0:01
what do you do when you lose a
0:04
spouse i look back on my life for me
0:09
1998 was like any other day i woke up
0:13
and I didn't find my wife she was
0:15
nowhere to be found just a couple of
0:18
minutes later my four-year-old son
0:19
Connor and my 14-year-old son Kyle come
0:22
in and say "Where's mom?" I go "I don't
0:24
know." We kind of look out around the
0:27
house we go down the hallway and we
0:28
finally go downstairs and we find her
0:31
downstairs down by the washer and dryer
0:34
down it didn't look good within a few
0:37
minutes there was medics firemen police
0:41
aid cars all sorts of people at the
0:44
house and they had done the procedures
0:47
to try to save her they had the paddles
0:50
that go like that they had all the bags
0:53
of fluid hanging from the from the
0:57
top and I just remember thinking going
1:00
through this one of the things you lose
1:03
total sight of is time or total
1:07
conception of time if you will i didn't
1:10
know how long it had been but they were
1:11
working on my wife Dana and the firemen
1:15
came over to him and they said "We've
1:17
been working on your wife for 90 minutes
1:20
we still don't have a
1:22
heartbeat would you like us to
1:25
continue and I remember thinking just
1:27
then my brain was working just barely
1:30
and I thought 90 minutes no
1:33
heartbeat i said "No you can stop." And
1:38
away she was 38 years old and as I said
1:43
1998 nobody prepares you for this
1:45
there's no manual there's no handbook or
1:48
pamphlet or course that you take oh how
1:51
you navigate losing a spouse i remember
1:55
being in a days or days at a time and
1:59
sometimes you just reduce it down to its
2:01
most basic element let me just get
2:02
through the next five
2:04
minutes let me get through the next hour
2:08
and sometimes you if you could ever get
2:09
to sleep sleep was one of the only
2:11
reliefs that you had because you'd pass
2:15
finally and get some just respit from
2:18
all the heaviness of the loss but then
2:22
you'd wake up the next day and realize
2:25
real so how do you survive that you just
2:28
figure it out slowly time is the great
2:32
healer but nobody wants to hear that
2:34
when they've lost their spouse but every
2:36
five minutes every hour every 24 hours
2:40
every day every week it gets a teeny bit
2:46
way don't feel bad about your friend
2:49
saying things that don't make sense
2:51
people try to comfort you and it doesn't
2:54
make any sense they don't know in fact
2:57
along the way about two weeks later
2:59
after my wife passed away I went to
3:02
support group i'd heard about support
3:03
groups but never really had the chance
3:05
to or opportunity I guess I should say
3:07
to be in one for at any point in my life
3:10
but I went and it was extremely healing
3:13
i would strongly recommend a support
3:15
group wherever you are these are people
3:17
that have gone through the exact same
3:18
thing and they can relate to you much
3:20
more so than even family and friends
3:22
that have no idea what you're going
3:23
through but they think they do as you
3:26
sit in the support group and I would sit
3:27
sit in a circle and be my turn to talk
3:30
sometimes I didn't want to talk could
3:32
barely talk without breaking out into
3:34
tears and it would come around to me and
3:36
I'd say hi my name is David Brookke my
3:38
wife Dana died September 29th 1998 i'm
3:42
week but watching these heads go like
3:45
this the nodding of the heads was so
3:48
powerful these people understood what I
3:51
was going through so if you can find a
3:53
support group if you can find people who
3:55
have had a shared experience as tough as
3:57
it is it really helps the rest of the
4:00
people just don't really have a clue but
4:03
ultimately you just go through time and
4:05
it gets a little better all the time but
4:07
there's so many days that and it's not
4:09
linear by the way it doesn't go just a
4:12
little better there's some days it's
4:13
terrible then it gets better then it
4:14
goes back to terrible again so you never
4:17
know but ultimately one of the things
4:20
that did help me is I got past the it's
4:23
like the open wound that finally heals
4:25
over a little bit and then it's really
4:27
sore and then it aches and then it
4:28
finally starts to go away a little bit
4:30
but you still see the scar the scar will
4:34
forever ultimately one of the things
4:36
that helped me was getting a gratitude
4:39
attitude i later became a speaker and as
4:42
that gratitude guy speak a lot about
4:44
this and about what an attitude of
4:46
gratitude can do for you but it makes
4:49
such a big difference but remember it
4:51
takes time i'll say it again it just
4:54
takes time it's just little by little by
4:56
little there's just no handbook I
4:59
realized about life in fact I think
5:01
sometimes about my parents and I think
5:03
gosh they did a decent job raising five
5:05
of us but looking back on it I would
5:09
have liked if they'd said this to me
5:10
maybe more than anything else life is
5:13
going to be up and down it's a big
5:14
roller coaster there going to be times
5:16
where you're higher than the kite so to
5:17
speak and you love life and there's
5:19
going to be times when you're lower than
5:20
whatever and you can't imagine being
5:22
that low but remember this one thing and
5:24
this is the key it always gets better if
5:28
you just give it time it always gets
5:30
better and it's hard to believe that
5:33
sometimes but I know it's so important
5:35
if you get back up again you'll be glad
5:37
you did but think about gratitude and
5:40
think about focusing on all your
5:41
blessings and abundance it'll help you
5:44
but remember it takes time and it's one
5:47
of those things that's just going to
5:48
never change as part of our life there's
5:50
a starting point and there's an end
5:52
point as somebody once said the birth
5:55
date and the death date on a tombstone
5:57
the dash is your life and it goes by
6:00
fast so think about a support group
6:04
think about being grateful even think
6:06
about getting a gratitude journal i'll
6:09
put a link in the description to the
6:10
that gratitude guys daily gratitude
6:12
journal that really helps because if you
6:14
think about it it's like a dream if you
6:16
talk about it it inspires you but if you
6:19
write about it it empowers you it can
6:22
help the best of luck to you in your
6:28
time i'm that gratitude guy remember be
6:32
grateful and never quit
