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Think your kids will handle your divorce just fine because they’re adults? Think again.
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Jul 4, 2025
Think your kids will handle your divorce just fine because they’re adults? Think again. Even grown children can feel blindsided, angry, and heartbroken when family dynamics change. In our latest episode, we dive deep into the emotional ripple effects and how to help your kids cope while protecting your own peace. 🎧 Watch now → https://youtu.be/Ic128nTNH2U #ParentingAfterDivorce #FamilyHealing #EmotionalHealth #NavigatingChange #AdaptablePodcast
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0:00
What are some of the things that you
0:01
feel feel comfortable sharing that were
0:03
hard for your kids after this? And I did
0:05
I thought, well, at least my kids are
0:07
adults when this, you know, kind of
0:11
transpired, this, you know, path was
0:16
going down this way. At least they're
0:17
adults, right? I won't have to like drop
0:20
off at dads and drop off at moms and I
0:22
won't have to do all that. And I quickly
0:24
found out, oh my gosh, they're taking
0:27
this really hard. And then I had to stop
0:30
and think, well, no one wants their mom
0:31
and dad to get divorced, right? You
0:34
know, my mom and dad are still married.
0:35
They're 60s, you know, 30 years. And I
0:39
would be devastated at this point if
0:41
they got divorced, right? And yeah, it
0:44
was really hard. It changes the whole
0:46
family dynamic. Sure. You know, what's
0:48
your wedding going to be like? What are
0:50
your baby's, you know, parties going to
0:52
be like and the grandkids? And how are
0:54
we going to choose where to go for
0:56
holidays? All those things are so hard.
0:57
So, what are some of the things your
0:59
your kids have struggled with so we can
1:01
share how to navigate that? Um, I think
1:03
the biggest thing, and I did not do it
1:06
perfect, but looking back, my advice
1:08
would be um for adult kids is they're
1:12
all so different and they all feel
1:16
different at different times. They have
1:18
different opinions about it. One of my
1:20
kids was trying to, you know, talk me
1:22
into, no, you need to make this work,
1:24
right? you need to go back home and you
1:26
need to listen to this, you know,
1:28
whatever. And she'd send me stuff and
1:30
whatever. And I wasn't going to be it
1:32
was listening to each one of them
1:34
separately and just holding space for
1:37
them to let them get it all out, but
1:40
they're feeling so important. And I
1:42
didn't want to be like, "No, or you're
1:44
wrong." The other It's so powerless for
1:46
them and they're going to they're going
1:48
to adapt. You know, that sounds like
1:49
that one was like, "Here, I need to try
1:51
to take control of this situation
1:52
because this is too powerless for me to
1:54
feel it." Yeah. Yes. Desperation. Why
1:56
are you doing this? Our family's never
1:58
going to be the same. And I just Did
2:01
anyone lash out at you? Oh, yeah. Yes.
2:05
Yeah. So hard. That was probably the
2:07
hardest cuz when I finally made up my
2:09
mind of what I was doing with the
2:11
relationship, it's not the kids fault,
2:14
right? I felt horrible. That was the
2:17
worst of all of it. And so just having
2:21
to hold space for them and not have the
2:25
answer, right?
2:27
Like I'm so sorry. I know.
2:31
Sucks. And you don't know what it's
2:33
going to look like. I remember looking
2:35
for apartments and just crying because I
2:38
could only afford, you know, this little
2:40
cracker jack box, um, one bedroom. And I
2:44
remember being like, I can't have
2:47
Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving at
2:50
this. And you know what? I did and it
2:53
was fine and it was great because it
2:55
really all that mattered were all
2:56
together, right? Yeah. But with the kid
2:59
thing is let them be mad, vent, weep,
3:04
right? Let them do it for as long as
3:06
they need to do it and and don't make it
3:08
about you. Absolutely not. I think they
3:12
tried to get into the wanting to know
3:14
and the details and that was one thing
3:18
um I tried to be really good at was
3:23
I don't need to drag you into our junk,
3:26
right? And so let's just keep it about
3:28
you and your healing and how we're going
3:30
to be okay and we're going to get
3:32
through this, right? What about uh
3:35
blame? You know, kids want to blame
3:38
because they they don't want that's how
3:40
we discharge our pain and our discomfort
3:41
is through blame. Did you ever find
3:43
anything of whether it was you or your
3:45
ex and how did you navigate that?
3:49
Um, yeah. It's hard for someone to go,
3:51
"Well, you're just giving up and it's
3:54
all your fault.
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