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have you ever caught yourself thinking
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"I just want to be chosen by the person
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you love by your friends by the world to
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be picked valued wanted It's natural We
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all long for connection." But Simone de
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Bovoir would tell you "Love isn't about
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being chosen It's about being seen." She
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believed that most people chase the
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wrong kind of love They chase approval
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validation status But deep love real
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love isn't about fitting someone's idea
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of worthy It's about showing up as your
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full self and being met there Not
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because you performed for it not because
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you earned it but because you were seen
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truly deeply as you are She wrote "One
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is not born but rather becomes a woman."
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And in that spirit we are not born ready
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for love We become ready by learning how
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to be seen and how to see others So if
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you want love that feels alive and real
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not performative not one-sided here are
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five powerful lessons from Simone Devoir
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to help you build it Lesson number one
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stop performing for love When you chase
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being chosen you start performing You
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shrink parts of yourself You exaggerate
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others You become what you think someone
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else wants But this isn't love It's
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survival Bvoir believed to lose
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confidence in one's body is to lose
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confidence in oneself And I would add to
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lose authenticity is to lose the
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foundation of real love If someone only
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loves the mask you wear you will never
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feel safe to be yourself Lesson number
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two real love begins with self-seing
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Before you can be seen you must see
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yourself your beauty your flaws your
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contradictions your dreams Bovoir wrote
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"Change your life today Don't gamble on
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the future Act now without delay." This
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applies to love too Don't wait for
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someone to choose you to feel worthy
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Choose yourself See yourself now Because
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when you know your worth you stop
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chasing scraps of love Lesson number
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three reject ownership based love
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Bowvoir fiercely rejected the idea that
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love should be about possession She saw
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how society taught women and men to view
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love as ownership You're mine You belong
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to me But that's not love That's control
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She believed love should be based on
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freedom and mutual recognition I am too
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intelligent too demanding and too
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resourceful for anyone to be able to
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take charge of me entirely The right
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relationship will not demand you shrink
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It will honor your freedom Lesson number
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four being seen requires vulnerability
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Why do we chase being chosen instead of
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being seen because being seen is
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vulnerable It means revealing your
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imperfections your fears your truth It
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means risking rejection for the chance
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of real intimacy Bvoir believed this
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risk was worth it because without
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vulnerability love remains surface level
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One's life has value so long as one
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attributes value to the life of
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others When you choose to see and be
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seen you give value to connection itself
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Lesson number five love is co-creation
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not consumption Bvoir saw love not as
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something we get but something we create
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together She warned "When we seek to be
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chosen to be filled up by another we
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lose the opportunity to co-create
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something deeper Healthy love is a dance
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between two free whole people each
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seeing the other clearly Each growing
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because of the connection not in spite
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of it So what does this look like in
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everyday life here are five ways to live
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this wisdom Notice when you're
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performing for approval and gently stop
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Practice seeing yourself with compassion
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flaws and all Release the need to be
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picked You are already worthy Choose
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partners who value your freedom and
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individuality Lean into vulnerability
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knowing that true connection requires it
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Simone devoir reminds us "If you want
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love that nourishes your soul stop
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chasing the role of the chosen one Start
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choosing yourself Start seeing yourself
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And from that wholeness invite love that
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meets you there." She wrote
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"Self-consciousness is not knowledge but
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a story one tells about oneself
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So tell a true story live a true story
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and attract love that honors your truth
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If this spoke to you comment below I
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choose to be seen not chosen And
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remember you are worthy of love that
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sees you exactly as you are Until next
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time stay brave stay real and keep
