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My Wife’s Hidden Life Dirt on the Coffin, Lies in My Heart Shattered by Her Secret | Reddit Stories
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Jun 16, 2025
#redditrelationship #aita #redditstories My Wife’s Hidden Life Dirt on the Coffin, Lies in My Heart Shattered by Her Secret | Reddit Stories Two weeks ago, I stood at my wife Brenda’s funeral, haunted by the sound of dirt hitting her coffin. After 20 years of a loving marriage, her sudden death left me broken—but the truth of her betrayal cut even deeper. This is the story of how my wife’s nights out with her sister led to a devastating revelation, a fractured family, and a confrontation that changed my life forever. 💔 Join me as I share the raw, unfiltered truth of love, loss, and trying to move forward. Disclaimer: This story contains mature themes, including grief, infidelity, and family conflict. Viewer discretion is advised. 📌 Subscribe for more real-life stories and share your thoughts in the comments below. Have you ever faced a betrayal that shook your world? Let’s talk about it.
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0:00
the dull thud of dirt hitting the coffin man that sound just echoed in my bones
0:06
that gloomy day i stood there watching the minister trying to find some comfort
0:11
in his words my daughter she clung to my hand her husband right behind us his hand a solid
0:18
anchor on my shoulder my son Mark and his girlfriend Jill stood beside me and
0:24
I was burying my wife Brenda i always thought it'd be me first you know with
0:30
my job the way I lived i figured I'd be an old old man when I finally kicked the
0:35
bucket but here I was feeling anxient just broken after the funeral came the
0:41
reception everyone came up to me saying how sorry they were how great Brenda was how
0:47
wonderful we were together she was so young they'd say everything but what I
0:53
needed to hear we'd been married over 20 years two kids both grown and out on
0:59
their own our youngest my daughter is married and about to have my first grandchild my son Mark the oldest he's
1:06
doing well in New York City working in finance with all these people in our house I guess it's my house now huh yeah
1:14
I'm still struggling with that everything for the last two decades has been ours not mine about 40 people were
1:21
there offering support all I wanted was to be alone i was just so fed up so I
1:28
slipped out into the backyard through the back gate just needing a walk as I closed the gate a car pulled up right
1:34
next to me it was Marie Brenda's younger sister the one person I absolutely did
1:41
not want to see part of me felt like this was her fault if Marie had just
1:46
kept to herself Brenda would still be here i told her I was going for a walk
1:52
that everyone was inside and that people had been talking about her i didn't smile i didn't invite her i just stated
2:00
the facts as I saw them i wanted to be anywhere but there and I just knew Marie
2:06
would try to invite herself but she just brushed past me and went into the backyard classic Marie it was
2:14
always about her that's why when she suddenly got so interested in Brenda's personal life I
2:19
got suspicious it was out of character for her there was this cloud between us
2:25
this chasm that felt impossible to cross family or not Marie was persona non
2:31
grata in my book it's a long story how it all spiraled into
2:36
well today's funeral but life goes on like a river always moving okay here's
2:43
my story brenda and I met after college she worked at an insurance company and I
2:49
went in to renew my policies she happened to be my agent after that first meeting I kept finding
2:55
excuses to go back finally I got the courage to ask her out a few months
3:01
later we knew we were deeply in love and decided to get married we had two amazing kids and our marriage was full
3:07
it was wonderful right up until 2 years ago i never once doubted marrying Brenda
3:13
we were like two peas in a pod just so compatible then Marie started getting interested in Brenda's life i honestly
3:20
think she meant well she probably thought Brenda needed to expand and grow
3:25
as a person to be better and more loving you could see Marie trying hard to
3:31
assist Brenda with what she saw as her shortcomings it started with Wednesday night outings then Fridays too before
3:38
long Marie was spending more time with Brenda than I was she was basically taking over Brenda's time when I would
3:44
normally be home soon it was all about Marie
3:50
when it became a daily thing I started to pull away from Brenda every time I
3:55
tried to spend quality time with my wife Marie seemed to be there when I wanted
4:00
Brenda to join me or when I planned to take her out for dinner what was once a
4:05
communicative open relationship became closed off i couldn't express my
4:11
feelings without Brenda getting upset accusing me of being harsh and unfair to her younger sister if all I was going to
4:17
do was upset my wife by trying to be with her then why bother a few months after these girls nights out became a
4:24
huge part of our lives I could see my marriage was in serious trouble but I couldn't talk to Brenda about it without
4:30
her getting upset and defensive so I did the worst thing possible i gave
4:37
up i focused on my own interests and Brenda started doing her own thing on
4:43
our rare nights at home together we felt like two strangers living in the same house then one night or rather early
4:51
morning it all started the night before everything went sideways i was in the
4:56
garage working on a project it was a Friday night and Brenda and Marie were on their usual Friday night outing they
5:04
left around 6:30 i ended up making my own dinner and I was eating in the
5:09
garage more and more so I just took it out there listened to my boom box and worked i worked until about 11:00 then
5:16
went inside i half expected Brenda to be in bed but I was surprised she wasn't even home yet
5:24
i saw the light flashing on the phone meaning I had a message the message said
5:29
she was staying at Marie for the night because she'd been out for a while and wasn't in any condition to drive home
5:36
it also said she'd see me in the morning i remember thinking "Why bother i never
5:42
see you anyway just move in with your sister and be happy." Yeah I'll admit it i was angry and I was
5:49
jealous i felt this huge void after Marie took such a strong interest in her sister and I couldn't figure out how to
5:55
get my wife back i just longed to be with Brenda to have our conversations
6:01
our laughter the gentle banter of a couple who knew each other inside and out even the playful moments we used to
6:08
share i missed them so much after replaying and deleting the voicemail I overheard men's voices in the background
6:14
at Marie's house with my wife it sounded like a party i called nine
6:21
rings a man answered he said it was my money and advised me not to waste it i
6:27
asked to speak to Brenda he said she was occupied and suggested calling back around noon the next day he then
6:34
identified himself as her husband her husband despite my insistence he just
6:40
hung up on me furious I redialed multiple times over the next half hour
6:45
but no one picked up after trying three times and just getting angrier I finally had enough i grabbed my car keys left
6:53
the house and drove to Marie's nobody home then it hit me i had called
6:59
Brenda's cell phone i had no idea where she was or who she was with i didn't know if she was there willingly or if
7:05
she'd been abducted i knew nothing i drove home angrier and more scared than ever i went in and poured myself a drink
7:14
at some point I decided Brenda was doing this willingly and the police wouldn't intervene for 24 hours anyway
7:21
i even started to think Brenda had invited those men my mind was playing tricks on me made worse by the drinks i
7:28
woke with a pounding headache and a dry mouth after a shower I took some aspirin
7:34
in the mirror I saw a man with a haunted lost look after a light breakfast I
7:40
waited for a call for Brenda to come home around 2:00 she pulled into the
7:45
driveway she looked amazing in one of my favorite dresses slinky tight fitting
7:51
showing off her legs and a bit of cleavage she only wore that dress on special occasions with me and even then
7:57
only if she planned for a late night she explained she hadn't come home the night before saying she and Marie had a few
8:03
too many drinks by the time they got to Marie's she was too tired to drive so she stayed there brenda said she crashed
8:10
at her sisters slept until a little while ago took a quick shower and now she was back she looked at me saw my
8:17
upset and asked what was wrong calling me by name i expressed my concern
8:23
telling her I'd called her cell several times after the first call the person who
8:28
answered told me she was occupied i told him I was her husband but he hung up
8:34
subsequent calls went unanswered looking at the dress I couldn't help but wonder if she'd worn it for someone else
8:42
and where had she worn it when I went to Marie's neither of them was there and her place was dark brenda took a seat
8:49
but she missed the chair as I spoke she turned reacting to the news that I'd
8:54
called and a man had answered her cell her face went white she miscalculated
9:00
the distance to the armchair landing about a foot away on the floor she just
9:05
stayed there motionless hands on her face tears streaming i couldn't bear it
9:11
i saw her shame it was clear she'd done something regrettable frustrated I got
9:16
up and stormed out to the garage i locked the door cranked up the stereo as
9:21
loud as I could for those couple of hours I didn't accomplish much beyond venting my frustration crushing things
9:28
cursing Marie Brenda and the guy who answered the phone as I cooled off and silenced the stereo
9:35
I pondered the unraveling of my marriage i blamed Marie for everything in my mind
9:42
Brenda and I had been happy in love before Marie but she had driven us apart
9:48
now it seemed Brenda was looking for happiness or satisfaction elsewhere possibly from another man or worse
9:56
multiple men during my time in the workshop it sank in i'd likely lost
10:01
Brenda for good divorce was coming i went back inside and found myself alone
10:07
i figured Brenda had gone to Marie for comfort but in our bedroom Brenda's dresser drawers were open and empty
10:15
scanning the closet I saw only a few random items hardly worn anymore she had
10:20
left me since it was a Saturday online banking was my only option i went online
10:27
strategizing how to rearrange our finances to protect myself if Brenda was truly gone for good i wasn't going to
10:33
suffer financially after years of building up our savings afterward I called a friend who'd been
10:39
through a divorce setting up a meeting to discuss what was happening with Brenda and me i also told the kids about
10:46
the strange situation making it clear their mom might have moved out when my
10:51
daughter asked where she was I honestly admitted I didn't know a week passed i
10:57
buried myself in work trying to distract myself from the chaos of my collapsing home life each night I drank and slept
11:05
waking just in time for a quick shower before going back to work it had been a full week since I'd last
11:12
seen my wife my meeting with my friend didn't offer much new advice beyond what
11:17
I already sensed protect my assets first then figure out Brenda's intentions
11:23
throughout the entire week Brenda remained silent no calls no visits to my
11:28
work until Saturday night i became convinced she'd abandoned our relationship long ago likely with
11:34
another man that night I decided to call Marie's house marie was surprised Brenda
11:39
wasn't home with me she assumed Brenda was still upset and staying close to home
11:44
i told her I hadn't seen Brenda at all and that it wasn't right i suggested that what happened between us was
11:51
because of her marie argued saying it was awfully harsh and that I didn't mean
11:56
that i affirmed it i do mean it we were fine until you started taking Brenda out
12:02
every Wednesday Friday and Sunday night your girls nights out ruined us i hope
12:08
you got whatever it was you were aiming for brenda's gone and I'm sure we're about
12:13
to get divorced if she's not with you she must be with that person who answered her phone last Friday night
12:19
marie was surprised I knew about last Friday night she then told me that on Saturday afternoon Brenda showed up at
12:25
her place in her want to get laid dress all freshly showered she shared that she
12:31
told Brenda about some strange guy answering her phone and Brenda just sat on the floor and cried
12:38
later when Marie came in from the garage Brenda had packed her things and left
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marie finished by saying that her actions had cost me my wife and I warned her not to come around me again despite
12:50
her please not to hang up my anger prevented me from listening i just wanted to shut everything out her Brenda
12:59
the other man life in general the word furious didn't even begin to capture my
13:05
feelings just hearing Marie's voice reignited my rage i was angry and lost
13:11
my wife somewhere unknown and no way to fix our relationship after a heated exchange I slammed the
13:18
phone down so hard I broke the handset adding a new phone to my growing list of worries
13:24
it took a while before I could muster the energy to get up and go to bed i realized I'd been sitting in the same
13:31
spot where Brenda had collapsed not so long ago by morning I concluded I'd come out on
13:37
the losing end and would have been better off staying up all night drinking a dreary Sunday morning greeted me and I
13:44
was in no mood to deal with anyone around noon I heard a car pull up and
13:49
looking out the window I saw my son Mark he asked what had happened around here
13:54
mentioning that mom came to his place a week ago upset and crying she wouldn't talk about anything except that I was
14:01
going to leave her he asked what was going on i told him we were having problems and that she left
14:07
me she packed her things and ran this was the first I knew where she was
14:12
at all this time he mentioned that mom came to his place adding that it was
14:17
kind of embarrassing because he had a friend over and she spent the night he didn't know where mom had been he asked
14:24
when she showed up at my place i answered that it was on Sunday after he called and talked to me she refused to
14:32
let me call him and talk to him she wanted me to leave him alone for fear he'd hunt her down he questioned what
14:38
was going on and if I was going to hurt her i explained that I was tired it had
14:44
been a week of worry and stress like none I'd ever had before now my son had to drive over 300 m on a Sunday to ask
14:52
me what was going on and why his mom was at his place refusing to let him talk to me last week she went out with Aunt
14:58
Marie my son said "Mom told me about that." She ended up missing your call
15:03
and somehow you got real angry about it what got into you why would you do that
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i explained that she missed my call and that's what she told him just that she missed my call i shared that she
15:17
mentioned someone else intercepted the call before she knew about it and I got real mad at her she was afraid so she
15:24
ran he noted that she missed telling him some important details and asked me to
15:30
tell him what happened i recounted that last Friday night Mom went out with Aunt
15:35
Marie like clockwork i was in the garage working on a few things came in about 11
15:40
and found Mom wasn't home yet i saw she'd left a message on the phone that I'd missed stating she had too much to
15:46
drink and was going to stay at Marie my son acknowledged that mom told him about the message part he mentioned that when
15:53
she left the message he replayed it to make sure he understood it correctly noting that I often did that he replayed
16:01
it and heard men's voices in the background which worried him so he called mom's cell phone it rang nine
16:08
times and a strange guy picked up he asked to speak to her and the guy told him she was tied up at the moment and to
16:14
call back tomorrow afternoon he identified himself as her husband but
16:20
the guy hung up after telling him to duck off i responded realizing that mom
16:25
had sugarcoated that part he asked if mom cheated on me i admitted that I
16:31
wasn't sure what happened she left before we talked about it but she seemed guilty about something
16:38
i hadn't spoken to her since Saturday afternoon he suggested that we needed to talk to each other proposing that we
16:44
come over to his place to discuss things he assured us that he and his new girlfriend Jill would be there to
16:50
support us i agreed to talk and he emphasized that we should come as we are
16:55
without weapons he recognized my anger but urged us to work things out and not let this
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situation fester he offered to follow me home and I considered riding with him in case
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things didn't work out at his place he assured me he would make sure I got home okay
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during the drive to Mark's place I realized that I still had some love for Brenda even if she had cheated on me i
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think that right at that moment I was willing to try to work things out with her when we got to Mark's place he
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parked and we went inside his girlfriend Jill was sitting with Brenda and when I
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walked in they both got up looking nervous brenda greeted me asking how I
17:38
had been i felt the anger boiling inside me without checking myself I began to
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blow up barely managing to curtail my anger in time i yelled at her accusing
17:50
her of cheating and saw her shrinking from me i had to pause and catch myself
17:55
apologizing for my outburst i admitted that I'd been drinking a bit too much lately and feeling confused
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about things she looked pale and nervous the woman I loved the woman I'd spent
18:06
the better part of my life with was afraid of me that hurt me deep inside
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my heart was breaking i loved her still and she was afraid of me i wondered if
18:17
we could patch things up Jill interjected introducing herself she wished we could have met under
18:23
better circumstances i took her profered hand and shook it gently responding that I shared the same
18:30
sentiment and hoped we could get to know each other a bit more mark hadn't mentioned seeing anyone yet i glanced
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knowingly at him conveying a slight reprimand in my eyes jill urged us to
18:42
talk while she and Mark would be in the other room ready to intervene if things got difficult they emphasized the need
18:49
for us to keep our cool due to the thin walls and floors in the apartment building after Mark and Jill left Brenda
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began to explain things to me expressing sincere apologies i responded by asking if she had
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something to be sorry about questioning if she had slept with some guy she clarified that it wasn't exactly that
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and I pressed for more information i confronted her about sleeping with more than one guy and her revelation stunned
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me i was flatout shocked this was not the person I had married years ago and I
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felt like I didn't know who she was anymore she admitted that she didn't do this openly and freely of her own choice
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she explained that she was drunk and had consumed too much that night marie had been pushing her for weeks to
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get out and perhaps loneliness played a role she couldn't fully understand how
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it all came about but suddenly found herself on a bed with two men initially
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it started with just one guy but by the end she had been with all of them marie
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was there too and by the end of the night she had been with all of them including Marie the guys had arranged it
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in a way that she didn't consider it spolation and she was drunk enough not to think about the consequences until it
20:06
was far too late her revelation hit me like a ton of bricks i had expected to hear she had cheated on me i hadn't
20:13
figured more than one man nor her and Marie doing things together either they
20:18
were sisters for Christ's sake i sat there not knowing what to say our talk
20:24
had taken about 5 minutes so far and we were already into the part about her having been with other men she wasn't
20:31
hiding anything from me or I didn't think she was she must have read my mind
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she expressed a willingness to tell me whatever I wanted to know sharing that she wasn't sure how everything came to
20:42
be and when she became involved in it she admitted to not remembering her wedding vows or her husband waiting at
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home at one point she found herself begging for more and she described
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herself as a terrible person who didn't deserve me or even to live her sobs overtook her ability to speak and she
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collapsed i observed her feeling unsure about the person in front of me shocked and
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stunned I couldn't find the words to respond the situation overwhelmed me and I
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started to feel ill i started to throw up i calmed down settled my stomach with
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a glass of water and wiped my face i returned to the kitchen table brenda was
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in tears crying softly i wanted to go to her and hold her the problem was I
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didn't know if it would ever be okay again i sat down heavily wanting to know what to say or ask without getting sick
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again she explained that the nights out with Marie were not for scouting men and that it had never happened before they
21:44
had gone to a new club and she had been drinking too much the guys at the club were buying them drinks dancing with
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them and complimenting them making her feel beautiful and playful
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the next thing she knew she called me and left a message that she was too drunk and they went to the guy's place i
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interjected expressing my frustration stating that lately she hadn't been paying attention to me i pointed out
22:09
that she and Marie were the reason as they hadn't been letting me even try i reminded her that I had tried to get her
22:16
to go out with me but she had insisted on being with Marie i accused her of lying to me as the message she left
22:22
mentioned she was at Marie's place she clarified that at the time she thought they were going to Marie's place but the
22:29
men wanted to take them to their place first for a minute to pick up something she explained that they didn't think it
22:36
would be a problem but ended up getting involved in a regrettable situation she mentioned that if only she hadn't
22:43
thought I should have paid more attention to her she might have been better prepared to fend off what happened i couldn't contain my
22:50
frustration raising my voice as she continued to suggest it was my fault i
22:55
pointed out that she had been the one ignoring me consistently going out with Marie every Wednesday Friday and
23:01
Saturday night i accused her of pushing me out of her life and taking up Marie's
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cause i noticed a change in her eyes as she realized she couldn't blame me entirely for her actions
23:13
she admitted that she hadn't realized it was her until now and acknowledged that I was right about that part she
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recognized that her constant presence with Marie had led to my lack of attention
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i questioned if she enjoyed being in such situations referring to her use of the term scarlet woman several times
23:33
she denied ever calling me a scarlet woman or treating me like one expressing her hatred for it i learned that she
23:39
discovered she liked what she did with those men citing the tastes textures sizes and combinations as factors that
23:46
intrigued her she admitted to enjoying the different and new experiences and acknowledged that some of them were
23:52
things she had always wanted to try with me but couldn't bring herself to ask she
23:58
expressed regret for losing herself in the situation and recognized that she had lost me she hated that she had
24:04
engaged in closeness with other men things that should have been reserved for me i responded with a sense of
24:11
uncertainty stating that there might be a chance to move past this difficult time she seized on this glimmer of hope
24:18
expressing a willingness to do anything to be with me and stay married she promised not to go out anymore unless I
24:24
was with her committing to being a stay-at-home wife and doing anything I wanted i remained skeptical questioning
24:30
her sudden willingness to talk and work with me i raised concerns about her past
24:35
actions especially when she was going out with Marie and questioned whether she would resume such behavior when
24:41
things cooled off i emphasized that Marie had driven a wedge between us taking up the time we
24:48
used to spend together i expressed my discontent stating that I was sorry for
24:53
her previous actions i conveyed that I had not fully realized the extent to which she had been
24:59
ignoring and avoiding me questioning why she allowed herself to do so I made it clear that things wouldn't be simple
25:05
moving forward highlighting the fact that she had cheated on me and us i
25:10
asked about her involvement with other men emphasizing the emotional toll it took on me i confronted her about the
25:17
idea of passing it off as staying with Marie and questioned if she would have continued lying if I hadn't found out i
25:24
expressed my rising anger and Brenda could see it in my eyes as my voice increased in volume
25:30
mark and Jill discreetly entered the kitchen in that instant my son suggested a short break proposing that either he
25:37
and I or Jill and I could take a walk jill took hold of my arm guiding me out
25:42
of my chair though I had already half risen her tug felt powerful indicating
25:47
her strength she suggested that we go for a walk allowing me to share my thoughts while Mark and Brenda had their
25:54
conversation i agreed acknowledging that it was probably the best course of action in that moment my anger had been
26:02
escalating and it had reached a point where I might have lost control the diversion provided by the suggestion
26:08
to take a walk spared us from a potentially volatile situation but the unsettling thought of what might have
26:14
happened lingered in my mind as we strolled about a block Jill initiated a conversation with me she acknowledged my
26:22
anger expressing that Brenda and she had discussed Brenda's actions while Mark had fetched me jill conveyed that Brenda
26:29
was genuinely remorseful and sorry for jeopardizing her marriage plagued by guilt over the entire situation
26:36
i listened to her absorbing the information eventually I responded
26:42
emphasizing Brenda's significant mistakes i articulated my frustration
26:47
highlighting how Brenda's sister Marie had taken up much of her time time that she had previously spent with me the
26:54
revelation of their involvement in a drunken encounter fueled my resentment and I expressed a deep sense of hatred
27:00
at that moment unsure whether I would ever overcome it jill shared a personal anecdote about her parents revealing
27:06
that they had faced a similar situation a few years ago when her mom went out with friends and ended up getting
27:12
involved with someone her initial concern for her dad's reaction shifted to relief when they managed to work
27:18
things out although she clarified that it didn't necessarily mean they stayed married acknowledging the complexity of
27:25
Brenda's actions Jill emphasized that Brenda's mistake was significant and had occurred on multiple levels
27:32
despite this Jill believed that Brenda still loved me she reassured me that
27:37
despite appearances Brenda hadn't cast me aside according to Jill Brenda had made a
27:44
grave error finding herself in a situation that spiraled out of control too quickly jill attributed such
27:50
situations to the influence of drinks and medications leading to lowered inhibitions peer pressure and unintended
27:57
consequences walking and talking with Jill I expressed my perspective on the situation
28:03
mentioning that Brenda had strayed while I remained faithful i also pointed out the impact of
28:09
Brenda's sister Marie frequently coming over and taking her away from me as we continued our conversation I noticed my
28:16
anger subsiding thanks in part to Jill's soft and soothing way of talking
28:21
reflecting on the uncertain future of my relationship with Brenda I admitted to feeling messed up inside despite
28:27
attempting to sound cheerful I couldn't shake the emotional turmoil i acknowledged that part of my struggle
28:34
involved understanding how Brenda found herself in such a situation suppressing my anger I tried to maintain
28:40
composure recognizing the need to rise above any potential righteous indignation jill encouraged me to ask
28:47
any questions I had though I attempted to lift my mood the emotional toll persisted
28:53
jill inquired about the state of our relationship before Marie's frequent visits i shared that despite the natural fading
28:59
of the initial magic in our 20-year marriage I believed things were fine
29:04
perhaps even better than many couples with the time we spent together in our conversation
29:09
jill asked if I used to take Brenda out frequently i admitted that perhaps I had
29:14
taken her for granted and that Marie played a significant role in driving a wedge between us
29:20
i explained that whenever I attempted to spend time with Brenda Marie interfered either causing Brenda to refuse or
29:27
getting upset for taking her away from her sister i expressed my frustration with Marie referring to her as the b-
29:33
word at the moment jill probed deeper asking about the romantic aspects of our relationship
29:39
i confessed that given our long history together I assumed the effort to maintain the relationship was a thing of
29:45
the past jill emphasized the importance of romance distinguishing it from mere
29:51
physical relationships i acknowledged the oversight and recognized the need to express my feelings more regretting not
29:58
putting in more effort to make Brenda feel cherished as Jill continued to guide me through self-reflection she
30:04
emphasized the significance of small gestures in nurturing a relationship i admitted that I should have worked
30:10
harder to convey my thoughts and feelings to Brenda realizing that being more romantic might have made a
30:16
difference jill's efforts to make me think clearly were evident though I acknowledged that
30:21
Brenda's time with Marie had already taken away the opportunity for equal time together
30:27
jill pointed out that some of the biggest fights in our marriage revolved around Brenda and Marie's girls nights out emphasizing that Brenda seemed more
30:34
focused on her sister than on our relationship she suggested that our drift apart was
30:40
noticeable and while acknowledging Brenda's wrongdoing she also hinted that better communication and understanding
30:46
might have prevented the situation i expressed frustration wondering if Jill was taking Brenda's side but she assured
30:53
me that it wasn't about blame jill acknowledged that Brenda needed something she wasn't getting from me and
31:00
if we had addressed those issues earlier it might have averted the crisis
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i defended my efforts stating that I never considered cheating despite my frustrations with Brenda's time spent
31:11
with Marie jill urged me to talk to Brenda directly advising a calm and
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direct approach she reminded me that Mark thought highly of me and emphasized that divorce might not be the solution
31:24
encouraging open communication jill suggested that resolving our issues through conversation could rekindle our
31:31
love and help us move past the recent challenges i wish I could exude the confidence Jill showed she seemed
31:38
knowledgeable possibly having learned from her parents' past troubles back at Markx Brenda was composed
31:45
waiting for our conversation i confronted Brenda about the state of our relationship expressing uncertainty
31:51
about where we stood brenda admitted she wanted to be with me but acknowledged the uncertainty of my acceptance after
31:58
her betrayal she apologized sincerely emphasizing that apologies couldn't undo
32:03
what happened and that we needed to face and address the issue in response I
32:08
conveyed my struggle not only with the act of cheating but also with the circumstances involving multiple
32:14
individuals i pointed out the hurtful aspect of involving her sister and
32:19
expressed the pain of trying to win her back while she was unresponsive only for her to seek a chance after being with
32:24
others brenda regretted her actions claimed it was never her intention to cheat and attributed the situation to
32:31
the influence of drinks i questioned whether there was still room for me in her life expressing
32:37
concerns about the impact of her choices on our relationship the conversation left us both grappling
32:43
with the complexities of trust forgiveness and the potential for rebuilding our connection brenda pleaded
32:49
with me not to say certain things expressing her love for me and acknowledging her severe mistake she
32:55
admitted the impossibility of undoing that terrible night expressing her hope for forgiveness and trust in the future
33:02
brenda proposed a trial separation recognizing our uncertainties about the way forward as she spoke a tear welled
33:10
up in Brenda's eye indicating her preparedness for my potential decision
33:15
i felt torn between conflicting emotions a sense of satisfaction in seeing her pain mixed with a deep love and desire
33:23
not to lose her brenda however expressed understanding if I chose to pursue a divorce
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recognizing her lack of excuses and the inability of her words to prevent my departure
33:35
she reluctantly agreed to a trial separation if that was what I thought we needed jill intervened forcefully
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cautioning against a trial separation that could lead to a swift divorce drawing from the experience of her own
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parents she suggested a different approach emphasizing the importance of facing the mistake together proposing
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separation within the same house to encourage communication and working through the issues rather than drifting
34:00
further apart i remained silent absorbing Jill's perspective on the matter the authority in her voice
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resonated with some truth to me i acknowledged that what she said was reasonable but what about those thoughts
34:13
of mine and my pleasure in Brenda's pain i looked at Brenda and contemplated for
34:19
a bit could I let her into my house again could I resist the urge to kick or
34:25
hurt her over the next weeks or months could I ever learn to cope with all that had happened jill's voice broke the
34:31
silence addressing me and my son Mark expressing concern about the situation
34:38
mark joined in questioning what was happening and awaiting a response i
34:43
acknowledged the pressure expressing uncertainty about the safety of a trial separation considering my current anger
34:50
i admitted to feeling a significant amount of anger over the situation jill and Mark understood my emotions and
34:57
Jill emphasized the importance of being together to work through our issues citing her parents' experience
35:04
she insisted that staying together and facing the challenges was the only way to find out if we could make it work i
35:11
contemplated Jill's words pondering the realistic alternatives available to us expressing my doubts I found it
35:18
challenging to believe that being with Brenda and working through our issues was the right solution the lingering
35:24
anger I felt raised concerns about the potential for physical damage if we were together i was aware of the toll our
35:31
separation had taken on both of us over the past week and I didn't want us to become another statistic in the grand
35:37
scheme of life addressing Mark and Jill I expressed my displeasure with feeling coerced into a decision i made it clear
35:44
that I wouldn't make such a crucial choice under duress instead I requested Mark to take me to a motel for the time
35:50
being promising to communicate my decision the next morning after having some time to reflect on the situation
35:57
when I returned the next morning in a cab Brenda appeared to be still sitting in the same place and Mark and Jill had
36:03
noticeably more somber expressions on their faces than they had yesterday it was evident that none of them had
36:10
slept at all i knew I had to give them my answer i suggested to Brenda that she
36:16
should return home assuring her that I would make an effort not to damage her physically
36:22
however I acknowledged the likelihood of occasional outbursts of anger emphasizing the need to be together to
36:29
address our issues i proposed a temporary arrangement where we would stay in separate bedrooms
36:35
physically apart yet attempting to work through our challenges i made it clear that I couldn't
36:41
guarantee anything beyond that brenda sat there tears running down her face i
36:46
could see she was happy about it yet apprehensive too she was thinking "What if I got violent
36:53
or something?" I could see it in her eyes i probably had the same look in mind too trust goes a long way to
37:01
dispelling that look and the trust in our marriage was now long gone it was going to be a long hard road for a while
37:09
brenda suggested counseling a topic that had crossed my mind earlier when her nights out with Marie had already
37:15
strained our relationship i acknowledged the need for counseling both individually and together and
37:21
agreed to initiate the process the next day brenda in response left the kitchen briefly and returned with suitcases in
37:28
hand my son Mark asked if we could go home and I mentioned that my car was in
37:34
a local parking garage mark volunteered to retrieve it and Jill offered to drive
37:40
in the midst of this Mark dropped a surprising bombshell he had proposed to Jill last Saturday night and she had
37:47
accepted i expressed my acceptance of Jill into the family and wished them happiness
37:52
together regardless of what happened between Brenda and me we left together
37:57
it was a quiet intense trip home though each of us was in deep thought that whole next week went the same way the
38:04
tension kept building and building our first appointment together with the counselor was the following week and I
38:10
wasn't sure we'd make it we did but just barely we made that first
38:16
appointment and the following ones until one day the counselor cut us loose on our own we had spent the last 8 months
38:23
going once a week together separate individual visits were interspersed between those we worked it out and while
38:30
it was not easy we managed to get around the whole nightmare in the end one day Brenda came home from the doctor
38:36
appearing troubled i sensed that something serious was a miss but she hesitated to disclose the news
38:43
eventually she took a solitary walk and when she got back she informed me in the living room jeff I have some bad news
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about me i asked what knowing that she'd never cheat on me again i also
38:57
understood that she'd been bothered by something for quite some time now brenda had always been one that didn't like to
39:03
talk about her issues with anyone even doctors she broke down crying expressing
39:09
"I am sick Jeff real sick they said that I have I have cancer i learned that it
39:15
started in her ovaries and had spread and unfortunately they didn't catch it in time." As she left the statement
39:22
unfinished she conveyed "They don't think." I was numb for the second time
39:28
in my life i questioned what she meant brenda reassured me that we would fight
39:34
that this cancer could be beaten there were treatments and we would win this battle together i shared my thoughts
39:41
with her mentioning that each thing I said seemed to bring more tears from Brenda as time passed I began to wonder
39:48
if she was going to fight at all she conveyed "It's beyond fixing Jeff."
39:53
This appointment today was with a specialist that my doctor wanted me to see he ran a few tests and made me wait
39:59
for the results he was about to cry when he told me the news brenda revealed that
40:05
the cancer had spread to her lymph glands and liver along with other parts of her body there was concern it might
40:12
have reached her head and the mention of the MRI was distressing tearfully she expressed "Oh God I don't
40:19
want to die Jeff i don't i love you." Regretfully she admitted I wasted all
40:27
that time with Marie and caused our troubles when I should have gone in to see the doctor way back then it's my
40:33
fault i ignored some of the symptoms it spread i wanted to be there for Marie since I
40:39
thought she needed me it's too late now i only have a few months i am so sorry
40:45
Jeff i expressed Brenda I'm the one that's sorry what can I do for you what
40:50
can we do she replied "Just hold me Jeff love me and hold me that's all anyone
40:56
can do for me now." I followed her request holding her close
41:02
forgotten were those days of anger and pain we now faced new challenges anger
41:08
and pain brought by the dreaded cancer despite the time we were apart and Brenda had fallen we had generally been
41:15
a happy couple i made an effort to maintain a positive and happy attitude around Brenda
41:21
throughout the time she wasted away at some point we believed that some of
41:26
the treatments might have been helping her but later we discovered that was not the case
41:32
she outlasted the doctor's original estimate by a few months fortunately she had her children and me by her side when
41:37
she passed away this is why I have issues with Marie i question if I am being unfair if I should forgive and
41:44
forget however I find it difficult because Marie led my wife into a net of
41:49
pain and suffering causing us to lose precious time together almost tearing us apart
41:56
nearly a whole year was destroyed a year that could have been spent loving each other not struggling to overcome
42:02
Brenda's one night mistake additionally there's the lingering question of whether that cancer could
42:09
have been detected earlier i don't know i'll always wonder