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Kenzie is a veteran who unfortunately contracted an STI from a fellow soldier, whom she had trusted - someone she had been involved with for 4 years. Kenzie struggled with the diagnosis after discovering that there was no cure for her condition, but after 2 years she decided to go public with her story online. The STI has impacted Kenzie's dating life, she has not always had it easy when it comes to dating with her condition. She faces judgement all the time, people assume that she must "sleep around" and that "she probably cheats on her partners". Kenzie is single at the moment, but she goes on dates and has Tinder. Kenzie always tells her dates that she has an STI. In this episode of Love Don't Judge we sent Kenzie on a blind date - how will her date react when they find out what she is living with?
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0:00
I'm going on a blind date today and I'm going to reveal my big secret
0:04
People think it's such a taboo thing, it's very uncommon, but it's not
0:10
They treat me like I'm a Jezebel. I'm feeling super nervous. I'm just hoping that my day is open-minded
0:16
I am an advocate for people with herpes and I actually have it myself
0:22
My name is Kenzie. I'm a single woman dating with herpes. I joined the military when I was 18
0:28
The guy that gave me herpes, we had an on and off relationship. And that went on for about four years
0:34
Towards the end of our relationship, I found out he gave me herpes. I was pretty devastated and I felt like my love life was over
0:44
Like no one was ever going to accept me. Maybe I'm just going to be stuck with him for the rest of my life
0:48
That he's the only man that's ever going to accept me now. In the beginning, it was a lot of anger, a lot of depression
0:54
and then it turned into just ignoring my feelings. Me cutting my hair was kind of trying to like regain some of my power
1:01
My way of dealing with it without dealing with it mentally. Oh, somebody's jealous
1:07
Now, three years later, I have just spent the whole year healing, loving myself
1:14
I'm going on a blind date today and I'm going to reveal my big secret
1:18
I am very nervous. Yeah. The blind date, I've not done that before
1:25
I just really want people to see that I live normally like everyone else. Spread awareness, just to normalize dating with herpes
1:33
It's okay to get rejected. It's okay to not get rejected. That you still have options and that life can still be normal
1:43
That's not something I typically do. I usually do the first or second date
1:47
but just having to do it either way no matter what his vibe is is a little nerve-wracking for me
1:57
My dating experience here has just not been great. One individual I disclosed to him
2:03
and he wasn interested afterwards but then he started telling all his friends They treat me like I a Jezebel like I out here just passing herpes around Every time I go out there always just this air of like I know about you
2:21
I'm feeling super nervous. I'm just hoping that my day is open-minded
2:27
I'm Mike. I'm 29 years old. Currently I'm a full-time live streamer on TikTok
2:31
I ideally would like to really connect with somebody and you know maybe build something serious
2:37
Yeah I'm a little scared a little nervous but it should be fun. Hi I'm Mike. I'm Kenzie. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. How nervous are you? I'm very nervous. I'm extremely nervous. Yeah where are you from? I live here in Montana. Just a quick couple hour drive to get here for the day. Thanks for coming out
2:59
I lived out here for 18 years and then I joined the military. So I just moved back in October
3:05
Oh, wow. Okay. Well, thank you for your service. Thanks for your tax dollars. What do you do for work
3:12
I am a hairstylist and then I also do some content creating
3:17
Oh, really? What kind? You tell me what you do for work first and that's how you do it. Just like background acting mostly
3:22
I have a plan for like a business venture where I could help people with trauma
3:26
would love to help support people that yeah may feel like alone that is exactly what i'm doing
3:31
right now on tiktok so um i am an advocate for people with herpes and i actually have it myself
3:39
okay so that's my big secret okay um i use my platform to pretty much educate people
3:45
which is pretty awesome thank you so much tiktok is really what saved me the reason that you are
3:51
having such a hard time dating with herpes is because you think that herpes makes you a step
3:56
beneath the person that you're dating. There's this one creator and she was just saying how like you don't have to stay with the person that gave it to you and that dating can still be totally
4:04
normal and after three years of having it I decided I wanted to participate
4:10
I think it's important to advocate for that type of stuff. Yeah. I think there's a lot of stigma
4:15
around it There is I think people obviously you know they never intend to get it usually Yeah no I I didn Yeah and most people probably would assume that it not like your fault I was in a place in my life where my self was really low
4:28
And it was hard like the first year. I was living in Georgia at the time
4:32
My rejection rate was really low out there when I was dating. Versus here, it's been very high
4:38
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, and it's okay. People misunderstand how common it is
4:43
I think that it's valid for anybody to feel discomfort or fear around contracting it
4:50
Billions of people in the world have a form of herpes. A lot of women who think that they can't have children, but you can still have children
4:57
Most importantly, if you're someone who's sexually active, you should be getting tested before and after every single partner
5:03
You should at least give it a month so that it has time to process in your body
5:08
Well, I think it's amazing the stuff that you do on TikTok. Thank you, yeah. I think I saw they're even working on like a vaccine potentially
5:14
They don't have a cure for it, but they can bring the transmission rate down
5:18
I'm actually on meds as well. And mine bring my risk of transmission down to 0.2%
5:23
Oh, wow. And then if you use like protection and stuff. I haven't given it to anybody I've been with in the three years that I've had it
5:29
So that's nice. Wow, that's incredible too. Yeah. I mean, and kudos to you for being responsible
5:34
My first symptom was a small bump on my lady parts. It didn't really seem like a razor bump, so I went to the doctor and decided to get it swabbed
5:46
I usually just get small, like, single bumps, usually, like, around my bum
5:51
I'll just take the bed and then just make sure I keep everything dry and clean. I'm not here to ever shame anybody for not being interested
5:58
but to also remember that just because you sleep with someone that has something doesn't mean that you're going to get it
6:03
If they want to have a relationship with me before anything sexual happens, I require them to get tested before
6:09
And I also get tested. You're safer sleeping with someone that knows their sexual health
6:14
than you are sleeping with a random person. I hope you're like a little less nervous now at this point
6:18
I am. Okay, good. A first aid is not usually the best litmus test, I guess, to know if you
6:23
know somebody very well. At least we could say we did it you know I having a great time Me too I think it went really good We both had a lot in common it seemed like I was very nervous at first I could tell he was nervous But all of that kind of just went away
6:37
I didn't expect him to be that receptive. I was very impressed
6:41
He lives kind of far, and I'm not big on long distance. Right now, I am just keeping my options open
6:48
So maybe. Hey, guys. It's Kenzie. We need to have a talk about self-pity
6:58
People ask all sorts of questions. Some are very personal, like what do my outbreaks look like
7:03
What medications do I take? Some people ask how I disclose. This girl said, and you'd be surprised how people who care about you will accept you
7:12
You don't have to stay with someone just because you have herpes. I've never had someone walk away after disclosing
7:17
You just have to find your tribe. That's a nice comment. Do your research
7:22
Pay attention to your body. I have a lot of people who say that they just don't date anymore
7:26
They've given up, that they're never going to find love. If they could just get out of that headspace, then they would be fine
7:33
Learn your triggers. For some people, shaving is a trigger. For some people, chocolate is a trigger
7:38
I was shocked. I thought it was going to be a comment section full of just disgust
7:43
And it was the complete opposite. It was like tons of women sharing their stories
7:48
Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for sharing. This makes me feel less alone
7:52
now that I'm in a healthier state of mind I think I have better potential of finding a long-term
8:01
partner I am very proud of myself yes I realized now that after coming out and like sharing with
8:07
people that I don't care as much anymore if people are sitting there judging me it speaks volumes on
8:12
where they're at with their self-esteem because I don't really care what anybody has going on but
8:17
myself do some research and it will really open your eyes
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