Up next in 10
Your nervous system isn't broken, it's doing exactly what it learned to keep you safe. The problem is, what protected you then can exhaust you now. In this episode, EMDR therapist Kelly O'Horo explains how the nervous system works, how stress and trauma get stored in the body, the science of neuroplasticity, and how therapies like EMDR help you rewire from survival mode toward flexibility and calm, including the “hand model of the brain” and why we “flip our lid” under stress.
Chapters:
0:00 — Your nervous system isn't broken
1:30 — The survival system, simply explained
4:00 — The hand model: why you “flip your lid”
7:00 — How trauma & stress get stored in the body
10:00 — Changing your relationship with stress
12:30 — Neuroplasticity: the brain can rewire
15:00 — How EMDR rewires survival responses
I'm Kelly O'Horo, Attachment based EMDR Therapist, EMDRIA Consultant, and Advanced Trainer. I'm a mom of 5, Nonna of 5, wife, and a healer. I have the honor of spending my workdays walking along side people while they brave their healing journeys. I try to live with the generous assumption that we're all doing the best we can with what we know. Therapists are teachers for the "life stuff" and "emotional vocabulary" that may not have been learned due to gaps in our care givers capabilities. In the last 15 years I've learned that people are freaking amazing, resilient, and inspiring. Most importantly, we are hardwired for connection and for healing!
I hope to bring an authentic, compassionate, and unpolished approach while we explore a variety of topics such as parenting, marriage, relationships, dating, trauma, attachment, adoption, depression, addiction, anxiety, and love! There's a why for all behaviors and an explanation that makes perfect sense as emotion is at the root of it all.
-- Links --
https://linktr.ee/kellyohorolpc
https://youtu.be/rLnARKekvgo
https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/
Show More Show Less View Video Transcript
0:06
Hi everyone, I'm Kelly O'Horo and this
0:09
is Adaptable Behavior Explained. Hi
0:12
everybody. Thanks so much for tuning in
0:14
today and welcome back to Adaptable. you
0:16
know that you're here listening to the
0:18
podcast where we explore how the human
0:20
system, our mind, body, and our nervous
0:24
system all work together and how we
0:27
learn to adapt and how we can heal in
0:29
this rapidly changing uh very busy world
0:33
that's full of so much chaos and
0:34
overcommitment. I'm Kelly and today
0:37
we're diving into something that touches
0:38
every single one of us and that's the
0:40
nervous system. how it works, how stress
0:43
and trauma shape it, and how we can
0:45
actually rewire our brains to help us
0:49
become more adaptive rather than
0:51
consistently remaining overwhelmed. And
0:54
who doesn't want more of that in all the
0:56
stress that we experience in our life?
0:59
We want to understand that our nervous
1:01
system is not broken. It's doing exactly
1:04
what it learned to do to keep you safe.
1:06
And oftentimes what kept you safe then
1:10
may be exhausting to you now. So now
1:12
we're going to break it down a little
1:14
bit into some more digestible bites. In
1:17
today's episode, we're going to learn
1:18
how the nervous system actually works in
1:21
simple human terms, not science jargon,
1:24
and how stress and trauma get stored in
1:27
our body, in our brains, and how those
1:31
reactions that were thwarted in time,
1:33
our ability to cry, to scream, to shove,
1:36
to push, to run, anything that we needed
1:39
to do when we couldn't do that or be
1:42
even nurtured gets a little bit locked
1:44
in our nervous system. And so we want to
1:46
work on learning how we can change that.
1:49
We're going to talk about why unresolved
1:51
stress can impact our long-term health
1:54
and how our relationship with stress
1:56
changes its effects. We're going to talk
1:58
a little bit about how therapy like EMDR
2:01
helps to rewire the brain and most
2:04
importantly how healing and adaptability
2:06
from whatever it is that you learned
2:08
growing up are actually possible. So
2:12
let's dig in. the nervous system.
2:15
Complicated, very important, our
2:18
survival system. And I'd like to teach
2:20
you a little bit about the basics. If
2:22
you haven't been watching from season 1,
2:24
uh I went over this a little bit uh in
2:26
in a how we work episode back in season
2:29
1, but I'm going to give you a little
2:30
bit of a review so that you have it
2:32
fresh in your mind. Your nervous system
2:34
has a primary job, and that's the only
2:37
thing that it has to do, and that's to
2:39
keep you alive. It is constantly
2:42
scanning the environment for safety or
2:44
threat and it responds automatically,
2:47
often before you're even consciously
2:49
aware. Our nervous system is autonomic,
2:53
just like your heartbeat, just like
2:55
blinking. We don't try to think about
2:57
doing those things. We don't try to
2:58
breathe when we're sleeping. This just
3:00
happens. And something that's an
3:02
important distinction related to our
3:04
nervous system. It's always scanning for
3:06
threat, but sometimes it doesn't have it
3:08
right as far as what it perceives as
3:10
threat or danger versus true safety. At
3:14
a high level, what we're talking about
3:16
is this autonomic nervous system. We've
3:18
got our sympathetic nervous system which
3:21
is responsible for fight, flight, and
3:24
freeze and submit when danger is just
3:26
too eminent and we're too small or too
3:29
little or in too much shock to do
3:31
anything about it. And then we've got
3:32
our parasympathetic nervous system which
3:34
is part of rest and digest and repair.
3:38
And so stress isn't the enemy.
3:40
Unresolved stress is. And so I want to
3:44
show you a little bit of a visual
3:46
representation. So, for those of you who
3:48
are just listening, you might want to
3:50
jump over to the YouTube channel if you
3:51
want to see how this goes, but you might
3:53
be able to just imagine it, and that's
3:55
okay, too. So, I'm going to show you
3:58
this awesome representation of our lyic
4:00
system and our brain, and you can follow
4:03
along. So, go ahead and hold up your
4:05
hand like a fist, and we're going to
4:07
tuck our thumb in. That's going to be
4:08
our amygdala. Our wrist represents the
4:11
spinal cord, and our palm is the brain
4:13
stem and the lyic system. our
4:16
parasympathetic, our sympathetic nervous
4:18
system and our amydala. And our amygdala
4:21
is our body's alarm system. And it is
4:23
constantly scanning what do I see,
4:25
taste, feel, sense, touch and what do I
4:28
perceive as danger or safety? And when
4:31
it alarms the body, the preffrontal
4:34
cortex, this is the part of the brain
4:35
that is responsible for reasonable,
4:38
rational, logical problemolving in our
4:41
lives. it goes completely offline or
4:44
like Dan Seagull would say, we flip our
4:46
lid. So, let me give you an example. Our
4:49
amygdala scans and it smells smoke and
4:52
so it senses threat. Our prefrontal
4:54
cortex goes right offline and now we're
4:57
just straight limbic going, "What do I
5:00
need to do to preserve or survive in
5:02
this moment of threat?" And in that, we
5:06
freeze, we flee, we fight, or we shut
5:09
all the way down. And so we want to make
5:11
sure that we get our prefrontal cortex
5:13
back online before we can do anything
5:15
that's reasonable or logical. And our
5:18
brain is designed this way because if we
5:21
were slow enough to think like if we saw
5:24
a ball crossing the road when we were
5:27
driving and we thought, gee, I better
5:29
slow down otherwise I might hit the
5:31
child that is likely chasing this ball.
5:34
It's too slow. So what do we do? We see
5:36
a ball. We slam on the brakes because
5:38
our prior knowledge says likely after a
5:40
ball, perhaps a child is chasing that
5:42
ball and we don't want to be someone who
5:44
hits a child with our car. And so what
5:46
happens is our prefrontal cortex is in
5:49
fact 1 million times faster than
5:51
anything that we can accomplish with our
5:53
rational thought. And that's by design
5:56
to keep our bodies safe and to protect
5:59
others from harm if we're in a position
6:01
to do that. And so I love using this
6:04
reference because it gives us a visual
6:06
cue that says, "Is your lid flipped?
6:09
Were you in stress? Were you in your
6:12
prefrontal cortex when you were in that
6:14
argument? Was your partner or were you
6:16
both trying to work through something
6:18
with both of your lids slipped?" At
6:20
which point we have no listener. We have
6:22
no audience. And we even have no way to
6:24
take in the data that's coming in. And
6:26
this is the way that we are built. And
6:28
like I said, it's for survival. our
6:30
brain takes over to protect our species
6:33
and it is not a weakness. It's just the
6:35
biology of our bill. So now we're going
6:38
to talk about trauma, stress in the body
6:40
and how it's impacted. Dr. Naen Burke
6:42
Harris wrote the book The Deepest Well.
6:45
And in that book, she explains how toxic
6:47
stress, especially if it's early in
6:50
life, can re-calibrate our nervous
6:52
system in a way that isn't useful. And
6:54
so we have to do a lot to help
6:58
recalibrate if we are wired for stress
7:01
and wired for constant danger or threat.
7:04
And so if stress is severe, meaning
7:07
anything major happened, serious loss,
7:11
neglect, abandonment, abuse, violence.
7:15
So anything that's severe will create
7:18
intense stress. If it's ongoing or
7:21
chronic meaning not just one thing
7:23
happens in our life but event after
7:25
event after event creates stress in our
7:28
body that is just ongoing. It never has
7:30
a reprieve and often time it's coupled
7:34
with absence of supportive relationship.
7:36
So many times people grow up in homes
7:38
where there's severe stress and it's
7:41
chronic and then there are not loving
7:42
nurturing caregivers to help bring that
7:45
stress down after the big hard painful
7:47
things happen. And so as a result, the
7:49
body stays stuck in that survival mode.
7:52
It's it's prepared for stress. It's
7:55
scanning. What do I see, smell, feel,
7:58
taste, touch, and often times it's
8:02
calibrated towards the red even when it
8:04
doesn't exist. It's kind of like waiting
8:06
for the other shoe to drop at all times.
8:08
And this doesn't just affect our mood.
8:11
It affects our immune function. It
8:13
affects inflammation in our body. It
8:16
creates changes in our hormones and our
8:19
hormonal systems and the endocrine
8:20
system. And over time when we are
8:23
exposed to long-term stress, we end up
8:26
with long-term physical health
8:28
consequences in many cases. And this
8:30
isn't a broad brush generalization, but
8:32
we have a study called the ACE study
8:35
that really proves this phenomenon. So
8:37
let me go into that just a little bit.
8:39
The adverse childhood experiences
8:41
research which was done out of Kaiser
8:43
Permanente. It was a medical study that
8:45
contained 17,000 medical participants.
8:49
It showed a clear link between early
8:51
adversity and an increase of risk and
8:54
illness later in life. And if you think
8:57
about it, it makes sense because when
8:58
our cortisol levels are high and our
9:01
adrenal response is fatigued, the rest
9:03
of our body takes a hit. it becomes
9:06
harder for all of our other systems to
9:08
remain functional at the same degree
9:11
they could be if they weren't constantly
9:13
inundated with our stress hormones. And
9:15
it's not because people are damaged that
9:17
this happens, but because our nervous
9:19
systems adapted to that ongoing threat.
9:22
So we remain vigilant, ready, waiting,
9:25
looking for cues that that substantiate
9:28
our perception that there's always going
9:30
to be something bad that's going to
9:31
happen. And so this happens to so very
9:34
many of us. I don't really know anybody
9:36
with an AES score lower than about a
9:38
three. And I think if we dig a little
9:40
more deeply, we can oftentimes find
9:42
greater stresses associated with
9:44
people's stories even when they're under
9:46
reportported. So we have options, right?
9:49
We can just reframe stress and talk
9:51
about how it's not always the villain.
9:54
And that is useful for perspective
9:57
changing, but it doesn't necessarily
9:58
address the nervous systems function. We
10:02
do have a lot of opportunity when it
10:05
comes to learning because stress is
10:06
actually an important thing if it's not
10:09
chronic and persistent. There is an
10:12
awesome TED talk that I love by Kelly
10:14
McGonicle where she talks about our
10:16
relationship with stress being the most
10:18
important factor because if you think
10:20
about it, anxiety and stress is what
10:22
prevents us from failing. It's what
10:24
motivates us to do a better job. It's
10:26
what gets us to follow through with our
10:28
homework and our responsibilities with
10:30
our job or uh assisting the people that
10:33
we care about. We don't want to fail at
10:35
those things. And so that kind of stress
10:37
teaches us that it helps us to motivate
10:40
ourselves for for future change. But
10:43
Kelly McGonagle teaches us that how we
10:45
perceive stress can change how it
10:47
actually impacts our bodies. And so
10:49
that's really fascinating when you think
10:52
about that. So when stress is viewed as
10:54
a sign of care or when it's it's seen as
10:57
a mobilization of energy where you get
11:00
this burst of power and and um
11:02
adrenaline that says move toward or do
11:05
something to make your life better or
11:07
change it or if it's like a response to
11:09
something meaningful. So, for example,
11:11
if you're in like a graduate program or
11:13
you're in college and you're working
11:15
hard to succeed in your coursework, but
11:17
you know that at the end of that, you've
11:19
got a potential career that's going to
11:21
serve you or your family and give you,
11:24
you know, more meaning in your
11:26
professional development, that stress
11:29
actually serves you. So when you think
11:30
about it and have gratitude for that
11:32
stress because it's propelling you
11:34
towards something you want, then that's
11:37
helpful because the body responds
11:39
differently to that perception of stress
11:42
being supportive or helpful. Stress
11:44
hormones can actually improve our focus
11:47
and help us remain dialed in when we
11:49
need to. Stress hormones can increase
11:51
our resilience.
11:53
It can enhance our connection. And so
11:56
there's benefits to the stress hormones.
11:58
It's not about eliminating stress. It's
12:00
about changing our relationship with it.
12:03
So, there's two factors involved. We've
12:05
got the uh the biomechanics of the of
12:08
the brain and how it's wired for threat
12:10
and how our amydala can perceive danger
12:12
and stress when it doesn't exist. And
12:15
then we have the opportunity to start to
12:17
recalibrate how we interface with
12:19
stress. What does stress mean? and how
12:22
do we shift our perspective so that our
12:25
body benefits from that perspective
12:28
shift. So let's talk a little bit more
12:31
about the brain and how the brain
12:33
rewires is related to a concept called
12:36
neuroplasticity. Our brain is not fixed
12:39
and the younger we are the more flexible
12:42
or plastic our brain is the more the
12:44
less rigidity that it has and through
12:47
neuroplasticity the brain can create new
12:50
pathways. The way I describe this to my
12:52
clients is if you think about if you've
12:54
ever been camping and you're off in the
12:56
dirt roads and you're driving down the
12:58
path, there's a propensity where water
13:00
has gone from weather and then where
13:03
tire tracks have have created paths that
13:06
are well worn where your tires just go
13:09
in those paths. And so when we've had a
13:12
habit in our brain that that goes down
13:14
those paths that are well-rotted
13:16
pathways, we can create new pathways or
13:19
a diversion from the typical path that
13:21
our brain wants to take because what
13:23
fires together wires together in the way
13:25
our brain responds to data in our
13:27
environment. And so we can weaken our
13:30
old survival responses through specific
13:33
things like meditation, yoga, EMDR
13:36
therapy. And now several different
13:39
psychedelic assisted therapies are
13:41
showing tremendous promise in the
13:43
rewiring of uh the neuroplasticity and
13:46
changing patterns and pathways because
13:48
they're incredibly neurogenic. So our
13:50
brains can learn safety again if we
13:53
proactively go toward the healing that
13:56
is part of how that works. So, this is
13:58
where trauma-informed therapies come in.
14:01
Now, many of you who've been watching
14:02
for a few seasons know that I am an EMDR
14:04
therapist. I'm an approved consultant
14:06
and I'm a trainer. And so, my bias very
14:09
much leans towards EMDR as a
14:12
foundational approach to the way that we
14:14
can heal. Now, this doesn't mean we
14:16
exclude other things. It just means that
14:18
if we can combine other things with EMDR
14:20
therapy, we can more efficiently help to
14:23
help the brain to reprocess traumatic
14:26
memories or things that happened in
14:28
younger times of our lives that kind of
14:31
get a little bit stuck in that time
14:33
developmentally, emotionally, and
14:35
socially. So instead of reliving trauma
14:38
as if it's happening now because trauma
14:40
is very much a time orientation issue,
14:43
EMDR helps the brain to integrate a
14:46
memory that happened in the past with
14:48
today's more adaptive information. So it
14:51
holds it reduces emotional charge and it
14:55
stores it as something that happened not
14:58
as something that is still happening.
15:00
Now some people are concerned that with
15:02
EMDR you forget what happened and that's
15:04
not true. It just doesn't hold the same
15:06
emotional charge as it once did, which
15:08
the body then benefits from when you
15:10
think about the nervous system because
15:13
what happens is the amygdala calms down.
15:16
It doesn't perceive threat everywhere
15:18
that it scans in in the world because it
15:22
reccalibrates the wiring so that we can
15:25
start to see threat when there is threat
15:27
as opposed to see threat when there
15:28
isn't threat. And then the prefrontal
15:31
cortex comes back online much more
15:33
quickly, which increases our space
15:35
between our reaction to our space
15:38
between the stimulus and our response,
15:40
making it more of a positive reaction
15:44
that fits today's circumstances as
15:46
opposed to a maladaptive reaction. It
15:49
doesn't erase the memory. It changes how
15:51
our body responds to the stimulus in our
15:55
environment. And so a lot of us need to
15:57
work to reset our nervous system because
15:58
today's world is constantly inundating
16:02
us with stimulus. We can't go anywhere
16:04
without lights and computers and phones
16:08
and apps. And I mean we can't even
16:11
really go to restaurants anymore without
16:12
interaction with apps. I mean we are
16:15
constantly inundated and overwhelmed
16:18
with stimulus and environmental cues
16:20
that draw our attention. And so we're
16:22
not living in a slow society like we
16:25
once were. There's also chronic
16:27
uncertainty in today's current
16:29
situation. Uh geopolitically we've got a
16:32
lot of instability and uncertainty
16:34
creating stress. You know very
16:36
frequently especially if you're someone
16:38
who watches the news. We're not in a
16:41
time where we have a lot of recovery
16:42
time. We go go. We don't offer ourselves
16:46
rest. We judge rest and we don't
16:49
understand and put into practice habits
16:51
like relax and rest as part of our
16:54
healthy way of being. And so adaptation
16:57
today requires intentional regulation.
16:59
We've got to really understand that this
17:01
happens. And then we've got to do things
17:03
proactively
17:05
building into our schedule that
17:08
introduces rest. And this includes safe
17:11
relationships, people that you can
17:13
connect with on a regular basis and talk
17:16
about the stresses in your life and be
17:18
in connection, which in healthy
17:20
relationships, we can co-regulate with
17:22
one another. I've got several shows on
17:24
coping skills. And we want to introduce
17:26
body- based practices. These can be
17:29
meditation. These can be yoga practices.
17:32
This can be breath work. But being in
17:35
the stillness, a prayer is another way
17:37
that people often bring into body the
17:40
invitation to slow down and to be
17:42
introspective and to be more present
17:45
with self. We've got to change the way
17:47
we look at the concept of rest. We
17:49
shouldn't be feeling guilty when we
17:51
rest. We need to understand that is a
17:53
healthy way to interface with our life's
17:56
pressures and our life's circumstances.
17:58
And we need to have more self-compassion
18:01
for ourselves and for others when that's
18:03
not something that often happens.
18:06
Healing isn't about the absence of
18:08
stress. It's not about not being
18:10
stressed again and living in this world
18:12
of total zen relaxation. That's not
18:16
realistic for really any of us. It's
18:18
about becoming flexible and responsive
18:21
and more resilient. And in so doing, our
18:24
body benefits, thus our nervous system
18:27
benefits. Remember, our nervous system
18:30
learned what it needed to survive
18:32
because of our environment. And now with
18:34
awareness and support, the right tools
18:37
and actions and behaviors and habits, it
18:40
can learn something new. We are
18:42
incredibly adaptive species and we can
18:44
learn. So, if this episode resonated
18:47
with you, please subscribe to our
18:49
channel and share this episode with
18:51
someone who doesn't understand about the
18:53
nervous system and their relationship
18:55
with stress. Um, and please leave a
18:57
comment in our section about things you
18:59
do to help maintain healthy stress
19:02
levels or recalibrate your nervous
19:04
system. Until next time, thank you so
19:07
much for tuning in and don't forget to
19:09
lead with love. It'll never steer you
19:11
wrong.
#People & Society