Death threats and imposter syndrome: social media star Carrie Berk on dealing with fame and success

Why is it so hard

Oh, I did it! When did you truly feel celebrated right now when I opened that thing

Hi, my name is Carrie Burke. I'm an author, journalist, and social media influencer

I have almost three-point. 9 million followers on TikTok, and I just came out with my solo debut book, My Real Life Romcom

In what aspect of your life do you not feel good enough

So I was sitting on the couch one night, just eating a cup of cereal, watching TV

and just suddenly could not catch my breath. It was the middle of the pandemic

Class of 2020, no prom, no graduation. It was a really hard year for me to be

begin with. And on top of that, I just had this sudden internet fame and I really could see how

cool people could be I mean I had 12 sending me death threats in my DMs For a while to me anxiety was just you know the butterfly sensation you get before a test

Or I used to be a performer. I would get those butterflies before I got on stage

But I realized that it was so much more than that. It can be something so painful and debilitating

My heart was constantly racing. I couldn't catch my breath. I wasn't hungry

I had this constant track of intrusive. thoughts in my brain that I could not escape. I had been searching for a light switch that would

just turn off the anxiety. And I think it was that moment, like six months into therapy

when I just realized I wasn't going to get better. The only thing that was going to change

was the way I responded to it. And don't get me wrong, I'm still learning about anxiety and

OCD as new symptoms arise, but now I understand it more than I used to

When do you take things personally In what sort of conversation do you find yourself getting the most defensive or wounded I take things personally all the time I so oversensitive I overreact to everything I just calling myself out right now It so bad I just overthink every single situation So I started writing when I was eight years old I written 21 children books with my mom

A personal insecurity is that an eight-year-old cannot publish and write a book by herself. Like she needs help

That negative voice in my head would be saying, you're nothing without your mom behind you. You're never going to have your own voices around

writer, you're always going to be in her shadow. All of those voices often get in the way

I mean, I'm very grateful for those experiences I had with my mom. But at the end of the day

I am not an eight-year-old who writes about cupcakes anymore. I'm a 20-year-old young woman

and I'm experiencing this crazy world that is adulting. Where has pain served a purpose

in your life. I talk very openly about my first heartbreak when I find out he's breaking up with me

and it almost felt like a form of grief I just could not stop sobbing and it sounds silly because I was 16 but at the time it felt so real and heartbreaking I never gone through something that deep When we talk about our struggles

in an authentic manner, that's what can really help people and resonate with them, because then

they're able to relate to you and level with you. What was that actual moment like when I got

my heartbroken? What was it like when I dropped to my knees and my surroundings went blur

and my fingers went numb. That's a feeling that a lot of 16-year-olds

who have been in love will be able to relate to. When did you truly feel celebrated

Once I wrote my book, showed myself, proved to myself that I am good, alone as a writer

I realized I didn't need to... I realized I didn't need to..

I realized I didn't need to... I realized I didn't need to... to prove anything to anyone

And although I love my mom and I respect her and her work that she does, I'm good alone too