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Where should we say Brian is
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We gotta make some shit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back to another edition of This Week in Money
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And our colleague Brian Hanley, Serena, where is he? I don't know where he is. He just didn't show up today
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My working theory is that he is protesting Trump's arrest, of course
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Of course, he's asking everybody to be pro- Trump is about to be indicted, is what they say, potentially on Wednesday
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Do you think he's actually going to be arrested? So apparently what they do is they book him and that he'll then be let out on his own recognizance
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And no one will know what the charges are because they'll be sealed over his potential hush payments to Stormy Daniels
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and some falsification of financial records. So it's interesting that this is the one thing that may take him down
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I'm not inciting a riot on January 6th that multiple people died during or any other of his antics
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Well, have you ever given hush money to a porn star? I'm not going to comment on that, Saria
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Okay. I plead the fifth as my attorney advises me. You don't even have enough pride to give them hush money
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Yeah, I mean, it's like, is there a video on porn? I don't know. No one's going to find it, though
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No one's looking for it. My tattoos blurred out anyway. Elizabeth Holmes, who's been sentenced to 11 years in prison, is trying to push that back after the birth of her second kid
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As she awaits appeal. Do we think we should send her to a guy? I mean, she's a girl boss, right
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She's a girl, and also she's just a girl. Why send a girl to prison
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That's so mean. Well, Martha Stewart had a great time in prison, honestly
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But she only went for like... She said the food wasn't bad. Yeah, and she made a bunch of friends there
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You know, it could be good. But 11 years, that's a little too much, you know
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A little Martha Stewart stint that fine I feel like Martha has more of a personality for prison than Elizabeth Holmes does you know I think Martha can really get by She used to doing things herself You remember that picture she posed
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that you're coming out of the pool? Sexy. Oh. Don't get me started
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Don't get me started on that. Would you? Yes. OK. I DM her all the time, actually
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Hi, Martha. Looking gorgeous. Wink. No response. Why do you think she didn't respond to that
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She didn't see it. If she had seen it, she definitely did. Oh, for sure. I've had a lot of success in the DMs recently
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Yeah? Hair looks great. Yeah. Why is she holding two guys' hands
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That's weird. That's my girl. That's my girl. Love her. Gatekeep, Gaslight, and Girlboss
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Her hair has gotten so much better. Remember when she had that crazy party city? Yeah, the whole solo entrepreneur girl boss thing out the window
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Now we're in with this look. I like it. It's very kind of late 90s, I feel like
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Yeah, Cindy Crawford. Hire the hair closer to God, right? Amen. Now this is a fun story that FTX owes Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. $600K
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And you know, initially we all thought it was food, which would be a wild bill to rack
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up on those margaritas. But it was because a lot of people were staying at the hotel adjacent to there in the Bahamas
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as well as various other expenses. You like any Jimmy Buffett songs? I like Cheeseburger in Paradise
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Heaven on Earth with an onion slice. Not too particular, not too precise
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What are his famous songs? Cheeseburger in Paradise. That's a real song
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Was he ever a singer or did he just make Margaritaville and go from there
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Okay, first off, was he ever? He's more of a lifestyle. So obviously you're not a parent
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He's dead, right? No, no, no. He's alive, right? Yeah, he's alive
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Yeah, he's alive. He just took like a deep shaky breath. for us
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UBS is buying Credit Suisse for 3.2 billion. Do you know what UBS stands for United Banking Stuff Yes So United Banking Stuff is buying their crosstown rival
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Do you know where the United Banking Stuff is headquartered? I know Credit Suisse is Switzerland
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It's nearby. I'll put it that way. Okay, it's nearby. All right. The Universal Bank of Switzerland acquired or merged
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Oh, okay. So it was funny because in this Credit Suisse, they were worth about $8.5 billion on Friday
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So the deal gets announced, fraction of it. So one UBS share is going to equal 22 Credit Suisse shares, which is wild
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And so it's going to be a combined bank. But when they issued this announcement on the investor relations pages, UBS called an acquisition
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Credit Suisse said that it was a merger. So, you know, very reluctant
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A little drama already. Drama in Switzerland. Oh, this is like when there are two sides of a breakup and one person's like, it was mutual
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And the other was like, I broke up with that. I always say I did it and it's like, yeah
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Whoops. Pornhub. Pornhub. Is their acquisition a scam? A Twitter user by the name of It's Your Boy Evan would like to think so
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Well, so the idea is this Ethical Capital Partners, that's the name of the private equity firm
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MindGeek, the parent company, they do like $465 or so million in revenue based in Montreal
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But there's a lot of questionable things that have gone on in the past
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They've had a lot of issues with non-consensual porn being put up there, revenge porn, child porn
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And they like to think that now that they have systems and controls in place to be able to remove that immediately after scanning for it
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But the ethical capital partners people say that they really want to rebrand this and make it so that everyone knows that what they are doing is abiding by all laws and regulations
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However, this guy seems to think that this is essentially a shell because he went through all the filings, couldn't find an ethical capital partners, doesn't know how they're going to get the money to be able to do it
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Then he went through and looked at the people on the website Some of them have no experience in private equity at all Actually I don think anyone does There is going to be a documentary coming out on Pornhub and everything that MindGeek has kind of shadily done Like the owner who about to sell his house it gets burned down
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There was a whole bunch of tax fraud and embezzlement. So maybe this was done to cover
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it up. Some people are just saying that this is essentially a shell that other people put money
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or it could be the owners who are actually the ones doing this
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to create kind of a facade while they continue to run the business. Right
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Also, a lot of rumors out there about OnlyFans that they just got hit with a massive EU tax liability
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They didn't pay the taxes on the 80% of money that was coming in that goes to the creator
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Then there's some rumors that there's 1099 issues. They hired the Rain Group 12 months ago to sell them
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haven't been able to find a buyer. So there's going to be a lot of upheaval in the porn world
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in the next 12 months I have a feeling. What do you think the future of the porn world is
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Empowering the creator. Oh. It's all about empowering the creator. Pageant answer
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JP Morgan ordered a bunch of bags of nickel that turned out to be full of stones
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So the nickel, it's a valuable, precious commodity, right? So they're buying this, but it's these nerds
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buying it on the computer, right? And then there's delivery, it goes to the warehouse
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But you don't actually know what you're getting. Have you ever gotten scammed like that? You order one thing, you get another
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It usually just happens on a hinge stage when the girl doesn't look like the picture. Oh
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It's like you gotta use recent photos, right? Yeah. That's never happened to me usually
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With men, the personality is usually the problem. It's really all about person
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Thank you for watching This Week in Money. We hope you've learned something. Tune in next week to see Mark Moran
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And Serena, whatever. Tune in next week. Next week for this week in money
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You do dip? No, it stings your teeth. Okay. I don't even drink coffee because it stings your teeth