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Ziya and her boyfriend Avuyile met 8 years ago through mutual friends. They became friends before starting a relationship, which ended 5 months later. The couple reconnected after Ziya shared her HIV diagnosis on social media, which prompted Avuyile to reach out. After reconnecting, they got back together. This wasn’t without challenge for the pair, with Avuyile having to accept her status. Despite the initial concerns, he chose to educate himself and remain open-minded. Ziya's medication means the virus is untraceable, so she cannot pass it on to Avuyile. The couple faces misconceptions online, with people assuming he is also HIV-positive and that he’s "definitely going to catch it". In this episode, Avuyile takes an HIV test to prove that he is negative. The couple wishes to dispel the stigmas that still exist around the virus and to show that it is possible to have healthy, intimate relationships while living with the virus.
Follow their story here:
https://www.tiktok.com/@avumile.zanaye1?lang=en https://www.instagram.com/avumileziyabukwa_zanaye/
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0:00
My partner is HIV positive
0:02
I sleep with my girlfriend even though she has HIV. Do you still love me with my HIV
0:06
Do you think I'll ever stop? I think dating someone with HIV probably would concern me
0:12
I would be scared of getting infected as well. So if there are two lines, then I am positive
0:21
If there's only one line, then the test is negative. I'm Zia. I'm here with my partner Avoyele
0:30
People judge our relationship because of my status. Do you remember when you first met
0:36
I do, I can never forget that. How I looked at you and you were like, uh-uh, uh-uh
0:41
You were not my type at the time. We met eight years ago through high school friends
0:47
but then we started dating two years after that, 2020, and for at least six months, and then we broke up
0:55
got back together in 2022. I first realised that I was attracted to her, I'd say from day one, when I first saw her
1:03
So in 2022, she posted, I think on Facebook, that she's living positively with HIV
1:11
When I saw the post, I thought, she never told me this
1:15
Let me just reach out and then try to find out what's going on. Two months after that, we talked every day, we spent more time together
1:24
and then two months after that, we got back together. I do not know how I got infected
1:29
On that day, when I got diagnosed, I literally felt like my world was coming to an end
1:38
I was so disappointed in myself and I was so hurt, man. I was broken
1:43
When I found out that she was positive, honestly, I had mixed emotions
1:50
because I didn't know how she came in contact with the virus
1:55
and I didn't know when. I think we've been through a lot
1:59
but we only seem to find our way back together. Do you still love me with my HIV
2:09
Do you think I'll ever stop? At first it was a huge insecurity that she had The smallest argument She say oh is it because of this and this It not the end of the world It not even a factor to me because I choosing to be with you and that the most
2:26
important thing. I think the stigmas that are associated with HIV are mostly from people
2:32
in older generations. I don't know, I feel like it's looked down upon. Like if someone were to
2:37
have it or get like tested for it and test positive, I think they would think that their
2:42
like life is ruined or that they can never date again or that they they're gonna get really sick
2:48
and like life ruining it can be a real life-threatening illness definitely that it affects
2:54
more gay people they have sort of like frequent uh objective dangerous or that they have like
3:05
shorter lifespans. After posting that video, me disclosing my status, I got a lot of interaction with people
3:14
People saying that I've been sleeping around, so that's why I deserve it
3:19
Oh, here's a comment. You deserve it, you've been sleeping around. I mean, for me, that's stupid because some other people
3:28
they are born with it, so why would they assume that I've been sleeping around
3:32
I do not reply, I just delete the comment. and just deal with it in my own way
3:39
I did have a couple of friends. After they made comments about our relationship, about her
3:44
I did distance myself from some of them. Currently, I'm HIV negative
3:50
The last time I tested was last month. Hi, guys. Hope you're all good
3:55
So we are back again. Today, we're going to do the HIV test
3:59
just to show you and prove to you that my medication is working and my partner is indeed negative
4:06
So this is the HIV home test kit. Make sure that it's clean
4:14
And then after that, I'm going to use this to prick my saw
4:21
So now we're just going to give it two minutes. So if there are two lines, then I am positive
4:29
If there only one line then the test is negative Quite a lot of people don believe me when I say that I negative because I with someone who living with HIV And so they always assume that no one would actually date someone who actually positive
4:46
I would say that there's definitely a perception of HIV not being curable
4:52
So if you were to then get it, that could then impact the rest of your life
4:57
So if I found out someone did have HIV, I probably would be sceptical of dating them
5:02
I would be scared of getting infected as well. I feel like I would also be scared of like if I were to get infected
5:09
then having kids like passing on to my kids. I don't think dating someone with HIV would concern me
5:15
because obviously there's a lot of advancements in medicine these days. And if you're undetectable, you can't pass it on
5:23
The results are in. Drum roll, please. This is proof that you can be with an HIV positive partner and still be negative
5:39
I'm taking ARVs and retrovirals. You take one pill per day. The aim of the medication is to reduce the amount of virus in your blood
5:51
That's what it does. It's not a cure, it's just for managing the virus
5:56
What it means, you won't be able to transmit the virus to your partner
6:02
You can even have like any other normal people as long as you stick to your medication
6:09
Have you ever heard of PrEP? No. No, I've never heard of PrEP
6:13
I do not. Yes, I know what PrEP is. PrEP is a pill that you take once a day to prevent yourself from getting HIV
6:22
A year back I stopped taking PrEP but it honestly didn't affect us because she's undetectable
6:29
Honestly, I was a bit fearful but at the time I have to say that it's an advantage to have someone who's quite knowledgeable as Uzziah is
6:40
he is. He is a bit of a wild card. You know you can never be too sure what he's gonna say
6:49
I only found out through social media I was shocked I was like okay I know what is this and what does it do And if like you take care of yourself then you going to be good Would you date someone living with HIV
7:06
It will depend. On what? If maybe I genuinely like love this person and she's been there in
7:17
like my whole life. I don't know how I would take that. I don't know like this
7:24
first time for everything though. So what do you think about the stigmas around it
7:28
around the virus? Since most people they don't have like the information of what
7:36
HIV is and some people think when you are infected by the virus you are no
7:43
longer human. When they find out that you're positive they don't even want to use the same spoon as you do, the same cup as you do. So at the end of the day maybe that's
7:52
the problem, the lack of information. Yeah that's the problem because if you were taught
8:00
these things back in high school or back in primary school, we would be well equipped now
8:04
Were you worried about our relationship knowing that I'm HIV positive? I can say that I was worried so much that I thought maybe Alva might fall for the things that are being said
8:23
And then he might end up leaving you. I definitely think it's possible for someone with HIV to have intimate, healthy relationships
8:32
I think as long as both parties obviously give consent. Before meeting or dating, I didn't know that I was capable of loving someone that way that I love her
8:42
He forces me to be patient and to be kind. Anything is possible
8:48
HIV is not at that sentence. It does not limit you from achieving your goals
8:54
And that's the one thing that I learned from my parents, that when you love each other, nothing else matters
9:06
Thank you