Up next in 10
Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! This episode goes over parenting and dating after divorce with Tracy Kindeski exploring how to balance your role as a parent while opening yourself up to love again, all without losing your sense of self.
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
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0:06
Hi everyone, I'm Kelly O'Horo and this
0:09
is Adaptable Behavior Explained. Hi
0:12
there everybody. Thanks for tuning in to
0:14
Adaptable today. I'm Kelly O'Horo. I'm
0:16
your host and I am with Tracy here today
0:20
who will introduce herself for part two
0:23
of our series on divorce primarily after
0:26
a long marriage. But I've got Tracy here
0:28
today and we're going to talk about
0:29
dating and parenting adult children
0:31
after divorce because both of those
0:33
topics are not fun. And I think that
0:36
people could use some advice and some
0:38
support about that part of divorcing.
0:40
And I'm lucky to have Tracy here because
0:43
she's got a lot of personal experience
0:44
on this topic, but is also a therapist
0:47
with Infinite Healing and Wellness. So
0:48
Tracy, thanks for being here. Um,
0:50
welcome and tell us a little bit about
0:51
yourself. Thank you for having me. Yes,
0:54
I've been at Infinite a couple years. am
0:56
an LAC. Love it. And I am a mom. I have
1:01
three adult children. I am currently
1:04
engaged. Congratulations. Oh, and
1:06
correction for the last episode. I
1:08
mentioned married and I was a little
1:10
ahead of myself because I remember the
1:12
pictures of your engagement and I was so
1:14
excited and I just got you married right
1:15
away. So, not yet married, but very
1:17
exciting. Yes. So you you can talk about
1:20
the whole series of what happens after,
1:22
you know, after after after divorce and
1:25
what that whole thing is like,
1:26
especially in this day and age. So what
1:29
was your experience like when you
1:31
decided to start dating after you were
1:33
divorced? At first, I had no interest in
1:36
dating. Um I'm like, I'm just going to
1:40
focus on my career. Um which I had never
1:42
done. and I had great friends and great
1:46
family and spend time with my kids. And
1:49
so I really had no intention. So I think
1:53
I went on two blind dates
1:59
and then and your face doesn't I'm like
2:03
um after 27 years and and like when we
2:06
were single I've been married 25 years,
2:08
you were married 27 years. There was no
2:11
internet swiping and like No, I never
2:14
wanted to do that. It's crazy that
2:16
that's how people meet now. I didn't
2:19
Yeah, I didn't want to do that. What
2:20
were some of the challenges that you ran
2:22
into dating in this era? How do I trust
2:25
anybody?
2:27
Everybody, you know, I didn't do the
2:29
online thing, but how do you really know
2:32
what you're getting? And how am I going
2:34
to You don't want to waste a bunch of
2:36
time and then find out this. I've had a
2:38
lot of other friends that were divorced
2:40
and did all the dating sites, so I heard
2:42
a lot of horror stories with that. I
2:45
really didn't want to date. Um I ended
2:49
up um randomly being out and meeting now
2:55
my fiance who even then it was like not
3:00
interested. Yeah. Yeah. So how should
3:03
people approach dating with kind of a
3:05
healthy mindset after
3:08
long-term relationship. I mean, I don't
3:11
I I don't even know if I would know how
3:13
to be single, right? Not single like
3:15
separate in my own self that's not in a
3:17
marriage, but like how do you be single
3:19
after you've been married for so long?
3:21
Yes. Yes. I would say for people um
3:26
I would say first and foremost um how I
3:29
compared meeting someone at this age
3:32
versus when I was in my 20s. So, anybody
3:36
older and you've gone through this and
3:37
it's like, "Oh, this seems weird and
3:39
foreign." Um, my advice would be you
3:43
just need to be you and kind of own um
3:46
your morals, your values, and what you
3:48
stand for. I feel like what I see in an
3:52
unhealthy way, it's oh my gosh, I'm old
3:55
and I don't want to be all alone and so
3:59
I've got to try to be this and try to be
4:01
that and be, you know, good enough and
4:04
and shapeshift
4:06
so that you can be someone's match. And
4:08
I think that's it's such a catastrophic
4:10
mistake. Yes. Yes. And so looking back,
4:14
it was kind of good that I didn't want
4:16
to meet anybody because I was really
4:18
just owning all the I'd been
4:21
through and figuring out me. And I think
4:25
that's what he was attracted to. It was
4:28
like, oh, you weren't pining or
4:29
desperate. This girl's just doing her
4:31
thing and it's kind of confident, which
4:33
was really, really new for me. Okay. And
4:35
so my advice would be just do you,
4:37
right? Find you, find your friends, find
4:40
and then they It is kind of like they
4:42
come when Yeah. Yeah. You're not putting
4:44
off this good energy when you're just so
4:46
desperately looking for this next guy
4:48
that is going to make you happy, right?
4:51
What would you say to someone who feels
4:52
reluctant or hesitant to date? Because I
4:55
mean that kind of is a little bit about
4:56
how you were in Yes. Fast forward to
4:58
where you are now, right? You would have
5:00
been losing out if you stayed in that
5:02
mindset. Absolutely. So looking back,
5:05
it's like, okay, well, what really is
5:07
dating? Oh, I'm scared to date. Oh, I'm
5:09
scared to put myself out there. And
5:10
those are all real things. But I feel
5:12
like if they could come at it with the
5:15
mindset of
5:17
you're just meeting people, right? And
5:20
you can learn so much about yourself,
5:22
meeting new and different people. Sure.
5:25
So why not put yourself out there? It's
5:27
an experience instead of going in with
5:29
this desperation or any expectation that
5:32
something was going to be like there
5:34
there'd be some finality to it. Yeah. I
5:36
mean, okay, so you go on a date, what's
5:38
the worst thing, right? you have some
5:40
food and right and if you're not a click
5:43
maybe you learn something about his job
5:45
maybe you end up you know he likes one
5:47
of your friends or you like one of you
5:49
know it's just it could turn into
5:51
anything sure and so if you're kind of
5:53
just owning it as your and open journey
5:56
and it's an experience I when I was
5:58
dating before I met my husband I dated
6:01
for about 10 months in between a
6:03
previous relationship and I you know and
6:07
although it wasn't after a divorce it
6:09
was after a six-year relationship. And
6:11
so I have a little bit of experience,
6:12
but I was 22 at the time. So it was a
6:15
very different season of life. But I
6:17
remember thinking, I'm going to date.
6:18
I'm going to date a lot because I don't
6:20
know me and I don't know what I want and
6:22
I don't know who they are and I need to
6:25
figure that out. And so what I did was I
6:27
dated and then I I sort of just kept a
6:29
journal of things that I called it my
6:31
deal breaker list because once you're
6:34
passionate and you know there's all this
6:36
chemistry and everything else you kind
6:37
of forget the things that really are
6:39
important to you that would anchor you
6:41
in a relationship or the foundation of a
6:43
relationship and I remember thinking I
6:46
don't want to get confused because of
6:48
chemistry or because of passion. I want
6:50
to be like very clear about what I want
6:51
in a partner. And so I would write
6:54
things down that was really attractive
6:56
and things that are just like a no-go
6:59
for me. I love that. And I would write
7:00
them down and that way the next
7:01
relationship if it somebody had one of
7:03
those or didn't have one of the things
7:05
that I had written and I only had like
7:06
about 10 things on that list. It wasn't,
7:08
you know, people need to be them, but
7:09
they're just things that aren't going to
7:11
line up for you and your values, right?
7:13
The non-negotiables. And uh and I think
7:15
that's an that's a good exercise to do.
7:17
Yes. For someone who just, you know,
7:19
whatever you whatever it is, you're
7:20
going to learn something about you. And
7:22
and I one of mine was like there needed
7:25
to be some form of faith in the
7:26
relationship because I came from a
7:28
divorced family and I don't know how to
7:31
do this and I want to make sure that we
7:34
at least lean on something bigger than
7:35
us when we want to throw in the towel
7:37
because relationships are so hard. And I
7:39
knew that another one was that they
7:40
needed to be respectful to people in
7:43
service industries. Oh yeah. because I
7:44
knew that would just be such a cringy
7:47
thing for me if we were somewhere and
7:50
someone was just like super
7:51
disrespectful to a server. I'm like,
7:53
"Nope, just it's who they are. It's just
7:55
like not going to work for me." So,
7:57
there was things like that that I would
7:58
add to my list. I love that, you know?
8:00
Yeah. I did that with my kids growing
8:01
up. I mean, not when they were little,
8:03
but you know, praying for who their
8:05
spouse would be. Um, and that make a
8:09
list of the 10 qualities. And then as
8:12
you're dating, sometimes you're like,
8:15
"Ooh, I really like that quality." Or,
8:19
"Oh my gosh, like I definitely because
8:22
everybody's different. Everybody's
8:24
unique and they bring so many different
8:25
qualities to the table and they're when
8:27
you're learning if you use it as an
8:28
exercise of learning about self and and
8:30
connection with others. I mean, I think
8:32
there is a whole lot we can learn about
8:34
ourselves." So, that would be my advice
8:36
is look at dating like an experiment,
8:39
right? and
8:41
I don't want to be like that or I do
8:42
wanna right I want to give off that
8:45
energy or have that quality and don't
8:46
shape shift for someone else be you
8:49
authentically holy otherwise it's not
8:51
going to work anyway we can't be fake
8:53
for so long right that's not going to
8:54
hold so great thank you so much for that
8:57
um for that advice I think it's
9:00
important and it's such a hard time I
9:02
mean and for those who do dating apps
9:04
just a you know a couple of safety
9:05
things I think meeting someone in a
9:07
public space not letting people know
9:09
where you live. If someone you know can
9:12
vet someone, that's always helpful. But
9:14
it's, you know, it's share your location
9:16
with you. Share your location with
9:17
somebody. What are some other safety
9:19
tips you can think of? Um, I just have a
9:21
couple friends that are single and they
9:23
shared their location if they're going.
9:24
Say, "Heads up, I'm going on a date."
9:26
Yeah. And then she'll go to the bathroom
9:27
and say, "You need to come up with an
9:29
emergency because this is going
9:30
horrible." Which is not authentic.
9:33
Instead of saying, "I don't think this
9:34
is going to work out. We can go ahead
9:36
and save ourselves some time and call it
9:37
a That's what she should have done.
9:39
Yeah, for sure. Um, so let's talk about
9:41
a harder topic now related to parenting
9:44
adult children after divorce because I
9:46
think a lot of people wait to get
9:47
divorced until their kids are grown. And
9:49
I I think they're sorely surprised and
9:52
also don't recognize there's still a
9:54
tremendous amount of damage that happens
9:56
for our offspring. Absolutely. If we
9:58
divorce even even once they're out of
10:00
the house. So what are some of the
10:02
things that you feel feel comfortable
10:04
sharing that were hard for your kids
10:06
after this? And I did. I thought, well,
10:07
at least my kids are adults when this,
10:12
you know, kind of transpired this, you
10:16
know, path was going down this way. At
10:19
least they're adults, right? I won't
10:21
have to like drop off at dads and drop
10:23
off at moms and I won't have to do all
10:24
that. And I quickly found out, oh my
10:27
gosh, they're taking this really hard.
10:30
And then I had to stop and think, well,
10:32
no one wants their mom and dad to get
10:34
divorced.
10:35
You know, my mom and dad are still
10:37
married. They're 60, you know, three
10:39
years. And I would be devastated at this
10:42
point if they got divorced, right? And
10:45
yeah, it was really hard. It changes the
10:48
whole family dynamic. Sure. You know,
10:50
what's your wedding going to be like?
10:51
What are your baby's, you know, parties
10:54
going to be like and the grandkids and
10:56
how are we going to choose where to go
10:57
for holidays? All those things are so
10:59
hard. So, what are some of the things
11:00
your your kids have struggled with so we
11:02
can share how to navigate that? Um, I
11:05
think the biggest thing, and I did not
11:07
do it perfect, but looking back, my
11:09
advice would be, um, for adult kids is
11:14
they're all so different and they all
11:16
feel
11:18
different at different times. They have
11:20
different opinions about it. One of my
11:22
kids was trying to, you know, talk me
11:24
into, no, you need to make this work,
11:26
right? You need to go back home and you
11:28
need to listen to this, you know,
11:30
whatever. And she'd send me stuff and
11:31
whatever. And I wasn't going to be it
11:34
was listening to each one of them
11:36
separately and just holding space for
11:39
them to let them get it all out. What
11:42
they're feeling is so important and I
11:44
didn't want to be like no or you're
11:46
wrong the other because it's so
11:48
powerless for them and they're going to
11:49
they're going to adapt, you know, that
11:51
sounds like that one was like here I
11:52
need to try to take control of this
11:54
situation because this is too powerless
11:55
for me to feel it. Yeah. Yes.
11:57
Desperation. Why are you doing this? Our
11:59
family's never going to be the same. And
12:02
I just Did anyone lash out at you? Oh,
12:05
yeah. We had some of that. Yeah, that's
12:07
so hard. That was probably the hardest
12:09
because when I finally made up my mind
12:11
of what I was doing with the
12:13
relationship, it's not the kids fault,
12:16
right? I felt horrible. That was the
12:19
worst of all of it. And so, no question.
12:22
Just having to hold space for them and
12:26
not have the answer, right?
12:29
Like, I'm so sorry. I know
12:33
sucks. And you don't know what it's
12:35
going to look like. I remember looking
12:37
for apartments and just crying because I
12:40
could only afford, you know, this little
12:42
cracker jack box um one bedroom. And I
12:46
remember being like, I can't have
12:49
Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving at
12:52
this. And you know what? I did and it
12:54
was fine and it was great because it
12:56
really all that mattered were all
12:58
together, right? Yeah. But with the kid
13:00
thing is let them be mad, vent, weep,
13:06
right? Let them do it for as long as
13:08
they need to do it. And and don't make
13:10
it about you. Absolutely not. I think
13:13
they tried to get into the wanting to
13:16
know and the details and that was one
13:19
thing um I tried to be really good at
13:22
was
13:25
I don't need to drag you into our junk,
13:27
right? And so let's just keep it about
13:30
you and your feeling and how we're going
13:32
to be okay and we're going to get
13:34
through this, right? What about uh
13:37
blame? You know, kids want to blame
13:40
because they they don't want that's how
13:41
we discharge our pain and our discomfort
13:43
is through blame. Did you ever find
13:45
anything whether it was you or your ex
13:48
and how did you navigate that?
13:51
Um yeah, it's hard for someone to go,
13:53
well, you're just giving up and it's all
13:56
your fault. They don't know what you've
13:57
been doing behind closed doors for
13:58
however many years. And I think I' I um
14:02
you know looking back they probably all
14:04
have three different stories. Sure. Um
14:06
because it felt different for all three
14:08
of them. And I hope that
14:13
my goal was that they saw my sincerity
14:16
of I'm so sorry this is happening. Um,
14:20
and when the blame of like, well, you
14:23
left or you you know, you're giving up
14:25
or you're whatever it was. Um, it was
14:29
I never I would have bet money that I
14:32
would never be doing this. And so I get
14:36
that from you saying no, no, no, this
14:38
can't happen. Um, and sometimes you just
14:41
find yourself in a position that you
14:44
never thought you'd be in and it sucks
14:47
and it's hard and I'm doing the best I
14:49
can, right? It's painful. It's lost.
14:52
There's no way around that. And what
14:55
about how you address the other parent?
14:56
Because I think so many parents really
14:58
get this wrong. I have a whole other
14:59
episode on this. So, if this is
15:01
happening for you, I've got an episode
15:03
on how to parent um in divorce and also
15:06
uh tips from an attorney about who is a
15:08
family law divorce uh attorney. So, I
15:11
have a couple of other episodes. Check
15:12
check those out if this is in your
15:13
wheelhouse right now. But what are some
15:15
things you would say about how to deal
15:17
with the, you know, the other parent and
15:20
how you navigate that? So, again, I did
15:23
not do it perfect.
15:25
um the goal, the intention, and what I
15:28
tried to do hopefully most the time was
15:32
um
15:34
not talk bad about them. Um and it gets
15:38
sticky, right? Because they want to like
15:40
bring in details and then you want to
15:42
defend yourself. Sure. And I'm sure at
15:44
times I did it wrong or said too much or
15:47
the goal of where I try the lane I tried
15:50
to stay in was we're both two imperfect
15:53
people. and I'm really sorry that we
15:55
ended up here and I'm doing the best I
15:59
can. You know, it's I just my goal I
16:02
would tried to keep them out of the At
16:05
what point do you think it's okay or do
16:07
you think it's okay to share your
16:08
perspective on how things went wrong?
16:10
Yeah, I did. I think our kids can learn
16:12
from us also. Yes, I did with them being
16:14
adults did finally end up kind of saying
16:17
some hard truths. whether that landed
16:21
right. Um I'd have to each go back,
16:24
circle back and ask them individually.
16:26
But I think with the kids is is they all
16:29
took a different amount of time to heal.
16:31
They all healed really, really
16:33
differently, but they all at their own
16:37
time, which being a mom, it's like,
16:41
okay, that's all I needed to hear,
16:43
circled back and things like, "Mom, I'm
16:46
proud of you. Mom, I totally get it,
16:50
Mom. Not that they wanted it. Sure. Or
16:52
not that we were blame blaming the Yeah.
16:54
the other person. It was just like I
16:56
think they just saw me transforming and
16:59
being really authentic and true to
17:01
myself and they're like, I'm proud of
17:03
you. For the individual you're becoming.
17:06
Yes. Yeah. No, that that's really so
17:09
beautiful. from your perspective as a
17:11
therapist, what I mean, you've given
17:13
some examples, but what what advice
17:15
would you give as far as communication
17:17
with your kids and um you know, when do
17:20
you tell them things? How do you tell
17:21
them things? Like what what thoughts do
17:24
you have on that? Um, every situation is
17:27
so different, so it's not like there's
17:29
this cookie cutter thing, but um I think
17:32
with talking with them, check your
17:36
motives first. Great advice. like am I
17:39
just saying this to make him look bad
17:41
and then they like me better. Like don't
17:43
get into that tugof-war thing because
17:45
that just comes back to bite you, right?
17:48
I think in the end if you can just show
17:51
them, you know, I love you. I hear you.
17:54
I want it to like just hold space for
17:57
them and be like my you're the most
17:59
important thing to me right now and us
18:01
getting through this and coming out
18:03
better on the other side. Um, yeah, but
18:07
it gets messy. It totally gets messy.
18:10
But just don't talk bad about
18:14
the other spouse. Who is that helping?
18:17
Right? because really you're just doing
18:19
that to try to like you know like it
18:21
wasn't me and or they were worse and
18:24
it's like in the end I think the kid is
18:26
half them you know and that's the thing
18:28
I think parents really forget is you say
18:31
something bad or disparaging about the
18:33
other parent and you're you're
18:34
essentially saying something bad about
18:36
them because they are half them and so
18:38
we just need to be thoughtful about that
18:40
you never want to say something nasty
18:42
about your own child it's not good for
18:44
their self-esteem I did find myself cuz
18:46
they'll you know, they probably did it
18:48
the other way around, but if they came
18:50
to me and were venting about their dad
18:53
um to the best of my ability, I would
18:56
say you only have I would encourage that
18:59
relationship, right? Because everybody
19:02
should try to have a mom a healthy
19:04
relationship with their mom and their
19:06
dad to the best ability that they can.
19:08
So, I always was like, um, you know, and
19:11
still do like, oh, what'd you do with
19:12
your dad?
19:14
And
19:15
that makes it easier for them. That's
19:17
all I cared about, which is so selfless
19:20
and not super common. A lot of times
19:22
parents really don't know how to do
19:23
that. And it it really makes a mess. It
19:25
really really does. What role has
19:27
therapy played for you in the aftermath
19:29
of this and your family?
19:32
Everything.
19:35
All the things. Um therapy. I've, you
19:40
know, had a therapist at different times
19:41
in my adult life and going through
19:43
things and obviously a lot of therapy
19:45
going through this divorce,
19:47
reprocessing, you know, the past and and
19:50
all this stuff. So, yeah, if you don't
19:52
do therapy, how do you I I don't even
19:54
know how you would do it. Yeah. I don't
19:55
know how people heal without it, but
19:57
yeah, I might I think there's way too
20:00
many messy emotions and they're all over
20:03
the place. You're angry one day. You're
20:06
sad and crying the next day. Confused.
20:09
Yeah. You're confused. Regret. There's
20:12
so many emotions. And so what are we
20:14
just going to shove all that down? And
20:16
so therapy, therapy, therapy, therapy,
20:19
for someone to hear you, validate you,
20:22
for you to just get all the crap out
20:25
well. And to reprocess the trauma that
20:26
comes from the loss of the identity. We
20:29
talked about that in our last episode.
20:31
And and the family system. And how do
20:33
you navigate these tricky moments with
20:35
your family members? And therapies, I
20:38
mean, you can have great friends and
20:39
great family, which I do have, but from
20:43
a professional that's zoomed out sure of
20:47
your life that can go can show you here
20:49
some blind spots. Yeah. Or hu cuz I
20:52
think friends want to love on you and
20:54
support you and oh my gosh, she's going
20:56
through this hard time. Let's just, you
20:57
know, so yes, some friends can kind of
21:00
aid in keeping you a little stuck, too.
21:02
Yeah, we don't want to stay the victim
21:04
forever. We need to come out of this
21:06
Yes. this situation stronger. Therapy
21:08
played a huge role in me recovering,
21:11
healing. Sure. Processing all the trauma
21:14
that came with that. And now looking
21:16
forward, you're engaged. What are the
21:18
plans on that? Yeah. So, the end of this
21:20
year, we're waiting for um we just want
21:23
the kids to be there. So, he has one
21:25
daughter. Awesome. And then my three
21:27
kids and then my I have a son-in-law.
21:29
So, and how have the kids all adapted
21:31
to, you know, your kids with him and his
21:34
kiddos with And that's hard. You know,
21:36
that's hard. I feel like I got really,
21:38
really lucky because I found an amazing
21:40
man that um they just love. But again,
21:43
no one's perfect. I mean, you know, if
21:46
there things they don't like about him,
21:48
I don't know if they're going to tell
21:49
me,
21:50
but the biggest thing they see how he
21:55
loves me um and treats me. And then
21:58
individually they've expressed that. So
22:01
lucky. Yeah. They've expressed that. And
22:03
so that's the biggest thing. And now now
22:06
in this marriage or this this soon to be
22:08
you know marriage knowing how you wanted
22:11
to be treated and how you want to feel
22:13
in a relationship. Talk about how it's
22:15
how it's different. Yeah. I think it's
22:18
um I mean I I still to this day say you
22:21
know I had a great marriage until I
22:23
didn't.
22:24
um have lots of great memories, have
22:26
three beautiful children, right? Um and
22:28
we had a lot of great years and times.
22:31
Sure. You almost like get a redo. And so
22:36
how I changed and grew like what I
22:39
didn't like about how you were in your
22:41
relationship, you didn't have to do that
22:42
again. Yeah. And it's hard to break old
22:45
patterns or how you show up for someone.
22:48
Sure. And so again, not advocating, you
22:51
know, divorce, like figure it out if you
22:53
can figure it out. But um but yes, for
22:56
me, um getting a redo was like, ah, I am
23:00
not going to be a people pleaser. Yeah.
23:02
And I'm not going to be codependent, but
23:05
I'm still me. It's not like you change
23:07
personalities, but it's just like this
23:10
feels so good. Well, you get to
23:12
establish new patterns of behavior in a
23:14
new relationship because they don't have
23:15
all of the old, you know, dynamics that
23:17
you had. And it is hard to undo those
23:19
patterns. It really isn't. And if both
23:21
people aren't working on changing
23:23
through their own therapy, it's really
23:25
tricky for one person to do a lot of
23:27
changing and then have that relationship
23:28
be sustainable. It really is. Yes. I
23:31
really appreciate you being here. Is
23:33
there anything else you want to share
23:35
related to to dating or to parenting
23:37
adult children when it comes to after a
23:40
divorce?
23:41
If you're going through a divorce,
23:43
get therapy
23:45
and just make it about your not in a
23:49
selfish way, but just make it about your
23:52
journey and learning you. And like I'll
23:55
tell my clients, you know, here's your
23:57
little house that you get to live in for
24:00
the rest of your life. You know, this
24:01
mind, this brain, this soul, and this
24:04
body, like, don't you want to know
24:06
everything about it and make it as good
24:07
as it can be? That's so beautiful. And
24:10
if you're going through a divorce and
24:11
you're transitioning, don't just rush
24:13
into it. Like, you're never going to get
24:15
this time back where you can reflect and
24:17
grow and heal and fix things you don't
24:20
like and take all the time that you
24:21
need. I love that. That's such fabulous
24:24
uh insight. And I I just thank you for
24:26
your vulnerability. If you're going
24:28
through this in your life, please check
24:30
out the last episode that we did. I
24:32
think it will be very helpful to anybody
24:34
going through this. and definitely reach
24:37
out for a therapist if you're not in the
24:39
Arizona area. Um, check out emdria.org
24:42
to find a therapist in your region. Um,
24:45
but if you need some support, uh, Tracy
24:47
specializes in seeing, uh, women of
24:49
divorce. And so, she'd be a great fit
24:51
for you if you found a residence with
24:53
her um, in Arizona. But there's a lot of
24:56
good therapists out there, so do your
24:57
research. and it is traumatic. So, I
25:00
highly recommend finding someone that is
25:02
trained in EMDR therapy if you are
25:04
looking for some support. I hope that
25:06
this episode was helpful. Thank you
25:08
again for being here. I appreciate it.
25:10
And don't remember to reach out for your
25:12
supports and don't do this alone. It's
25:14
it's tremendously difficult to do any
25:16
sort of transition by yourself, but this
25:18
one in particular. And uh I love that
25:20
you said, you know, just do the best
25:22
that you can because that's all that you
25:24
can do and it's going to be bumpy and
25:25
hard and messy. Thank you so much for
25:27
tuning in. and I wish you healing. If
25:28
this is something you're going through,
25:30
please share this or pass it along to
25:32
someone else who might benefit from it
25:33
if there if you know of someone in the
25:35
same circumstance. And don't forget to
25:37
lead with love. Until we meet again,
25:39
it'll never steer you wrong.
25:42
[Music]
#Marriage
#Romance
#Parenting