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Feeling guilty for breaking up with someone? Do you feel guilt after breaking up with your girlfriend or your boyfriend? Do you ever wonder why that is or whether there is a way to avoid feeling guilty after a breakup?
Here are some of the most common reasons for breakup guilt and what to do about break up guilt with some highly effective ways to deal with it.
Talk to a trained and experienced relationship counsellor - either by yourself or as a couple - to figure out what to do about your relationship, one way or another.
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0:00
A partner breaking up of you is horrible, but being the one to end the relationship
0:04
isn't exactly a walk in the park either. You might decide to end a relationship for all kinds of reasons, some won't involve any
0:10
guilt at all. Let's face it, if your partner cheats on you, you probably won't feel guilty about breaking
0:15
up with them. It's not always as simple as that. The other person isn't always to blame when you decide to end things
0:21
In fact, both partners always play a role. But guilt can often be the overriding emotion you feel after you've broken up with someone
0:28
If you're experiencing this right now, the first thing you need to know is that your guilt is totally understandable, but it's also unjustified
0:53
Six reasons you might be feeling guilty. and today I'm going to help you answer these questions together
1:02
Let's start by looking at where your guilt might be coming from and then we can talk about how you can process your things and start moving forward
1:08
And if at any point during the video you feel like you need something more and a partial or a specialist, check out the links in the description for some of the
1:15
recommendation relationship counselling services. A personalised and direct counselling service may be able to help you with the relationship
1:21
specifics that unfortunately I cannot. That being said, watch the video until the end
1:27
Hopefully you'll find it insightful, helpful and entertaining too. So let's get on with it. You hurt someone you care about
1:35
Suppose this was the wrong decision and your partner didn't want to break up. In that case
1:39
you're probably feeling really bad about hurting someone you still care about, even if you don't
1:43
want to be with them anymore. That shows empathy and care for the people you love. It's totally
1:47
normal to feel this way as long as you recognise that staying with them could have hurt them a lot more
1:51
in the long run. They didn't see it coming. Maybe you thought it was apparent that things were going
1:57
wrong between the two of you, but the breakout still took them entirely by surprise
2:02
They've taken it more complicated than you expected because they just weren't mentally prepared for it
2:06
You were probably trying your hardest to make things work right up until you made a big decision Try not to make any comments about the lack of warning you gave them to heart They upset and it common for people to lash out at these situations
2:18
Sure, you probably could have handled it better. No one is good at breaking up with a partner
2:22
It's a very tricky thing to get right. But if you had approached it the other way around
2:26
and said you needed space and time to think about whether you needed or wanted to carry on
2:31
they probably would have accused you of just dragging out the pain rather than being brave enough to end things right off the bat
2:36
You can't win in these situations. They didn't do anything wrong. At this point, you almost wish they'd done something to you
2:45
or portrayed your trust, so you could have a solid ground to dump them, but they didn't
2:49
They did nothing wrong. Well, they probably weren't perfect as nobody is, but no significant offence
2:54
Still, you didn't feel the same way about them anymore. You can't point the finger at them
2:59
or specific things they did or said, but you couldn't escape the feeling that something wasn't right
3:04
They're a charming person. They're lovely, they're kind and considerate, and buy them on flowers on a birthday
3:11
Your whole family and friends adore them. All the people you love can't understand why you'd end things with such a great person
3:18
They think you must be mad and some of them are making you feel even more guilty because of the hopes they pinned on the relationship
3:24
When the only reason you end things is that it just didn't feel right and no one else really gets it
3:29
The guilt can be crippling. And if the person you've broken up would never even hurt a fly
3:34
then that's a whole other layer of guilt. You chose your words poorly
3:40
Maybe you're not feeling bad just because you broke up with them, but because of how you broke up with them
3:45
You've realised that you were unkind, maybe things got heated and you said some things you didn't mean
3:50
Maybe you destroyed their self-esteem by telling them that you didn't find them sexually attractive anymore
3:55
Maybe you got defensive and tried to blame it on them, and now you wish you could take it back and say it more diplomatically
4:02
You regret it. And last but not least, you might not. regret breaking up with them. You need to be really sure about this. If you ended things with them, it was probably for a good reason, even if it was hard to articulate
4:15
Although if it was an actual reason you have no problem remembering it anyway But there always that possibility that you just got scared and overwhelmed and tried to run away rather than standing firm and processing the emotions Now you wish you could turn back time Why you shouldn feel guilty
4:33
Guilt should be reserved for when you've actually made a mistake, done something wrong or mistreated someone
4:38
If this is true for you, then it's totally correct that you should be feeling a certain amount of guilt and taking responsibility for your actions
4:45
It's not a positive emotion, but it can help you learn from your mistake and do better in the future
4:50
It has a place, but it's something you should feel just because you've broken up with someone
4:54
because that's not treating them poorly. And no one else should be trying to make you feel guilty, not your ex, not your friends, and not your family
5:02
Breaking up with them is far better for you both in the long run. You'll always know deep down when a relationship has run its course
5:08
and forcing yourself to stay in those situations like flogging a dead horse. You probably didn't give up at first hurdle
5:14
You gave it your best shot until you realised that there was no future for the two of you
5:18
So whilst you're probably feeling sad and confused and all those emotions you'll have to process
5:24
don't let guilt be the overriding feeling. Tips for dealing with breakup guilt
5:30
Accept that what's done is done. The first steps towards saying goodbye to your guilt is accepting that what's done is done
5:36
that you've made your decision. Okay, so you might not have handled the breakup perfectly
5:41
but that's understandable. You had good intentions and breaking up with someone is never easy
5:46
But you can't change it now. There's no point agonising over the details and wishing you hadn't said what you said
5:51
There's no point focusing on the past. There's no point focusing on the pain that your ex is probably feeling at the moment
5:58
It's time to put all of that behind you and focus on the future. A future in which both of you and your ex will be far happier, far better apart for when you were together
6:07
Remember, you only have one life. You only have one shot at this thing called life
6:12
So the worst thing you can do is waste it. And you don't want to be wasting anyone else's time either
6:18
Whenever the guilty feeling bubbles up on the surface, focus on the fact that you both have one chance at life and breaking up means that both of you have an opportunity to move on, experience other love and eventually find your own happiness
6:30
Focus on what went right. Just because your relationship has come to an end doesn mean it a failure You haven failed because you broken up with someone Your relationship was still meaningful you still learned a lot from it and you definitely did a lot of things right
6:45
There were times where you were kind, compassionate, loving and attentive and you both taught
6:49
each other a lot and helped shape each other. It doesn't last forever, but that doesn't mean it wasn't significant and essential
6:57
Don't accept emotional blackmail. If your ex has taken the break up badly, don't let them take that out on you
7:03
not the person comforting them or they should be processing this with. They need to turn to
7:07
their friends and family for that. If they always found a way to make everything your fault
7:11
when you were together, then they'll definitely do their best to try and make you feel guilty about the breakup. Just remember that you are not responsible for their happiness or their
7:19
behaviour. They are an independent adult and they are responsible for their own emotions. It's
7:24
wrong for them to entirely depend on you for their happiness. You are not their parent or their
7:29
therapist and you're not responsible for them. If they're trying to pin all the blame on you
7:33
than accept the role that they played in the relationship endings, then that's not okay
7:38
It can be a good idea to avoid contact with them so that you can both process your emotions
7:42
independently and you aren't made to feel more guilty by seeing them upset
7:46
Remember that it's all about the best for you both, and tuck those feelings or guilt away so you can both focus on the future
7:53
Still not sure how to manage and overcome your breakup guilt? You don't have to go through this alone
7:58
It can help to talk things over with someone and that ought to be a professional who deals with this sort of thing all the time
8:03
Check out some of the recommended services below in the description and find out just how much help and benefit a direct personal service can bring you in your relationship
8:15
Okay guys, that's it from me today. I hope you found this video helpful, insightful or at least entertaining
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Remember, don't forget to like, subscribe or hit that bell for any notifications
8:26
Also leave a comment below if you've had any previous experience. I'll see you in the next episode. Bye
#Troubled Relationships