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Do you hate your partner? Do you often ask yourself "How do I stop the resentment?" Would you like to free yourself of these negative feelings and be happier in your relationship again? Here are some tips on how to stop your hate for your partner.
Talk to a trained and experienced relationship counsellor - either by yourself or as a couple - to figure out what to do about your relationship, one way or another.
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Has the love you once felt for your partner been eroded by the destructive presence of resentment in your relationship
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You're not alone. Resentment is one of the most common challenges facing couples. It often plays quietly in the background
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making itself felt through snarky comments, emotional withdrawal and general friction between partners
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If you resent your partner and they resent you, what can you do to heal the rifts between you before they turn into something more profound
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Hi guys, I'm Jessica from a conscious reading and today I'm going to help you answer these questions. together
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What does resentment do to relationships? Although resentment is an emotion that is very distinct from anger, it often manifests
0:54
itself as anger in your actions. Simply put, it shows the way we treat a partner when you
0:59
you sense an unfairness or believe that your partner has acted in a way that you deem unenestacted
1:04
factory, you lash out at them. Unfortunately, your partner is then likely to resent you for this too
1:10
There is no doubt they will see things differently. Your attack on them will become the reason
1:14
they feel unfairly treated and so tip-for-tat approach to conflict emerges. Each person feels
1:21
aggrieved. Each person will feel like the victim. A common consequence of this is the emotional
1:27
withdrawal of both partners. They act one of the stubbornness and relationships self-sabotage. Neither is willing to be the first to show genuine
1:34
loving tenderness towards the other to apologise for fear that is represented their acceptance of
1:40
blame and the longer this goes on, the more intent the resentment becomes. So how do you go about
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dressing the resentment you both feel to save your relationship? Here are some steps you can both take
1:52
Are your expectations realistic? Nobody is perfect, not your partner, not you. Indeed
2:00
There is no such thing as the perfect boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife
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You may want them to be everything you have ever hoped for and dreamed of. At the end of the day, they are only human
2:10
Are you simply expecting too much of them? Is your resentment or then based on their failure to live up to your version of what a perfect partner should be like
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Perhaps they are not romantic enough for you. Maybe they are unable to do everything you ask them
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Maybe their sex driver is not as high as yours. Sometimes you just have to accept that your partner isn't going to think or act
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in the ideal ways of all the time. They will do things that irritate you
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things that will confuse you That just an inevitable pain point that comes when two people share their lives together Ask whether you need to let go of control As mentioned before a common cause for resentment
2:47
is when your partner does something in a completely different way to you. You have a very particular
2:52
way of doing things, a way that you believe is best, but your partner thinks otherwise, or at least
2:57
they don't see something as a bigger deal. And even though you have asked them repeatedly, they struggle
3:02
to conform to your wishes. Perhaps it's time to accept that your way of doing something is not the only
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way. Sure, you may put your cereal straight in the dishwasher after using it, but they leave it in the
3:12
sink, or they put the TV on for background noise, even though they're not really watching it
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whereas you prefer peace and quiet. As hard as it may be, you have to acknowledge that neither
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of you is correct and neither of you is wrong. They have their ways and you have your ways
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and it's almost inevitable that those will rub up against each other from time to time. You've
3:32
You can't expect to always have things in your terms. Your partner is so ingrained habits that
3:36
they are hard to break. Of course, they can't expect to always get things their way either
3:42
There needs to be a balance. It's important to realise that the sky will not fall if you
3:47
relinquish your tight grip on life and how you want things to be done. Let your partner
3:51
do something their way sometimes and see that things tend to work out just fine. Or ask
3:57
whether you need to be more assertive. It is pretty reasonable to expect some needs to
4:02
and wants to be fulfilled. But unless you make these very clear to your partner
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chances are you're often end up disappointed and resentful. If you are the type of person who avoids conflict
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and isn't excellent at expressing your wishes, it's time you found your assertive voice
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If your partner cares about you, they'll do their very best to accommodate those things
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that matter most to you. Just be sure to only assert yourself
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with things you generally believe necessary. If you make too many requests
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for things that seem insignificant, your partner may feel you are nagging them. You need to know your priorities regarding how you would
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like your partner to act. Know when to let go and when to speak up and be heard. Of course, you always
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have to be equally aware of those needs and wants to be expressed by your partner that is just
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reasonable. Try to find a better balance. Suppose your resentment towards your partner
4:56
stems mainly from a perceived lack of fairness and day-to-day responsibility. In that case, it's probably
5:02
Every time you address that, however, you should not expect massive changes overnight
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The same goes for emotion. Suppose you feel that you give great support all of the time by actively listening and being
5:12
present with your partner. In that case it can be difficult when they don reciprocate But as much as they may be able to improve in this regard and be there for you more often some people just aren good at this sort of thing
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Let's say you find you're always the one to say sorry first or begin the dialogue after a disagreement
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You may have to accept that this is your role rather than try to change your partners
5:35
So yes, aim for a better balance in practical and emotional things
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Don't expect complete equality. That's rare even in the case of the healthiest of relationships
5:45
Whether you do, don't keep score. After all, you're a team, not opponents
5:51
Try to accept their flaws. By now, we all know that nobody is perfect
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We all have flaws more than we'd like to admit. Part of having a relationship is accepting your partner for who they are
6:03
Not who you want them to be. You can't choose to only love the best qualities of your partner
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You have to love them wholly. Whether they are emotionally immature, irritable, forgetful, inconsiderate
6:13
or any of the countless less than desirable things, try to accept that these are a part of them
6:18
Sure, you can encourage them to work on themselves to address some of their flaws
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but you also must accept that those that they cannot improve. At the same time, avoid taking up the position
6:28
of moral superiority. As easy as it can be to spot the flaws in others
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it can be far more challenging to recognize the weakness in ourselves
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Remember that you want to feel accepted for who you are. This is a massive part of being open and vulnerable
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with another person. If you can accept others for who they are
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how can you expect them to extend the same courtesy? Consider all of your partner's positives
6:53
In making an effort to accept your partner's flaws, it can be constructed to think about all of their positive qualities instead
7:00
Often, the general sentiment of the feelings you have towards your partner at any one time will depend on the thoughts going through your head
7:06
When those thoughts are consumed by everything your partner hasn't done right, you feel negatively towards them
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So at those times, when resentment, is filling your mind, try to eradicate it by focusing on your partner's good points. Recognise all of
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those things you have to be grateful for in your relationship, all those things that you really appreciate
7:25
Practice forgiveness and empathy. Remember that the definition of resentment involves a sense of
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unfairness. It is based on the feeling being wronged. It's no surprise to discover that forgiveness is vital
7:37
if you stop resenting your partner. Forgiveness comes in two parts. The first is aside, it's not
7:43
not to seek revenge for the wrongdoing. This helps prevent the escalation of resentment
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and withdraw from each other. The second is the emotional side. This is more complicated and takes more time
7:54
but it gets better with practice Part of the process involves emphasizing with your partner You will learn to understand and appreciate why they act in a particular way that leads to your feelings of unfairness
8:06
Yes, it can be challenging to see these things through your partner's eyes when you resent them
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but suppose you can simply consider the context of the situation. Ask why they did what they did
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It can bring you one step closer to proper understanding and eventually forgiveness
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Work on yourself. Your partner plays a huge role in your life
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life but this does not justify the emotional influence you allow them to have over you
8:29
If you resent them for whatever reason perhaps you could try to work on your own
8:33
mentor in emotional well-being. This means that you can be your own source of
8:37
happiness and love and you won't be so affected by whatever your partner does. This is
8:42
especially helpful if your partner is emotionally unavailable or immature. You might not be
8:47
able to rely on them to grow in the ways you'd like. Instead, work on yourself. Talk to your partner
8:55
Whichever the above tips you take, make sure you learn to communicate correctly with your partner
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Too many people expect their partners to be able to read their mind. This is often futile because people are most likely to be wrapped up in their own thoughts and problems
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Learn to communicate and express your feelings and opinions with any negative subjects
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Be genuine. Speak to a relationship counsellor. Suppose you and your partner struggle to communicate calmly and positively when dealing with your issues
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It might help to have a third party media. relationship counselling can take the pressure off
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You'll have someone there who will listen to both parties impartially and given their training and experience
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a counsellor might be able to offer tailored advice on how to approach a particular sticking point
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At the very least, the presence of a third party can provide a more agreeable environment in which to talk
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After all, you are less likely to find to a full-blown range when someone else is in the same room, someone you will not know very well
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You can find the links to some of our recommended services in the description. below. And that's all for today. I hope you've enjoyed yourself and found the contents
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of today's episode Insightful and Fun. If you have any comments, suggestions or would just love
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