and then incorporating
7:04
mindfulness into those moments is really
7:06
cool that makes sense do you ever have
7:08
moments where there's just Stillness of
7:10
just being without an objective like
7:12
even you know prayer is great for quiet
7:15
space going within but um what about
7:18
anything that's just completely void of
7:20
an action attached to it good question
7:22
you have any of those times for yourself
7:24
I mean I am 20 and I am a college
7:26
student so I I do take naps nap time is
7:30
great I'm a I'm a big advocate for nap
7:32
time um in between classes highly
7:35
recommend do 20 minute power nap um and
7:38
I I let myself rest and I don't let
7:40
myself feel guilty about it I will
7:42
schedule rest into my day it will say on
7:44
my schedule in between meeting and in
7:46
between Class 20 minute power nap that
7:48
does not surprise me you it's so cool
7:50
because when I check that off my list I
7:52
feel productive you know I it's not
7:54
something I feel guilty about um so
7:56
moments of complete Stillness I'm a big
7:58
napper awesome that would be my
8:00
authentic answer to that uh can you
8:03
describe a time where you were able to
8:06
incorporate something that was really
8:07
Mindful and the outcome that it
8:09
presented for you yeah so I'm a really
8:12
big reader I love to read books I think
8:15
it's so important it works on your mind
8:17
and it's fun cuz sometimes I have to
8:19
read like no offense for really boring
8:22
stuff for my classes and so getting to
8:24
read books that I enjoy just for leisure
8:26
is super important to me and so I really
8:29
wanted to spread that I was like how
8:32
could I spread my love for reading with
8:35
others and so um after I read a book I
8:37
would take notes on it because I wanted
8:39
to remember that story and I'd been I
8:42
did that for like a year read a book
8:43
take notes on it and that was a mo that
8:45
was an opportunity for me to be mindful
8:48
um and then I was like well wait why
8:49
don't I like create a journal based off
8:52
the template I was organically doing and
8:54
why don't I like release a reading
8:56
Journal so I worked super hard for like
8:59
oh my gosh it was a project I spent 6
9:01
months on but I created designed and
9:03
manufactured a reading Journal um that I
9:06
sell on Amazon and that has been so cool
9:08
and it was 6 months of like really
9:11
intentional mindfulness like every
9:13
detail in that book had so much purpose
9:15
in it versus like something to the
9:18
smallest detail of the font or the color
9:20
I chose or the graphics on the page I uh
9:22
there's a lot of like nature on the
9:24
notes pages and that was so important to
9:26
me because I truly do feel like reading
9:28
was an escape it can be anything that's
9:31
too much that pulls us out of our
9:32
present reality can can work like that
9:34
so I think it's great that you're aware
9:36
of that and so um that was an
9:38
opportunity where I was so mindful about
9:40
everything that went into my book and
9:42
the the outcome was absolutely
9:44
incredible and the feedback I received
9:45
was amazing and it was so cool because I
9:47
released it around Christmas time and
9:49
then I saw on social media people were
9:51
buying the book and giving it as
9:52
Christmas gifts and that that made my
9:54
heart like so happy that was such like a
9:56
personal win for me because truly that
9:58
was the goal was to spread love for
10:00
reading um but I that was an opportunity
10:02
for me where I was so mindful about
10:04
everything that went into that book and
10:06
then the outcome of getting to sharing
10:07
sharing it with people that's awesome
10:08
you must be so proud of yourself such a
10:11
cool accomplishment so it's clear that
10:13
you have a lot of ambition and I love
10:15
that you have advocacy as part of your
10:17
values I'm curious how you address
10:20
things for example limiting beliefs we
10:23
have um we all have limiting beliefs and
10:26
overcoming them and having sort of a
10:28
plan to overcome those limiting beliefs
10:30
or maybe a mantra or things like that
10:32
are often times helpful so what are some
10:35
things that you Embrace when it comes to
10:37
overcoming limiting beliefs while there
10:40
have been so many like just incredible
10:42
wins like it's not like that it's not
10:44
like they didn't come at a cost and it's
10:46
not like it didn't take a lot of hard
10:47
work to get there and so especially
10:50
being a gifted child and growing up in
10:52
gifted prechool all the way to now being
10:55
in Barrett the Honors College it's been
10:57
an absolutely incredible experience but
10:59
it did come with kind of some like
11:02
harmful self-perceptions I would say I
11:04
think one of the labels we put on gifted
11:07
children is that they're attention
11:09
seeking and that is such a negative
11:11
connotation to it you know it's
11:13
associated with the idea that like oh
11:14
like we just want praise we just want
11:16
accolades we want your attention we want
11:18
to show how smart we are and so
11:21
something that's been really crucial and
11:22
overcoming that limiting belief that was
11:25
something I held about myself you know I
11:27
had been called an attention seeker I
11:29
internalized that and to like a negative
11:34
of myself um so something that's been so
11:38
like critical for me and overcoming that
11:40
was changing my mentality from I was an
11:42
attention seeker to no I was a
11:45
connection Seeker um and when you see
11:48
gifted children as connection seeking
11:50
your entire Viewpoint of that child
11:52
changes um because with attention it's
11:55
so negative it's like requires another
11:57
party we want the praise we want the
12:00
accolades versus connection seeking it's
12:02
like it's mutual it's like wait I want
12:04
to understand you I want to learn more
12:06
like gifted children are such empaths
12:09
you know we we we seek that human
12:11
connection um and so your your entire
12:13
Viewpoint of that child changes and that
12:15
really helped me change how I saw myself
12:17
um and I also think when you when we
12:21
think of receiving attention that
12:23
requires another party that requires
12:25
somebody else validating you that
12:27
requires somebody else praising you and
12:30
being the source of your confidence and
12:32
with connection seeking I think one of
12:34
the most important connections you can
12:35
have in your life is the one you have
12:37
with yourself of connection seeking
12:39
eliminates that other party and it's
12:41
like wait like not that like I need
12:43
somebody else to validate my
12:45
intelligence or my gifts or my
12:46
capabilities like I know I'm smart and
12:49
that's the only thing that matters and
12:51
I'm connecting with myself and it's so
12:53
much more positive um and so I would say
12:56
switching my mind frame from attention
12:58
to con connection seeking has been
13:00
really cool I think that's so very
13:01
important because you know as humans we
13:04
are hardwired for connection and I think
13:06
that children absolutely need approval
13:09
and praise and I think that Pride
13:11
motivates future Behavior so I think
13:14
that that external uh implication of
13:16
seeking attention versus the internal
13:20
hard wirring that we all need praise and
13:22
connection and we all need that as part
13:24
of our development of self and security
13:26
and attachment and who who am I as a
13:28
person I I think there's another
13:30
important concept to just put out there
13:33
because in all parenting whether you
13:35
know your child is gifted or not when
13:37
they have behavior that appears to be
13:40
attention seeking I think that a lot can
13:42
be missed because ultimately all
13:44
Behavior bad or otherwise is the result
13:47
of an unmet need and so if we can change
13:50
that lens and look at Behavior as
13:52
something that is needing to be
13:54
addressed and then think about it
13:56
through terms of Conn connection seeking
13:59
which is totally lifegiving I think that
14:01
is a beautiful piece of advice so thank
14:03
you for that I think you know that what
14:05
you internalized so intuitively can help
14:08
a lot of people and maybe even change
14:10
that frame of reference from how we view
14:13
you know uh attention seeking behaviors
14:16
with anyone exactly and I think seeing
14:19
it as connection seeking is so
14:21
humanizing because it's like you know
14:23
gift to children they're more than a
14:25
mind they're more than a test score
14:27
they're more than a data point to like
14:28
brag about they're they're a human being
14:31
and they have those same needs
14:32
regardless of IQ every human has this
14:35
intrinsic need to connect and when we ex
14:37
deide exactly and when you extend that
14:40
Grace to gifted children it humanizes
14:42
them and it's like there's so much more
14:44
than like their grades they're a human
14:46
being and they genuinely seek connection
14:48
with others and that is beautiful it's
14:51
it's it's really incredible yeah and it
14:53
it must be hard when you think about you
14:55
know and we don't need to get into this
14:57
too deeply but just something that
14:58
occurred to me me is when we are ex you
15:02
know if if we accelerate or if we excel
15:04
at something you know such as yourself
15:07
there is a lot of Praise that tends to
15:08
come from it and there's also a lot of
15:11
accolades that are given and then
15:14
coupled whether intentional or not
15:15
expectations around those accolades and
15:19
the and the Excellence that that is
15:20
achieved so I think that it can be a
15:22
little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy
15:24
and that you do so well with something
15:26
and then get a lot of Praise because we
15:28
want to see people do well and we want
15:30
to praise and and that it's hard for
15:32
that to not turn into an external cue to
15:34
motivate future Behavior so I think it's
15:36
really insiteful that you kind of caught
15:38
that piece and were able to course
15:40
correct it how you think about it
15:42
because with connection seeking you're
15:44
really focusing on the connection you
15:45
have with yourself and not necessarily
15:47
the outside praise right so there's a
15:50
lot of Buzz around positivity toxic
15:53
positivity and and the power of positive
15:55
thinking because our thoughts do fire
15:57
and wire data together and the and the
16:00
focus that we put on our daily thoughts
16:02
really does impact perpetuated future
16:05
thoughts so how would you describe uh
16:08
positive thinking for you and and how
16:10
does it impact you yeah so we're talking
16:12
about mindset today and so I definitely
16:15
think the ability to have a positive
16:17
mindset is such a personal victory for
16:19
anybody and so I would say I use
16:22
positive thinking to reclaim personal
16:24
autonomy over situations I didn't have
16:26
any control over because when you're
16:28
going through through a hard time or
16:30
when something unfortunate happens to
16:31
you like you can't change the situation
16:34
but one way to take back some of your
16:35
power is changing your mindset and your
16:38
perspective on that issue because it
16:40
really is you saying like yes this hard
16:42
thing happened um and it would be
16:45
impossible for me to not be changed or
16:47
affected by it but I'm not going to be
16:49
defined by it and so you utilizing and
16:52
leveraging a positive mindset can allow
16:54
you to reclaim some of your power that
16:56
maybe a hard situation took away from
16:58
you because you're able to see like well
17:01
I and not to be toxically positive and
17:03
you can be like I'm not grateful for
17:04
that I don't have to be grateful that
17:06
that happened but I can be grateful in
17:08
that moment I don't have to be grateful
17:10
for that moment but I can say or even
17:12
furthermore what that moment taught me
17:14
or I learn from or the Triumph that I
17:16
got to feel for the overcoming of and so
17:20
it's almost like the I ran the marathon
17:23
and even though at you know mile 28 or
17:26
hold on I ran the marathon and at Mile
17:28
23 think I can't get through this the
17:31
Triumph you feel when Crossing that
17:32
Finish Line uh I don't have to be
17:35
grateful for the fact that everything
17:36
hurts right now as I'm running but I can
17:38
be grateful that I overcame and exact
17:40
and feel that Pride yeah goal setting is
17:43
a of Paramount importance when it comes
17:46
to getting anywhere we have to know
17:48
where we want to land in order to
17:50
achieve the things that we want to do uh
17:52
and we want as far as outcomes in our
17:54
lives so can you tell us a little bit
17:56
about for you how do you implement goals
17:58
goal setting into your life and what
18:00
does that look like yeah so I definitely
18:03
rely on my why not mentality and I like
18:05
to set really big goals for myself
18:07
because even if I don't fulfill the goal
18:10
well wow look at this amazing outcome I
18:12
still was able to reach because I set
18:14
the finish line so far away but more
18:17
often than not what I found is that when
18:18
I set super high goals for myself um I
18:21
truly do all I can so God can do all I
18:24
can't I really do feel like I put 110%
18:29
to everything I do but God really does
18:31
orchestrate so much magic behind the
18:33
scenes to put the other people I meet or
18:35
the other doors that are going to open
18:37
for me like to be in the right place at
18:39
the right time to open for me um and so
18:42
I would say when I do set those really
18:44
high goals I often surpass them because
18:46
I have the Lord in my back corner
18:47
cheering me on and so I would say with
18:49
goal setting I'm not afraid to go big um
18:52
because I know God's only going to make
18:53
it bigger that's awesome and if you get
18:55
knocked down there's a lesson there
18:57
exactly right that's that's great so we
19:00
can't talk about how a person turns out
19:02
without talking about our upbringing and
19:05
um adaptable it's all about the human
19:07
experience and how our histories inform
19:11
what happens for us today and so when
19:13
you think about your upbringing and you
19:16
know we had talked before about your
19:18
your um parent influence as positive
19:20
reinforcement and coupled with high
19:22
expectations can you talk a little bit
19:24
about how that has impacted your goal
19:27
setting strategies and the way you think
19:30
about that yeah absolutely and so I was
19:32
raised by a mom who grew up in rural New
19:35
Mexico and so she did not have access to
19:38
the incredible teachers I got to learn
19:40
from the you know amazing accelerated
19:42
learning programs I had available to me
19:45
and so you know it was really why she
19:47
moved me out here was because she'll and
19:49
she'll tell you this to her face she
19:51
said that when I was born I was just
19:53
looking around I just observed
19:55
everything and she said the moment I saw
19:58
you know your little baby eyes I knew
19:59
there was something special about you
20:01
and she felt like God had given her like
20:03
not to brag about myself but this
20:04
Incredible Gift of a child and she felt
20:07
so convicted to do whatever she needed
20:09
to do to give you know this baby girl a
20:12
platform to share her gifts with the
20:14
world and so when we moved out here I
20:16
was put into accelerated learning
20:18
programs which was absolutely incredible
20:19
because it was something my mom didn't
20:21
have the opportunity to pursue and she
20:23
wanted to give me a life that she um
20:25
couldn't have when she was younger and
20:27
so what that meant moving out here was
20:29
that well you're going to go to school
20:30
in the most academically competitive
20:32
District in the state does I feel like
20:34
pressure at times for you when you think
20:36
about the the um the bar being set so
20:41
high and like you're going to do all the
20:42
things that I didn't have a chance to do
20:44
when you think about how you feel about
20:46
that does it does it send any like you
20:49
know I haven't thought about it that way
20:50
in in the way of pressure like I really
20:52
need to outshine because I was given so
20:54
much opportunity I do not see pressure
20:58
as a burden I see it as a privilege
21:01
because wow how lucky am I to have
21:03
somebody that wants me to be my best
21:05
self and is going to push me to get
21:07
there and so something that was really
21:09
interesting was that my mom never
21:10
demanded Perfection that that was never
21:13
the expectation the goal was always you
21:15
are going to be the best version of
21:17
yourself because you deserve that like
21:19
everybody deserves to be the best
21:21
version of themsel and so it was so
21:23
important to my mom that I was given the
21:25
resources to fulfill that and you know
21:27
not so she could live vicariously
21:30
through me and not that she had a
21:31
vendetta against um you know her
21:33
childhood but just that she truly
21:35
thought there was something so special
21:37
about me and she thought she would be
21:39
doing me a disservice if she didn't help
21:41
me do everything I could possibly do to
21:44
be the best version of myself and so yes
21:46
the expectations were Skyhigh like I
21:49
will not lie I would there was a lot
21:51
demanded of me um but pressure is a
21:53
privilege because it means there's
21:55
somebody who believes in you and
21:56
believes in your potential to succeed
21:59
and I especially if it's coupled with a
22:01
lot of praise and a lot of accolades and
22:03
it's not just where you fell short if it
22:05
wasn't perfect no and so the
22:07
expectations were Skyhigh but I was
22:10
literally never told like okay fly like
22:13
go do it like grow wings you don't have
22:15
my mom really did help me build a ladder
22:17
um and that's something we've talked
22:19
about before and so I was always like
22:21
you are going to be the best version of
22:23
yourself no questions asked but I
22:26
believe in you but I think you're
22:27
incredible you're so smart and you're so
22:30
hardworking and let me make sure you
22:31
have access to tutoring and let me take
22:33
you to the library as many times as you
22:36
want me to in a week so you can read
22:37
every book you want but let me make sure
22:39
you have fun so if you want to hang out
22:41
with your friends and you want to do
22:42
other opportunities I'm going to make
22:44
sure we have time for that and so it was
22:46
it was so holistic um and I was able to
22:49
explore anything I wanted to but it was
22:52
just so important to my mom that you
22:54
know this this child she felt she had
22:56
been given from God was giving was never
22:58
held back that was so important to my
23:00
mom it's clear with ambition advocacy
23:03
support from your family system all of
23:05
those things are in you know in your
23:07
favor no question but I think there are
23:09
some things that are just hardwired
23:11
related to our personalities and our
23:14
epigenetics and everything our family
23:16
line has been through and our stories of
23:18
overcoming and that leads us to talking
23:20
about resilience and ultimately grit so
23:23
when you think about those two concepts
23:25
resilience for yourself and grit can you
23:28
tell us story of overcoming where
23:30
resilience was at the at the base of
23:32
everything and where you needed to rely
23:33
on some grit to move through so when
23:37
you're doing incredible things and
23:39
you're truly feel like you're living in
23:41
a movie um people will bring you back to
23:44
reality very quickly and it is so
23:46
important to never forget that you can
23:48
never make everybody happy and there are
23:51
always going to be people to have
23:52
something to say to say about what
23:54
you're doing and they're going to try to
23:56
bring you down and it's really important
23:57
to just remember remember that and so a
23:59
specific story of where I had to really
24:02
rely on resilience was like I would say
24:05
I kind of always experienced bullying
24:08
growing up you know I told my mom when I
24:10
was 8 years old I wanted to be on Disney
24:12
Channel and she said okay let's do it
24:14
and so I signed with a modeling agency
24:16
and I worked in the entertainment
24:17
industry for like 5 years and it was
24:19
incredible but with that came like
24:21
bullying at school and um and that that
24:25
never went away it evolved into body
24:27
shaming as I got older and then you know
24:29
eventually the source of my bullying was
24:31
coming from adults wow yeah and so um I
24:34
played two sports in high school and my
24:36
tennis coaches were absolutely amazing I
24:38
love them so much but uh a coach for
24:41
another sport I played you know was
24:43
caught um in a very public manner saying
24:47
really hurtful and horrible things about
24:50
me and I was not there and it it was
24:54
such a weird experience to be bullied by
24:57
an adult
24:59
because you know such a betrayal it is
25:01
such a betrayal and you know especially
25:02
like you feel like um coaches and
25:04
teachers and mentors in your life
25:06
they're supposed to be like trusted
25:07
adults people you respect and people who
25:10
you know you can count on and it was
25:11
such a betrayal to hear um just the
25:14
really nasty things that were said about
25:16
me because I was still a child how did
25:18
you handle it um that was really hard um
25:21
because you just don't know if you're
25:23
worth speaking up about and so in
25:27
conversations with my mom and with my
25:29
family we were like do we speak up about
25:32
this do we cause a problem and I think
25:35
that's that's that's so wrong and
25:37
sometimes when I don't you know I truly
25:40
like to see myself as like a survivor of
25:42
a lot of situations but I think when
25:43
you're in the middle of it a lot of
25:45
victims
25:46
don't say what happened because of this
25:49
fear like oh I don't I don't want to
25:51
bother anybody I don't want to be a
25:52
burden no I'm okay it really wasn't that
25:54
bad minimize your experience you want to
25:56
minimize your experience and that really
25:58
takes away from like the severity of
26:00
what happened like an adult said really
26:02
horrible things about me and that's not
26:04
okay and so ultimately what it came down
26:07
to was like there are so many other
26:10
people that have been in this position
26:12
that was a child and had an adult say
26:14
horrible things about them and they
26:16
didn't get a voice and they didn't get
26:18
an opportunity to speak up so there
26:20
comes your advocacy so I'm going to
26:22
speak up in this situation if not for
26:24
myself for every other little girl that
26:26
had something nasty said about them
26:28
happen I was 16 or 17 at the time you
26:31
know very I was that was those are very
26:32
formative years and that you know one
26:35
comment can stay with you for a long
26:37
time and really influence how you see
26:38
yourself and so I was like and you know
26:40
what I'm also going to speak up because
26:42
I'm going to contribute to a culture
26:44
that says bullying is never okay from
26:46
another child from another adult and I
26:47
had been bullied for like 8 years at
26:50
that point and it was like I I want to
26:53
be somebody that said this wasn't okay I
26:55
wanted to be somebody that had the cycle
26:56
end with me this really vicious cycle
26:58
because hurt people hurt people and I
27:00
didn't want to let this change me and I
27:02
didn't want to grow up to hurt another
27:04
person because of unresolved conflicts I
27:05
had in myself and so I did speak up I
27:08
did say something about it and people
27:10
were held accountable and Justice was
27:12
served and that was so important to me
27:15
and that was such a little victory for
27:16
me when it taught you that your voice
27:17
does matter and that your experiences
27:19
matter and that's such a beautiful thing
27:21
to have be part of your resilience story
27:24
and and your grit for sure and the fact
27:26
that you had family to support it I
27:27
think is really critical yeah uh as well
27:30
so um you can hopefully see why I
27:32
invited this young lady to be on our
27:35
show she's just a bright light and I
27:37
feel so lucky to know you um we do have
27:39
more for you from Jaden and uh that'll
27:43
be in another episode but I wanted to
27:46
just thank you so much for being with us
27:48
and um hopefully you shed some light on
27:51
other people uh of similar stories or
27:54
can provide an example to be uh you know
27:56
a beacon of light to be you know to
27:58
point toward and have uh young women
28:01
feel inspired by the person that you are
28:04
I know that I certainly am and I think
28:05
that you're just a lovely human and she
28:07
she is not just beautiful on the outside
28:09
She is totally beautiful on the inside
28:11
so she has she has all of it she's an
28:13
incredible person so thank you so much
28:15
for being with us and you can get that
28:17
journal on Amazon we'll put the link in
28:20
in the comments below but uh until then
28:23
make sure that you lead with love it'll
28:25
never steer you wrong
28:27
[Music]
28:39
you
28:43
[Music]
#Self-Help & Motivational