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Protecting Yourself | The Reschool'd Podcast
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Aug 20, 2023
(Tips and Tricks Series: Chapter 16) It’s really unfortunately that we feel the need to talk about this subject, but it’s the sad reality we live in today. Being aware of ways to protect yourself from sexual assault while in college is important for all students. In this episode we give you our best practices on protecting yourself when going out. Episode link: https://play.headliner.app/episode/15943707?utm_source=youtube
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Welcome to the Reschooled Podcast, the show that discusses all the things that schools
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may have missed with your hosts, AJ Couttee and Jason Gordon. Hey everybody, welcome back to the show. We are the Reschooled Podcast, the show that
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discusses all the things that schools may not have prepared you for. As always, I am
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AJ and sitting across from me. God bless you. I see you sneezing over there. Jason, Jason, how are you doing
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Doing great. If I can get these sneezes out. How are you? I hope that some allergies kicking in
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Yeah. No early signs of a cold. Yeah, no kidding. So the weather's been ridiculous, man
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Warm one day, freezing cold the next, and now it's raining. You know, so this is not an endorsement by any stretch of imagination
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We're not endorsed by them or sponsored by them, although it'd be really cool if we were. um have you seen that that series on disney plus that limitless with chris hemsworth
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no it's actually really cool like it's it's all about like him trying to implement things
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that have been studied that extend your life or have the likelihood of helping you extend life
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to longevity and stuff like that and my wife and i were watching it and one of the episodes that
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they were dealing with was shock and when they say shock they're talking about the extreme
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temperature so extreme cold and extreme warmth like heat and what it does scientifically to your
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body and it was telling you like things that you can do um to to promote longevity through these
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things and so one of them is like saunas if you can get into a sauna um that's oh that's around
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175 degrees and sit there for a little bit it what it does is it it i think it's they said it it um
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these heat something proteins uh start more or less cleaning out your your um arteries and stuff
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like that it starts clean there's like a spring cleaning 175 degrees well it's just yeah the
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steam so it's it's a hot one you're sweating yeah um but they also talked about the extreme cold so
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the medicinal purposes of like an ice bath. You know, athletes do that all the time, you know, after they work out
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Cryo chambers. Yeah, exactly. Those kind of things. And, but they were talking about it from not just an athletic perspective, but more just
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from, like I said, a life perspective. Like, what does it do? And it kind of recharges your system to fight colds better, you know, all these kind of
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different things. And I thought, well, this is pretty cool. When I started looking at some of the research into it, because again, I'm not going to go based on what TV says
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So I started looking at some of the research studies and it was really cool. Like some of them are like, it decreases your chances of Alzheimer's by 66%
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The ice bath or the. I think it was, I think it was the ice bath
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I can't remember which one, but just again, don't believe me, go look it up
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But one of them decreases it and it decreases the chances of cardiovascular disease
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about like 50% I believe and it's crazy like but again these are these are under certain
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situations so it's like you know how long do they have to do it how long do they stay
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all this kind of stuff I'll you know you'd have to look at the study for that but even a little
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bit I'm like and this is really interesting and uh so one of the things that they suggested on
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top of doing like an ice bath like weekly is when you're taking a shower the last 30 seconds of your
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shower just turn it on all cold water and just let it hit you and i did that and it was bad
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that i'm a wimp when it comes to changing temperatures in the shower once it's warm
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it's got to stay warm well it was something about like doing it over and over again
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to get in the habit of repressing that gasp for air you know when you when you get cold you're
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like that kind of thing so you're trying to get to the point where that that's not even a thing
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anymore. And I didn't make it to 30 seconds without doing that. I mean, I did it the entire
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30 seconds. It was freezing. I've never done an ice bath. Uh, closest I've ever come was jumping
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into cold water and almost didn't make it then. Well, we're trying to, I mean, I figured, you
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know, like I said, there's a lot of studies out there that is talking about it. And, um, the
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like I said, the medicinal purposes for it. And, uh, we're, we're giving it a go, but it is
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it is the 30 seconds that I think I dread more than anything. Oh yeah. It's rough
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That would make me not look forward to my morning shower. Yeah. Well, and then they did another one on memory and like how, you know, as you get older
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your memory starts to, your parts of your brain starts to deteriorate and how like you can combat
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that. And, you know, one of the things that you, you have to continually stimulate your brain in
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different ways and um i've said this on the show's past i love crossword puzzles i do those all the
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time so i feel like i'm staying pretty sharp with that so yeah well mine i think is withering away
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i need to pick up another hobby well this episode we're going to take a complete pivot from what we
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were just talking about um this one's actually going to be a pretty somber one i think for for
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a lot um we don't want it to be but it's just the natural toll um of it uh this episode we're
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going to be talking about protecting yourself. For college students, protecting yourself against
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specifically, a lot of times it's the sexual assault, sexual assault awareness, but protecting
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yourself. And we were going to make this, we're including tips and we're including protecting
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yourself because we're giving the tips and the tricks on the protecting yourself side
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So what do you think about that? Yeah. I mean, important topic. We got to cover it. That's
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something, you know, it's, it's just germane to life. But before we do remember, got to hit us
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up on our website, let us know the things you want to hear about. This is something that actually has
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come up from a listener comments before. So please, if you can, that's reschooled with a D
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not an E D. Check out our most recent episode, check out our whole list of episodes on there
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and send us a message. Okay. We want to, we'll even give you a shout out if, if you, you give us
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a good reason for a shout out. And then of course on your favorite podcasting apps
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check us out there to give us all those stars, recommend us to other people
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And then we do some stuff on social media too. So you can check us out there. Absolutely. Well, with this being the way, you know, the topic that we're talking about
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we're not going to go into a quick question. I'm not going to ask Jason, has he ever been sexually assaulted? But we figured let's just get into the tips. I mean, it's one of those ones
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It's very straightforward. And we're going to be talking about this from, I guess, a couple perspectives
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It's not going to be protecting yourself from being assaulted, but also protecting yourself from being accused of assault
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And so we wanted to kind of add both of those together. So, Jason, let's just start with you
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Do you have what's your first tip? So it so difficult to come up with the words to give the tip Yeah Right The first thing is to be aware of the of your situational environment your surroundings because sexual assault comes up in almost every scenario you can imagine when alcohol is involved
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OK, whether it's, you know, you you find yourself, you know, seemingly alone or with another person in a dark corner, whether you're alone in a room with someone, whether you're going on a walk outside with someone, that type of thing
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There's so many scenarios that are high risk. That is, you don't know what could happen in the scenario
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So that's tip number one. Be aware of your surroundings because, again, I'll give you a little background here, too
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Most people who listen to the show know that I was a prosecutor in the military for a while
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So it's very similar to the college environment for younger enlisted folks who live in the barracks
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Everybody's on a hall. You tend to have roommates. It is almost in every single way similar to living in the dorms
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And as a result, we had lots of scenarios of sexual assault or allegations of sexual assault
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And pretty much every scenario you can imagine, whether it was in the barracks, whether it was out long for a walk, whether it was riding in someone's car, whether it was at a party, you know, other people living off posts, civilian housing, that type of thing
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All of these, you know, they were breeding grounds for misconduct to start with that, you know, wasn't acceptable as part of the job
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But two, there were so many instances of sexual assault. And I was involved in the investigations as the legal advisor
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And then once it was handed over to me for prosecution of the cases
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So that being said, I saw a lot in that regard. And the first thing I can say is tip number one, if you are aware of your surroundings, you can protect yourself better by avoiding situations where this type of thing can arise
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So there you go. There's tip number one. yeah you know a lot of times when when people are talking about protecting yourself or you know
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dealing with sexual assault or sexual harassment it almost sometimes the discussion goes to
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well just essentially don't go have fun don't go out don't wear certain things don't do this
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again and and and i get that the there is a to me there is a big problem with when you say
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something like don't wear certain things you're putting the focus on the the the wrong side to me
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um we're not saying don't go have fun we're not saying it's just be situationally aware
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you know i think everybody should be able to go out and have fun with not having that as a risk
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but in the world we live in right now that's just not the case um so just be be aware uh my tip
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kind of i mean i have a feeling all these tips are going to kind of work in with each other um
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but along with being situationally aware i'm i'm a big believer of you know go with somebody
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if you're a female go with another female friend or a male friend if you're a guy go with another
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guy or female friend. I mean, just, just have a friend there with you, at least one that will
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you know, help you look out for yourself, help, you know, look out for your back. Um, those kinds
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of things. Um, that's, that's something that I was really big into. And I hope my, my, my kids
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are going to be the same way. Uh, and this is actually a good one too, for both sides, you know
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cause you want somebody, if you don't want to be in a predicament where something could be set
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against you. And having somebody there will also help, um, you know, provide context or provide
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um, you know, uh, an explanation, uh, if necessary. So it's always good to at least go with one. If
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you can go with a group of people, uh, and again, college is one of those things, especially if you're in a big, you know, party town, um, has lots of clubs and stuff like that. And if your
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college has lots of fraternities, fraternities and sororities are probably going to go out together anyway. Um, so, uh, but having that group really does help it. It allows you to
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to, um, not have to focus on your situational awareness solely. Somebody else can help you
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And, you know, having seen so many post scenario where an alleged sexual assault has arisen
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so often it's, he said, she said, or whatever the scenario he said, he said, she said, she said
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She said, whatever it is, right? One party is saying this happened and the other party is saying this didn't happen or didn't happen like that
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And that's not enough evidence in any way to come to a conclusion about what really happened
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Certainly not in a court of law. Certainly not even to take administrative action by school or anything like that
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But there's and so and I get this is that's looking at it from an after the fact
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Well, you know, we're we're trying to get tips and tricks on this type of thing, avoiding the scenario
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Right. That this never arises. But one commonality there is that the parties are always alone
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And if you do have someone with you, then it can avoid that scenario
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And, you know, one thing we have to work in this episode is everyone thinks about the sexual assault from the position of another person takes advantage of you
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Right. That you're not protecting yourself. But there are also scenarios where you need to protect yourself from false accusations
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Because, you know, I stand in a unique position where I've actually seen that before
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We had a and, you know, I can talk about this this case. It was so long ago. I was involved in an investigation and it was at a party and in a in a house off post type scenario
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So just sitting in there watching TV, sitting on a couch with a female and things, you know, I think they're making out, kissing, that type of thing
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And the guy says something completely inappropriate, tries to get the girl to do something she didn't want to or wasn't comfortable doing
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and he says, well, then if you want to do that, get out
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That simple. And she was incredibly angry just kind of storms out And she files a sexual assault complaint saying you know alleging that a sexual assault
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has happened. And of course, you know, when the investigative division undertakes it
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start looking into it, taking statements for everybody. I was in there for taking the statements
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And obviously I talked to them directly as part of putting together a potential case
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never, never talked to the accused, but I did watch the recordings about the accused and the
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his explanation was, no, this is, this is how it happened. I said these things, uh, to her and she
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just got angry, got up and left. And her scenario was no, uh, he took advantage of me. He forced me
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into this, blah, blah, blah. And we put him on a polygraph, a lie detector test, if you will
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And for people who don't know much about that, they can be very, very accurate in terms of
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confirming things. The reason they aren't useful is because in many scenarios, you can't get
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somebody on a baseline as far as the way you measure the way their body reacts to certain
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things and scenarios, so you can't measure it. But for some people, it is extraordinarily accurate
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to determine whether they're saying something that's false. And when this guy, he passed it
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with flying colors, there was zero doubt in the polygraph examiner's mind about this guy has
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he is telling 100% the truth. And when you listen and watch his answers, you didn't doubt
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because what he was saying was not flattering or favorable, except for the fact he said, I did not sexually assault anybody
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And, you know, we continued to investigate this scenario. And what ultimately saved him as much as anything were all the people that came in
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just kind of walked in and out of the room at different times. And what they said, what they saw, and that corroborated so much of what he said
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Even the people who witnessed her leaving were able to corroborate so much of it and discount so much of what she said
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And then finally, she agreed to be on the polygraph and she flunked it with flying colors, the opposite direction
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It was utterly obvious that when she was answering certain things, she was lying
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I mean, she was, you know, because they got her on a very solid baseline and then they were able to tell that
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And then when confronted with some of the other statements by people in the room, she broke down and admitted that she did it because she was embarrassed, because she was angry, because that no sexual assault happened, that type of thing
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And she elaborated on a type scenario. And, you know, in those types of scenarios, a lot of people would say, well, you know, she should be punished
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But it rarely happens that way and in that scenario. So this would have ruined this guy's life utterly
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Right. It would have not only cost him his career, of course, he would have been kicked out of the army, but he would have been prosecuted and time in prison
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on a federal conviction will really, really, really limit a lot of your options for the rest
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of your life. Right. I mean, it would have, I mean, it would have had ongoing consequences to
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register as a sex offender, to never be able to own a weapon again, things like that. Right
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Potentially, right? Potentially. But anyway, those types of things. So that is a long drawn out scenario that I'm telling you that this it does arise
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Now, I've seen many, many scenarios where a sexual assault in that same scenario did occur, right
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But that was just one example. And I've got, I could give you a dozen examples the same way, but that was one of the most that stood out with me after the fact that
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So basically the takeaway from all this is this. It goes both ways
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You protect yourself against false accusations or allegations. Um, but also you protect yourself against someone actually perpetrating some level of
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of assault against you by having other people in the room. But it goes back again to, uh, just, it, it's in support of what I said to start with
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know your surroundings, know your situation. If you're in a public area, if you're not in an area where, um, it's easy to be taken
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advantage of that type of thing, you know, there you go. um so yeah there you go i've talked for a while but that was my story aj you know you you brought
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up the the polygraph when in one of my master's programs or one of my classes we actually had a
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polygraph a certified polygraph reader come into class and talk to us about it and he was it was
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super cool to hear a professional talk about that about that like you're saying there are times when
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it can be very accurate there's times it could be not as accurate and the defining piece that he
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kept coming to was it is the time to establish the baseline because he said if you want a good
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polygraph test it's going to take you like two hours because the first hour is really just
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establishing that baseline or maybe even an hour and a half um or more yeah i mean it could be way
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more yeah so but uh yeah you know so that's not one of those foolproof things but in some cases
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it can be extraordinarily accurate, and that's the reason it's still used so commonly
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But, you know, and I guess I used up a story on yours about, you know, keeping people around
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So, so far, we've given two examples. One, know your situation surrounding. Two, keep people around
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Three, another commonality that I saw with almost every sexual assault scenario was alcohol
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Sometimes it's other drugs, but other drugs oftentimes have the effect of pumping you up rather than knocking you out
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We did have a scenario before where it had roofies or I think I actually I think it was GHB, which is a common date rape drug
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where, you know, so anyway, be aware of your intake of things that will dull your senses or
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stupefy you, right? Drinking too much alcohol, the wrong type of drugs. And sometimes it's not
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voluntary, right? So being aware so that you protect your drink or protect yourself from
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inadvertently ingesting something that's going to affect your senses in that way. Because again
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These are the scenarios where bad things happen, right? People drink too much
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I can tell you in so many of the scenarios that we saw the reason there was an allegation of sexual assault is because after the fact
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somebody just didn't believe they would have done that if they weren't drunk. So they
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immediately want to blame the other person for taking advantage of them
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When at the time there was zero evidence, even lots of other eyewitness statements saying that
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there was no taking advantage of. It was a mutual assent of affection that was going on
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the entire time. After the effects of alcohol or drugs has worn off, then that's when the
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individual begins to doubt their actions or be remorseful about their conduct. But at the time
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neither party was in the wrong. It's just after the fact, they realized that that is not
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the way they should have acted. And they explain it to themselves that I wouldn't have acted that
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way if I weren't taking advantage of type of area. So that's a really common situation that
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you'll run into and see. Yeah. Kind of going off of that, my next tip is, you know, when you go
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if you're going to a bar, you have a friend, you're situationally aware, you're following all
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these things. Ladies, I know it's really nice for when guys buy you a drink, and ladies
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it's really nice. I know this doesn't happen a lot, but the reciprocal of it, you know, when a
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lady buys a guy drink without him knowing or asking or whatever, it also feels really nice too
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um but um always see your drink always be aware of your drink where it comes from
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watch it being poured keep it with you don't get it from someone that you didn't see it being made
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they brought it to you from the bar um that's a quick and easy way to get stuff slipped into it
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there are these guys I wish I knew their name I'm actually
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looking this up right now I want to say they were from UNC
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are you talking about the lacrosse players no no no no nail polish
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so they were from NC State that's where they were from so these college students um i think it was two guys i believe created this nail polish for women
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to put it on your fingernail swear swirl your your finger in the drink like you like some women
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normally do and if it changes colors it shows that it detects a number of date rape drugs like
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xanax ghb there's another one i can't say the name of rohypnol rohypnol rohypnol okay sure i
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don't know what that is um but it'll change colors based on you just dipping your finger in it which
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is i mean again the the saddest part when i read these kind of things is like part of me is like
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i guess my my business brain is like that's really cool like that's that's that's a that's a product
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that can help a lot of people, save a lot of people. But then I guess maybe the more human part of me
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especially now the dad of two girls, part of me looks at it and goes
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it's really sad that we actually have to come up with that. Right. Like that is one of those things that, but it's out there
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But it kind of, again, puts the focus back on seeing your drink
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being with your drink, not losing kind of that that that sight of your drink because when you do that that's when things
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can happen and from another position again coming from a male position this is also for the females
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too but coming from a male position if you see something like that happening speak up speak up
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and don't don't just say oh he's you know i'm just gonna let him go because he's a guy no speak up
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Take the drink away from the person and let them know what happened
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Don't let them get in a position. I like that. Honestly, you've got to take it one step further
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You've got to take that drink and alert the authorities about what has happened
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I was just saying at that immediate moment, you've got to take it away from her. You call the police
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For sure. Don't confront the individual yourself. That is not going to fix the scenario at all
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You call the police. That is an attempt at a crime, even if it hasn't happened yet
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The crime being, again, poisoning someone. Really quickly, though, for anybody that wants to know, and again, they're not sponsors, but I think they've created something that is so sadly important now
27:43
If you're interested, it's called Uncover Colors Nail Polish. excuse me, undercover colors is the nail polish that detects it
27:53
So just again, just be careful. You got another one? Well, no list or tip and tricks would be complete
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So we've identified the scenario where, okay, you're potentially taken advantage of
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You're potentially accused of taking advantage of someone. Well, the last scenario would be you are forcibly taken advantage of. Right. You're forcibly harmed, hurt
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But that's, you know, most of your sexual assault cases, the vast, vast, vast majority compare are not violent scenarios
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They're again, the scenarios that we identified. You find yourself where your senses are compromised or you're passed out from too much drinking or drugs or something like that
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and someone else takes advantage of you or you believe that they took advantage of you even if they don't realize it themselves
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But that scenario that you see on TV, the common scenario of somebody physically forces you
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That generally can only happen if you don't take advantage or take advantage of it
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If you don't realize that the first three tips that we've given you are the things that you have to be aware of, be aware of your situational surroundings, have somebody around you, don't consume too much alcohol type thing
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But one more to add to the list was try to learn to protect yourself
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And if that means carrying pepper spray of some sort so that you can protect yourself, if you don't have that type of thing on you, understanding how you can use your keys in your fist, you know, type scenario for self-defense
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Just knowing various means or methods that if you are attacked by someone, you do know how to defend yourself appropriately so that to the best of your ability, you can avoid being harmed
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So anyway, that's my tip there. And that may mean self-defense training classes, and it may mean carrying something in the form of pepper spray or, you know, depending on how you feel about, you know, carrying concealed weapons or stuff like that
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I tend to not be a fan of that for most people because, again, they're not trained professionals
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They don't know how to use that to protect themselves. And, God, I've seen scenarios where it resulted in more harm than good
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I particularly had a student who pulled out a weapon supposedly to protect himself
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But even when the threat had mitigated, he still fired the weapon into the ground just as a show of strength
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You know, yeah. And anyway, he faced prosecution over it type scenario
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So anyway, point being is if you're not a trained professional, handguns and things like that end up causing more harm than they do good
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And don't get me wrong, I've had weapons my entire life, way before the military
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I grew up with them, but I learned that very early on. It's just too much risk in a scenario generally
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But if you do find yourself that that is the course of action you take to protect yourself one be fully trained and prepared in it but know how to protect yourself in scenarios where you could be forcibly harmed by someone That it That the
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takeaway. You know, talking about this, one of the things that I've, you know, looking back at my
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life you know i took it i took it seriously um you know my mom and my dad both kind of instilled
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in us really early on how you treat women you know the the the the opposite sex um for us and
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and it was it was really it was important to us um but i don't think and and maybe you can
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maybe this was for you or maybe it wasn't i don't know i'd love to hear your take on it but I could tell you it changed the whole heap when I had two girls
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I mean, it most definitely, I mean, it makes you begin to think about those things more so than ever
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Yeah. And, and that's like, to me, it was, you know, I
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I want them to understand, and I'm not saying I'm an angel by any stretch of imagination
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I tried my best, but maybe it's, it's a combination of me now having daughters and to me being in a mature area of my life
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You know, it's, it's, it's not, it's not hidden knowledge that men mature slower than, than
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women. I mean, it's just kind of how it is. Um, I'm still not based on some of the jokes that I
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say, you and my wife just playing around with her and how I cut up with her and aggravate her
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Still not totally mature. I don't think I'll ever get that point. And honestly, I don't know if I
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want to. But when you have certain events happen in your life things become more real And when it came to things like sexual assault and hearing about it growing up with two boys
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two, two brothers, um, the only really, I mean, I had cousins, but the only real female
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I had in my life was my mom. We didn't see that
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But now you're starting to hear it more and more, and because you have two daughters
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you take it a whole heap more serious because you're thinking, okay, there will be a day when they get old enough
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to where they're going to go want to go to the bars. And I'm not going to prohibit that
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I'm not going to tell them, no, they can't. They're 21. But I just, and the same thing goes for my son too
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I tell him, you know, he's got a girlfriend now. Treat her with respect
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Treat her like you would treat your mom. And God bless him
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I couldn't have asked for anything better. But, you know, it's those things
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So it's a combination now of, you know, I tell my girls, don't get in those situations
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And I tell my son the same thing. Don't get in those situations. So, yeah, it's a tough subject
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It's a tough topic. Because we want to, especially as parents, we want to look at it and go, well, this is this is I don't want it to happen
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So therefore, I'm going to ignore it. And you can't. You have to be able to talk about this openly and honestly
35:08
And that's hopefully what we did here. So you have any parting words before we head out
35:15
Well, yeah. I mean this was a somber topic It something necessary that we need to bring up We know that you hear all the time about scenarios where people can take advantage of you to be aware of that So we had to bring up
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the aspect of there are scenarios where you could be alleged of taking advantage of someone when
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you didn't feel that way or don't believe that happened at all. That is real. It does happen
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So just be aware of it. But AJ's advice of treating someone with respect
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So going into any scenario, you protect yourself from being taken advantage of, protect yourself
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from a situation where others would perceive or believe that you took advantage of them
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Protect yourself from someone who is out there maliciously wanting to hurt or harm you
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And our tips are probably the single best ways you can do that
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situational awareness, having other people around you, avoiding things that stupefy yourself
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And then if the need arises, the ability to protect or defend yourself to the extent possible
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All of those things are, like I say, they should be core principles in life, not just in the college environment
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So wherever you are, wherever you find yourself in the future type scenario
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So that's it. That's all we got. hopefully you take something away from this and hopefully this is helpful
36:46
Absolutely. Well, we hope you enjoyed the episode. We hope to see you next time. Until then, goodbye
36:51
Take care. Thanks for listening to the Reschooled Podcast. Be sure to head over to
36:55
reschooled.com for news and other information on things we're getting into
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