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Many people deal with insecure people we often get asked "How to Stop Controlling Partner ", how to stop a controlling spouse or a control freak from having a hold over our life? It is especially hard if you love them and want to maintain and save your relationship from the inevitable break-up that it is heading for.
Today we will look at what you can do and how to deal with controlling people in your life.
"16 Ways To Stop Being Controlling In A Relationship"
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/10832/stop-being-controlling/?fbclid=IwAR3UzQtRmTzd9_c6H_WsajiYJz-DWxkxN6ANYvFGoTpgLIqTrldHdpWmGGI
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0:00
So you're in a relationship and one day you realize that your partner is, yep, you guessed the controlling
0:05
Now, when it comes to controlling people, it's a bit of problematic issue. I'll have nothing more than to film an episode advising controlling people on how to change
0:13
something that would read something like, let's say, 16 ways to stop being controlling in a relationship
0:19
And you know what? We actually have an article exactly like that and I'll link it in the description below
0:25
So check it out. Now, the problem is that if you are the controlling person, a control freak, as people often say
0:32
controlling your partner is either something that you do naturally and you don't even realize
0:37
that you do it. And I assume that people never pick you up on that behavior or you just straight up choose to ignore them or you do it on purpose
0:48
And you do it because you enjoy it. You simply enjoy it. Now, if that is you and you want to change, then you should absolutely be
0:56
visit our website and read the article there are linked in the description below
1:01
However, if you are here because you finally want to do something about your controlling partner
1:06
and you know you don't want to leave them because your relationship matters to you
1:11
then this episode is for you. So let's first look at why people tend to be controlling
1:19
Why are they controlling in the first place? There are people who will say that nobody's born like that
1:23
Nobody's born controlling. And obviously we could deep dive into the whole nurtures versus nature debate
1:29
but the fact is that there are people who are indeed controlling by nature. If we boil it down to the basics, there is no excuse to be controlling
1:36
but there are reasons that people have for that behavior. Often enough, they may be hidden or masked as a variety of different things
1:45
Now, people who are controlling by nature are either people who do it for selfish narcissistic reasons
1:50
or because they love the power that it gives them the sense of
1:54
importance and the need to manage micromanage, prove, disapprove things, or they simply
2:00
do it due to their personal insecurities. And control is the only way they can manage their own personal fears
2:06
This is for instance a prime example, people are jealous. And no I not talking about the cases when you cheat on your partner and they have a legitimate and historical reason for the mistrust No I talking about jealousy that is based on personal securities the lack of self self and self If you break it down jealousy always comes down to comparison
2:27
The need for a person to consciously or subconsciously compare themselves to another person
2:33
And since their self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence may be lower, which we commonly refer to as insecurity
2:39
such people almost always feel like they are lower on their imaginary scale
2:44
in a person that they're comparing themselves to. So essentially, jealousy only exists by comparison on some level
2:51
So let's address it. How do you deal with the person who's controlling as a result of their jealousy
2:56
They need to compare themselves to others all the time. Well, first of all, it's about developing trust
3:03
If they want to control you or the situation, they have to trust you and believe that nothing can affect how you perceive them
3:10
how you see or feel towards them when compared to somebody else, regardless of whether you engage with another person or give that person attention
3:18
Once you have to trust a new relationship together is strong, there will be no reason for your partner to feel like they need to control you or the situation
3:27
Secondly, you can always address it by talking to them. But talking alone will never work unless there's trust in the first place
3:36
And lastly, you can always suggest personal counseling or couples counseling and help your partner that way
3:43
Now, this leads me to another point. When it comes to controlling partners, whether due to jealousy or as a means of expressing power
3:52
over somebody, then if you've had enough of their controlling nature and you want to
3:56
address or correct their behavior, you have to consider things from their perspective
4:02
For this, empathy and calm are your best friends. For a lot of people arguing is a natural response to partners' controlling behavior
4:10
Unfortunately, a controlling person is very, very very. very unlikely to submit and let you win the argument
4:16
So that is just not in their nature, and not to mention the full on denial most of these kinds of people actually live with
4:23
So this tactic will likely only escalate the situation. Instead, try staying as calm and collected as possible
4:30
If you feel that you need to disagree with your spouse, consider saying something like I see your point but have you considered this Instead of that is wrong my idea is better In some cases you may find that agreeing with your partner is best
4:44
but you can do this without submitting to their controlling behavior. For example, you may take the initiative to make your own decisions
4:53
while still taking your partner's opinion into account. Next, you want to ask constructive questions
4:59
You've already been empathetic and considered their view, and if it's clearly subjective or biased on inappropriate or straight up based on their insecurities
5:08
asking constructive questions may be the next step in addressing their behavior
5:13
If your spouse begins to criticize or interrogate you, you can quickly turn the focus around by responding with the right questions
5:20
Ask questions that reveal to the controlling spouse that their expectations are unreasonable
5:26
and that their behavior is unacceptable. For example, you might say, did you explain to me exactly what you wanted me to do
5:34
Or, I'm going to walk away unless you start treating me with respect
5:39
Is that what you want? But be careful. Be careful to avoid getting defensive
5:44
as this will only enhance the controlling behavior of your partner. Also be prepared for denial, and most likely a lot of it
5:53
As mentioned earlier, a lot of controlling people have no idea they're controlling
5:57
Funny enough, many of them actually feel controlled, which leads to them to being more assertive to regain control over a person or situation
6:07
So when communicate this, be respectful as much as possible. If you want to save your relationship, don't attack your partner's character
6:14
People can quickly become very defensive. Instead, focus on the kinds of actions and situations that upset you
6:19
then set clear boundaries and consequences for repeated behavior you disagree with
6:24
And if you need help with that, for we all know that an impartial mediator is often a
6:30
something we can all accept better than someone we feel defensive with. Counseling is something
6:35
that you might want to consider. Now, if you deal with a control freak who does this for as a
6:42
power trip, do everything that we've already mentioned, but more. Many controlling people
6:47
isolate their partners by dominating their time and prohibiting them from going on with friends
6:52
If this is the case for you you must stand up for yourself and let your partner know that you have no intention of letting your other relationships suffer You are entitled to time alone as well
7:04
So let your spouse know if you need time to pursue your own hobbies or just to be by yourself
7:11
Encouraging your spouse to take up hobbies may make it a lot easier, actually
7:16
So you should still spend some time with your spouse if you are working to improve your
7:21
marriage. Make this time count by doing enjoyable activities together. And whatever you do
7:27
should you come under fire, do not stress. Do not internalize criticism. One of the tactics
7:34
is to put you down to make you feel as though you did something to deserve the criticism
7:39
In such a case, it is crucial to remind yourself that you deserve something better
7:45
Try hard not to take this criticism personally. Otherwise, you just create self-doubt that
7:51
has never helped anyone. So don't feel guilty or beholden. Just stay true to your beliefs
7:58
And if all else fails, perhaps it is time to break it off. We always recommend that you fight for your relationship
8:03
as far too often people look for an easy way out. But there are limits to what you should accept
8:10
And when it comes to certain things, then maybe it is time to just throw in a towel
8:17
and look for happiness elsewhere. Remember, there is always a reason for the controlling behavior
8:23
That doesn't mean you have to put up with it. But if you want to save your relationship, then first and foremost, communication is the key
8:32
Talking to your partner and being open and honest about how the controlling behavior makes you feel
8:37
and how it impacts your life and your relationship is vital to making your relationship stronger and happier together
8:46
All right, guys. That is all for today. I'm sure that this episode helps you a bit if you want to get some more specialist help
8:55
Well, you know whether you can find the links to our recommended counseling service or even the forum and the Facebook page
9:02
And until next time, bye
#Mental Health
#Troubled Relationships