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You don’t have to be perfect to grow!
In this episode with Victoria Brandt, we explore a more balanced and sustainable approach to growth, discipline, and self-improvement without falling into the all-or-nothing mindset perfectionism often creates.
Together, they discuss burnout, resentment, hard conversations, and how avoiding discomfort today can quietly create bigger emotional costs later. They also touch on balance, self-awareness, and why real healing often includes giving yourself permission to be imperfect while still staying committed to growth.
Watch full episode here: https://youtu.be/NrpNhqVIa4I
#MentalHealth #SelfGrowth #Healing #Perfectionism #adaptablebehaviorexplained
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0:00
I like to think that I've grown in that
0:01
area, right, of I can try something
0:04
without knowing that I'm going to be
0:05
great at it.
0:06
>> Like today doesn't have to be perfect.
0:07
Yeah. I I um I did a thing I started on
0:10
March 7th. Um I've got a birthday trip
0:12
coming up and you know there will be a
0:14
lot of bathing suit time involved and I
0:16
was thinking I don't want to be annoyed
0:18
with myself
0:19
>> of all the the choices I've made with
0:22
diet or exercise or alcohol or any of
0:24
those things that don't contribute to a
0:26
better, you know, physical presence. And
0:29
not because of what anyone else is
0:31
thinking, but because I don't want to be
0:32
like, I need to go throw on a cover up.
0:34
I'm not happy with what I'm seeing. I'm
0:36
like, I didn't want to have my trip feel
0:38
like that for myself. And I know it's
0:40
just me against me. Nobody cares. And
0:42
whatever else, but um I decided that I
0:45
was going to take a break from eating
0:47
like, you know, complex carbs. I was
0:49
going to um cut out alcohol, definitely
0:52
cutting out sugar, like no more desserts
0:54
and things like that cuz all of that,
0:56
even though it's hard, it's really only
0:58
hard for the first week or two and then
1:00
it starts to become more normal for me.
1:03
>> Yeah. My big thing with that was like,
1:06
as you know,
1:07
>> I had to cut out sugar because I in in
1:10
the way that you would think about
1:12
someone who has a struggle with
1:14
addiction,
1:15
>> that was me with sugar truly in a way. I
1:18
can remember saying to you like you can
1:19
just have a half a cookie.
1:20
>> I'm like I cannot.
1:20
>> Yeah,
1:21
>> I cannot. If I have one bite, I'm going
1:23
to have 17 cookies,
1:24
>> right?
1:25
>> And that's only a slight exaggeration,
1:28
right? I really got to a place where I
1:29
was having a lot of shame around my
1:32
sugar intake.
1:33
>> Sure.
1:34
>> In the behaviors around it, feeling
1:36
like, oh my gosh, this like I'm so glad
1:38
that it's only sugar that I'm struggling
1:40
with because if this were any other
1:42
substance, I would really be in trouble.
1:44
which gives you a lot of compassion for
1:45
people who struggle with like the the
1:48
you know what I call the too muches for
1:50
sure
1:50
>> and to put it I think in some context if
1:52
if is that I would leave in the middle
1:55
of a work day
1:56
>> to go get Dairy Queen because I couldn't
1:58
I couldn't tolerate it or I there in the
2:01
peak of how bad it was I woke up with
2:03
such strong sugar cravings that I had to
2:05
go and wait for Dairy Queen to open
2:07
>> so that I could have ice cream and I
2:09
realized
2:10
>> this is this is a problem this is
2:12
running my life. It got to that tipping
2:15
point of where it was bad enough
2:17
>> and I was hiding it and really shameful
2:20
>> and so
2:21
>> it breaks my heart for you. I didn't
2:22
know that it was that hard.
2:24
>> Oh, it was very hard.
2:24
>> I'm sorry. I was a little pushy about
2:26
having a cookie at times because like I
2:28
didn't know it was that degree.
2:30
>> It was hard.
2:31
>> Um and it got to a point where I'm like
2:35
kind of like a just a breaking point of
2:37
like I can't I don't want this to be my
2:40
life,
2:40
>> right? You don't want it to be like like
2:42
you don't want to be Sugar's [ __ ]
2:43
>> No, I don't. And I'm like and I'm still
2:46
young enough where this hasn't fully
2:48
caught up with my body, but it will
2:49
eventually if I keep on this track. And
2:52
so
2:53
>> 2023
2:55
September, I just cut it out. And I had
2:58
done that
2:58
>> that long.
2:59
>> Yeah. And more recently, I've had a slip
3:01
up with it to just to show that, you
3:03
know, it's not perfect. I'd been off of
3:04
it for over two years. Like purely no I
3:08
mean sugar in some things but like no
3:10
obvious sugars,
3:11
>> right? You're not like going for the
3:13
dessert.
3:13
>> No. No. I had no ice cream, no cookies,
3:15
nothing like that.
3:16
>> Sugar in it. You're not alien.
3:17
>> I'm not going to cut out ketchup. I'm
3:18
not I wasn't going. Ketchup isn't
3:20
something that would trigger me to like
3:21
want to go
3:23
>> I'm not going to go squirt the ketchup
3:24
bottle in my mouth in the middle of the
3:26
night.
3:26
>> No. Um but it was really hard. It was a
3:30
hard I think first three weeks to be
3:33
able to handle it and and let that be
3:35
gone. It is hard. That's for sure.
3:37
>> But then it's also I mean I felt so much
3:39
pride in that it had been over two years
3:41
and then I would say recently I've had I
3:43
had a hard time emotionally and I
3:44
slipped back into that being my coping.
3:46
>> Yeah.
3:47
>> Yeah.
3:47
>> Well, and I was going to bring up
3:48
something related to me kind of taking
3:50
on this goal. I said I'm going to do my
3:51
version of 75 hard. It's it's about the
3:53
right amount of days, but I'm not going
3:55
to do two workouts a day. I'm not going
3:57
to do that. But I just, you know, it was
3:59
kind it's kind of trending. It's in
4:00
vogue to like do these big challenges.
4:02
And I thought, you know, I'm going to
4:03
jump on this bandwagon. I'm going to do
4:04
this a version of it. Not that I'm
4:06
coping out about, but that I know that I
4:09
can withstand and tolerate without
4:12
having that pendulum swing of like
4:14
perfection versus failure, which I too
4:16
struggle with. And so I noticed myself.
4:18
So we went to Disneyland this past week.
4:21
>> And I just really love to have like a
4:23
margarita or
4:24
>> You FaceTimed me after you had that
4:27
>> and go on that fun upside down ride.
4:29
Like it's so fun to me. And I'm just
4:31
like, you know what? I haven't had a
4:32
drink since March 7th.
4:34
>> I'm gonna have a a Disneyland drink and
4:37
I'm not gonna beat myself up over it.
4:39
We're literally gonna walk at least
4:41
10,000 steps today with that, you know,
4:43
and I didn't get all the churros. I
4:46
didn't get all of that, which I usually
4:47
would do. So, I was like, that's not
4:49
>> this isn't catastrophic. And I didn't
4:51
have a lot of shame around it. I was
4:52
like, I'm okay with that. And, you know,
4:54
and then yesterday I had a beer on this
4:57
like two-mile walk. I was like, I'm
4:59
going to have this cold beer. It was a
5:00
really hot day. It sounded really good.
5:02
It wasn't like I was
5:03
>> avoiding or chasing. There was no like
5:05
underlying emotion around it. And I like
5:07
really enjoyed that beer. Interestingly,
5:09
I did not enjoy the drink I had at
5:11
Disneyland. I was like that wasn't good
5:13
and it wasn't worth it.
5:15
>> Interesting. And I just noticed myself
5:16
thinking about that. But, you know, I'm
5:18
not going to drink again until
5:20
>> like the the deadline that I had set for
5:23
myself. And I think that when you think
5:25
about taking on these hards, I think
5:28
it's important to give yourself some
5:30
permission to be imperfect.
5:32
>> Yeah.
5:32
>> And to be curious about motivation.
5:35
>> I also think it's important that we're
5:36
having like this nuance topic around
5:38
balance because I think the way that
5:40
we've been talking about food as the
5:43
biggest example and exercise could be a
5:45
little bit triggering for anybody who
5:46
struggles with disordered eating of that
5:48
it has to be all one way or it's wrong
5:51
or just have strict rules around it. So
5:54
knowing that it's even though we're
5:55
talking about that as a big example that
5:57
we've both been struggling with of that
5:59
>> it is more about balance and just
6:01
acknowledging that you know that eating
6:03
can be a really sensitive topic
6:05
especially for women and I think that
6:06
we've we see that in our practice all
6:08
the time we deal with this
6:10
>> the societal kind of issues and
6:12
pressures around body
6:13
>> image that are definitely harder for
6:15
women than men. I mean I think most
6:17
people would not disagree with that for
6:19
sure.
6:19
>> Yeah. Well, and like let's talk again
6:22
about the hard conversation things
6:23
because I think a lot of our listeners
6:25
are pretty high functioning
6:27
>> go along get along, you know, they live
6:29
in they live they're very neck up and
6:31
then where people fall short they just
6:32
pick up the pieces themselves rather
6:34
than have the hard conversations about
6:36
things and and so let's talk about like
6:39
how do you think avoiding hard
6:41
conversations maybe even primarily in
6:42
the work setting, not so much in the
6:44
personal life setting create long-term
6:46
dysfunction? Like what what thoughts do
6:48
you have on that? Because I think that's
6:49
a lot of our listeners.
6:50
>> The biggest word that comes to mind is
6:52
resentment.
6:53
>> You know, uh, conflict deferred is
6:55
resentment incurred.
6:56
>> 100%. Oh, I love that. Say that again.
6:58
>> Conflict deferred is resentment
7:00
incurred. And so, the more that you kind
7:02
of sweep something under the rug, ignore
7:05
it, say it's fine, kind of step into
7:07
this place of false pacivity of like
7:10
being passive around what actually
7:12
bothers you,
7:13
>> right? you are just storing up and
7:16
building resentment in yourself that's
7:17
gonna show up eventually or towards the
7:20
other person or just kind of bubble up
7:22
within yourself.
7:23
>> And what do you think happens to those
7:24
people that don't say no ever
7:26
>> professionally especially? Well, burn
#People & Society