Unsealed Voices - Letters To Or From The Old Version of Yourself - Part 1

Hey everyone, welcome to Unsealed Voices

I'm Lauren Brill and tonight's show is about letters you wrote to or from the old version of you

Hello, old self. You didn't deserve what happened to you. The pain doesn't define you

Yes, you are better than how you are being treated. Your emotions are valid

I really like what Vision said about, actually just right afterward, about how it's all temporary

That's kind of a realization that I've been having lately too. And it's kind of been my saving grace for a lot of things

Vision, are you proud of yourself? Yeah. I do that a lot. I am

And I wasn't always like this. And I know that. And then he came into your life, that man, that love

You didn't expect someone to love you with a past like yours, but he did

He saw through the pain. He never judged you. He embraced every flaw, every scar

For once you felt chosen, worthy, loved. Then that night came, July 15th, the night that split your life into before and after

When he took his life in front of you, something inside you shattered

You heard your own scream echo through the silence. You felt your knees hit the ground

You felt the air leave your lungs. In that moment, the old version of you wanted to die too, but you didn't

You stayed even when getting out of bed was hard. You stayed through the flashbacks, through the nightmares

You stayed through the birthdays and holidays he missed. You chose to heal

You chose you. What do you think your husband would be most proud of about you now

Oh gosh That I didn give up even though I wanted to very bad That I started writing and getting up every day even when I really don feel like it

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because that is surreal, all of those things

and when you feel like kind of imploding and you know you have to show up

it's where you really dig deep right down to the bottom of your feet

and get it and believe me your kids will remember every minute of that

and they'll also remember the days that you were vulnerable and that you might be crying and that you might say I need you

because vulnerability is really strength. We're told by every inspired adult, teacher, or mentor

that we are meant for something. Our voice, our pain was meant for something

Something bigger than the terrors of our childhood, bigger than the agony left behind in my brain

My illness makes me different from other people. It makes us special. I wonder if I keep living my life

as if this journey will lead to a dragon, a purpose. will I feel fulfilled or is it right now that should bring that should bring me fulfillment

the unknown the possibilities for dragons and stories the possibilities of heroes being made

or have I caved caved under the pressure that never existed in the first place

have we do we will we who are you without me and do you laugh reading this note knowing all will

go as planned Knowing my childish worries of a purpose are just that a childish story I tell myself to sleep at night What is the most important message you hope other people take from your story

I think that finding purpose within just your everyday life is more important than this

grand thing that like a lot of us are fed that there is this big job or career or thing that

you're meant to do. And it's called my plea for a dragon because I have felt most of my life that

I'm supposed to be doing something amazing or powerful or whatever when in reality my existence

itself is the purpose. I love that. What are you most proud about about your journey

I think I'm proud about the journey as a whole but I think realizing that the journey is the part that is going to make you happy. I live in the future

I think far too often. And so sort of being able to live in the present and it doesn't really matter

what I end up being or who I become because I know who I am right now. And I like that person

So I didn't write you this letter to make your life easier. I don't want it to be easier. You

were born out of unpredictable circumstances, a warped spine and an unreliable heart that does

three quarters of the job it should. I will not straighten what's been bent or tune what's

beating out of order. I will not morph your timeline into a fairy tale, for the unsavory

situation of your birth is the very place you learned to bloom. Don't look at me to tell you

what to do Instead look under the scar tissue zipping up your body and you find that you were born with the roadmap of your life etched in bone and marrow an ever bizarre existence created to birth forward a storyteller a great curse and

magnificent gift I love it I love it I love it um Janessa what what were you born with your spine

and your heart were both? Yeah so with my spine I was born with both scoliosis and kyphosis

so it's bent this way and this way and then with my heart I have tetralogy of fallow which is a

combination of four different defects. Wow I absolutely love the way that you refer to your

past self the fact that instead of me myself personally I I would personally want different

for my like younger self and the way that you were like no I wouldn't change a thing at all

because it's who I that's why I am the way I am today and I I love that you look at it in that

different way thank you stay right there because I'm coming towards you I'm bringing a bag of

wisdom, a heap of humility, and a hint of gratitude. No more distractions, nor will I succumb to

manipulative actions, releasing the distraction of emotional attachment. I remember the quiet

mornings and peaceful nights. Thank God reality found its place just soon enough for me to remember

your face. What a gift from the Most High to be reconnected to I. I love your piece. I read it

while you were reading it, and I love the words that you use. Thank you