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Are you being breadcrumbed? Do you even know what breadcrumbing is? Maybe you suspect they are breadcrumbing you.
Learn all the signs of breadcrumbing to watch out for. Discover why people breadcrumb others and why they are breadcrumbing you. Find out what you should do when someone breadcrumbs you.
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#breadcrumbing #breadcrumbed
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0:00
Breadcrumming is a dating tactic that's used a lot these days
0:03
It's when you lead someone romantically through social media or texting. The breadcrumbs are the messages you send in order to keep someone interested in you
0:11
Even if you actually like them or have any romantic interest in them. Some people might breadcrum deliberately to keep you hanging on
0:16
but most people aren't aware they're doing it. They stick their head in the sand and convince themselves that they're not doing anything wrong
0:22
But whether they are conscious of it or not, it's still an emotional manipulative dating tactic
0:27
Hi, I'm Jessica from a conscious rethink and in this video we'll go through the topic of breadcrumbing from top to bottom
0:34
Let's start with the nine common signs of breadcrumbing. They blow hot and cold
0:39
They don't message you consistently. You might be in contact a lot for a few days and then a week can go by before they respond to you again
0:46
They have a knack of messaging you just when you've started to forget about them and move on, meaning you go right back to square one
0:52
Their messages are ambiguous. They're always non-committal and don't like to get specific
0:56
They suggest you see each other soon, but avoid making any plans
1:00
They always manage to phrase things in a way that gives you hope without committing themselves to anything
1:05
There's no substance to your communication. You might have deeper conversations now and them, but their messages are normally fairly shallow and generic
1:13
They don't make any genuine effort to get to know you. It's always basic questions about what you're doing or random gifts or emojis just to keep them in your mind
1:20
They use different channels. They don't respond to your WhatsApp, but then they like your Instagram post
1:25
or you've seen that they've seen your story, that keeps them on your radar
1:29
and prevents you from moving on and forgetting about them. They don't make you feel good about yourself
1:33
When you get a message from them, it might make your heart race and give you that feeling of excitement
1:38
but it doesn't make your heart blow. Even if you feel good when they text you, that soon wears off and is replaced by worry about if you'll hear from them again
1:45
They only compliment you to get what they want from you, but don't actually do anything to boost your self-esteem
1:51
They booty call you. They might not spell it out, but if they're texting you late at night
1:55
rather than making proper plans with you, then they're only after one thing
1:59
They might even text you just to see how you are without the intentions of hooking up
2:03
just to make sure that you lying awake at night thinking about them They make you feel like it your fault Although the problem is entirely theirs it feels like it down to you Whenever they pick you up and drop you again you can figure out what you did wrong but it a big knock to your self They can commit to a date
2:19
They message you and vaguely suggest meeting up, but then avoid making plans. If you ask them
2:24
what's going on between you, they dodged a question or say they don't want to put a label on things
2:29
Whilst it's perfectly valid not to put a label on things, if it's combined with all of the other
2:33
behaviour on this list, they probably don't want to commit to you. They're only interested in sex
2:38
If when you do manage to see them, things quickly get physical between you, that's a bad sign
2:43
If they avoid meeting you during the day or when there's no chance of going back to your place
2:47
afterwards and you want more than that, then you need to be honest with yourself and break things off
2:52
Why do people redcrumb? Now that you know what breadcrumbing is, your next question is probably
2:56
going to be, why do they do it? Well, there are various reasons why a person might consciously or
3:02
unconsciously breadcrumbed date. They don't want to commit or are afraid of commitment
3:06
Perhaps this person isn't sure that they want to commit to you. They might like you, but they have doubts about whether you're right for them in the long term. But rather than just
3:14
tell you and allow you both to move on, they continue to string you along on the off chance that
3:18
they don't meet someone they like more. Of course, they may really like you, but have genuine
3:22
commitment issues instead. They're probably happily getting to a relationship with you if they weren't so afraid what that might mean for them. But they don't want to lose you from their
3:30
life either. They hope that one day you'll overcome their issues and you'll still be there waiting
3:35
for them so they keep up the communication to maintain their presence in your life. They don't want to
3:39
invest too much time or energy. Dating is a commitment of time, of physical energy, of emotional energy
3:45
of your mental attention. A person may break around you in order to keep that investment as
3:50
small as possible whilst leaving the door open to seeing you, sleeping with you or one day committing
3:54
to you. Or they may simply want you to do all the work. They want you to chase them. They want you to
3:59
organise every day. Essentially, they want you to make things easy for them. They aren't prioritising a
4:04
relationship or even dating. It might be that this person isn't looking for anything serious right now
4:08
They have other priorities in their life, such as their career, health, social life or dreams
4:14
They might like a flirt now and then or to occasionally go on a date or two but they aren pushing things too much when they do They see any connection they make purely as a bonus in addition to their life that they would gladly welcome but aren going to chase
4:26
They're dating multiple people. Breadcrumming is a way for someone to keep their options open when they are dating multiple people
4:32
Perhaps they like certain dates more than others and are pursuing that person in the hope
4:36
of getting into a relationship. But until things are official with this other person, they don't want to risk burning the bridge
4:42
with you or anyone else that they are seeing. They use interactions to boost their self-esteem
4:47
Most people like to get some attention from others. It's nice to feel wanted, to feel interesting
4:51
to feel like someone cares enough to communicate with you. So when a person throws a few breadcrumbs down for you to follow
4:56
they are receiving a much-needed boost of their self-esteem every time you apply
5:01
They might not even be aware of this. They might do it whenever they feel a little bit down about themselves
5:05
because their brain gives them a nice chemical boost whenever they connect with you. All of a sudden, they feel a little more worthy
5:10
and a little more positive about who they are and what they have to offer others. After all, you wouldn't respond if you didn't like them
5:17
They don't like to feel alone. People like to feel as though they belong. They don't want to feel lonely
5:21
and social interactions with others can help with this. So whenever they feel a bit down and alone
5:26
they might send out a few messages to various people in the hope that they'll get some replies
5:30
This helps them feel like they have someone in their life at this precise moment in time. It gives their mind something to think about
5:35
when they are otherwise by themselves, thus avoiding the feeling of isolation
5:40
and they would otherwise be focusing on. They have a scarcity mindset
5:44
Some people use breadcrumbing to collect other people. They believe that more friends, more potential dates, more connection is always better
5:50
They might not even care how deep those relationships are, just as long as they are there
5:54
They do this because they come from a place of scarcity. They worry that they don't have enough of anything
6:00
In this case, people that they can text or talk to every so often. They might have precisely zero romantic interest in you
6:06
but they want to cling on to those communications you have because it comes their otherwise anxious mind
6:12
to respond to breadcrumbing. First off, if you've realised you've got a breadcrumb on your hands, well done for being honest with yourself
6:18
It can be difficult to accept situations like these but doing so and deciding to take matters into your own hands means you won waste any more time of your time or someone who isn worthy of you Here are a few tactics for dealing with someone who stringing you along Suggest a date Ask them out on a date at a specific time in place like coffee on a Sunday afternoon Breadcrummers are often keen to just keep things virtual so that they can get an ego
6:41
boost when they need one. If that's all they want, they won't accept your invite and should
6:45
realise that you're not content to let them control the situation. Change the way you reply
6:50
If you normally just follow their lead, then it's time to mix things up a bit. If they text
6:54
you at night, turn your phone off and text them the next day. suggesting you meet up
6:58
Figure out exactly where they want the limits of the relationship to be, like just keeping it to a late-night casual hookups
7:04
That means you can push those limits and get clear on whether they're willing to make any changes
7:08
or if it's just the end of the road. If they cancel new, let them know it's not okay
7:13
If therapy make plans and then cancel them at the last minute with a lame excuse
7:16
let them know you're not going to take it lying down. If they said they've got the flu for the fourth time
7:22
let them know you've noticed the pattern and see how they respond. Make it clear that the ball is in their course
7:27
in future and don't hang around waiting for them to call. Get on with your life and make other plans
7:32
Accept it for what it is. If things between you are just physical and you are really and truly okay with this
7:37
then that's great. Let them come to you and enjoy the time you spend with them
7:41
Adjust your expectations and have fun with it. Tell them how it is. Directly ask them why they have always cancelled plans
7:47
never managed to make them in the first place. Text you at 3am or refuse to put a label on things
7:52
This might mean you have to take a deep breath and be brave, but it definitely won't be what they're expecting
7:57
it might even lead to an honest conversation about their behaviour and save you a lot of wasted time and heartache
8:03
Say goodbye. If you find that the way you're being treated is taking its toll on you
8:06
and making you anxious, it's time to say goodbye. Let them know the reasons why you're cutting things off with them
8:11
and be firm about it. Once you've made the decision, stick to it and turn your attention to loving yourself
8:17
and making space in your life for the relationship you deserve. And that's all from me today
8:22
Don't forget to like, subscribe and write down some comments to you know I love to read them
8:27
Bye
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