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Emelye Dwyer | The Locker Room – Episode 1
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Jan 30, 2025
Please note: this video discusses sensitive issues that some viewers may find triggering, including eating disorders and sexual assault. In this incredibly open and powerful interview, functional fitness athlete Emelye Dwyer shares her experiences and struggles with mental health in an effort to normalise speaking about sensitive issues and encourage others to do the same. We created The Locker Room series to acknowledge and address the highs and lows of life. At Myprotein we truly believe that taking care of your mind is every bit as important as taking care of your physical fitness, and we recognise how important it is to keep the conversations around mental health going. In every week of October, we’ll be releasing a new episode of The Locker Room to give a range of our ambassadors and athletes a platform to share their stories. Because we are #StrongerTogether. We have also partnered with Mental Health UK (registered charity number: 1170815) to donate £2.50 from every Stronger Together Shaker sold. Get yours now: https://bit.ly/2HRvVCr ** If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this video, the following organisations may be able to provide help and advice: Mental Health UK: https://mentalhealth-uk.org/information-and-support/ Beat (UK’s eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ RASAC (Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre): https://www.rasasc.org/ Samaritans: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)
View Video Transcript
0:00
Growing up, discussions weren't abundant about mental health
0:06
My issues started at such a young age. My mum was straight on them and identifying what was kind of going on
0:16
But doctors always rule out saying she's going through a phase. Oh, she's just going through a phase
0:24
Oh, she's going through a phase. I mean, it's been a pretty long phase
0:28
It's definitely not stopped. So I was really lucky that my parents were pretty switched on to it and even with their awareness
0:35
They still I still fell through the loops time and time again with it
0:41
I had quite a long stay in hospital the the general clinic ended up being
0:48
I think eight weeks again my memory is just so vague of the whole situation because
0:55
That's a part of the brain that doesn't need to work to keep you surviving And then I was in a secure unit for another few months after that
1:06
People used to say to me, I'm, you look really well. And all that said to me was
1:14
core, you put on some body fat. And of course I had
1:21
When I got taken in, I was the teeniest, weeniest little thing. And I remember saying to my mum sat
1:28
and my daddy sat on the hospital bed begging them to help me just before I started eating again
1:35
I wanted to be able to fit my fingers, my thumb, around the top of my arm
1:41
And that was my goal, because that to me defined perfection. And through sheer desperation to try and help me start eating again, they helped me do it, and I did it
1:54
And I could fit that around the top of my arm. I can't even get around half now
1:59
I can barely just about get it around my wrist but that for me was
2:07
the measurement of where I wanted to be before I started getting better
2:11
and you have to try and level with the people you're talking to
2:16
because when they are a low weight they become a rational and you can't
2:21
you can't reason with somebody who is in such a low state that actually all their survival techniques they start to go out the window
2:30
They lose your capacity to feel emotion. You don't, you just find something funny, but you can't laugh
2:37
You find something sad, but you can't cry. You're just this zombie state
2:44
So you have to try and tap into them in any way you can and focus on the things that are going to make them feel good
2:53
They're trying to communicate to somebody who has that voice in their head that is so loud sometimes
3:01
that they need to eat, to live, to fuel their body, to feel good
3:08
to be able to do things like run, play, skip, jump, go to the theme park
3:13
enjoy life with friends, enjoy some time at the beach. You can't do that if you're poorly and if you're not putting fuel in your body
3:20
because you don't enjoy it because you go into that zombie-like state where you just physically can't enjoy something
3:25
the body starts to shut down all unnecessary processes just to keep the heart beating and the lungs going
3:32
The tiniest comment can have such a catastrophic effect. You become very cautious of trying to help in case you say the wrong thing But what I say is do ask people who have been through it before try to avoid anything numeric try not to ever talk about numbers of calories
3:57
try not to ever talk about numbers of weight, always try and focus on their mental well-being and how they feel
4:05
and nutrition for the brain. and instead of ever when you're talking about food with them
4:13
bring it around to feeding their mind, vitamins to make their eyes sparkly
4:20
vitamins to make their hair shiny and their skin glow, to make them feel good in themselves
4:29
Having people eat with me was paramount. My mum, she was incredible
4:36
she'll beat herself up to this day that she wasn't. But she would eat every meal with me, even if she'd already eaten
4:49
So she put her own feelings of her self aside just to eat with her little girl
4:57
And it's incredible even now, even if I know, even if I know my partner's already had dinner
5:03
there's a part of me even though I know I have to eat
5:07
to feel my body I'm an athlete for Christ's sake there's a part of me that will
5:12
really struggle to eat on my own but I don't want to be dependent
5:16
I want to be fierce and independent and able to go off and do everything I can but you have to stay on top of it the whole time
5:24
and that's what's really changed the moment you take your finger off the pulse
5:28
with an eating disorder is the moment you start to slip back into old patterns
5:32
I have to keep my blood sugar stable the moment it dips
5:39
I become a little bit fragile. And then it spirals. If I miss one meal, I miss the next, and I'll miss the next, and I miss the next
5:45
And then it just becomes this vicious circle of suffering, and it's relentless
5:58
I definitely used to use exercise as a weapon. within the eating disorder
6:04
So they go hand in hand, right? There's the big crossover of all the different things
6:07
like exercise addiction, bulimia, anorexia, these kind of things. And it was a very unhealthy relationship
6:15
until I discovered functional fitness. And instead of the focus being on aesthetics
6:22
where it was in the Globo gym that I was part of up the road
6:27
it was on what you could do. And the effort you put in and the drive and God knows I'm a driven person and if you're
6:39
driven you will strive to be the best at anything you put your mind to I mean don't get me
6:44
wrong it wasn't an instant fix at all it was up and down and I regularly still abused the
6:51
volume of the workout to satisfy that voice in my head and keep her quiet but soon it
6:59
became about what I could do. And I started to realise I couldn't do what I wanted to do
7:05
and be who I wanted to be if I didn't put the correct fuel in. I mean, I do still worry that I use exercise as a weapon
7:13
and an excuse to weigh and measure my food and watch what I eat
7:19
But not nearly to the same extent. I use it in a different way
7:26
So when I suffering on a bike I think to myself come on in You had that lovely bowl of porridge this morning with banana You got all that potassium and those vitamins in there It fueling your body It going to make you feel good Tap into that Come on tap into that Use that in your legs And so it is helping me to channel it better And I starting to really love how I look because it a reflection of the hard work I put in It just it finding things to keep you mentally free and using your fitness
7:58
for good and testing yourself, pushing your limits, not being afraid to fail and allowing yourself
8:05
to fail, picking yourself up again can be one of the most liberating sensations when you struggle
8:13
with your mental health because you're proving to yourself time and time again that, yeah
8:17
you're getting knocked off that board, you're getting swallowed by that wave, but you're going to
8:21
turn around, turn your board around, push yourself back up and go again, just like in life
8:26
We fail, we learn, we rebuild, and we go again. Okay. Do I mention the trauma at nine years old
8:44
I guess I have to really. I don't have to go into detail, obviously. Once it's out there, it's out there
8:56
Yeah, you let me know if it's too heavy. I become really protective of kids, I think because of the trauma I experienced when I was quite young
9:21
Because I was so into my theatre and massively, overly confident to compensate for the insecurities that I had
9:33
I came across as being far more open and outgoing than I
9:39
I realized I was. You can always join the dots up looking back, right
9:46
But I was only nine, which is pretty young. My niece is nine
9:52
And I didn't understand at the time what was going on. I understood what the birds and the bees were
10:00
The bits that your PSHE classes leave out. They tell you all the stuff that you need to know about reproduction
10:06
but they don't tell you all the other things. So if you don't know that those things are in existence
10:14
then how can you protect yourself? And it went on for so long that it just became the norm
10:23
I knew that it had affected me very deeply, psychologically. But I don't think I understand
10:33
how it had affected me at those younger ages before I actually understood what had been happening
10:38
if that makes any sense. It's really hard to describe it. I guess with a lot of trauma
10:45
you block out what has happened because that's how we survive. But there comes a point where you can't
10:55
can't block it out anymore and you have to face it. But that's so terrifying
11:04
And it took me until I was in my mid-20s to be able to sit down with somebody
11:10
and talk about what had happened. And even now I still say I encouraged it
11:24
I was nine. But at least now, what I can do is use the experience to try and help others and do some good
11:36
And I hope that by opening up and speaking about it and going on to work with the project
11:42
I'm so fortunate to be able to go and work for is going to help other people and help other
11:48
people protect other people and through awareness we can we can become so much stronger
11:57
together. Post-traumatic stress disorder is a very real and a very debilitating
12:05
thing and at the same time as getting more autistic diagnosis is when they said that you've been suffering with PTSD all this time, which is what caused the, potentially what caused the anorexia
12:21
So it's a lovely big mixing pot of things to have to address, but a lot of mental health issues have overlapping elements, which is why they're so complicated to treat
12:33
So I am in the very early stages of working on a project that is backed by a phenomenal charitable charitable parks, which is the
12:42
Portsmouth Abuse Rape Crisis Service. They help all victims of abuse, sexual abuse and
12:50
harassment throughout the Portsmouth area. We're working on a project where we are going to
12:54
have specialist facilities where there are personal trainers who are trained in how to cope
13:01
with victims of abuse, trauma survivors. Because in a gym scenario there's going to be a lot
13:07
of triggers if you've gone through that form of trauma. People having to spot you talk about your
13:12
physicality, physiology. So it's hyper important that there is awareness. And when you look at people who have been through sexual harassment and abuse
13:23
and if you also include public sexual harassment in that, women alone, that's just one in three women
13:32
Think about how many women are in your gym. That's a lot of people who have been through that
13:37
and experience that form of trauma, regardless of the degree and the level of severity
13:42
Shouldn't happen to anyone. We definitely need to keep talking about mental health
13:49
I'm so grateful that it is gaining so much momentum and people are talking about it more
13:57
There's one thing I'm not okay with and this phrase, it's okay, not to be okay
14:02
because whilst it's okay to not... It's normal to not feel okay
14:12
But that doesn't mean you should allow yourself to stay in that state. Reach out and ask for help
14:19
So I'd say it's okay not to be okay, but please don't stay that way
14:26
Every single time one more person opens up about their struggle, it's an opportunity for them to tap into more people who might need to hear it
14:34
So the more people that speak out, the more people they're going to reach. I guess feeling good is just as infectious as any other disease, right
14:42
Feel like smiling. We are stronger together. We are my protein
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