0:00
Infidelity is a horrible experience for the person who's been cheated on
0:03
But if you're the one who's done the cheating, then you don't get off that lightly either
0:07
The guilt of what you've done will probably weigh heavily on you. This is a difficult situation to process
0:12
After all, it is something you should feel a certain amount of guilt about. You portrayed someone you loved, and that's something you need to come to turns with
0:19
But whilst you shouldn't sweep it under the rug, you shouldn't punish yourself for it either
0:23
What's in the past is in the past. You definitely shouldn't forget about what you did
0:27
But you need to move on, forgive yourself and vow to move on. give yourself and vow to do better in the future. Hi, I'm Jessica from a conscious rethink
0:33
and in this video I'll give some advice on how to process your infidelity and put it behind you
0:40
Feeling guilty is a good thing. First off, it's important to say that it's a positive thing
0:44
that you're here. If you're watching this, you're feeling guilty about hurting someone who was
0:49
or still is really important to you and that means you're a good person who just did a bad thing
0:54
It's only natural to feel a certain amount of guilt in situations like these. Feeling this way
0:58
means you've accepted responsibility for what you did, which is the first step to moving forward
1:03
The guilt your feeling is also somewhat of a guarantee that you won't be cheating again in a hurry
1:08
You've learned that no matter how tempted you might be, the guilt, remorse and pain that came after cheating
1:13
just aren't worth it. There's no point wallowing in your guilt. While your guilt is a positive in a lot of ways
1:20
it's important not to let it overshadow your future. What's done is done
1:25
You've been honest with your partner. Maybe now you're trying to work things out
1:28
or maybe the relationship is over. Either way, it's time to focus on all the good things still to come
1:34
rather than dwelling on the bad things in the past. First, let's look at what you can do
1:39
If you're still with your partner, forgive yourself. They say that if you want someone else to love you
1:46
you need to love yourself. The same is true for forgiveness. The first step towards moving on is forgiving yourself for what you did You have to accept it face up to it and put it behind you After all if you still beating yourself up about what you did
2:00
it won't matter whether your partner has forgiven you. Confined in someone you trust
2:07
Your partner is the last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt. They don't need you putting that on them
2:12
It's not their job to make you feel better right now. But if you do need to discuss your feelings with someone
2:17
it's the best way to work through those feelings and figure out why you did what you did
2:21
and exactly where your guilt is coming from. Turn to a friend that you know
2:25
won't judge you and preferably one that doesn't have loyalties towards your partner. Or speak to a relationship counsellor
2:31
They can help you work through your guilt. We'll link in our recommended service
2:34
to the description below. Prove that you are committed. If you've chooses on your partner
2:41
but want that relationship to continue, you need to put some hard work into making things right
2:45
Be willing to go the extra. extra mile to show them how important the relationship is to you. And remember, actions speak louder than words
2:52
Making the effort will also help you feel better about yourself and overcome the guilt you feel
2:58
Ask them what you can do to demonstrate your love. If you're struggling to find ways to show them how important they are to you, you can just ask them
3:06
Ask them what they need to feel reassured that you are 100% committed to making things work
3:11
Doing positive things for your relationship will really help you realise your guilt. Don't allow them to treat you badly
3:18
Just because you've cheated on them, it doesn't give them an excuse to treat you bad in any way
3:22
They shouldn't try to make you pay or make you suffer. You've made a mistake, but you still deserve their love and respect
3:29
Ensure that you are maintaining healthy boundaries and don't accept any behaviour you wouldn't have accepted before you cheated
3:35
Go to counselling together. If the two of you are struggling to move on
3:39
it might be time to turn to a professional for help. You might find it easy to discuss their infidivision when there is someone else there to guide the conversation and keep the peace It easier to be honest and open with each other when you know it going to end in a massive argument Again you can find a link in our recommended service in the
3:56
description below this video. If you're newly single, now let's move on to some of the things
4:01
you can do if cheating was the thing to break your relationship once and for all. Accept the situation. The first thing you need to do is accept the situation as it is
4:11
otherwise you'll never be able to move on. If you try to deny what you did or ignore the consequences
4:16
you'll never be able to work past it and learn the lessons you need to learn. Be honest with yourself about your actions
4:22
Don't try and to blame your ex in any way. You chose to cheat, even if it didn't feel much like a choice at the time
4:28
Take responsibility for that. Speak to a trusted friend. When you're going through a tough time emotionally
4:35
it's important to voice your feelings to a trusted friend who will listen but not judge
4:39
It will help you to figure out why you're going to be a trusted friend. you're feeling so torn up about what you did and the subsequent breakup of your relationship
4:46
It will also help you to think about the changes you're going to make going forwards
4:51
Knowing that one bad thing doesn't make you a bad person. In this modern world, we have this strange idea that people are either inherently good or
4:58
inherently bad. The truth is, no one is 100% good or 100% bad, 100% of the time
5:05
Doing one bad thing doesn't make you evil and you need to remember that. If you decide that you're a bad person for cheating, it won't help you or anyone around you
5:14
Remember, no one expects you to be perfect. Do you expect perfection from your friends and family
5:19
Of course you don't. The only person in this world who expects you to be perfect is you
5:23
Sure you made a big mistake, but we all make mistakes in our lives. Perfection is not realistic and setting such a high bar for yourself only makes it more likely that you fall short
5:33
Don't brand yourself a cheater. There a popular idea that someone who cheats once will choose cheat again sooner or later And that just not true The mistake you made doesn mean that you branded as a cheater for life If you think it does you might end up cheating again in future simply because you decided that it inevitable Never underestimate
5:52
the power of the mind or the power of the labels we give to ourselves. Don't lower your standards
5:59
Just because you cheated doesn't make you any less worthy of love. Be careful not to lower
6:03
your standards or settle for less than you deserve. It's easy for someone who's cheated
6:07
to allow future partners to cheat on them or treat them badly because they think that's the way they deserve
6:13
Whatever you do, don't let that become your mindset. Focus on the lessons you learned
6:19
It's true that a lot of bad came out of what you did, but there are probably some positives to take from the situation too
6:25
Maybe your ex is now in a relationship with someone who's really good for them, and maybe you've realised that your cheating was a result of a particular problem in your relationship
6:33
like bad communication. You need to look and learn any lessons. you can and carry them forwards into future relationships
6:42
Consider professional help. If you're really struggling to overcome the guilt of your cheating, you might benefit from speaking
6:48
to a professional. They will be able to help you learn from what you did and look forward
6:52
to the future with a more positive attitude. Once again, you can find a link to our recommended
6:57
counselling service in the description below this video. Just always remember that cheating doesn't
7:01
define you. There's so much love waiting in your future if you're willing to open your heart to it
7:06
And that's all from me today. I hope you found this video insightful and helpful. If you want to share your thoughts, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you
7:14
And don't forget to like this video, subscribe to our channel and hit the bell button to get notifications of our latest content
