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Do you ever think to yourself that love that you once had for your partner has somehow disappeared from your relationship
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Do you find yourself reflecting on boring routines, constantly looking back at what you once had
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wondering where it's all disappeared and why the hell are you and your partner now more like friends with benefits or even worse, just roommates
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If there is your case, you've got to stay and watch this episode because we're going to try and fix that
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Given just how important this is, I'm not gonna bore you with the usual like, comment and subscribe stuff
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So let's just jump straight in. When it comes to love, those that have already gone through some relationships will tell you that falling in love is easy
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Man, your only worry at that time is that you don't get splattered given just how fast you're falling
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Staying in love, on the other hand, and maintaining that love is much harder and actually a significantly different
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experience. So let's break it down a bit and have a look at what I recommend doing when you hit
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a dead end in your relationship and you really want to make it work again. Rather than just
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giving up and flushing it all down the toilet all the time that you spend together, just down
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the drain. If this is you, stay and watch. Don't be too critical. You may find it weird that the
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very first piece of advice is something as simple and unimpressive as don't be critical
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but despite of what you think, this is very crucial. Whether we realize it or not
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every single relationship tends to be subject to more arguments, tension, and in quite a few more cases than you would expect
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also resentment. Obviously, losing some of that initial dose of love that made us fall
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head over heels is to blame, but in many cases it is far more sinister
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It all just kind of creeps in on us. And honestly, it's only in retroactive
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or when somebody finally had enough or has the guts to be straight with us is that we
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realize we've been unfair to our partners. That we are often critical of the smallest things, whether due to irritation or just
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some innate subconscious need to hurt the other person just because we feel hurt
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The biggest problem is that none of this is sort of straight up screaming into our face It not like something that we cry about day in day out Most of the time it the little things that can have an immensely compounding effect And before you realize it
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you think that everything that you put into the relationship is worth way more than 100
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while your partner does loads of shitty and annoying things or decisions that you can progressively
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stand less and less. And this is why my very first step in restarting the love, the love that you
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for each other or head for each other is to stop being so critical. Stop being so offended by everything
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Stop noticing the smallest things and then feeling annoyed or irritated. Just remember, it's harder than you think
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It's going to require a hell of a lot of conscious effort to succeed in this
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Remember everything that you love about them. So while my first and previous advice was for you to stop being so overly critical with
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your partner, now I need you to focus on all of the positives. all the good things that you know about them and everything you love about your partner
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And look, if you still loved your partner as you used to, you wouldn't even be here in the first place
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But even if you don't love your partner anymore, or at least it's not the passionate love that you once shared
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but you crave it again. I'm sure there are things that you still love about your partner, whether it's things like the support that they give you
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or something as nuanced or as simple as their smile, or maybe the fact that they never judge you
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Look, whatever it is, that is still that spark. It can spark up those positive feelings in you
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Or, there I say, the feelings of love and attraction towards your partner
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That is what you have to grab onto. It is quite literally something that you have to attach yourself to
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You used to care about them. So think about how different things were
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back then. Think about your relationship and recall all the happy memories that you once shared
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Did you treat each other differently? I realized that by doing this you could easily just spiral
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down into the rabbit hole that initially costs your ill feelings, resentment or even the sense of
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despair in the face of changes to your relationship over time. But instead of focusing and comparing
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things from the past to how shitty they are right now, all I want from you is to focus on the happy
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memories for now Stop the comparison Stop comparing the past to present That is obviously not going to help and could possibly make things worse I just need you to have some happy thoughts with your partner
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standing right there in the center of those happy memories. Then visualize everything that you
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had that kept you happy and imagine the continuation of that into the future. Reflect on what
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changed over time. It's easy to lay the blame. with others, but in many relationships, what our partners do is often enough a direct reflection
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of our own actions. Perhaps it isn't just them that got colder over time. Perhaps your impromptu
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affection kind of disappeared over time over your relationship. The words I love you no longer bear
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the way they once used to and became just empty phrase kind of like, how are you? We all
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know that this is just a phrase, just a polite manner that we say or the question that we ask
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people that we meet. And your I love you has become one of those empty phrases. Look, I could go into
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million other things, but that is something you can go into yourself. All I ask is that you focus
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on the positives of your partner and reflect on your own shortcomings and how to improve them
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And stop making snide comments. Be the round the bush or play mind games with your partner. This could essentially just doom your
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relationship with no weight of return. Time for mind games has long come and gone. If you want to
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recover what you once had, all that BS has to stay out. Try couples therapy. Now for my number three
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I could have chosen literally anything. The reason why I chose couples therapy is pretty simple
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Humid behavior is complex and very nuanced. And to add fuel to fire, it doesn't really help that most of the time it is also subject to bias and very personal views and opinions that are shaped by our nature, nurture, or even our monetary moods and cravings
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It is almost never an objective measure of things and reality. I mean, look at all those people who believe in conspiracy theories, ghosts, angels or people
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people who are excessively jealous or suffer from phobias and illogical fears And don even get me started on hormonal changes that our bodies go through or even something as simple as the feeling of hunger that resulted in the term hungry
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Not to mention the fact that our immediate responses can also be a result of the fact that mere five minutes earlier
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somebody else pissed us off. My point is our views and opinions are rarely sufficiently objective
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fair or compassionate to be able to deal with complex states such as years of ambivalence
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neglect or resentment in our relationships. This is where couples therapy or couples counseling comes into play
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If you are both willing to work on your issues and bring back the love in your relationship
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you should seriously consider it. Couples counseling can encourage you to make the changes that need to be made
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and help you find ways to do it. Talking to a counselor who's essentially a mediator can also help you identify the things that you need to work on to bring back the lost feelings
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It can help you improve your communication skills as well, which in turn will make it significantly easier for the two of you to take it from there
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So even if you ignore everything that I have just said in this video and you're still on a fence, consider this
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consider couples therapy. If you decide to go ahead and do couples therapy, essentially outstretching your hand and waiting
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for someone to help you, you've made a conscious step to move forward
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You admit it to yourself that things cannot continue the way they do and everything else you
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had tried, failed, but you know what you want and that you want to make it work
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The same goes for your partner. If they agree, you know that they are on the same page
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and if they refuse this last resort to make things better, well, you got your answer right there
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All right, guys, this is where I'm going to leave you today. I hope that this advice helped you in one way or another
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If you know somebody else whom it may help, then share this video, recommend it to other people
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Subscribe, like, comment, and I'll see you in the next one. Bye
