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Should you give your partner a second chance in love? Do they even deserve a second chance in your relationship? How do you know what the right thing to do is? Here are 10 questions you should ask yourself - and reasons why you should never give second chance in love.
And if you are in any doubt and feel like you need expert help deciding whether or not to give your partner a second chance, follow the link below. Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.
Click here to get started:
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/RH-second-chances
And you'll definitely want to check out this video which gives 8 ways to make a second chance in love a success:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-AgqlvWKLA
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0:00
Has your partner done something to really upset you? Should you give them a second chance
0:04
Do they deserve a second chance? How do you know what the right thing to do is
0:08
Hi, this is Jessica from A Conscious Rethink and by the time you get to the end of this video
0:13
you should hopefully be able to answer those questions. So has it forced you to consider whether
0:18
or not they deserve to be with you? This could be something big or small but if they've crossed
0:24
a boundary and are making you question things you might want to consider a few tests they need to pass
0:28
before you give them a second chance. Here are 10 simple questions you can ask yourself
0:49
Have they acknowledged their mistakes? Step one of any reconciliation is acknowledging one's mistake
0:55
In the case of your partner, it would be something they've done to hurt you. It sounds simple, but many people are too proud to admit that they've done something wrong
1:04
They might make out that you're being dramatic about absolutely nothing, but you're being unreasonable, imagining things
1:11
Or they might try and sweep it under the carpet, hide it, make it disappear
1:17
If your partner can acknowledge that they've messed up, then this is a really good sign
1:21
After all, nobody wants to be with someone who will pretend not to notice how they feel
1:25
ignoring their feelings and struggles. Have they apologised? An apology may seem like a simple task on the surface
1:36
something we often do just the way we say, how are you, plainly and without an actual meaning or emotion
1:42
However, when it comes to these kind of situations, an apology shows that they are not gaslighting you
1:46
or dismissing your feelings. They're taking responsibility by saying sorry for how they've made you feel
1:53
In an ideal world, they will apologise off their own back without you needing to tell them they've upset you
1:58
Sadly, this isn't always the case. So you need to think about how they've apologised and how that makes you feel
2:04
Don't just rush into accepting an apology though. You can't take your acceptance off it back
2:09
You can't throw what they've done back in their face or continue to resent them once they've said sorry and you've accepted it
2:15
Take your time. If the apology is genuine, it will still be there when you've had some time to process how you feel
2:23
Can you work through this together? It's easy to think that giving your partner a second chance
2:28
means that they have to do all the work to regain your trust and prove that they care
2:32
But this is never this simple. After all, there are two of you in this relationship and everything
2:36
involves both of you. If you can't see yourself working with your partner, communicating more
2:41
openly and having difficult conversations maybe things won work out It easy to think that by letting them back into your life they quickly make every change needed and things will be fine Things will magically return to normal but you also need to be part of that process and you need to be more open
2:57
about sharing your feelings with them. If you're not ready to be vulnerable with them and don't
3:03
think you can work through this, maybe it's best you part ways now. That being said, every relationship
3:08
requires work and care. Giving up on it may seem easy and a way to go
3:13
but it is rarely that right path to take. If you truly do want to give things another go
3:18
but you're struggling to open up and be completely honest with your partner, you might want to consider couples counselling
3:24
You might be surprised just how much easier it can be to address those issues and communicate with your partner
3:29
when there is an experience third party. They will guide the conversation and provide feedback as you talk
3:36
We'll drop a link to our recommended counselling service in the video description below
3:39
if you think this is something you would like to explore. Are they showing remorse
3:48
Saying sorry is all well and good, but actions speak louder than words. Maybe they said sorry and you feel good about it, but they continue to do those things that upset you
3:56
Or perhaps they joke about whatever they did to upset you. Their apology will feel very empty if they're not acting like they feel guilty for hurting you
4:04
They need to show that they actually regret their actions and feel bad for what they did
4:09
That doesn't mean they need to go into full martyr mode, but they should display some remorse
4:13
Simply put, it's essential they feel the remorse on an emotional level and not just to appease you or out of the fear of breaking up the relationship
4:22
Saying sorry has to truly reflect their emotional state concerning the fact that they've hurt you
4:29
Are they trying to change for the better? If they're carrying on as normal, you'll probably feel normal, which these days may mean you feel on edge or nervous that they'll cheat again or lie again or whatever it was in the first place that upset you
4:42
To avoid that feeling, you need to see them actively making an effort to show that they've changed for the better
4:48
That might mean no longer going out for drinks with their ex if they recently cheated on you with them, for example
4:54
to show that they are putting you and your feelings first. It might mean no longer lying about the small things to show that they can change and be more honest
5:03
Either way, they need to show that they're invested in being with you and can change their bad behaviour
5:10
Are they committed to making things work? you should be able to tell
5:14
if their behaviour is half-hearted soon enough. Sure, they might make an effort
5:19
to show they've changed for the first week but they need to prove themselves as worthy long-term partners
5:24
if they're going to get a second chance. That means making bigger changes
5:28
and for longer. They need to show that they're emotionally invested in your relationship and want it to work whatever that means to you They should be checking how you feel asking how they can do things better for you and how they can make you feel secure
5:43
They've been giving a second chance after all, and they need to show you and make you feel
5:48
that they deserve it. After all, you are making yourself vulnerable, trying to trust them again, investing and risking
5:55
your own feelings. Is this a pattern? It's time for some tough love
6:04
Is this the first, second chance they've had, or is it technically the third, fourth or fifth chance
6:10
If the behaviour that's upset you this time is something that has upset you in the past
6:14
this may be a pattern. Maybe they've cheated on you or lied to you before
6:19
If you forgive them once, they may think they can keep getting away with it
6:24
For them to truly deserve a second chance, the thing that upsets you needs to be resolved
6:28
For example, if they've cheated once, make it clear that any further instance
6:32
will be a breaking point for your relationship. They don't deserve to be with you
6:36
if they repeatedly do things that they know upset you and keep doing so. Yes, in every relationship
6:42
both partners have to work equally so neither grows complacent. Are they willing to make compromises
6:52
Let's say your partner chees on you with a colleague or an ex. Are they now willing to either stop seeing that person
6:57
or to enforce new boundaries? If they refuse to stop seeing that person
7:00
stop seeing their ex, even though they cheated on you with them, then you've got your answer
7:05
and it's probably time to call it quits. If they can agree to see the co-worker they cheated on you with in a strictly work way
7:11
so that no longer staying for late for drinks in the office, not meeting up outside work for coffee
7:17
then that's showing that they are willing to compromise and do things that will hopefully make you feel better and secure, confident in your relationship
7:27
Can you trust them? Boy, this is a biggie. Trust is everything in a relationship
7:34
And if it's already been broken once, you need to seriously consider if you can trust them again going forwards
7:39
If you can trust them and you believe that whatever they did to upset you is in the past
7:43
they probably deserve a second chance. However, if it's not something you think you can get over
7:49
it's probably a sign that things aren't going great between you. It means you won't have a solid foundation in your relationship
7:56
You'll probably find yourself checking up on them. maybe even looking at their phone, etc
8:00
That will lead to a lot of resentment from both of you and may just make things even messier further down the line
8:06
If you can't trust them, you won't be happy with them. Was the relationship that good anyway
8:15
We're not saying that a partner doing something to upset you is because of you at all
8:19
People cheat and lie because of their own feelings about themselves not their partner However it could be a sign that things weren that great between the two of you anyway It easy to put on the rose glasses when you looking back at a relationship that not yet over You may only remember the good bits If they
8:35
cheated, however, things probably weren't that great in the run-up to the incident anyway. Maybe
8:41
you've stopped sleeping together, or fighting more, or maybe you never actually made time for each
8:47
other. Either way, both of you failed in one way or another. The question then stands, if the relationship wasn't healthy in the first place
8:56
does your partner deserve a second chance and do you even want to give them one
9:00
And what about you? Can you honestly say you have done everything right yourself
9:05
Take some time to consider why you want to give them a second chance. Why do you want to give a second chance to both of you
9:11
Is it because you miss them and want to work things out? Or is it because you don't want to be alone
9:18
Do second chance relationship work? Honestly, there isn't a yes or no to this question
9:24
Some will, others won't. To put it briefly, it depends on your feelings and your partner's feelings
9:30
It depends on the actions of both of you. It depends on your effort to make things work
9:35
If those two things align in a positive way, the second chance you give them will be worth it
9:40
If not, the relationship will probably unravel at some point down the line
9:44
You must decide whether a renewed and hopefully better relationship with your partner
9:49
is worth of risk of betrayal of your trust. However, if you are still not sure
9:54
if you should give your relationship a second chance, maybe you need outside help
9:58
It's an important decision that will affect your life in one way or another
10:01
so you will want to get it right. Unfortunately, sometimes we're too blind to see an answer
10:06
that may be staring into our face the whole time and we need an impartial view
10:11
It may be a lot easier to recruit someone to guide you for your feelings
10:15
and the choice you have in your situation to counsel you through the process of reconciliation of the past and the present
10:22
If this is something you may need, look no further. We can help you
10:29
And that's it for today. I feel privileged to have been here today with you guys
10:33
and I hope you found this helpful, insightful or at least entertaining. If so, please don't forget to like, subscribe and press that bell for any notifications regarding our future content
10:43
I'm really looking forward to seeing you guys again. And if you have anything you would like to ask or perhaps share your views and experience, write it down in the comments
10:51
I'd love to hear from you all. Bye
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