Meet 5 People Defying The Intersex 'Taboo' | BORN DIFFERENT

I was born an intersex woman and that is when you're born with female and male parts

People think sometimes my husband is gay because I'm intersex. Someone said that's a man we know

girl go seek help, dude in a dress with a gut. That was when I was pregnant

Get ready with me to go on a date with my friend's roommate

I am Sydney. I'm 24 years old. I'm a tiktoker and an intersex person

Biological sex is not a binary and I am living proof of that

It's going to be nice to go on a date with Sydney, based off of what I know, okay

But you just never know how these things are going to turn out. I plan on telling him that I'm intersex, like, pretty quickly

Because the longer I wait, the more nervous I get about it

I was 14 years old when I discovered that I was an intersex person

I had to do an ultrasound to look at my female reproductive organs

and the doctor told me that he couldn't see anything. I immediately started crying

I didn't want to date boys at that point because it's scary to just tell them I was an intersex person

My current boyfriend has never been together a year. My mother, she was very cautious at the beginning

She did always know I wanted to have kids. So she was like, are you sure

I am both male and female. I have XY chromosomes, but I'm a woman

At 16 years old, I hadn't started puberty. And so when I went to see the doctor, I learned I was intersex

When the doctors explained to us that they found no ovaries, it was kind of a shock

I knew from a young age that I wouldn't be able to have kids, but that didn't really

stress me out too much until I started dating. Today I'm going on a blind date and I'm nervous to see what my date will think about me being intersex

So is having kids like something you see for yourself and your future? Everyone just assumes I'm female, but there's a little more to that

The last guy I told about my condition, he said that was like a deal breaker

It can be kind of awkward at first. I need someone who can converse with. Yeah

What are you making, honey? Chicken and rice. Oh, yummy. I'm Morgan and Leah

And I'm Curtis Williams. People always make the wrong assumptions about our relationship

They have a lot of opinions, unfair opinions. We met on the dating app, and I was at work, and he reached out to me, and I was just so having on break

And I replied to his message. We met after work, and we literally just talked all night long

He was very polite, just a gentleman, and that's what first attracted me to him

We met on a Monday. On a Friday, we were engaged. I would say we get a lot of love and a lot of hate

Yeah. Some people that don't agree with us, but a home is a lover, that's all that matters

I was born a homophrodite, an intersex woman, and that is when you're born with female and

male parts. I do have ovaries. I have the same full on everything

and you can either conceive or you can get someone pregnant. It's weird, but it's how I was born

I've come to love it. Growing up, my mom, she raised me as her son

And it was tough with that because I felt forced. I felt like I was kind of pretending to be something that I didn't feel

I just felt more woman. So she raised me as her son

up until I was able to go to college and live on campus

And that's when I found more of my woman and really just grew as Morgan and Leah

All right. You can look at some photos. This is me when I was little

I think I was like one or two. Okay. And that's my mom

That was me. School pictures. The guy that was taking my picture of, I think a booger dropped out of his nose, and that's why I made that

And that was my picture for the next three years. Growing up, I didn't feel like I really fit in with just anybody, girl or a boy

and yeah it wasn't until I got into my adult years when I was able to go to the doctor on my own

and do more research and learn to embrace my woman and me. I thought she was a catfish

and she thought the same thing about me. Yes I did. I thought she pretty I got to talk to her I didn't think she was going to take us back

We met for the first time after she told me, right? Yeah

And we just talked, got to know each other a little bit more. I just explained to him my, you know, my body

I was cool with it. I'm not judgmental and everything. And I said, yeah, that's me

People think that he's attracted to males, but he's not. he's just okay with me being different and understanding that I do have both parts that I

am more feminine than anything else I like this one yeah so a few of the comments that I've

received someone said that's a man we know and someone said girl go seek help

dude in a dress with a gut that was when I was pregnant

My experience with pregnancy, we found out when we moved to a new city, I was in shock

We were really excited. We prayed for that baby and we tried to..

I'm getting emotional, sorry. Went to different doctors. I got turned down at multiple different clinics

Most doctors were like, we can refer you here, but we can't see you

And to be pregnant and to not get help, to not get checkups, you know, it was just a lot going on

I was nauseous, had very bad pains, and we did lose our baby

and it was just yeah it was just a lot to do with that

we have our chance again with parenthood I guess God just was not ready for us to be parents

A lot of people doubted, you know, that I was intersex. People would say like, oh, those are two men

A lot of people doubted that we've been together for real. People have doubted that my pregnancy was fake

People were saying, oh, she just has a beer belly, or how can this be

My belly did not look the same. The things I went through weren't the same

The way the baby was going to be birthed wasn't going to be the same. I was going to have to get a C-section

A lot of people have reached out to me, you know, telling me that they're also intersex

and by me speaking up has allowed them to feel heard, allowed them to feel like they matter

And, like, my story really just helped a lot of people kind of come out the closet with hiding

Everyone has their own opinion. There's miserable people in the world, and misery loves company

We will come a lot. I feel like it's definitely brought us closer

We just get stronger and stronger every day. Ready? Yes. OK, let's ride, Clyde

I feel like God wanted me to share my experience, and it opened doors for so many people like me, you know

to know, like, you can get pregnant. It's possible to have a baby. I'm glad to be here with my beautiful wife

and I enjoy this day with you, baby. I love you. I love you, too. You know, I exist, and this is my story, you know

He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel happy. it just makes you feel like

I'm here, alive we don't want to give up on each other

if people annoy me or don't like who I'm dating, I only

can just annoy them and pray for them what was the spider on you

sorry come on honey, smooches mwah, gotcha to death do us part

like, this is gonna work for the rest of our life. There's so much that people don't understand

about being intersex. Dating can be difficult. An ideal date is one where

when no one says anything embarrassing, unfortunately, I've had a lot of dates

where people say things that are close-minded. So any date that doesn't involve something like that

is honestly good with me. Hi. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you

Good. Good to see you. How's it going? It's going. Thank you

Sometimes I am worried about how a date will react when I tell them that I'm intersex

I think they try to visualize it and they try to reconcile what they see as a woman with this idea that they've just presented with that I am not

The main reaction that I get is this pensive look and they just kind of go, huh

Did Ely tell you that I'm intersex? She mentioned it a little bit

Have you heard the word before? I've heard of it, but I still don't really know too much about it

It means that I have characteristics that fall outside of the binary

Like there are some things that aren't either male nor female when it comes to my hormones and my physical anatomy

I didn't realize I was intersex until I was 17 years old. I was raised as a girl

When I was around 15 years old, I decided to go to the doctor for severe cystic acne

They were able to measure my hormones thinking that could be a contributing factor

It was found that I had a heightened level of androgens, or what are sometimes called male hormones

And so they prescribed me hormones for my acne to try to make me normal

That's the very first time that I noticed that my body was different

When I was 16 turning 17, I realized I didn't have an opening

When I visited the gynecologist, they didn't really believe me. But when they finally looked and saw that there truly was no opening there, that it hadn't developed

then they decided that it was time to do surgery. And that's what we proceeded with

It felt like I had a proper body, like I'm getting closer to being the female that I was intended to be

But I do wish that the word intersex had been uttered. I wish I knew why this was happening

I wish they didn't treat it as an anomaly. Have you ever had any problems with that, like dating or anything

No, I think it's pretty new. I know it's new that I'm being more honest about it

And that's partially because in the past, I just viewed my intersex characteristics as flaws

It isn't until recently that I'm realizing that I'm okay being honest with people about what it actually means to be intersex

Well, that's good. I hope so. I think so. So the day went really well

I think she's really nice, really cool. Kind of crazy that she found out about her being intersex at such a late age

Can't really imagine what that'd be like. In my early 20s, I made friends in the queer community

That's when I identified as intersex for the first time. I had a conversation with a friend who is transgender

And they were like, huh, that's kind of like being transgender. I knew that that's not who I am, that I don't actually have a transgender experience

So after hanging out with them, I googled what it means to have a body with these anatomical differences

That's when I learned the word intersex. Hi. How's it going? Oh, mom's here too, I guess

So, tell us, how was the day? How was it? I think the date was nice. He exceeded my expectations and being really thoughtful and easy to talk to

I met Skeeter at Queer Coffee, which we do every week. Skeeter had seen one of my TikToks, I believe it was, and said

Hey, Sydney, I didn't know you're intersex. I'm intersex too. And we traded stories about our different medical anomalies. It was so joyous

I get people being curious. I find my own condition fascinating. but there's so much more about me than just like what's going on downstairs

Call me a girl or a boy. I don't mind really. She, he, they or whatever

I started my TikTok because I had some thoughts and feelings that I didn't feel like the people

I was around understood. I decided to create a new community for myself. That was my idea at least

and that's exactly what I got. TikTok has helped a lot too because I always have a community

It's easy to have people to talk to. I think that's great, except it's really scary

There are so many people out there with different opinions and there's a lot of haters

And I worry about your safety. My mom is very anxious about me posting about being intersex I didn know that being intersex was controversial I didn know that people would suddenly be so curious about my body that they would call me a liar I do receive

a lot of comments saying that I'm not actually intersex and it did honestly make me doubt myself

in the beginning because I thought well am I just extrapolating here? Am I reaching? My mom is very

protective of me. She really just tries to like let me know what the world is like so that I can be

more protective of myself and careful of my surroundings. I think it's amazing that you

you put your vulnerabilities out there however you're my baby and if I could put you in an armor suit and protect you that's what I want

You're giving me quiver lips. Sorry. I just love you so much

Should I worry? Sorry, Cindy. It's okay. I care a lot about educating

That is a big motivator for me. I hope that my content continues to introduce the concept of what it means to be intersex to people

I'll see you soon. Tell me tomorrow. Okay. I want them to have a place to go where they know they can get unbiased and accurate information

Okay guys, let's go! I agree with my mom's concerns. I think there is a danger to speaking out about topics where people

tend to be hateful and ignorant. But the best way that I can battle the difficulties that I face by

being open about who I am is to continue to educate others. What Sydney is doing is kind of

like showing people and teaching them that like hey this is different and it's okay to be this way

It takes a lot of guts to just go publicly with this information. Life has changed tremendously

since I began to identify as intersex. I've been a lot happier with myself because I can understand

why my body is the way that it is. I wish that people would understand that it's not bizarre to be intersex

The biological sex is not binary. It exists on a spectrum. That people who are intersex have bodies of all kinds

different characteristics. There's no one way to be an intersex person. I think I was like 11 years old when I started really doing my makeup

and that kind of things. I always really felt like feminine, I think, because I also just grew up with the idea that I was a girl

I'm Joyce, I'm 21 years old and I'm an intersex person. Girls have XX chromosomes, boys have XY chromosomes

I have androgen incitivity syndrome, what basically means that I have XY chromosomes

but because I'm 100% insensitive to androgens or testosterone, I developed as a woman in the uterus

I identify as a female. I always felt like a female. So when I got my diagnosis, at first I was a bit struggling with my own identity

I was like, am I a boy? Am I a girl? I was like 14 years old when I discovered that I was an intersex person

It was of course for all of us a shock because we didn't know what it was

I've never heard of intersex before. I was diagnosed and also my parents didn't know what it was

Is this me? Yeah, yeah. And how old was I here? Uh, seven. Yeah

And at this age, I think I was also really tall already, right

Yes, you were always tall. When I was younger, I went to the pediatrician regularly to get a checkup on how tall I was growing

I also had really a lot of pain in my back because I was growing so much

And I always was really, really tired. I always thought there was something happening, but I didn't know what it was

I went to the pediatrician with my mom for just a checkup

And then they discovered that my hormone levels were really high. I needed to do an ultrasound to look at my female reproductive organs

And the doctor told me when he was doing the ultrasound that he couldn't see anything

So that was like a really big shock to me. And I immediately started crying and had an awful day that I will always remember

I think just afterwards my diagnosis, that was just the most confusing and negative time

At the beginning we are worried because we didn't know what intersexer was

And we heard, you can't have children of your own and you are so good with children

So yeah, we were worried about that. At that time I was in the middle of puberty and really finding out who I was as a person

So when I got my diagnosis it was kind of difficult for me

It was just a really hard time for all of us. But I have an amazing family and they were just really accepting and helping me also with all of the things that I went through at such a young age

You know, there are good days and there are bad days. Of course, but that's the funny thing with intersex, you can accept yourself, but you always will have like part of your life that it is harder that you have a diagnosis

Because I see friends of mine that are going to get pregnant and will have children and I will be not able to have those kind of things

Sometimes it will hurt a little bit more. Yes, I understand. That's why I'm so proud of you, because you've been stronger

a swan woman now, about this. I thought that was good. Thanks for that, everyone

Hi! My current boyfriend I met on a dating app. We've been together a year

In the middle of puberty, I saw a lot of my friends started dating boys

and I was just somewhere else with my hat. I didn't want to date boys at that point

It was really scary to just tell them I was an intersex person

But then I started to put that all on my social media. So I never had to tell them face to face

So that was always a really safe place for me to just keep the distance a little bit

Hey, mate. Hey, mate. Let's go take the dogs for a walk, yeah

I know he told a friend of his that he was matched with me on Tinder

and that I'm an intersex person, and he was like, do you think I should go on a date with her

But then the friend told him like, of course, just go on a date with her. You don't know what's gonna happen

and maybe you really like her. Before you meet with some people

you go look them up online and you go, and you try to find something about them And it happened to be when I Googled Joyce but it not something that held me back I was planning on telling my parents My sister is also a very nosy person just like me and she was looking up Joyce

and my mother googled her as well. They found out through that way. They were like

hey is there anything you want to tell us? I was like hmm not particularly

It's not like I'm ashamed or anything but it's just like how it's it's quite a delicate subject sometimes like how do I introduce it properly without like a

stigma or anything around it. So of course me and Gus can't have children of

our own in the future because I don't have any female reproductive organs but

yeah I still have a big wish to maybe be a mum in the future so we discussed

that we can adopt or have children to surrogacy. My mother she was very cautious

She was always cautious to the beginning, she didn't always know I wanted to have kids and I'm quite a family person

And so she was like, are you sure? Just being a cautious parent, just warning me like, hey, have you really thought well and clear about it

But the most important thing is that you also become a parent with someone who you truly love and share a special bond with

So yeah, that's Joyce for me. Intersex is always being a really big taboo. I would wish that all the people knew about what intersex just basically is. So that other people that are diagnosed as an intersex person, they would see that it wasn't just really a big thing to be intersex

I think the main reason for the stigma is people just do not understand what it entails

And if people do start to understand what it entails, it will lead to so much less confusion and maybe to perhaps more acceptance

Our relationship is like any other. It's not different from previous ones I've had, but it is possible to have a normal, meaningful relationship with someone who's intersex

A lot of people still feel ashamed about being intersex because there wasn't being spoken about so there are a lot of intersex persons that don't want to

tell their story so I hope my story reaches them and they see you can just talk about it and it's

fine to just be who you are. This is basically how I get my estrogen. It's just a standard birth

control pill that I take. I actually get four packs each time I get it so that I just get a

period every three months. Basically with my condition, I'm pretty much in menopause if I

don't take it. Growing up, people didn't know I was intersex because externally the doctors

considered me a girl. By the time I was 16, I hadn't gotten a period or started going through

puberty. And so we had to go to my pediatrician to kind of see what was going on. They saw that I

had a uterus, but it was really small because it wasn't developing. And where my ovaries should have

been, they weren't developing as well. And so that's why I wasn't getting any estrogen that

would trigger that puberty. It was really awkward because everybody's already gone through puberty

and I'm like buying my first bras in late high school and just learning how to use tampons and pads

I definitely felt a little different. I feel like, why am I younger than everyone else physically

Like, why have I not matured in that way? And it was just weird

I feel like starting out, to me, intersex meant this is taboo

I don't want to tell anyone about it. I just had a lot of anxiety around it

In the past couple of years, I feel like it was kind of exciting because it just made sense

Like, oh, I'm not just this or that. I'm different. And that was okay with me

Looking in the mirror now, I feel like I've definitely come into my own

I'm still growing, but like overall, I just feel more confident in myself

Since openly identifying as intersex, it's something I'm really proud of. Hey

How's it going? Good. How about you? Good. I am six feet tall. I wear size 11 shoes. I can palm a women's basketball. It kind of

just reshaped my view of all things gender and how that's looked at in society

So basically, I want to create like a wildlife habitat for all the butterflies. I'm creating a space for

where all of these butterflies can transform and come into their own

which is kind of similar to me. Like, I have to take my hormones, my estrogen

in order to go through puberty and, like, just become a full-blown adult

These tiny little ones are the aster. My mom supported me through the whole process

by being the one who's taken me to my doctor's appointments, my surgeries, caring for me in the aftermath of those surgeries

She's always been there for me. When the doctors explained to us that they found no ovaries

It was kind of a shock. And then the first thing that you said before I could even kind of put everything together or think about it

you said, oh gosh, I guess I'm just not going to be able to have babies. For you to be that age, that's the first thing for you to think about

That's kind of heartbreaking, you know. I knew from a young age that I wouldn't be able to have kids

I'm sad for my mom not being able to have like grandchildren from me

but it didn't really stress me out too much until I started dating later in college

When I was still dating men, I would worry about telling the person and if it would impact how they felt about me

and if they would want to continue pursuing a relationship with me just based on the fact that I can't have kids naturally

It's definitely changed a lot now that I'm dating women. I can be open about it and feel comfortable with it

So I'm going on a blind date today. Oh. I want to see if you can help me pick out my outfit

When I go on dates with people and I let them know about me being intersex

I would hope that they are just open-minded and curious. Okay. And hopefully that's something that wouldn't inhibit them from wanting to continue to get to know me

This top, white jacket. Okay, cute. So how do you think they'll feel once you explain that you're intersex

I feel like they're already dating women, so they're a little more open-minded than the average person

What Sierra is actually searching for is love in a person that is like her, kind-hearted and compassionate

As she's developed into a young adult, I feel like she's also learning more about her inner sex

and she's wanting other people to listen. Okay. Well, look at you

Oh my gosh, you look so good. I hope that she finds the person to be interesting

and open to listening and being positive with Sierra. Have fun. Thank you

Good luck. Yep, I'll see you in a little bit. Have fun. I definitely get nervous about blind dates

I get nervous about dates in general, especially with women. I'm scared

They're beautiful. Hi. Can I do like a mojito

I'll do a mar. Oh, that sounds good actually. That's it, you can try mine

Were you nervous about today? Perfect, so much. I still am. Have you been on a blind date before

I've never been on a blind date before. Okay, neither. I'm pleased

I don't feel like I've gotten too many questions from dates about being intersex

because I feel like most of the time people don't really even know what to ask

I don't necessarily feel obligated to tell people right away, but I'm definitely open to bringing it up naturally if it comes up

How has dating been for you? It's been all right. I've only had like one longer term relationship, like with women wise

because I figured out I was into women pretty late in life. It was kind of like this overall journey I was going on because I also learned that I was intersex at a later age

I don't know if you've heard of that before. I have, but I haven't met anyone that's intersex

I was 16 when I first realized I couldn't have kids and stuff

I was going to ask that too. Having kids, like something you see for yourself in your future

I've been pretty unsure about it. Sometimes I'm leaning towards no, and then other times I'm like, oh, I think it would be cool to have a family

I'm the same. Are you? Yeah, I think a family sounds cute

So how do you feel about like dating an intersex person? Like, does it make you feel weird or put you off

Or like, do you think you're comfortable with something like that? I don't think it puts me off at all

I would definitely be interested in dating someone that's intersex. I don't think it's a big deal

I think the day went really well. She was really nice and chill. I felt like we had a good conversation

I definitely would be open to dating intersex people in the future. I think it's just something that makes them unique

But I think we're going to have a second date, yeah. I think if people understood intersex more

I feel like people would be more understanding and realize it's just who we are

Biological sex isn't binary, and I'm living proof of that, and I'm proud of who I am

I'm Jyoti. I am 18 years old. I just graduated from high school I going to a community college in the fall I was born with a condition called intersex

I define that as not having the typical binary sex organs or parts

In my case, it means that I don't have any internal or external sex organs

It also means I won't be able to have my own biological children

I don't have like a vaginal opening. I don't have either ovaries or testes

I was born in Calcutta, India, and I was adopted by Sue and Patrick

when I was about three and a half. If you're going to be renters

they take good care of the property. Hi. Hi. You're supposed to walk

Oh, ew. I'll go back now. We hope. She was delivered to us in an email. Yeah

We had been attempting to adopt for probably two years. I looked at that email, I read it over again, and I thought, that's our kid

That's our baby. I've always seen myself as a girl, as female, and so it wasn't really like a question of who or what I was

It was more like, what am I going to do for myself in the future

And that's kind of like where we are now. It says, I have the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor

I like to have some creamer in my coffee, but it has to be sugar-free because of my diabetes

In July, I'm having a reconstructive surgery to create a vaginal opening and the vaginal c

You might not want to see this. Eating? Yeah. Why? I'm a messy eater sometimes

I decided to do the surgery mainly because as I get older

I want to have a more typical female sex life I know that it going to be a long surgery and there a long time of recovery

My hope is she's going to feel more complete as a person she identifies as, as a woman

and that it will make it easier to date. So, what are your options

Well I could always just do shorts or not like a nice equal

So if I'm pursuing a relationship with a heterosexual male, there's the assumption that I have like all the typical parts

Isn't that a beautiful color on her? I'm just worried about looking too full because we're going to Main Street bar and grill

I have to explain it, and I want to be upfront about it

I'm going to try my other option. I'm going on a date with Johnny, who I met on the app OKCupid

We have a lot of the same kind of beliefs and the same point of view, I guess

He's also kind of nerdy. I can be kind of nerdy too

So are you feeling nervous? A little. Mostly because I haven't actually met him yet

He sounds like just a good person, a mature person with very similar interests and values to hers

So I'm trusting, and I'm trusting Joe's judgment too. We've texted a bunch, we've talked on the phone

He knows about my condition. I've probably worried to excess about whether or not this guy will back out

Be good! I really glad that you said yes to this because I was kind of worried The last guy I was like I went out with actually said

that it was a deal breaker, my condition. Oh, that's right. Yep

Reorganize a little. I try to watch TV, but my internet's been out all day

Oh no. I watch superhero stuff, things like that, anime. I wait for a show to release and then I'll just binge all of it

Yeah, and also here's the thing. A lot of the... We had a lot in common

In fact, we talked more than we ate actually. And when she told me about her condition

I thought, well, that's cool, that's different. But I wanted to get to know her as a person

Oh, that question really got me. It was a little awkward at first, but I think, yeah, she seemed really cool, and I liked her

So I had a really good time. Me too. And I'm not lying about this

Yeah. Yeah, this was good. Yeah. Yeah. Would you like to go out on again

Yeah, I would. Yeah. The first time I met Joe, I knew within about 30 seconds that I had just come into contact

with probably the most determined, strong, feisty little personality I would probably

ever meet in my life. The subsequent 15 years have not proven that wrong

As much as it scares me to have this surgery, because it is such a big operation, I'm also

excited for it because I know this is something I definitely want to do

Thank you