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Every single one of us shows love in a different way, and that can be a real problem when it comes to relationships
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The law of probability, the fact that opposites often do attract, and the countless number of ways to express one's love
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means you're more likely to find yourself falling for someone who has a very different idea of what it means to show those feelings to a partner
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That doesn't mean that your relationship is any less valid, and it definitely doesn't mean it's doomed to fail
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But it does mean that you both have to adapt to ensure that you feel secure in each other's love. It's all about compromise, but if you truly love each other, you should both be willing to make the effort
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So let's consider a few ways you can manage your expectations and look at things in a different light
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to help you appreciate all the things that your partner does to do to show you that they love you
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Except that you're different. The first step is always acceptance. You need to accept the fact that the two of you are never going to have exactly the same ideas about how to express love for one another
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and stop trying to fight it. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be
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What do they do for you? You might be very verbal when it comes to expressing love
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but they might be more about physical affection or vice versa. Try to put yourself in their shoes for a minute and consider
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at all the things they do for you and the way they are around you. How do they show their
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affection for you? What do they do for you without you having to ask? What little things do you think
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are their way of letting you know they love you? Focus on these things whenever you're feeling
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unloved or unloved. Then, whenever you're feeling unloved or unwanted, because they're not doing the things
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that in your eyes count as display of love, bring your mind back to all the little things they do
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for you and all their personal ways of showing you how important you are to them Don let yourself get too focused on the concept of what it means to express love Shift your focus onto theirs instead If you can see that they do actually show love in a different way to you then you can start to feel more in love by recognising their displays of affection
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Show yourself some love. When we're in a romantic relationship, we have to put far too much pressure on it
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Depending on one other person, for our happiness, isn't healthy and it can be unnecessary strain on the relationship
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Although your partner is an important part of your life, you shouldn't make them the centre of your universe
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You need to have other things going on that make you feel needed and fulfilled. and focus on loving yourself a little more by spending time with other people like your family and good friends
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Distance yourself from the negative self-talk and start treating yourself with the same care and respect as you do as your partner
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Only then you can boost your self-worth and start feeling confident in your partner's love for you
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rather than the need of constant validation and reinsurance. Accept that this will be a slow process
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Adjusting your expectation is not something that can happen overnight. You'll falter sometimes and you'll struggle to see things from their point of view, and that's okay
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But be patient, bring your focus back to what's important and if you're really determined to make things work
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you'll get there little by little. Adjust your expectations, but don't lower them
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I cannot stress this enough. Adjusting does not mean lowering. Look, we all compromise with our partners in order to make things work
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but even if your partner shows their love in a totally different way to you, they should still be showing it somehow
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You deserve real love and you deserve respect and to feel valued. If you're constantly feeling totally unloved and unwanted
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despite having made effort to see things from their point of view, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship Talk to a good friend whose judgment you trust and ask them for their honest opinion or speak to your therapist about the relationship Talking about your feelings about your partner and what it is they do or don do to make you feel
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love could really help you to get some clarity on things. Sometimes we don't see the wood for the
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trees. When we're living it day by day and having someone else's perspective can really help
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us to figure things out. But look, if it's hard to talk about your partner and you feel like you
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could use the help for counsellor who could talk you through these things, then I've dropped to link in the description below that you can constant one of our training relationship experts
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Have an honest, calm conversation. Now, it's time to talk about how you can help your partner
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show you more love. First of all, you need to sit down with them at a good time when neither
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of you is stressed or distracted and let them know what's been bothering you. Let them know
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about throwing it in their face and that you've been feeling a bit unwanted and need some reassurance that you're truly important to them. Don't let it sit and fester inside you until
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those feelings of resentment bubble up to the surface during an argument. That will only make
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things worse. Be calm, be collected and be honest. Let them know what they already do well
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Before your chat, look at all the things that they do right, the things that you think are their
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way of showing you love. Start the conversation with the focus on them. If you focus entirely on the
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negatives and claim that there's absolutely nothing they do that makes you feel love, it's not going
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to make them feel great and they will immediately go on the defensive. Let them know that you see
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and appreciate the things that they already do to show their love to you. Let them know what
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will make you feel most loved. Are there certain things that you absolutely love them to do to let you know
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how much they love you Maybe you love surprises Would you treasure the tiny stupid of presence that let you know that they were thinking about you Do you need lots of physical contact like back massages hugs or holding hands There might be something that your partner just won feel comfortable with
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And there are some things that you'll never change about them, but there are some things that might be able to start doing differently
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For example, if there aren't someone who likes to say, I love you on a daily basis, that's unlikely to change anytime soon
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That needs to come from them. Remember, just because they don't say it all the time doesn't mean they don't feel it
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Be patient. As I mentioned before, this is all about being patient
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You can't expect your partner to change the way they are around you in a blink of an eye. If you do, you'll only be disappointed
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You need to have patience and accept the fact that even if they're trying their best to put some of the things you mentioned into practice
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it probably won't come naturally to them. So they'll forget to say it and they'll get things wrong a lot
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That doesn't mean they don't love you. As long as they're trying to get it right, it will come, but only in a slow process
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So like I said, with an effort of your part to adapt your expectations and not pin your happiness entirely on your partners
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and an effort on their past to show you how they feel about you and a healthy dose of patients, your relationship can flourish
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with both of you feeling loved, wanted and ready to take on the world together
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If this video has helped you in any way or if you have some advice for others out there, then please give us a thumbs up and drop the comment below
