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Hello everyone, welcome back to a conscious rethink
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Today we're diving deep into a topic that I know resonates with many of you
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The overwhelming anxiety and trepidation that comes with approaching somebody that you're interested in
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You see somebody come across the room, your heart raises, your palms suddenly get all sweaty
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and you're gripped by this crippling fear. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? But here's the deal
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I've been there. I've been where you are. And trust me, there is a way out
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So today we're going to do just that. We're going to dissect this problem, understand the dynamics at play
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And most importantly, I'm going to offer you a tangible roadmap to not just combat this anxiety
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but to thrive in your social and dating life. So whether you believe that you're not the most handsome guy in the room
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or you have actually faced some setbacks in dating world before, Stick around, stick around until the end
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Today might just be the turning point that you have been looking for
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And let's get started. So before we start with any solutions, it's crucial to first understand the beast that we're dealing with
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Anxiety. Now, everybody feels anxious once in a while, right? It's like that uneasy feeling you get before an important job interview or when you're waiting for an exam result
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But here's the kicker. For many of us, this anxiety amplifies when we are about to approach somebody that we're attracted to
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Why? Well, let's break it down. First, there's the social anxiety. This is that general unease that you feel in social situations where you might be observed or judged by others
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You're constantly worried about doing something embarrassing, being scrutinized and criticized. or just being outright rejected
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But then there's this special kind of anxiety many of us face, and that's approach anxiety
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This is a bit more specific. It's not just about being in a social setting
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It's about initiating contact and making the first move. And man, this can be paralyzing
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I remember this one time I saw somebody at a cafe. This was years ago
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I spend, I kid you not, 30 minutes rehearsing what I was going to say and then finally when I gathered my courage
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she had already left. Shit right. But why does this happen? Well it's kind of part of a
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biology. Our brain, especially the amygdala triggers fight or flight response when faced
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with potential threats. Back in the day this kind of helped our ancestors to survive wild
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beasts but now that wild beast is often our own insecurities that's the wild
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beast we are facing today but fear not because understanding the problem is half the
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battle won so now that we've got a grip on our foe let's move on to understand the
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other side of the story let's delve into the world of women's psychology in dating
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All right guys, so let's talk about women's perspective when it comes to dating and approaches, etc
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Now, I want to preface this by saying that it's impossible to generalize the feelings and experiences of all women
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Everybody is completely unique, right? But we can certainly discuss some broader themes and concerns that often come up
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I mean, dating isn't a one-way street, right? while we're over here stressing about the right way to approach women to have their own sets of apprehensions and fears
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So what are some of the things that women often look for in potential partners
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Respect, genuine interest, compatibility, trustworthiness, just to name a few. And guess what
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Rarely does this list start with chiseled abs or perfect jawline. Sure, physical attraction matters, but it's not be all and end all
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I mean, you could obviously dive deep into the evolutionary psychology of women
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what women perceive as attractive versus men and how our views of what the other sex perceives as attractive change
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based on who is asking or who is telling the story. I mean, the popular media, books and even movies are perfect example of this
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Just consider the protagonists or the stereotypes of how they change when a movie is aimed at male demographic versus female demographic
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Suddenly you realize that our own perception of how the other sex perceives us are completely wrong and completely different And this is where many of us guys actually trip up
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We've been bombarded with so many stereotypes about what women want and what it means to be a man by society in popular media
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without considering the fact that all of those enterprises are in a money-making business
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and not in the business of helping you. When they show you James Bond, it's not because that's the tall, dark and handsome trope of a man that women want
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or the bad boy, or the millionaire, whatever. It's because they know that it's the male perception of what women want
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And those movies, for instance, are aimed at male demographic. If you switch onto something like the notebook that is aimed at women
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and with the female perceptions in play in mind, suddenly the man is a completely different creature
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I bet you've seen a notebook, if you haven't, check it out. Bad boy? Sure
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But that bad boy has a softer side. A bad boy who is protective enough but can be tamed and domesticated
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So while all of those tropes portrayed in popular media cultures aimed at men might be appealing to some women
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they're not universally, they're not universal key to woman's heart. And this actually works the other way around
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One of the reasons the so-called gamer girls have made so much money and success these days or recently
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is because they are targeting male perceptions of women. They know men put beauty on a pedestal because from the evolutionary perspective
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beauty was also one of the easy indicators that a person was healthy
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And if they were healthy, then they would most likely produce healthy offsprings
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But they also target the other things that appeal to men. Instead of being maternal, they're one of the boys
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You know, the girl who likes games, having fun, one who will open a can of beer
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whilst being, you know, open to flirting and maybe sex quite often
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And you know the type. Obviously, there is not the reality. So let's talk about what is actually real
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the fears and apprehensions of women who are being approached. Well, first we have to consider safety
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In today's world, women have to be cautious. And in some countries, more than others
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I'm looking at you, USA. Now, women are also thinkers. They have to be
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They're constantly evaluating, assessing things. if the situation or the person feels safe
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Sometimes it's a genuine concern. I have even heard saying that women can tell who you are
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if you're genuine within 30 seconds. Then there's the fear of being misjudged
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Like us, they worry about how they are perceived and even more so because they're competing within the beauty competition
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when it comes to men, right? All men want from a woman is for them to be attracted
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So from this perspective, it's even more stressful for women. They don't want to seem too forward or too reserved to this or to that
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It's an insane balancing act. Now, here's something to consider. Every time you're nervous about approaching women, there's a good chance
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She's equally nervous about how to respond without giving you the wrong impression
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So it's a too anxious soul trying to navigate this dance, right
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Makes for quite a pair, right? Now the good news, recognizing these dynamics can help you breach the gap
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It's all about aligning our approach with what feels comfortable and assuring to both sides
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Like I said, dating is not one-way street. So how do we bridge this gap
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All right, here comes the exciting part. Now that we've looked at both sides of the coin, it's time to build that bridge
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And I promise, it's not as complicated as it sounds. The key
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Well, what do you think? Authenticity. Being genuine. Like I've already hinted, women can tell if you're being genuine within 30 seconds
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You know, it's fascinating how easily people can actually sense pretense. So let's ditch those pictures
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makeup lines, the rehearsed routines, and instead, be ourselves. Be ourselves. Now, I get it. Look, I get it
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Being yourself, that sounds a bit cliche. But let's break it down
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What does it truly mean to be yourself? First and foremost it about showing genuine interest Instead of thinking what can I say to impress her Think I really want to get to know her Because I don want to just shag her you know
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The shift is subtle, but the impact in your mind is massive
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Next, communication. Remember those fears that we talked about earlier? The ones that women often have
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A big part of addressing those is simply through active. listening. You'd be surprised how far a bit of genuine curiosity can take you. And not only that
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it can also give you the extra time to relax. Remember, you are anxious, right? So it'll give you time
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to settle into the role of seducer. Now about reading cues. This is where things get a tad
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tricky. But here's a simple rule of the thumb. Always respect boundaries
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If she seems uncomfortable or disinterested, it's all right. It's a right to gracefully step back
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It's not a rejection of you as a person. It's just a momentary interaction that didn't align
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I mean, you may meet one girl. She will react one day differently than she would on a different day
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And you can actually practice that. How? Well, easy. Waitresses. This is where we talked about the boundaries
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The bar forms a natural barrier between the two of you, between you and her
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Not to mention it gives the waitress a bit of an upper hand. I mean, she's at work
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She is in the environment she knows very well. And she's also in a position of power
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She can serve you or reject you. But if you are smart about it, choose the time right when they're not swamped with work and things are rather boring
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then they will provide the perfect training ground for icebreakers. To practice your rapport and banter
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See what works and what does not. This is literally the golden nugget
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Practicing in non-dating contexts. And you can do it anywhere. Start conversations with strangers
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Not just with any intention. Just to chat. Not having the pressure of finding somebody to hook up with
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which makes you a lot more stressful. It could be somebody at the bookstore or a barista at a cafe, coffee shop
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literally anybody. This is all about practice. This helps you build general social confidence without the pressure of dating dynamics
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This is why you have to go with free mind, not with dating approach
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And hey, not every approach will actually lead to a fairy tale. There are going to be some setbacks
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But the key? Don't take it personally. Reflect, learn, move on. Every interaction is a new lesson and a new experience
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And if, for instance, it means to practice on women that you're not actually attracted to
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so be it. You need to practice. By recognizing mutual vulnerabilities and building on genuine interest
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we start crafting meaningful connections. It's not about winning somebody over. It's about creating a space where both can feel understood
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With that said, let's bust some myths, shall we? Now, this next topic is a biggie
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How many times have you heard if only I were more handsome
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Or if I had better hair, or a cheeseled jawline, or if I were taller, sounds familiar
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So let's debunk some of these myths. There's this societal narrative that's been spun around for ages
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The idea is that there's universally accepted gold standard of beauty, and that is absolutely not true
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And if you don't fit it, if you don't fit into this mold, then tough luck
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But here's the truth. Beauty, guys, is widely subjective. This is where the saying comes from
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Every culture, every era, and every individual
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has a unique perception of attractiveness. I mean, think about it. The standards of the 70s differ wildly from the 2000s
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And what's considered attractive in one part of the world might not be in another one
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Physical attributes are just part of the equation. Kindness, intelligence, humor, shared passions
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All of these play a pivotal role in genuine, deep connections. More often than not, it's these share
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shared moments and values that leave a lasting impression. Instead of thinking about these as
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things that a woman wants imagine them more like things that are on a list Some are necessities some are priorities but none of them will be an absolute must for every single woman out there To be honest the only generally accepted rule that women look for is stability and safety especially those who are looking to have kids and family
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This is based on evolutionary psychology. And yes, for some, that means one million in bank, but for others a regular stable job is enough
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You know, safety and stability is represented differently for different people. I've met people and I'm sure that you have two who might not have been the magazine cover material
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but the charisma, the genuine nature and the zest for life make am anigmatic
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Just like we make differences between women who are pretty, beautiful, and those that are sexy, who are sex appeal and they are objects of our sexual fantasies
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Remember their friend who everybody loves being around? He might not be the conventional handsome, but there's that energy and authenticity that draws people in
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something that makes all of the women attracted to him. So the next time you find yourself thinking that you're not good looking enough
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challenge that thought yourself. Beauty standards change. They evolve. But genuine connections, those are timeless
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And speaking of genuine connections, let's now dive into some practical ways that we can actually
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foster those bonds and truly shine in our unique light. All right, guys, here's the part that we've all been waiting for, the tangible steps to
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rise above our approach, anxiety and truly shine. Are you ready? All right, let's break it down into a few steps
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Step 1. Self-awareness and acceptance. Before anything else, recognize your feelings. It's okay to be nervous. You know, it's okay to be anxious. This is your starting point, quite literally. This is your problem. So, accept it. The moment you stop fighting it and recognize it just as a part of you, not the whole of you. You take its power away. Step 2. Refrain your mindset
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Instead of dreading the potential rejection, look at each approach as an opportunity to learn, to grow and to share a moment
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Every interaction, whether that's good or bad, is a stepping stone to your better self
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Step three, practice mindfulness. This might sound a bit out of place, especially coming from it, but bear with me
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Mindfulness and internalizing your thoughts, feelings and ideas. can significantly reduce anxiety
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When you're present in the moment, I mean, when you're truly in it
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there's no room for overthinking or worrying about what future holds, you know, the future what ifs
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Step four, educate yourself. Now, this isn't about memorizing some pickup lines
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It's about understanding human psychology, communication cues, and even topics that interest you
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or that you come to find their interest women in general through practicing
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The more you know, the more you have to share, and the more you share, the more confident you are
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Step 5, seek feedback. Trusted friends can be your greatest allies. Share your experiences and your doubts
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Often an external perspective can provide invaluable insight into our own blind spots
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And if your friends are not the right type, test it out in a field, be ytical and
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rather than being emotional and look for the solutions rather than obstacles
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And finally, step six, celebrate the small wins. Overcoming approach anxiety is a journey
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It's not a destination. It's something that may never stop. Every step forward, no matter how tiny is a progress
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Did you manage to strike up a two-minute conversation? Great. Celebrate it
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Did you learn something from a failed approach? Even better. all part of the growth. Remember, at the end of the day, the goal isn't to win somebody's affection
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It's to present your own authentic self, to connect, to share moments. And believe me, as you grow
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as you learn, as you become more confident in your own skin, people will notice. They will
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naturally gravitate towards you. They will connect. They will want to connect. And with that said
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guys, know that you're not alone on this journey. We're always here for you. Every one of us has
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faced these challenges and these doubts at one point in time. But with understanding, with effort
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and with sprinkle of a little bit of self-love, the world is truly our oyster. So good luck
