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Surviving Complex PTSD, Life in Post Traumatic Growth Part 2
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Feb 6, 2025
Welcome to Adaptable | Behavior Explained! In this episode, we explore Patrick O'Horo's raw and direct account of his mental health journey. From tackling complex PTSD to embracing EMDR therapy as a client to now being an EMDR clinician, Patrick shares the highs and lows, dismantling blame, and finding transformative support. Patrick also touches on the significance of men's mental health, offering a poignant perspective on breaking stigmas and fostering understanding. This episode is a direct and personal dive into vulnerability, resilience, and triumph over mental health challenges. This is Part 2 of 2! I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing! I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all. -- Links -- https://kellyohoro.com https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
View Video Transcript
0:08
hi everyone I'm Kelly ooro and this is
0:11
adaptable Behavior explained thanks for
0:14
tuning in today I wanted to share with
0:16
you part two of this important episode
0:19
that I've got my husband Pat ooro here
0:22
today and uh he's going to continue
0:24
sharing uh his wonderful story with us
0:28
and continues to be an example for men
0:30
in growing their journey of vul
0:32
vulnerability so if you're tuning in
0:34
here please uh if you haven't seen the
0:36
first part of this show please make sure
0:38
you go back and watch part one because
0:40
this won't be a good place to start if
0:42
you don't um and so we're going to go
0:44
ahead and continue thanks again for
0:45
being here so you know there was a lot
0:48
of years the first three years was all
0:51
just you know in internal family systems
0:54
like what are the parts that uh that
0:58
what are my managers and my firefighters
1:00
and all of that stuff around my
1:01
dissociation and then another core
1:03
aspect was getting back in the cockpit
1:06
and going to mindfulness based stress
1:08
reduction right John kat zin's work on
1:11
on being able to be present in my body
1:13
and tolerate the feelings and emotions
1:16
and experiences that I'm having so once
1:18
I climbed back into the cockpit which
1:20
was really hard um then learning okay oh
1:24
now I see this alarm okay where's that
1:26
oh that's that's this childhood thing
1:28
and that's you know the journey of oh
1:30
it's not really what's happening now
1:32
it's you know it's the the maintenance
1:34
and repair and damage that happened
1:35
before or didn't happen before so thank
1:38
you so much for sharing that incredibly
1:41
vulnerable story that you have you have
1:44
uh transformed from from all of those
1:48
layers of armor and adaptations and you
1:50
aren't even remotely close to anybody
1:53
that would have fallen into that moment
1:56
before and I think that uh since I
1:59
should say um and I your bravery to
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share this with with others who have had
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moments that they don't think they can
2:06
come back from I think that hopefully
2:09
you're a testimony to if you're willing
2:10
to go do the hard work that that you can
2:14
overcome just about any Behavior no
2:16
matter how atrocious it is of course
2:18
you're going to have to roll around in a
2:19
lot of Shame for it and your family
2:21
system is going to need to be able to
2:22
stand by you but uh to get through that
2:25
and I just I couldn't be more impressed
2:27
or proud of how hard you've worked to to
2:31
to overcome so much of the history I
2:33
couldn't have done it without you and I
2:35
couldn't have done it without Gail my
2:37
counselor and the support of a lot of
2:39
other people yeah um and I'm very
2:42
grateful um for the opportunity
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to
2:47
um to grow through that and to uh uh
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find the the door in the glass box of
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emotion and get to you know
2:56
actually grow and and participate in the
2:59
life that I always dreamed of like I'm
3:01
I'm really I'm happy and you and you
3:04
always you always had deserved it you
3:07
always should have had it and we just
3:10
you know sometimes get decka get delt a
3:13
lousy deck of cards and uh I think that
3:15
that was so many people's story you know
3:18
yeah I had a conversation once with a
3:20
work colleague and we were kind of
3:22
waxing existentially and and his
3:25
philosophy was that in the cusp of the
3:29
Universe you know before we're born we
3:32
we choose the experiences that we want
3:34
to have and that life is just acting
3:36
that out and I remember going absolutely
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not there's no way that I would have
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chosen like you don't understand bro
3:44
there's no way I would have chosen what
3:46
happened to me but as I've gone through
3:48
my own mental health journey I think my
3:51
bent on that is that maybe we choose who
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we want to
3:57
become and then Life deals us the card
4:00
so that we have an opportunity to build
4:02
that resilience to build that muscle to
4:05
overcome to overcome and uh so in that I
4:08
give myself a pat on the back for aiming
4:13
for uh for a a really uh a really
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hard uh Target a really to aain well
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you've never you've never uh a healthy
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striving would be a major understatement
4:28
in those people who know you would
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describe that um just just as an aside I
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want to share with you all that uh
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thankfully the following weekend I had
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after the Raleigh incident I had EMDR
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therapy training weekend two and um I
4:43
was incredibly rattled because your
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former therapist who you know I sort of
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blamed for not fixing you fast enough
4:49
and making sure you would never do such
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a thing to me um was there and I was
4:55
like how am I supposed to learn I'm
4:57
totally rattled from this you know it
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was only a few days days before that
5:00
this Raleigh thing had happened and how
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am I supposed to one learn I'm not in my
5:04
prefrontal cortex and two how am I
5:06
supposed to do EMDR work that's shallow
5:08
and not really connected to anything
5:10
substantial I'm like there's no chance
5:12
so I went to the trainer and I said hey
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this is what happened I want to work
5:15
through it can I do this piece of work
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in our practicum and he was awesome and
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he totally supported that and and just
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so you viewers know I cleared that whole
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incident that weekend and honestly I had
5:27
never felt jumpy ever
5:30
about my relationship with him but we
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had a lot we had a lot of new boundaries
5:35
well and you know I really had to start
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looking at my part and which was I was a
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fighter too I would provoke I would push
5:42
buttons I didn't know how to walk away
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I I didn't know how to settle down I
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didn't know how to remove myself when
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things were getting heated so that
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became my part in our in our dance for
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sure but I just wanted to make sure you
5:53
all knew that you know I had my own
5:55
support right away and I never really
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even suffered with the jumpiness of
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being afraid of you because I took care
6:00
of it so darn fast in my own work so
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yeah and I think um you know I I
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recently I annually watch The Hunger
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Games for those out there I love it um
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but one of the things I I I really love
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about that is the end you know spoiler
6:15
alert uh when when Peta one of the
6:18
protagonists he's highly traumatized and
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he can no longer trust he feels like he
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can no longer trust the person that he
6:24
loves the most and they develop a thing
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where he's like you know true or not
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true and he's and he he he he surrenders
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his own perspective and judgment to
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somebody that he cares for even though
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he struggles to trust her and you know
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that was something that I really tried
6:42
to adopt in that period which was part
6:44
of my surrender which was you know is
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this real or not real can I trust this
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or can I not trust that TR goggles were
6:52
a little bit cloudy and they still
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sometimes I mean you've done a decade of
6:56
work and I like I said I couldn't be
6:58
more proud but you still get a little
7:00
bit confused as as we all do still a
7:03
work in progress I always will be um but
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I think for for me you know while we had
7:09
survived 10 years of of marriage and
7:11
complicated family and all of that stuff
7:13
together that was the pivotal point
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where we actually started to develop
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earn secure attachment like the earning
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part right like we came through and for
7:22
me it's precious right it's it's the
7:24
most important thing in my life now sure
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so um you know the next piece of your
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chapter uh although it was grueling and
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long for us because the
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seven-year uh toll it took on our family
7:35
system and on you personally and
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emotionally to go back to school yeah
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sure I continue on to continue on your
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how do you pay forward what your story
7:48
taught you and how can you make a
7:50
difference in the world because of
7:51
everything you've learned and healed
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from so tell us about becoming a
7:54
counselor well uh professionally I'm uh
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ex-military 13 years military
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and then uh I've been at Microsoft now
8:02
for 16 years I'm a principal
8:03
technologist at Microsoft and uh about 3
8:07
years into my mental health journey I I
8:10
was realizing you know like oh there's a
8:13
lot to share and uh I joined the Navy
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immediately upon turning 18 so I decided
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I think I want to invest in also my
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mental health my professional mental
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health Journey so I went back to school
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I earned my undergrad and uh recently uh
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completed graduate school in clinical
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mental health counseling I think we
8:32
should all stop to to apply for that
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because it's it's really like so so
8:37
badass it's been quite a challenge to
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juggle chainsaws um while working on my
8:42
own continuing to work on my mental
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health Journey um but you know also
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being in counseling that entire time so
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I've got 10 years under my belt with a
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Craftsman in EMDR therapy I think a
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thousand seat hours of going with that
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and uh many intensives and I I consume a
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lot of information and synthesize a lot
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of information and um so I'm really
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really excited now to be able to enter
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the professional space with really uh
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the goals of course I've I've tried to
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support infinite healing and wellness in
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your work over the last decade um but to
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join the professional clinical staff is
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is great and really aligns with our with
9:26
infinite's purpose for existence and our
9:28
Big Five For Life which is you know
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eliminating the stigma of trauma and
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teaching it and paying it forward and
9:34
living it um and so for me right that's
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really congruent with my own personal
9:39
values of taking what I've learned and
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not taking it to the Grave um but as a
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father figure to to five men as a role
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model and knowing how many um people
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even if they had role models that that
9:53
didn't have role models that had the
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right tools for the right experience um
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it's it's really one of my values is to
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share that with others and and to help a
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help men understand that you know you
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can
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balance societal and internal roles and
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messages around what a man is in society
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and what our roles are within family and
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how do we manage strength how do we
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balance the need for strength and how do
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we balance the critical need for love
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and vulnerability because that's the
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true strength vulnerability is strength
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it doesn't have to be one of the other
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and and you
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know not to wax politically or or
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socially right but if if I look at at
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our society um you know it's very
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polarized right and you're either you're
10:43
either soft or strong you're either um
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sheep you know a sheep or a l right and
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and I'm like why can't why can't I have
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aspects of of all of those and so in my
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own journey I really feel like I'm
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learning to balance those things my
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ability you know know uh my authenticity
11:00
and transparency are job one but that
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doesn't mean I put down self-
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responsibility uh protection creation of
11:08
safety for myself and others right so
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how can I uh protect the ones I love
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while loving them and and ultimately
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loving myself right and so I think a lot
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I know in my own personal relationships
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with men and now my professional
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relationships with men we struggle to
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balance those things and we struggle to
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go back and look at what's happened to
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us and how we've adapted and to address
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the shame and to embrace vulnerability
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and so I hope to live the rest of my
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life sharing that with others and
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helping others navigate that that path
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because it it's not only changed my life
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it's giving me the life that I always
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dreamed of but just didn't know how to
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get
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yeah
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yeah beautiful job today I really
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appreciate your vulnerability and your
12:06
courage and you're hardworking your
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example of how to be a true man to me is
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wonderful and you're not perfect it's
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progress not Perfection you're so good
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at circling back and taking
12:21
accountability when you get it wrong and
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um I think that your clients in the
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future are going to be so lucky to have
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you in their corner for their Journeys
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and I know that I am daily lucky to have
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you as my partner by my side and um our
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our kids whether they know it yet or not
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are lucky to have you you know depending
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on where they are in their journey of
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healing from their childhoods that they
12:48
didn't have any control over stay tuned
12:50
for a future parenting episode yeah so I
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just want to thank you again for taking
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the time out to talk with us and to to
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be an continued role model for for men
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anywhere everywhere I hope that this
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helps them uh strive toward their best
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selves their original selves who they
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were always meant to be prior to all the
13:08
armoring up from their stories so again
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thank you well thank you I wouldn't be
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here on the planet without you so much
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love love you I love
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you okay thank you so much for tuning in
13:23
today to our counselor Cafe episode with
13:27
this wonderful man and my partner I
13:30
appreciate your time and energy please
13:33
uh give this a share if there's somebody
13:35
that could benefit from uh his example
13:38
that you know and love and uh I hope
13:41
that you continue to lead with love
13:43
because it'll never steer you
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[Music]
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wrong
14:02
[Music]
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