shenise raw small

I'm going to start, I'm going to mute everybody. And while we wait for Shanice

I will interview my own mother who doesn't know if she's about to get interviewed

Shelly, we're going to talk to Shanice today about the challenges of being a single mother

and how she went from being a single mother to an entrepreneur and also a published author

You were not a single mother, but you were a working mother. How many challenges do moms have on a daily basis to just get everything done in the day

And you had the luxury of also having a partner. Yes. And that was a very, very big help

But from the moment you wake up, you have to get your children up, dressed, fed, on the bus

get yourself up dressed bed ready for work make a pair go out after they get on the bus you go to

work uh while you're at work on your lunch break maybe you buy some food for dinner if you're

lucky enough to have that time and luxury uh then um if you have uh if you can leave your job and

show for your children activities you do that if not your children stay in an after-school

program and then you pick them up after the after school program, take them home

Did you have friends that were single mothers? I do not recall

Is this Shanice? I think this is Shanice. Well, no, you do

Shanice, is that you? She true? Yes, that's Shanice. there she is i was still on my own mom so thank you mom

welcome so remove spotlight we're gonna add chanise um welcome chanise first of all big

turn your camera this way so we get a better view of you oh okay yeah i can't turn it oh don't worry

about it then not a big deal okay it always looks best horizontally but that's fine as long as we see

you and the lighting looks great um welcome to our show congratulations you messaged me today that

your e-book um has hit amazon is on sale that's amazing first off um how did you end up a single

mom. Where did your story begin? Yeah, so my story began many, many moons ago. And first and foremost

thank you for having me. I'm very excited for being here. And I'm excited to be here. And I

just I can't wait to dive in and tell my story. So I became a single mom many, many moons ago. I was

like 2021. You got muted. I'm sorry. Sorry about that. Somehow you got muted. There we go

Okay. You were 2021. Yeah, 2021. And I was in a relationship that wasn't really healthy. I was

you know, super young, didn't really know what I was doing. And I'd actually left the relationship

and I didn't find out until months later that I was actually pregnant. So I just kind of made the

decision to kind of stay on my own and just kind of take it from there. And I really did put my

life into perspective. I went back to school and I finished my undergrad. And so, yeah, so it just

kind of, you know, put my life back on track or on track. So I was a young Miami girl. So

what challenges did you get? A lot of people get pregnant and they drop out of school

You got pregnant and said, let me, let me get my life together. What challenges did you have

managing having a baby and then trying to get to Monday's class on time

Yeah. So the challenges were basically just support. I didn't have a great support system

So a lot of times I would have to find child care that had like extended hours in the child care with extended hours, you know, of course, cost more money

So I had to pay, you know, for extended hour child care

And that's pretty much where my support came from. And just it was the toughness of going to school and finding support was was really my my greatest challenge

Well, was there a moment where you're like, I want to quit? This is too much

this is too hard. How I can't do this anymore. And if so, what was that moment

Yeah, I had several of those moments. And, and there were times where I did quit. I had to

you know, stop and then, you know, just kind of recalibrate and just kind of get myself going

again. Those moments where when I was just overwhelmed, I'm like, I don't think I could do

this, you know, I came from a community where I didn't think school was for me. I didn't think

that, you know, this was a goal that I could attain. And I just didn't have a lot of role

models and people that I could, you know, emulate. And so that that was the challenge for me. But I

you know, eventually, you know, got myself back on track, I guess, if you will. And yeah, and then

I, you know, eventually finished school. What was motivating you in those moments of struggle

in those moments of exhaustion, in those moments of, I need to take a break

I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second? I have something that's distracting me. I'm sorry. Can

you turn that down? Thank you. Sorry. I'm just trying to think. This thing was distracting. That

my son by the way so um so yeah so what's your question again what motivated you during those

tough moments oh yeah so just wanting to create a better life for my son and making sure that he

I could provide some level of normalcy for him as much as I possibly could and um that was the

thing that would always get me up and going again. In those moments where I had given up

I just, you know, I said, I have this kid that I'm responsible for, you know, and I, you know

I have to continue on. I have to finish. And so that was my biggest driving force

When you went to school, what was the dream? What did you want to become? What did you want to do

So initially I went to school for accounting and I wanted to become a CPA

Well, actually, let me back up a little bit. I had actually started a trade program, like earlier on, like learning accounting

And after I learned accounting, I was able to, you know, get decent paying jobs

I don you know not paying a whole lot So but enough because I was a bookkeeper by trade And I thought oh wow you know I could take this further I basically do everything an accountant does I just don have the degree

the credentials so that's when um my son's caretaker a woman an older woman that came

into my son's life came into our life she was his caretaker um she convinced me to go and get my

degree. It didn't take a lot of convincing, but she was definitely the, I guess, the last person

to give me advice to do it. And I just went ahead and did it. And I started out in accounting and

then eventually changed my mind. I realized like, yeah, I don't want to continue on in this field

You carry to this day envelopes. You wrote about this on the Unsealed. You posted this letter on

the unsealed envelopes with $25 in each envelope. And then when you see a single mom, you offer help

A, how do you know who's a single mom? And two, B, why do you do that

Yeah. So for one, I, um, I kind of intentionally go into spaces, um, you know, where I knew I used

to go, you know, maybe like value stores where you can get products and items a lot less

expensive than you can get in a regular store. And if I see a woman, you know, with a child or, you know, maybe multiple children, I would

just kind of spark up a conversation with her and then just kind of, you know, talk

about my story. And then eventually I'll either get them to say, oh my gosh, yes, I'm a single mom

minute. So every time without fail, I've always had, you know, a mother to, you know, kind of be

a single mom. So I guess I know the look. And so, yeah, so I started doing this because I just wanted

to help women who I felt, you know, were struggling and may have been in a position that I was once in

and just basically being the help that I knew I needed. I just wanted to be that person that I

I could have had, you know, someone, some stranger just to walk up to me and just kind of give me a little bit of relief

And the first few times I did it, it was a very rewarding feeling

And I'm like, wow, this is my contribution to, you know, and to giving back and also to helping, you know, families in need

So and me doing this, not even in the best financial situation

But, you know, I'm a heavy believer in the more you give, the more you get back

And it's not always tangible ways to be done in favor. And so, yeah, so it's just, you know, for me, it was just mostly just a rewarding feeling and just knowing that I just helped out someone who was in a situation that I recognize

Any reactions that really moved you? oh my gosh like i had a couple of people just cry and like oh my gosh thank you how did you know

i'm like i didn't know but um you know but i understand you know how it feels and i kind of

describe that in the um in the letter um because i do include in the envelope a letter

and a prayer and i just described you know what my situation was and how i understand that sometimes

you know even 25 can make a world of a difference it could get bread and eggs it could get soap

toiletries or you know just even put gas in the car just to get them through a couple of days to

payday or something so and today your son is now 20 years old yeah he's grown so how

how did you end up where you are today and what are you doing today well yeah so I um I had a

career I started my my um I had a job I guess you will um working in a support role using my

bookkeeping um certification and um I eventually finished school after and I was working in the

public sector and I was like wow I really like service I like serving my community I like being

a civil servant. So I think this is where I want to be. So once I made that decision

I just progressed my career in the public sector. I started in a super hybrid administrative role

overseeing social services for a special district, a community redevelopment agency that worked with the underprivileged community. So I oversaw a lot of the social services programs

and oversaw the budgets and did the procurement for it. So I was like, I kind of like this procurement thing

And then I eventually just kind of took my career into that direction and that path

And I've actually worked in every form of government. I've worked in municipal city, municipal county, state

quasi-governmental special district. And I've progressed my career all the way up

to the federal level. So now I work for the federal government in procurement

But you're also an entrepreneur. I am. So it's like, where do I find the time to do that

Right. So, yeah, I am an entrepreneur. I host my workshops virtually and also in person on weekends

Yeah, on the weekends. So I formed a business called the Behavior Etiquette Institute

So many, many moons ago, I started out as a traditional etiquette consultant

But since then, I revamped the program and has now more of an emphasis on social behaviors, teaching people how to be kind and courteous and just reminding them the importance of being kind and courteous

and also teaching cognitive behavioral techniques, helping people to understand their unhealthy behavioral patterns

where they came in and how to dismantle them. And we replaced them with some etiquette techniques

So- And you also, as we mentioned earlier, just came out with a book

and I actually saw this quote somewhere and I kept, I loved it and I repeated it to like five people. And then I saw it was the title

of your book and it's called let go or be dragged. Love that concept either let go something or let

it basically drag you down. Um, what is the book about? Why that title and writing a book

Yeah. So, um, you know, I'm still a human being. I'm still a girl. I'm still a woman

And I'm not exempt from all the things that we go through as people. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the healthiest relationship. And I decided I wanted to turn lemons into what I say, lemon meringue pie, because we're beyond lemonade

so yeah so I basically took um every you know not so healthy decision that I made in that

relationship and I turned it into a guide as to what not to do and I developed yes and I developed a theory um etiquette one be kind to you first And I just kind of tied my you know my my behavior etiquette institute business into the book

Just thinking about how as etiquette consultants, we're always emphasizing the importance of extending kindness and courtesy to everyone else

But very seldom do we, you know, emphasize the importance of extending that to ourselves first

Because at the end of the day, if we're not kind to ourselves, then how can we genuinely be kind to others

So it has to start with us. We have got to be good to ourselves because if we're not good to us, then we can't be good to others

Genuinely. Have you got to touch a hard copy of your book yet

Yes, yes. I recently had a book launch event and it was a great success

I sold a lot of books and did a lot of talking

I think I'm still on that stroll of just talking about the book and just, you know, excited about talking

But but yeah, so I was pretty excited when I got the first copy

I was like, oh, my gosh, this this is really happening. But I really want to help a lot of women who have been in those situations and just teach women how to be kind to ourselves

because as you know, those things can weigh on our mental state. And I'm a person who

already, you know, have challenges with depression. And I was diagnosed with depression

anxiety, and panic attacks. And, you know, being in unhealthy situations, whether it's a platonic

friendship, whether it's work or whatever, it compounds that. And it's just not good for our

Okay. When you held that book in your hand, did you think about the 20, 21 year old version of

yourself that was pregnant and like a little bit scared? Oh, absolutely. I was like, wow

I can't believe that I'm here. You know, this is such progress. Making healthy decisions for myself

having the courage to walk away and to let go and um and again the title of the book is girl

let go or be dragged a girlfriend's guide to not getting played or playing herself and that is

taking accountability for these decisions that we make and these unhealthy situations that we remain

in and we know we should let go because at the end of the day it affects our mental and emotional

state. I'm guessing you are based on your son being 20 and you having him 21, you're about 41

years old now. Do you look in the mirror and be like, damn, I'm good. Are you proud of yourself

I think I have not. I don't think reality really set in. I'm just kind of just going, going, going

going, going. And I don't think it really, really hit me as of yet. But most certainly I am

mostly important i'm mostly proud of the um the progress that i made with the self

my self-love and just the healthy decisions that i knew at some point i was a bit emotional but the healthy decisions that

i now make for myself and um just walking away from things that do not serve me

and um just getting the help that i need and and not being ashamed of of it and not being ashamed

of speaking about it um in terms of mental health because speaking about it and walking away from

you know unhealthy situations will set other people free and i don't want anything that i've

ever experienced any adversity I've ever had in life I don't want it to ever be in vain I want

other people to to be able to just kind of take from my my story and um just you know be empowered

to just make better decisions um what do you hope or think that your son has learned from watching

you all these years? Oh, yes. He has definitely been here to experience it all. The one thing

about the relationship that I have with him, I've always been very open and transparent with him

about, you know, about everything. And we, mental health is something that we talk about. It's

it's a conversation that we have in our house constantly, just making sure he's doing okay

mentally and um giving him the space in the room to um feel comfortable to open up and talk about

his mental health he is a champion for mental health he advocates for it as well and um i'm

just really proud that um i was able to um raise him to be okay with speaking up when he's not okay

and not further perpetuate the stigmas that are placed on people who are dealing with mental health challenges

So that's another very proud moment, I should say. Does he ever say to you

Mom, I'm really proud of you and all you've done? Now he does

Before, I don't think he really, really grasped what was happening and what was taking place

now that he's a little bit older and his crown to lobe is maturing and developing more

I think he now has a better understanding of of life's challenges and he's probably experiencing his own as a young man and

things are now you know beginning to be to be brought into perspective for him wow now I

understand what mom went through and you know what she was doing so now he says it to me I

noticed a lot of young men who have single moms they're very good to women they have a higher

level of I just like respect for I think women because they so are so appreciate their moms and

know what their moms have done for them what do you hope when people read your book and learn about

your life that people take away from your story you said you want none of your pain and your

struggle to go in vain um what do you hope people learn yeah so i just want um honestly i just want

women to understand that it's okay to let go i feel like society societal pressures

um is what forces us to stay in toxic situations you know there's so many

you know stereotypes about single women you know um you know if we don't have a man if we don't

have a baby if we don't have a child we don't have these things and something is wrong with us

and it's far you know past time that we start saying it's okay if we don't want these things

and it's okay if you know the situation that i'm in is not healthy and i need to leave i don't

want women to feel pressured and sustained a toxic situation it's just to fulfill some societal

pressure i want women to read this book and hear the stories of other brave women who shared their stories and even insight from men and say wow you know what I can let go I could walk away from this It not serving me

and um I have the courage and I have the strength to do this because everything that they need is

within them and you know just want them to feel empowered and encouraged and just transformed

after reading this book I love that Deandria um wanted to ask you for some advice for a single

mom raising small children she said what are the best ways to set aside the necessary time for

yourself in order to get your business started or while you're chasing your dreams so you can

provide the life you want for them? How do you kind of work in your life? Why does it work in the bathroom

Working in the bathroom. That's honestly the only time you get privacy. No, I'm just kidding

Put the babies on a schedule and put them to bed early and put them on an early schedule

and make sure you're carving out time to focus on, you know, your business, to focus on your goals

to focus on you. And, you know, just making sure that the kids are on the schedule. That's a really

really, you know, important thing or key thing to do. I read also, and I'm not a mom, so I'm

saying, I read, I don't know, but I read that children are, do best on a schedule

that they thrive with being with routine and being on a schedule um oh go ahead sorry

no i was saying it makes them a little more disciplined yeah uh jake has a question as

well jake what you got hey thank you for having uh me today could you hear me yep we can hear you

okay um my question is you've written the stories for others but what did you learn in the process

of writing it that you wouldn't have otherwise learned? What was a light bulb moment for you

so to speak? The fact that I was so transparent and vulnerable, and I didn't think I had the

strength or the courage to do that because I was a person who was always very private

always very concerned with the opinions of others. And when I went through this unhealthy situation

I said, no, no, this is a story that, you know, these are things that need to be talked about

These are things that, you know, we have to start, you know, putting to the forefront because

it may sound trivial to some, it may sound minuscule, but when we're in unhealthy situations

it spills out into other areas of our lives. It affects our work productivity. It affects our

parenting, our mental state. And, you know, are we spazzing out on people because we're, you know

just not in a good place mentally and emotionally. So it's important that we talk about these things

And I just feel like it's been trivialized so much. And this book is mostly a book about relationship with self than it is a book about relationship with anyone else

It is the book that is going to give accountability. And, you know, with that accountability is going to come making better decisions, healthier decisions for ourselves

So I hope that answers your question, Jake. Yeah. Just to follow up, if that's okay

Oh, absolutely. So the ladder, as you mentioned, the ladder is very high to climb

How do we take the first step, though, in gaining our confidence to tell our story

Okay. For me, I can tell you from my perspective. um when I was in that situation what I experienced or what I felt was anger and it was anger towards

myself it wasn't even anger or it wasn't I was hurt obviously but it wasn't as much hurt and

pain that I was experiencing it was more anger towards myself because for one I knew better

and everything that I experienced in that situation, I allowed, you know, I could have

walked away a lot earlier on, but I didn't. And I stayed and I held myself accountable. And I was

so angry with myself. I said, I have to do something. And the first step that I did

which is a very therapeutic exercise for me is to write down all my thoughts. So I wrote down

everything that I thought that I did in that situation that was unhealthy and that was harmful

to me. And once I had this list of 25,000 items, I'm exaggerating, by the way. But once I had this

list of items and, you know, unhealthy decisions that I made, I was like, wow. And that was one of

the first steps for me. Thank you very much. You're welcome, Jay. Thank you. Shelly had a

question too. Shelly, what do you got? I was just wondering, beside the book, what are your future

goals? Oh, thank you so much, Shelly, for asking that question. So this book is the first installment

in a three series, three part book series. So I'm finishing the other two book projects

and I am actually right now working on a production to bring these three books or this book series to film

I mean, not film, but well, you know what? I'm gonna speak it into existence, but first theater

So I have someone actually, you know, working with me creating a script to um to bring it to theater and um yeah and and then

so yeah so I'm simultaneously finishing out the other two books and so yeah so these are the

future projects um I just did a a table talk production that I produced I was the executive

I am the executive producer and first time ever doing it. And it turned out amazing. And it's not

out as of yet, but all of the participants, I had a few actresses come and, you know, sit with us

They were like, we need to turn this into a podcast. I'm like, I don't know. I wasn't thinking

about podcasts, but I don't know who knows. So that's a possibility. Shanice, would you mind

putting the link for the book in the chat. So anyone who, Jake wants to know, is it available

on audio? So anyone who's interested can find it? Yes, absolutely. So I'm not as technically savvy

and I am working on a device that I don't know how to operate. Oh, okay. So can you text it to

me and I can put it. If you text it to me, I'll be able to do it. Okay. So it's just, it's my

my website and you can place the order there. By next week, the book will be out

on all of the e-platforms. I don't have audio as of yet

but audio will come before the end of the year. But next week it will be

on all the electronic book platforms. I'm going to ask a technical question

Are you selling them directly from your website and then mailing them out

yes I'm shipping them I got questions about that that's later um so I just put your website right

in the site for anyone who's interested um has this process of writing and inspiring and helping

other people have been healing for you oh my gosh yes I am finding so much strength within myself

just talking about so much, but mainly about mental health because that is something that is very, very important to me

Very important. I want to dispel the stigmas that are placed on mental health

There's so many of us that are dealing with it and we're too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it

and we won't get the help that we need. So anytime I get the opportunity to speak about mental health, I am

And to let people know there isn't a face for it. There isn't, you know, anyone can be dealing with it

You know, even someone that may look well- The crisis in our country right now

The rates of depression and anxiety are through the roof. Yes. Yes

So, yeah, so it's giving me strength. and encourage, um, courage that I didn't even realize that I had. And, um, I am stepping out

and, and, and, you know, just really being brave and I'm proud of myself in that regard

Uh, the book is about healthy relationships that you mentioned, it starts with the healthy

relationship with yourself, but since writing this book, since, um, kind of having that realization

have you had a healthy relationship with with someone else well I haven't dated since then I

have been uber focused on um just uber focused on the books and the other projects surrounding it and

um in my career so and also I would be remiss if I didn't say this um

one thing that I did and another thing that's helping me and has helped me

in this process was kind of going back from when I was a child and doing the things that I've always

wanted to do and never did. And maybe some of the things that I did

I, as part of trying to, you know, further enjoy my own company and being able to enjoy me and be

okay with being alone, I started doing some, picking up some very healthy habits. I exercise

more now which is really good for the serotonin and dopamine for the mind and that has been

helping me it's been helping my my physical health and some underlying health issues that I've had

I've since then learned tennis I'm playing tennis I discovered that I'm athletic I never realized

you know that no I didn't I was always a real girly girl and I just my purse and my lipstick

dick and stuff. I never realized that I was athletic until, you know, the last, um, almost

two years. And then, um, I box, I love boxing. That's good for the serotonin. What? And it's

oh, I just love it. Get the adrenaline going. Yeah. Now you feel better. It's amazing

Right. You feel amazing. Poor punching bag, but, um, I punch the pads. They hold up the pads

oh okay I like that too right I actually like the pads better than the punching bag I love pads

yeah so so yeah so that and then I kind of got into improv and um wow I love improv and um and

I'm doing stand-up comedy now so that's amazing that takes a lot of courage um DeAndrea I hope

I'm saying your name right uh did you ever have moments where you were unmotivated in the process

of writing your book? If so, how'd you push through those moments? Let's see. There were

moments when I had gotten writer's block and I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God

And what I did in those moments, because it started to become discouraging, I gave myself

grace and said, it's okay if you're having a moment, focus on something else, focus on

something else or do something else and then give yourself a day or two and then try it again

And when I was having those moments, I gave myself grace, took the pressure off of me because I'm

like, I write this book. I got to finish this book. I want to finish it by such and such time

But I started giving myself grace in those moments and, you know, just redirecting my focus and then

come back to it at a later time. And then I'd be able to get right back into the swing of things

so yeah so there were definitely moments where I felt that way I read something and these numbers

are not correct but it's somewhere in these like ballpark or this extreme but it said something like

79% of people want to write a book but only 1% of those 79% will actually do it will actually finish

it's that number isn't right but it was something to that vein where it was like a lot of people

want to do it and not a lot of people actually follow through so kudos uh Gerald one has a

question as well. And we've missed you, Gerald. I'm so happy you're here. Missed y'all too. It's good to be back on YMCA

This is awesome. I'm just really enjoying listening to you just share your experiences so far. It's got me hyped

It makes me want to run right now. I was just curious, how did you feel

when you finished writing your book? I'm going to be very honest with you

I didn't really, I didn't really take it in. And I've had so many people say, girl, you wrote a book

You're an author. Take it in. And I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah

I don't know if it's just, I haven't reached that moment as of yet

And I wanted just to make sure that I was being very transparent and very open

um i i should be a lot more excited about it but i i don't know for some reason i'm just i'm not

i'm like yeah i did i did that now you know it's on to the next and um but definitely this should

be like a huge highlight you know for me because this is a great accomplishment because like lauren

said you know most people start but not finish or want to and not pursue it and i did it all the way through you know maybe it hit me in another week or so maybe tomorrow I don know but right now maybe that awesome though that amazing writing a book so I feel like you

such a hustler that you go from like okay writing the book now I gotta sell the book yeah it's very much like on to the next and you probably got that from being a single mom

you didn't have time to just be like okay let me celebrate it was always the next thing

Lauren, yes, that is so true. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I

I just remember even sometimes, you know, when I tell my story, I'm just talking like, yeah

you know, I'm at school, I'm this, and, you know, I was working two jobs and, and I, it wasn't

and I'm going to be honest, it wasn't until maybe like four years ago when I was telling someone

that, yeah, you know, we hadn't seen each other in years and we reconnected. And I was telling her

you know just catching her up on life and she was like stop celebrate yourself

I like that friend right and I'm still looking at her like what are you talking about because like

you said Lauren for me it's like I have to get up I have to do it I have to go I just never really

had the time to just sit and and relish in what I did and celebrate and I think that I picked up

I also think sometimes when it's your own life, you're just living it. You're not like

how amazing is my story, right? Like this is just, and I remember I did an interview with a young

girl, she's 16, 17 years old and she had a very bad stutter and she was struggling with social

anxiety because of it, but she wanted to run for class president and she ran for class president

gave a speech with her stutter and won. And she's telling me, yeah, I ran for class president. And

And it was like, so nonchalant. I'm like, wait, what? Stop. Like, that's amazing. And she goes

it is. And that's like, I feel that in you too. Like you don't recognize the account

your own accomplishments. Cause you're just, you're just, this is just you living life

And you've, you've overcome so much. You've persevered through so much. You've just been

incredibly resilient and you show up with a smile on your face and ready for the next challenge

And I think that's a real testament to who you are and to why you've been able to succeed

But I also think your friend is right. Just don't forget to celebrate you because there is a lot to celebrate

And when you really stop and look at your story and read your own story, it is impressive

and it is incredible. And I hope that you can see that even though you're so close to it

Yeah. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate that. And thanks, Gerald, for that question

You're welcome. the realization. Thank you. That was a wonderful epiphany. Just, yeah

Thanks to you both for that. Of course. And Jake wants to know, similar question

How do you celebrate the little wins? Example, today I finished a chapter

Well, I do like to eat. So I'm here in Atlanta, Georgia

And we have some great restaurants here. I'm sorry. I'm a girl. Right. I'm from Miami, Florida

Y'all got some good food there. I am from Miami, Florida, born and raised. I just, you know, moved to Atlanta a few years ago

Sorry, Miami, but Atlanta got some really good restaurants. So I treat myself to, you know

I'll do like an appetizer or something, or, you know, I'll treat myself to a nice meal. And that's

kind of like how I celebrate or um I just discovered that I really like my soaking tub

so I I like that that's how I would celebrate put some candles on let me chill yes I'm like I have

deprived myself all these years this soaking tub thing is wonderful I've brought my little

I pad up and I watched some Outlander. I've been binge watching Outlander, which I love

Jamie Freezer. I don't know if anyone watches Outlander. It's a really good show on Netflix

Love it. I don't know. Andrea has a question that she wants to ask at this time. D'Andrea, have I been saying your name

right? Is it D'Andrea? Yes. All right. Yeah. Like, yeah. Cause like, I have like a whole story

with my mom like if she's like it's the andrea but i prefer the andrea sign i like like be anyway

but okay so um my question is is like okay as a single mom myself and i work and i'm trying to

like i'm trying to do all these different things for everyone else it's so hard for me to like

take time for myself because it's like I feel bad for it because it's like it's like I already work

a job where I'm of service to everyone and it's like I take care of my kids I go sit with elderly

ladies like with a elderly lady that I grew up with in church it's like I feel like if I ever

stop to like really just take a moment for myself that I'm gonna let everybody down or who's gonna

to check on these people if I'm not doing it and it's like I have like so many things that I've

started but it's like finishing is just so hard and it's like how like as a single mom how did you

like manage that because a lot of things that you said like they resonated with me because like

that's currently like my life and like where I'm striving to like I literally just hit like a

different seasons of my life so it's like how did you how did you work with that how did you

you know like take out time for you but also like make sure everybody else is straight even though

it's not necessarily your duty but because it's like in your heart to do it like how did you how

did you how you did what you did basically i'm just gonna be very honest with you i'm very

similarly to you I was the person who I want to say I was the matriarch of my family but I was

definitely the person who my family kind of came to for everything and I'm not just talking about

my immediate family and because I love my family and I love my friends my loved ones

I was the person who was there just oh I can help me with this oh I can do this when they came to me

asking for help or needing help or even sometimes me just offering the help. And, um, and people

just kind of became, you know, I want to say dependent upon me, but they just always came to

me and because they knew that they can get whatever it is that they needed for me until

one day I got, you know, a not so great health report and it was all stress related and it was

connected to depression and all of these things and I had to say it's either me or them and I was

the person who would just give give give give give give give so much of myself so I was depleted

so I didn even have energy sometimes and um and I had to say Hey girl you need to start putting yourself first Like it good You know

you have a big heart and you want to help people and stuff like that. You know

that's, that's okay, but you want to be here. You want to be around to see your son, you know

reach a certain age because if we don't put a hard pause on these things

it will start to affect our physical health. I am a living witness to that because I experienced it so I started having to say no

I started having to create boundaries and um creating boundaries and saying no is one thing

but the most challenging part about it is enforcing them so people will get upset with me

I've lost friends. I've lost, you know, close family relationships because I decided to finally put myself first

I finally decided, you know, I'm sorry, I can't do this. I don't have the mental bandwidth for it

I don't have the mental bandwidth to help you with, you know, trying to figure this thing out

I'm sorry, I'm tired. I can't take you or I can't do this. just learn to say no without an explanation mostly and um yeah so it that's again something

that starts with us and it's showing more self-love for ourselves you know well showing

self-love and extending grace to ourselves so that's how I started it's not an easy thing to do

and I didn't lose some some friendships and some relationships but I chose me

at the end of the day and I chose me because I need to be here for my son

thank you because I'm not not gonna lie like it is like for me everything affects my mental health

because I've always dealt with mental health first before I had kids like I have a bachelor's

in psychology and I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 anxiety and depression but I don't I don't like

taking medicine so it's like I learned how to like balance certain things but it's just

okay like I set boundaries I said no but I always feel like say no to the explanation or it's like

maybe next time or like give a false hope when it's like I really don't want to do that

so thank you thank you yeah I'm telling you that was the best thing I could have ever done for

myself. I wish I had done it a lot longer, you know, before, but that is the best thing I could

have ever, ever done for myself. I'm in such a better place mentally than I was before back then

And, um, it's definitely helped me. Even my health has improved along with the exercising

and things like that. So I have more time to focus on, you know, healthier yourself

you're following your own advice yes being kind to me so now you understand where that theory comes

from and it is important um i'm going to go to just thank you for the question deandrea um

jessica has a question too jessica what you got welcome uh we can't can you guys hear her i can't hear you no i can't no i can't hear her

me. Hello? Yes, we got you now. Okay, good evening, everyone. I'm super excited that I joined. I know

Lauren sends out these emails about these weekly meetings. And I'm always working. I just so

happen to say, let me see if there's a meeting tonight. It was 655. And so I'm also a single mom

And so you and I, our stories are very similar as far as being a young single mom

I became a single mom at 19, was in a domestic violence relationship

And so our stories are super similar. And so I was actually, I have a full-time job, but then I drive Uber on the side

And so at 655, I was like, let me see if there's a meeting. And I was like, you know what

I'm going to stop driving and I'm going to go and I'm going to be a part of this meeting

And I'm so glad that I did. I really appreciate you sharing your story. Super empowering

super inspirational, so much so that I was definitely listening to everything that you

was saying. I was like rooting you on while you were speaking, but then I even started to write

Like you inspired me to like start writing some things about the white knight syndrome, which is something that I struggled with forever

The constant always wanting to save everyone else. And I'm in this where I'm like, OK, Jessica, now it's time for you

Now it's time for you to heal. Now it's time for you to tell your story. So to hear where you have come from and how you have progressed, how you've persevered is super inspiring to know that, you know, single moms, we do have our struggles and challenges, but it's not always going to be that way

And we are going to come out of it. And we have to use, you know, the skills and the talents that we have to, you know, reach other people

I love how you walk around with envelopes. That was super touching for me because you're absolutely right

Listen, $25 when you're a single mom, that goes a long way

And so I just think that you have such a big heart. And I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and for being, you know, a person

of empowerment and encouragement. So thank you so much. And Lauren, thank you

I know I'm always messaging you, thanking you for the platform that you have created

for all of us. But I really do appreciate you all. And I love the family that we have, the connection and just motivating one another

It's super empowering in the place that I'm at in my life. So thank you, everyone

I am so glad you feel that way. Very empowering. Yeah, that's what it's all about

I'll let Shanice respond. We're all saying thank you because it's so sweet at the same time

Yeah, thank you so much. I'm really like just fighting back the tears

you don't even know how you just how all of you are empowering me and encouraging me to just

you know just to keep talking and to keep keep going and to keep moving forward and just to

keep telling my story because um something that I a saying that I adopted along the way is my life

is not my own. I don't want nothing that I've ever been through to be in vain. Like nothing

like we can all learn from each other. We all have something to contribute to this world

even if it's not anything tangible, just sharing our stories. You know, you never know what a

person is going through. They can be going through the same thing and you sharing your story and

sharing that moment may be the answer to the problem that they have or the resolve to an

issue that they're dealing with. So I'm just, this is empowering me and encouraging me to just keep

going and just to keep telling my story. So I appreciate each and every one of you so much

I don take it lightly at all As your wife kind of walks into the light you becoming a light for other people And I think I told you this Janice that the tagline for the unsealed is turn your secrets into superpowers

And it's that idea that those painful moments, those struggles that we've been through, those things that we like feel embarrassed or shameful to tell people when we put it out there, it turns into a superpower because it's healing and inspiring and a roadmap for someone else

And it's healing for ourselves, too. So those secrets, those painful things become our superpowers

Our story is our superpower. And it represents not only where we came from, but what we've overcome

And Jessica, like you're writing your story right now, but like you are doing it

You are hustling. You are doing what you need to get done. You're showing up here to get inspiration, to fight even harder

So like your story is being told and you should be proud too

just as much as you say we're empowering us we're empowering you you're empowering us too because

you're you're fighting you're you're you're pushing forward and you're you're on your way

to your greatness as well everyone is yeah gerald i love you thank you yeah yes yeah and um truth is

power right the truth is power that is truth yes true i said that the only thing more powerful

and the powerful is the truth. That's why they want to sign NDAs at big companies

The truth, right? Like that's the only thing that can really take people down

is the truth. But yeah, that was really, really, really sweet. And I'm so glad you're here, Jessica

but you're making me so nervous every time you look at the camera because I want you to look at the room

I don't like that, but that'd be good. what what surprises you most about your own story or inspires you most about your own story

Shanice well what surprised me the most was after I had that list of 25 million items

of horrible decisions that I made in that relationship but um I'm like wow I would do

this? I allowed this? Like, okay. All right. So how do we make this right? So that was probably

the most surprising thing for me throughout this entire project. And what was the second part of

your question? What inspires you most about your own story? The fact that I walked away

the fact that I let go and um there were so many reasons for me to have stayed

but there were greater reasons for me to leave and the fact that

I left and didn't look back was like wow girl you really are strong like you really got it

and um because I just never thought that I could and I did and I did

hey I am so inspired by you so proud of you and so excited for your book um girl let go or be

dragged and if anyone has any questions about where they can get it they could also um message

me because I'm sure you will send me the link and I can post it in our newsletter and on our social

media. Super excited for you. DeAndrea says, I feel like I found my tribe. Welcome to our little

family. We are happy that you're here. And we're so happy that you came, Janice, tonight. We love

hearing your story. I love what you're doing. I love the envelopes and your heart and your soul

and your hustle. And your unsealed family has your back. Thank you so much. And you guys inspire

me as well. I'm just super excited to be here, to be a part of this group, to be a part of this

family. Let me, let me correct myself to be a part of this family. And, um, now that my

my book launch stuff is behind me, I can focus more on other things that are important to me

And this is one thing that is, because once I first, when I first learned about it, I was like

sign me up now it didn't even take me i'm telling you like it didn't even take me

not even a minute after i read the whole like the concept and everything i was like yeah

so i love what you're doing oh my gosh i love what you're doing and um this is this is helping

so many people and i am telling everybody about it like every person that i speak to i'm like hey

you know there's this you know this group that you should join so so yeah so appreciate you um

Shanice if people want to reach you can they follow you somewhere yeah and don't talk about

me because I'm not a technically savvy person and I'm not really good with social media

you told me it today and I forgot it already yeah so I am I'm just giving a disclaimer before

especially this week so it's girl.let.go girl.let.go yes girl.let.let okay that's your instagram

yes that's it there you go and I also got her website is just her uh her name Shanice

Tuesday, which I, if anybody can't find something, just message me. Um, and Jake also one more

question. He wants to know what's your non-negotiable for a future for a future relationship if

and when you get in one. Yes. So thank you. That's a really good question. I'm still working

on that, but what I have so far is, um, just respecting my boundaries. Um, and if I could say

anything to any of you. Once we set our boundaries, and if there's a person that challenges our

boundaries, even in the slightest, and we know it's reasonable, and it's a sensible boundary

and it's challenged, we might want to reconsider the friendship or the connection with that person

So that is something that I've started, you know, implementing into my life right now with all

relationships. If I say to you, hey, I don't have the mental bandwidth to handle this right now

can we table it and speak about it at a later time or hey I don't like what you said this to

me could you please not say this to me ever again and if the next line from that person is yeah but

no is there's no yeah but there's no but you know we're respecting boundaries here so

starting out with my my list of non-negotiables that's probably the the first item and the item

that is at the top of the list and probably will remain at the top of the list

I used to say that like I have a circle of peace and if you disrupt my peace you got to go

and I remember there was someone he didn't do anything so bad he was just inconsistent didn't

know what he wanted I was like found like I can't do this anymore you're disrupting my peace and and I was just like you're you're being removed from the circle of peace because you're

disrupting my peace and he was like huh what I'm like you're out that's it oh yeah oh no

I'm not negotiable. And another thing... It's sacred. Yes, and another thing is

I know I talked about mental health a little bit earlier. If this is a problem

if I connect with a person and they don't take mental health seriously, or, you know

they're a person who do not want to educate themselves on it. I can't deal with it

I worked or volunteered at a conference earlier this year with Michelle

Williams of destiny's child. And yeah, it was, Oh my gosh. It would talk about transparency. Oh my goodness

She set me free and so many other people there at that conference free

um I was going through something during that time and um some you know just some health scare and

you know just a whole bunch of a couple of things just life life and and um and I was like I need

some more help like I'm going to therapy I'm doing these things I'm trying to be preventive of

anything else happening and um and I'm like I need more and I'm like what can I do like what

what is there for me? And she got up there and she talked about how

she had reached a moment where she just couldn't take anymore and she had entered into a rehab

And I like rehab I like I thought rehab was just for substance abuse abuse and things like that And um and then I discovered no there rehab for intensive therapy You can go and check in

for a few days and get intensive therapy overnight. And, you know, for a few days or however long your

insurance will pay for it. And I found out insurance pays for it. So I was like, Michelle

girl thank you for that you know because whenever or if ever i was to really get to that point at

least i know i have that yeah i don't have to you know go off into the deep end i could you know

i could go to rehab and and get myself some intensive therapy so um so yeah so if it's a

a person if it's a guy who does not you know respect mental health uh i'm sorry mental health

or you know therapy and things like that um i that's a non-negotiable for me i was judgmental

about it i can't that's almost an emotional unavailability to be like judgmental about

mental health right right i want to talk about your emotion exactly so it's the their level of

emotional intelligence which is very important Mental health is similar Like I say like do whatever there different modes to manage your mental health There therapy there writing there art

there's music, there's different forms of expression, but like expressing yourself in one form or another

letting your emotions out is like exercising, right? Like if there's, you don't have to be sick to exercise

and it makes you feel better, right? Like mental health is a constant

there's constant maintenance that comes with that. There's constant work that comes with that

just like keeping our physical bodies healthy. There's daily work that we put in, we eat right

we work out, we, you know, don't do substance abuses. We don't take drugs, right? There's

there's things we proactively do to keep our bodies healthy. And I think there's things you

proactively need to do to keep your body healthy and at different points of our life, depending on

what we're going through or how we're feeling or where our hormones are. Um, yeah, different levels

of these things. We need different, um, we need different things to manage our mental health, but

it's the same as physical health. It's just a different form. Yeah. We should always be cognizant

of Well thank you so so much for coming tonight Shanice Um girl let it go or get contract um right yes it it girl let go or be oh be dragged sorry I got that right a girl getting played or playing herself

yes there we go got some accountability up in there girl don't play yourself girl

love it love it love it I'm gonna unmute everyone so they could say good night and thank you but

thank you so much for coming. You are amazing, beautiful. You are inspiring. So I really

appreciate you coming and sharing your story with our community. And I'm excited to check out the

book. Yes. And thank you for having me. Of course. And again, we will put it in the

unsealed newsletter on our social media. So you guys can check it out that way

or you can also message me and I will get any, any necessary links from Shanice

Yes. Thank you all so much. Thank you for your words of encouragement, your bravery for it all

So I'm just, I'm here. I'm family. Thank you. Thank you as well. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

Thank you. Good night. I found it very interesting. Bye-bye. Stay safe, Jessica. Bye. Thank you