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"Captain America: Brave New World – Hero or Headache?" #roast #roasting
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ladies and gentlemen Captain America:
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Brave New World yes I saw it and I've
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been confused ever since i didn't know
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if I was watching a superhero movie or a
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political science dissertation that was
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narrated by a dude who runs track with
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mechanical wings baby you know what I'm
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saying i was like damn sam Wilson spent
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more time in community meetings than in
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fight scenes like what's next captain
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America neighborhood
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watch marvel done gave us a whole
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Captain America movie where the villain
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ain't Ultron or Red Skull it's got to be
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an urban
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policy you know you in trouble when
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Captain America starts talking
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affordable housing in act two now let's
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talk about Sam Wilson over here my man
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is a fullblown Avenger right he got the
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shield he got the suits he got the
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speeches but the shield man he throw
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that shield like it's gonna break down
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throw that with some confidence man he
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He's emotional about it you know what I
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mean i don't know what to feel about him
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and they gave him this high-tech
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vibranium jetack laser drone sidekick AI
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and his goggles and somehow he still
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managed to get jumped by three dudes
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with crowbars and at one point he got
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tackled midair and I swear to God I said
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out loud "See that's why black folks
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don't fly in real life cuz gravity still
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don't like us." Now let's get to this
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villain part they brought in Harrison
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Ford to play General Ross harrison Ford
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man han Solo Indiana Jones the man been
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running for rock snakes and child
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support for 40 years now he's playing
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Red Hulk red Hulk the man turned into a
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giant red raisin with arthritis looked
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like he was Hellboy who had cholesterol
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problems i didn't even know if I should
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respect it but I do because it's
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Harrison Ford he had to like he ain't
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read the script he showed up like who am
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I today you're the Hulk sir okay that's
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just a growl and be angry h I've been
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doing that since 85 baby man when he
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hulked out I thought CGI was buffering
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his transformation looked like a old man
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trying to stand up without making any
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noise and the action scenes boy Marvel
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used to throw whole cities at each other
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this movie they was fighting in parking
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garages community w centers there's one
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fight scene in the library the library i
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ain't seen books get hit that hard since
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they took black history out of Texas and
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now in the middle of all this Sam still
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finds time to give a whole TED talk
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about unity people getting shot at and
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the man yelling "We need to do better
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