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all right y'all ready for the accountant
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two It's your boy Chico Chad Certified
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hood intel comedy only And I just
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watched The Accountant 2 A movie so
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stiff it felt like it was written by a
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calculator with abandonment issues This
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man out here mking folks with the code
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efficiency of a vending machine Then he
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goes homes to color code receipts like
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death came He has the vibe of a hitman
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who just want to be left alone with his
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spreadsheets and sugar-free pudding Bro
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he will John Wick a room full of
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mercenaries then calmly whisper
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deductible He kills 10 people right
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before lunch and but he got to pause the
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carnage cuz he forgot to file the
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quarterly It's like "Sir are you
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dangerous or are you just deeply
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punchable Real talk would you let this
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man do your taxes if he showed up to a
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meeting with blood on his khakis and a
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briefcase full of silencer attachments
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Ain't no way Now let's talk action The
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shootouts feel like they were
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choreographed by a financial advisor
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having a midlife crisis There's one
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scene where my man dodges bullets by
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calculating the angles of the trajectory
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just like he was taking SAT
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by bro fighting on rooftops shooting in
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libraries and doing combat rows through
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conference calls One minute he's in a
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autopilot but the next he's choking a
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man in a wei work and the villain bro
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look like he was a crypto scammer turned
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warlord with the energy of someone who
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tried to trademark the word
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hustle He did a whole evil monologue
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while operating Google Sheets It's like
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"Sir is this a threat or a quarterly
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forecast Have you ever been threatened
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with the pie chart Come on
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bro." Then comes the love
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story I'm in love with you She falls for
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him after he helps her fix a payroll
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error and kill a stalker Sis this ain't
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romance That's trauma bonding with tax
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deductions My man didn't even buy her a
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sandwich just optimized her filing
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status and ghosted emotionally Their
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chemistry felt like two robots flirting
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over shared Wi-Fi signal He ain't even
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text her good morning He just sent the
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PDF file with her year-to-ate
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earnings And believe me she was into
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that Is this love or is it just
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freelance appreciation with health
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benefits That's all I'm trying to find
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out By the end my guy is strangling
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people with USB cords while he's quoting
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the IRS statues like it's slam poetry
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night at tax lives And honestly I
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wouldn't be surprised if Turbo starts
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offering training courses from this dude
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Welcome to Lethal Accounting 101 How to
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liabilities Here's the twist It's still
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a good movie though For real It's got
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sharp pacing surprisingly clean fight
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scenes and a weird charm and how dead
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serious it takes itself Like it knows
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it's ridiculous but it leans with
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It's the kind of movie you laugh at then
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rewind cuz you low key want to see that
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sniper scene one more time It's got
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flavor It's awkward genius And it's just
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enough chaos to keep your eyes
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glued So yeah it's wild It's goofy It's
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deadly That's all I can say Who next Who
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want it next Cuz we got smoke for
